


Six Months

by WriteOfPassage



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, USWNT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:47:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 96,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteOfPassage/pseuds/WriteOfPassage
Summary: What's Worse? Pining over a girl that will never reciprocate your feelings, or falling for your completely off-limits best friend? Tough call. Or what about discovering that you've been the center of someone else's secret affection for years without having the slightest clue? What about the crippling realization that you could've won the heart of the one you love had you only taken action sooner? Again, it's a toss up. How about that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you figure out what it is you really want only after it's too late to do anything about it? Six months is a long time; a lot can happen. A lot can go unnoticed. A lot can be unrequited. A lot of questions can arise while only a few receive answers.





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this concept after taking several long walks on the beach so that my "personal interests/hobbies" section on all my online dating profiles would be legit. Now all I have to do is learn how to cook and sign up for cross-fit and I'll be a certified "Sexy Single In Your Area." I'm living the dream, you guys. Living the dream.
> 
> Sidenote: I don't know any French so if I have anything wrong, blame google translate and not me. Or maybe my ancestors for failing to pass the language down to me. You're choice, blame whomever.
> 
> Side-Side Note: I'm not abandoning Across The Hall, this is just an additional project.

_"I love you."_

 

_"You should go."_

 

* * *

 

 

***Six Months Earlier***

 

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

 

There it is again. That godforsaken noise. My truest enemy.

 

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

 

Ugh, can't I just have five more minutes? Or hours? Or years? How about centuries? Centuries would be nice. I could be just like Rip Van Winkle. Instead they'd call me 'Rip Van Tobin.' Or maybe 'Tobin Van Heath'? Hmmm... 'Rip Tobs Van Powell Winkle-Heath'...the third. Ok, now that's just ridiculous. I really need to get more sleep. Oh yeah, sleep. Maybe if I just pull this pillow over my head and pretend I don't hear my alarm I won't have to get up. After all, if an alarm clock goes off in the middle of the woods and no one's there to hear it, did it actually go off?

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._

 

What's that noise? I was just starting to drift off again. Who the hell would dare disturb me from my blissful slumber? Just as I begin contemplating ways to tune out this new annoying disruption, I begin to come-to a little more. When I hear the familiar squeak of the hatch at the base of my floor swinging open with nothing less than hurricane wind force, I know exactly who it is. And I know that I'm about to be scolded for the millionth time in my life.

 

"Tobin, what are you still doing in bed? Don't you realize that you have school today? You promised me last night that you would get up early enough so that you could show Amandine around the school before classes start. If you don't leave in the next twenty minutes, I just don't see how that can happen -"

 

"Alright, mom. I'm up, I'm up" I groan as I pull the pillow from over my head and glance over at the alarm clock on my night stand. I quickly disarm it so that I won't have to listen to that irritating noise for at least another 24 hours. If only I could do the same with my mother's incessant nagging. Ever since she got that district superintendent job five years ago, she's had a perpetual stick up her ass. And not to mention her desire to make my life as boring and rigid as possible. It's like the woman doesn't have a single chill bone in her body. I honestly wonder if we're even truly related. If Perry had any say in the matter, she'd insist that I was adopted. Well actually she has. From the ages of four to six she actually convinced me that mom and dad decided to take me in because they felt bad that my alien parents abandoned me on this planet. I figured out she was lying after watching a documentary about extraterrestrial beings on the Discovery Channel (They said that there wasn't any known existence of alien life within the galaxy, much to my surprise.). Still, to Perry's credit, her little fib wasn't all that unbelievable. I've always been the odd one out in this family. Katie was a straight A student with a flawless GPA. Perry is basically the sweet heart of this small, superficial town. I'm pretty sure the only person within the city limits that has any kind of problem with her is me. And then there's Jeffery. The golden boy because, well, he's the only boy. And the youngest, so he has two things going for him. Two more things than I do, anyway. Sometimes I feel like I'm just the family disappointment. By the way my mom is rolling her eyes at me right now, I'd say that's a fair claim to make. But oh well, every family has to have one, right? Who else would make the other siblings look like blessings sent from the Lord himself?

 

"Tobin, I'm serious. Breakfast is getting cold and I want to make sure that Amandine has everything she needs before the two of you head out" my mom commands, even going so far as to wag her finger at me. God, I hate it when she does that. What am I, five? "I expect you to be downstairs in ten minutes."

 

"Do you one better" I slyly challenge as I look her directly in the eye, "I'll be down in nine." My mother huffs with apparent annoyance as she climbs back down the ladder and closes the hatch door above her as she does. If I get anything from my mom, it's our shared need to always want the last word. Sometimes I think I ware her down to the point where even that part of her fades away. I'll admit that I can be difficult, but so can she.

 

I toss the covers from my body as I move to rise from my bed. I don't really want to break my warm, cozy blanket cocoon, but I don't really want to deal with anymore of my mom's wrath this morning either. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses. As I make it to my feet, it isn't a second later before I smack my head on one of the low-hanging beams attached to the ceiling of my cramped 'room'. I had a real room once, a fairly decent one on the main floor of our ranch-style home. But then my mom decided to bring a French foreign-exchange student into our home. She said it was because she wanted the school district to see her commitment to international relations and the accepting/diverse nature of the town's schools, but I knew that was just superintendent bullshit for 'Tobin's failed entry-level French twice so I'm getting her a French tutor.' I'm the smudge in my mother's nearly perfect record at raising academically-ept children, and I know for certain that it pisses her off to no end. Anyway, Amandine arrived to Palos Verdes a few weeks ago and obviously she needed a room to sleep in. My options were either share a room with Perry (which she ever-so-graciously detested), or make a room for myself in the attic. The choice was a no-brainer. I would rather walk across one hundred yards of hot coals barefoot that share a room with Perry again. When Katie moved away to college, I thought I was set with a spacious room all to myself. However I guess mommy-dearest couldn't allow me such luxury. 

 

I pull a pair of sweatpants from my dresser and a loose-fitting T-shirt from my closet and get dressed, not even bothering to swap out the sports bra that I slept in for a fresh one. Then I make my way down the ladder of my tiny lodging and stroll into the bathroom. Much to my pleasure, Perry and Jeff are no where to be found, so I enjoy the bathroom to myself. After brushing my teeth, splashing some water on my face, and running a brush through my hair, I walk down the hallway and enter the kitchen. There I find Perry, Jeff, and Mandy sitting around the table, leaving one empty seat for me. I slide into the vacant chair as my mom fusses with dishes at the counter. It seems that I've arrived too late to attend family breakfast, so I snatch an apple from the center of the table and begin munching at it while the others nibble at the remaining piles of scrambled eggs on their plates. Most of Jeffery's food sits forgotten as he plays some shooting game on his phone, his face scrunched in concentration. Perry uses the reflective screen of her phone to inspect the state of her makeup after having eaten breakfast.

 

"Don't worry, Per. You still have a face" I quip, unable to deny myself the opportunity to take a jab at my prissy sister. She glares at me from just above her phone.

 

"At least I have a face that people actually like to look at" she spits back before returning her eyes back to her own reflection. I just take another bite of my apple and chuckle. It's a good thing that I stopped letting my sister's superficial comments about my appearance affect me years ago. It also helps that I've made out with my fair share of cute girls since then, so her passive-aggressive comment has no merit whatsoever. 

 

"Could you two please be civil?" mom scolds from across the kitchen, vigorously scrubbing at the cooked-on eggs along the edge of the frying pan.

 

"Tell that to dog face over here, I don't think she's ever known what's like to actually be a decent human-being" Perry fires, doing her best to reapply a healthy coat of lip gloss to her lips without going out of the lines. Only she has gone over the line, just not a literal one. I finish eating my apple and rise from my seat as an idea pops into my head. As I make my way over to the garbage to dispose of my apple core, I pause beside Perry and let out a loud belch directly next to her ear. She let's out a disgusted squeal and spins around in her chair.

 

"You made me mess up my lip gloss you repulsive slob!" Perry screams, steam all but whistling out of her ears. I just smirk and shrug. What else did she expect me to do?

 

"Perry! Tobin! That's enough!" mom commands, throwing her own menacing glare in both of our directions. Perry and I exchange a look and tell each other that we both need to stop if we want to survive long enough to see another day. Just as mom calms down and releases us from her death stare, Jeff does the unthinkable.

 

"Motherfucker!" he angrily exclaims as he slams her phone against the table, apparently losing whatever game he was playing moments ago. All three of us siblings widen our eyes at the outburst. Jeffery freezes as he realizes his own mistake. That poor kid, he's too young to die.

 

"Jeffery Heath!" my mother explodes, nearly shattering the ceramic plate in her hands as she does. Oh boy, he's in for it now. If there's one thing my mother will not tolerate, it's cursing,  _especially_ at the dining table. "You've just lost your phone for a week. Now go wait outside until your ride gets here." Jeffery sulks as he slowly rises and hands his phone to mom. He grabs his backpack from beside the front door and makes a quick exit, my mom watching him through narrowed eyes the whole way. Lost his phone for a week? That's it? Seriously? Had that been me, I would've been locked in my room without any contact with the outside world for at least a month. Maybe two. Must be nice to be the golden boy.

 

I hear a clang on the other side of the room and notice Mandy staring down at the ground. She must've dropped her fork. Soon enough, her eyes are on me and she gestures to the drawer beside me.

 

"Can I have fork?" she asks in her broken English. I nod and reach into the drawer and grab a fork when an amusing thought crosses my mind.

 

"You want a fork?" I ask, holding up the fork and shaking it slightly for Mandy to see. She nods and I smile. "You see, Mandy, here in America, when we ask for a fork we say 'fork you'."

 

"Oh" Mandy replies, looking slightly confused but deciding to trust me anyway, "Tobin, fork you?" I let out a chuckle and hand Mandy the eating utensil. I think I even hear Perry snort from behind her phone. Mandy takes the fork while still looking perplexed. My mom rolls her eyes. I glance at the clock and decide to speak up again before she has another chance to reprimand me for my behavior.

 

"Alright, Mandy, I think it's time we hit the road" I announce, electing to make a prompt exit so I can finally be free of my mom's judgement.

 

"Hit the road?" Mandy repeats, stumped by the language barrier and my use of an idiom. That's right, I gotta remember to not do that.

 

"She means get and the car and leave the house" mom clarifies, talking to Mandy slowly and taking extra precaution the enunciate clearly every individual word. Come on mom, she's not a toddler.

 

"Oh!" Mandy returns, realization hitting her, "We go school now?" I smile as she stands from her seat and grabs her book bag.

 

"Yeah" I confirm with a smile, "We go school."

 

* * *

 

The drive to Palos Verdes High is mostly quiet except for the times when Mandy asks me questions about the traffic signs and I try my best to explain them. For the few short weeks that I've known her, I've discovered that she isn't actually all that bad. I'll admit that at first I wasn't too happy with the idea of having a stranger in my house, much less one that would take my room, but Mandy's been growing on me lately. I thought I would have to babysit her and wait on her hand and feet, but really she's just been really chill and asks a few questions from time-to-time. I even found out that she plays soccer, so there's a good chance that we'll be teammates later in the spring. Who knows, she might one day become my favorite sibling.

 

As we pull into the school parking lot, I take a deep breath before hopping out of my jeep and grabbing my backpack from the back seat. Winter break went by far too quickly, and I'm not exactly looking forward to sitting in a desk for eight hours a day, five days a week for the next several months. Although it will be good to see all my friends again. I was kind of a hermit over break, electing to stay inside, wrapped up in a warm blanket and sleep my stress away. I've missed my group of rag-tag compadres.

 

After walking Mandy around the hallways and showing her how her locker works, I'm a little surprised when she decides that she'll go her own way from here. I bid her farewell and head for my own locker on the second floor. Once I arrive in front of my locker, it takes me a second to remember my combination. Ok, my birthday is the 28th. I spin the dial clockwise towards the 28th dash on the lock. My soccer number is 17. I spin the dial counter clockwise to the seventeenth dash. And how many goals did I score last season?...Oh yeah, 9. I spin the dial clockwise once more and smile triumphantly to myself as I hear the lock click. I swing open my locker door and stare at the books collecting dust from within it. This sucks.

 

"Those are called books, Harry. You might want to read them" a familiar voice calls from just over my shoulder. I turn around and smile at my blonde and quick-witted friend. 

 

"Thanks, Harry. Good to know" I smile back before she grins and pulls me in for a hug. We have weird nicknames for each other, I know, but that's one of the best parts about being friends with Allie Long. She's funny and is always willing to crack a joke. One of the things that we both have in common is that we are hardly ever serious. Our most recent nickname stems from me being forced to live in the attic. Allie thought it made me seem like Harry Potter. I only started calling her Harry as well because I couldn't think of anything else (Ron or Hermione just didn't seem right). So we're both Harry now.

 

"Long time no see, buddy. You do know that texting is a thing, right?" Allie teases once she finally releases me from her embrace.

 

"It is? Must've slipped my mind" I shrug. 

 

"Yeah, well, it better not slip your mind again" Allie fake-threatens as she gives my shoulder a good shove. As I pretend to be hurt from Allie's forceful shove, I see Cheney approaching out of the corner of my eye.

 

"Allie, that's no way to treat your friend. Tobin's fragile, remember?" Cheney announces as she joins me and Allie. Allie looks as confused by Cheney's comment as I am.

 

"How am I fragile?" I ask, puzzled but certain that Cheney is getting at something.

 

"Well when I texted you and told you that you should get out of your house more, you didn't reply to me for two weeks. I didn't realize you were so easily offended" Cheney replies in a teasing tone. I let out a sigh as both of my friends insist on giving me a hard time.

 

"Alright, I'm sorry I didn't text you guys. I just wanted to sleep for two weeks. Also I had to help out with the new foreign exchanged student" I return, kind of feeling bad now for neglecting my friends over break. The truth is I just wanted to chill and lay low. I love my friends, but they always want to plan something whenever we hang out and sometimes I just don't feel up to it. Sometimes spending an entire day in bed sounds more appealing than walking around the mall for hours at a time.

 

"'Help out with the new foreign exchange student', huh?" Allie questions as she wiggles her eyebrows up and down. "I think I understand why you didn't want to leave home now."

 

"Allie, no. It's not like that" I quickly return, trying to nip this in the bud before my friends decide to run with it and make this a thing. However I can tell my quick reaction only makes things worse.

 

"Is that so, Tobin? You're pretty quick to deny it. Is she unattractive or something?" Allie continues, seemingly amused by ruffling my feathers.

 

"No, she's pretty, but it's not like that -" I try again, only to have Allie pounce on my words.

 

"Oh, so you think she's _pretty_ " Allie jokes, poking at my side. I swat her arm away, growing a little agitated at this point.

 

"Allie, come on" I warn as I readjust the straps of my backpack on my shoulders.

 

"Did you draw her like one of your French girls?" Allie teases some more, now laughing at her own stupid Titanic reference. I clench my jaw, opting not to say anything else and give Allie more material to work with.

 

"Alright, Allie, I think Tobin's had enough" Cheney intervenes. I glance over to Cheney and offer her an appreciative smile when her eyes meet mine. Lauren Cheney has always been the merciful one. She always seems to be really in-tune with other people's feelings and knows when they reach their limit. She cares about people, and she's just someone who's genuinely kind-hearted. I've never once heard her say anything bad about anyone else. Not once. She gives everyone a fair chance and is able to look past people's flaws. I've admired that characteristic of hers since the day I met her. The world would be a better place if more of us were like Lauren Cheney.

 

"Look, all I'm saying is that we live in a small town and there aren't a lot of prospects out there for good old Tobs over here" Allie explains. Cheney shoots her a warning look, but I just shrug it off. Allie didn't mean anything by that, only that I'm gay and there aren't very many other lady-loving-ladies around these parts. I can count on one hand how many gay people go to this school, and they're either men or are in very committed relationships. Allie speaks the truth, there isn't a lot of opportunity to meet a girl that might actually like me back. At least not in Palos Verdes, anyway.

 

As a silence falls over myself as I am reminded of my lack of success in the love department, I can feel somebody else approaching from the left. I continuing staring at my feet, sulking, until I feel a warm hand on my arm.

 

"Why the long face? Everything okay?" a gentle voice consoles from beside me. I pick my head up, instantly knowing that voice. A smile falls on my lips when I see Christen Press standing beside me.

 

"Yeah" I return, already feeling better now that Christen is here, "Just talking about my failed love life." Christen's eyes soften at my admission. She squeezes my arm slightly and lets it linger there for a moment. It's comforting, like just being in contact with her anchors me down so that my mind can't go anywhere it shouldn't. Christen's had this calming effect on me for as long as I've known her. In fact she was the first friend I made in Palos Verdes when my family moved here when I was in the seventh grade. I was a pretty awkward kid back then. So was she. I remember sitting all alone at the lunch table that first day in my new school. I remember feeling lonely and sad, and thinking that no one would like me. I was on the verge of tears. But then a girl sat down next to me and offered me half of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich without saying a word. I took it, and we both shared a pair a brace-faced smiles. From that day on, Christen has been my best friend and little has changed between us. The only difference between then and now is that Christen blossomed and I remained the superintendent's daughter. She's popular, gorgeous, smart, captain of the soccer team, the junior class chairperson for the school board, and basically loved by everyone. I on the other hand, well, like I said, I'm the superintendent's daughter and that only does so much for your reputation. Teachers find me underwhelming in the classroom and students worry that I'll be a nark a run back to mommy if there's ever a problem. I've worked hard to shed those expectations, but it's hard to escape them completely. Basically at the end of the day, I always wonder what it was that made Christen decide to be my friend. Sometimes I wonder why she still wants to be my friend. She could be friends with literally anyone of her choosing, so why me? What makes me so worthy of her friendship?

 

"Come on, Tobs. You don't have a failed love life" Cheney denies, looking me sternly in the eye as if trying to convince me of the opposite of the truth.

 

"You're right" I sigh, "I have a nonexistent one." Christen pulls my arm and gets me to look her square in the eye.

 

"Any girl would be lucky to have you" she urges. I scoff, even though the intensity of her stare in unwavering. She's almost convincing.

 

"But not any girl would want me" I return. This isn't exactly the conversation I wanted to have to start off my day. If I'm honest, it's kind of bumming me out. I get that my friends mean well, but until they actually come up with someone who genuinely wants to be with me, I'm having a hard time believing them. How can I believe in something with out any proof?

 

"The right girl would want you" Christen counters, certainty in her voice. She looks me in the eye but glances away after a moment, like she's said something she shouldn't have. I'm confused for a second but then I realize that Christen must know that the 'right girl' is strictly hypothetical, that's why she can't try to convince me any further. After all, Christen's been the one by my side when my flings of the past crashed and burned after only a few weeks at a time. She was the only person I confided in when things didn't work out between me and a girl. Each time I thought I had 'the right girl' within my grasp, she'd slip away. Christen knows that 'the right girl' isn't anywhere around here. I've searched, and I've failed to find her. Maybe she just doesn't exist.

 

The bell rings and for the first time in my entire life, I'm kind of grateful for class to begin.

 

* * *

 

 

**Mid-January**

 

It's only been a few weeks since school started up again and my mind is already numb from all the homework. I just don't understand why high school teachers decide to pile it all on, especially when we're trying to get used to being back at school again. I mean seriously, I spend eight hours at school everyday and you're going to assign three-to-four hours worth of additional homework every night? It's like working a fucking double shift, except you don't get paid for your work, and you forget everything you 'learned' a week later. It seems so pointless and unnecessary. 

 

I finally decide to grab my skateboard and blow off some steam outside. After all, my homework will still be there when I get back. I carefully make my way down my ladder and tiptoe briskly down the hallway. Once I make it to the front door undetected, I slowly crack the door open and slip through the opening. I breathe a breath of relief once I've made it outside. Had my mom caught me, she'd no doubt give me the third degree about whether my homework was done or not. As I place my board on the pavement and kick off with my left foot, I contemplate where I should go. The constant rumble of my wheels against the cement already has me in better spirits than I was just moments ago in my cooped-up room. I could go visit my dad at work. He owns a bar downtown and I hardly ever see him because he works nights. Or I could drop by Allie's and see if she's up for a bite to eat. Wait no, she and Cheney went shopping to find deals on dresses for Spring Fling. I don't know why they're even bothering with that now considering the dance is still several months away, but oh well, let them do as they please. I guess Christen's place it is. I'm sure Mama Press has something homemade in the oven, and Christen never minds when I just stop by. I've been doing it for years, you would think I'm practically a member of the Press family by now. Christen's always telling me that Morena and Khaleesi like me better than Channing anyway. Alright, I'll just send her a text and see if she's home.

 

 **Tobin:**   _Hey I snuck out of capitivity, you home?_

 

 **Christen:** _Yeah I just got back from Student Council, we can hang out in the basement and watch a movie if you want_

 

 **Tobin:** _You know me well :)_

 

 **Christen:** _I know you the wellest ;)_

 

I chuckle to myself as I read Christen's text. She really does know me better than anyone. I have no idea how, but it's like she always knows exactly what I need at any given time. If I'm sad and I need a shoulder to cry on, she's there. If I'm being hangry and rude, she gives me a snack. Hell if I were hospitalized with an unknown condition, she'd know what medicine to treat me with to make me better again. She gets me better than anyone else, and I'm lucky enough to call her my best friend. 

 

As I turn down the streets leading closer and closer to Christen's house, I find myself getting more and more excited to spend time with her. She's constantly on the move, yet she always has time for me. It's never boring hanging out with Christen. She's like a ray of sunshine and her good moods are contagious. She makes the cheesiest jokes and has the cutest little laugh ever. That's the best kind of company.

 

Only a few blocks away from Christen's house, I notice a giant moving truck and people walking to and fro between the truck and the house, lugging around heavy boxes as they do. I didn't realize that the house that's been on the market for a good two years now finally sold. It's a nice house, and most likely didn't sell because it was far too over-priced. Either the seller dropped the price, or somebody with money is moving into this neighborhood. I mean, to be fair, this is Palos Verdes and a good amount of us do enjoy a life of privilege, but still, a McMansion isn't something that's just bought with mere pocket change and your grandma's inheritance. Whoever's moving-in has got to be important. I slow down a little bit as I approach the house. There are mostly moving company workers in jumpsuits littered across the lawn, but near the back of the truck there is a girl talking to one with a clipboard and gesturing in the general vicinity of the newly purchased house. As I roll closer, I can tell that she looks to be about my age. She glances down at the clip board in the worker's hand. When she must hear the rumble of my skateboard approaching, she looks up in my direction and I'm met with some of the bluest eyes that I've ever seen. Seriously, I'm 99.9% sure that you could swim in them. Her gaze paralyzes me, and my heart all but stops within my chest. Wow this girl is beautiful.

 

As I continue staring into her memorizing eyes, I notice they widen slightly as my skateboard is just about to pass the truck. What's that about? Does she find me attractive or something? But before I can think anything else, I notice her mouthing something to me. I'm too entranced by her to actually register what she's saying, but I soon find out. Not a moment later, I collide with a worker carrying two boxes of household objects. Before I know it I'm laying flat on the pavement while my skateboard rams into the curb further down the street. Watch out. The girl was telling me to watch out.

 

I groan as I try to lean up and prop myself on my elbows. I dazedly take in the scene around me. The worker I collided with is also lying on his back and we're both covered in a healthy layer of dispersed packing peanuts. A few of the workers run over to the man to see if he's alright. I almost laugh to myself that no one bothers to come check on me, until I realize that someone has.

 

"Oh my god, are you alright?" a slightly raspy, yet gentle voice asks as it approaches from behind me. I turn my head slightly over my shoulder to see who the voice could belong to when I notice the girl with the blue eyes kneel down by my side. My voice catches in my throat, so I just nod and gingerly try to sit up even more. I'm mortified at what just happened, embarrassment pulsing through my veins as I realize that I just wiped out in front of this really pretty girl. How I'll ever be able to live with myself past today will be a mystery. "Whoa, be careful, take your time getting up" the girl offers as I visibly struggle to regain my wits. I look in front of me and realize that the other guy is already on his feet and attempting to clean up the mess. A part of me is relieved that I apparently received more of the brunt of the impact than he did. Although another part of me is jealous that he's already regained his mobility and is able to walk away from this embarrassing situation. I'm able to bring myself to my knees, but soon I feel myself being lifted up by more than my own will. I glance to the side and notice the girl's hand's pulling me up by both of my arms. She's stronger than she looks, I'll give her that.

 

"Thanks" I'm finally able to mutter once I'm on my feet again. I try to busy myself as much as possible with brushing the styrofoam bits of packing peanuts off of my clothes and body, my best attempt to avoid her eyes. However unfortunately for me, the girl has the exact same idea and soon I feel her fingertips brush against the base of my hairline. My eyes immediately shoot up at the contact. As I look into hers, I notice that they're fixed on my hair as she tries to free some of the packing peanuts from it. She smiles contently after a few moments, seemingly proud of her ability to groom me free of polystyrene product. Her eyes meet mine again and I almost wince at just how piercing they are. "Uhm, thanks" I ramble out again.

 

"You already said that" she smiles, finally untangling her fingers from my hair.

 

"Oh yeah, I guess I did" I nervously chuckle, earning a seemingly earnest one from the girl.

 

"Are you always this nervous when meeting someone new, or is it just because you ran into Steve over there?" she asks with amusement in her voice. I try my hardest not to blush, so I glance over to Steve to give myself a moment to regain my composer. I just get this nervous when a pretty girl smiles at me like that.

 

"Steve's a brick wall, that must be it" I answer, hoping to redeem myself with a little bit of humor. It works. She laughs again and a wave a relief flows through me. It's music to my ears.

 

"You're funny" she proclaims with a smile that reaches her eyes. "You got a name, funny girl?"

 

"Tobin Heath" I reply, feeling the nervousness bubble up in my stomach again. She called me funny? She thinks I'm funny? Is that a good thing? Does this mean she likes me?

 

"I'm Alex Morgan" the girl returns, with a smile. "It's nice to meet you, Tobin Heath." She remembered my name! Oh wait, that's because I literally just introduced myself. Wow I'm dumb. Get it together, dummy.

 

"It's nice to meet you too, Alex Morgan" I respond as coolly as possible. Her name rolls right off the tongue.

 

"You don't happen to go to Palos Verdes High, do you?" Alex asks as the workers are once again in their rhythm of unloading the truck, walking in every direction around the two of us.

 

"I do, actually" I promptly respond, earning another smile from Alex. "Why do you ask?"

 

"I'll be starting there in a few days" Alex responds, gesturing to the house behind her. "My family just moved here from Diamond Bar."

 

"Cool" I nod, trying to think of what else to say to this captivating girl in front of me. "You know, I was the new kid here not too long ago as well. Maybe I could show you around sometime?" Alex nods and smiles gratefully. 

 

"Yeah" she sweetly returns, "I'd like that."

 

"Cool" I lamely mutter again. Then both Alex and I open our mouths to say something next.

 

"I said that already"/ "You said that already" we both say at the same time. We share a laugh before I feel my phone rumble in my pocket and I remember that there's somewhere that I need to be.

 

"I'll see you around?" I ask as I begin backpedaling towards the direction of my beaten up skateboard.

 

"See you around" Alex echoes with a smile before turning back to the work going on in the yard.

 

Once I get to my skateboard, I flip it over on the road and mount it once again. I set off on a slow speed towards Christen's house as I fish my phone out of my pocket and read my most recent text.

 

 **Christen:**   _My mom wants to know if you want to stay for dinner. She's making your favorite :)_

 

* * *

 

 

When I arrive at Christen's there's no shaking the smile away from my lips. I prop my skateboard against the front of the house and let myself in through the front door. Christen's mom is the first person I see as I enter the kitchen.

 

"Hey Mama Press" I greet as she looks up from the food she's preparing on the kitchen island. She smiles as soon as she sees me.

 

"Tobin!" she cheers, abandoning the food and quickly walking around the island to pull me in for a hug. I hug her back just as enthusiastically. Christen definitely gets her 'sunshine-ness' from her mother. "I hope you're hungry!" she exclaims as she pulls away, walking back over to her cutting board and beginning to chop herbs for her world famous lasagna. 

 

"I'm always hungry" I return with a chuckle.

 

"Does Christen know you're here yet?" Christen's mom asks as I lean against the door frame of the kitchen and watch her prepare ingredients for dinner.

 

"Probably not" I shrug, "I just walked in."

 

"Christen!" her mom calls towards the stairwell, before returning to her work. Within seconds I can hear the sound of footsteps descending down the stairs. Not a moment later I spot Christen on the other side of the kitchen, her two dogs following close behind. Her face lights up when she sees me.

 

"Hey, Tobs" she greets warmly as she begins to walk over in my direction. I kneel to the ground to greet both of the wiggly dogs in front of me as they dart in front of Christen. As I do, I can feel the air brush against my scraped kneecap as the new rip in my jeans becomes visible. Christen's eyes locate the tare right away and her happy expression melts into one of immediate concern. "What happened?" she asks as she arrives in front of me and tries to get a closer look at my knee.

 

"I wiped out on my skateboard on the way here" I nonchalantly admit, not wanting to make a big deal about it as I still continue to recover from how embarrassing that was.

 

"You're hurt" Christen mumbles morosely as her seemingly pained eyes meet mine once again.

 

"I'm fine. It's just a scrape" I dismiss, paying more attention to the dogs eagerly licking my face that my dinged-up knee. However, Christen doesn't seem so convinced as she pulls me up by my wrists and begins leading me down the hallway towards the closest bathroom. "What are you doing?" I ask, confused as to what exactly is going on. She doesn't speak again until we arrive into the bathroom and she grabs my waist and places me on top of the counter of the vanity. I quite literally feel swept off my feet.

 

"We have to clean your knee" Christen instructs, slightly distracted as she fiddles around the medicine cabinet for some cotton patches and band-aids. 

 

"Honestly, I think I'll live" I chuckle, this whole situation becoming humorous. I try to slide myself off of the counter, but Christen returns to my side and pushes me back. "You're persistent, you know that?"

 

"I'm not letting you get an infection just because you want to act all tough" Christen returns determinedly as she runs a cotton patch under the cool water running from the faucet.

 

"Who says I'm acting?" I return as she applies some soap to the now damp cotton patch and then adds soap to it. She offers me a knowing wordless look and maintains eye contact as she applies the cotton patch to my knee. I close my eyes and yelp.

 

"Right. Definitely not acting" Christen teases with a smile as I crack me eyes open again. I've never been great with pain or blood, I'll admit that much, but only Christen knows to what extent. I usually try to put on a brave face for everyone else, but there's no fooling Christen, she knows when I'm in pain. And when I'm too proud it admit it. "If you're good you can have a lollipop after I finish cleaning you up."

 

"Ok, smartass. Just make it quick" I command, my pride slightly bruised. She smiles back at me, seemingly delighted by the reaction she's getting out of me. It's not often I'm in a position where I can't do something for myself, she must find it amusing. The next time she applies a freshly soaped up cotton patch to my knee, I nearly kick her in the stomach. Talk about a knee-jerk reaction.

 

"Tobin, sit still!" she reprimands, giving me a stern look after backing away just in time to avoid my foot.

 

"I'm trying!" I retort throwing my hands up in surrender. "You know I can't help it." She gives me a skeptical look before she looks back at my knee. Just as she's about to try to clean it again, I purposely flinch my leg, causing her to jump. Now it's my turn to have a little fun. She glances at me again, unamused as I have to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing. "Ok, ok, that time was on purpose. It's just that the look on your face is priceless."

 

"You want to do this yourself?" Christen offers, trying to hand me the slightly bloody cotton patch in her hand. I know it's my own blood, but that doesn't make it any less gross.

 

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again" I relent, looking anywhere but at that gross piece of cotton. Christen shakes her head at my squeamishness and disposes of the cotton patch before preparing a new one.

 

"You better not, you big baby" she warns before turning towards me once again. This time she grabs hold of both of my knees and spreads them apart. Then she stands sideways between my legs starts cleaning my wound again. She's closer to me now, and I don't think she realizes she's put herself in a borderline intimate position. That's the hard part about having straight friends, sometimes they don't realize when they do something that could be dangerous if there was mutual attraction there. Not like I have feelings for Christen or anything, she's my best friend and definitely not interested, but it's still a little awkward. I try to tell myself that I'm being ridiculous and to just relax while Christen does me this favor. But then I fidget without even meaning to. Christen must think that I've just flinched again, so she wordlessly places a hand just above my knee to keep it in place. For some reason this sends chills through my body. She must sense my sudden discomfort because after a moment she looks up at me with regretful eyes.

 

"Am I hurting you?" she asks, worry laced in her voice. Immediately I feel bad. Just because my stupid mind wandered off to somewhere it shouldn't, Christen feels guilty. And now I feel guilty.

 

"No, you're fine" I shake my head, "I'm just weak." Christen stares into my eyes for a moment longer and nods before directing her gaze back to my knee.

 

"Just let me know if it hurts, alright?" she returns and I nod. "So what made you fall off of your skateboard in the first place? I've seen you ride that thing a million times, it's practically a part of you." My heart rate picks up again as I think back to the incident earlier. Back to Alex and her striking blue eyes.

 

"I was distracted" I mumble debating on if I should tell Christen about this girl yet or not. I mean, she may have just been being polite. I may never even see her at school anyway.

 

"By what?" she asks, nearly finished up with my knee.

 

"Honest answer? A pretty girl" I reply, somewhat shyly. Christen's always skeptical whenever I discover a new cute girl. I know she just wants to protect me, but it can be hard for me to bring up girls to Christen sometimes for fear of her telling me why they're bad news. The worst part is that she's usually right about them. Her hand stills on my knee for just a moment before she clears her throat and replies.

 

"Who was she?" Christen asks, her tone flat and aloof. See? I'm probably already boring her with this.

 

"Uh, her name was Alex. She just moved here and she said she's going to go to our school. She was really nice to me after I crashed into one of her movers. Even helped me pick some of the packing peanuts out of my hair" I explain, soon finding myself rambling and my mind going back to our little interaction. Alex was super nice. But was that polite nice, or flirty nice? Or am I reading too much into this? But what if it's fate sending me 'the right girl' after all? I mean, she's definitely my type. Nice, pretty, confident, seemingly athletic. What if this moment is the start of something big for me?

 

"Was she cute?" Christen asks, reaching across my body to grab the band-aids she left on the opposite side of the vanity. Hell yeah she was cute!

 

"Yeah, she was alright" I coolly reply, not wanting to sound like a creep.

 

"Cuter than me?" Christen innocently asks as she generously places a few band-aids on my freshly cleaned kneecap.

 

"That's impossible" I smile, earning a similar one from Christen, "No one's cuter than you. You're the cutest."

 

"You think?" Christen questions shyly, rubbing her hand over the bandages to make sure that they're secure on my skin.

 

"Of coarse. I'd have to be blind not to think that" I admit, being honest in my answer. In truth, Christen is probably the prettiest girl I know. She looks up at me and smiles again. It's hard not to get a warm fuzzy feeling when Christen smiles at you, she just has that affect on people. "There isn't a guy out there that would be able to resist you." Her smile falters for a second before she looks at me again.

 

"Well there isn't a girl out there that would be able to resist you either" she says as she locks eyes with me. Is that her way of telling me that I have a shot with Alex? Does she really think it could happen? I'm a little shocked that Christen would tell me that without even meeting Alex herself, but I guess she just has that much faith in me. I smile and she casts her eyes back down at my knee. "Alright, you're all cleaned up" she announces. I happily slide off the counter while she puts everything away and washes her hands.

 

"Thanks, Christen. What would I do if I didn't have you to patch me up all the time?" I ask rhetorically as she dries her hands on one of the towels hanging from the wall.

 

"I don't know, probably get an infection. Die of Cholera" Christen returns with a solid poker face. I can't help but laugh.

 

"Gee, that sure sounds like a _shitty_ way to go." My comment causes Christen to laugh as she joins me outside the bathroom.

 

"Well, I guess that just means that our lives would be pretty shitty without each other in them" Christen shrugs as we both head back towards the kitchen, the smell of warm cheese and marinara sauce already filling our noses.

 

"I couldn't agree more."

 

* * *

 

 

**End of January**

 

I swear this fucking month will never end. My classes are so boring and I feel like this semester is going by as slow as molassses. Soccer season is still a few months away and I don't want to even think about how many days stand between me and spring break. Sitting through French right now is no walk in the park either. Mandy's been trying to help me study at home, but nothing's really sticking. Funny, that's where molasses would really come in handy. I understand that 'Bonjour' means 'Hello' and 'Au Revoir' means 'Goodbye', but other than that, I'm not getting much else. I wish this school didn't have a foreign language requirement. It's not my fault I didn't start learning until middle school while everyone else here started in elementary. Well, I guess learning is kind of a generous word. Maybe 'attempting' would be more appropriate.

 

I glance over at Mandy while Monsieur Jocques writes a bunch of jibberish on the board. She's playing around on her phone, not paying one bit of attention to our teacher. It's kind of ridiculous that she's in this class to be honest. This is like kindergarten for her. But our school has a dumb rule about not being able to take upper level classes until you've passed the introductory ones, so she's trapped in this nightmare of a class with me. As Monsieur Talks Too Much blabbers on and on at the front of the room, I feel myself nodding off. That is until the door creaks open and Monsieur pauses his teachings. In walks a familiar face, and my heart drops when I see those eyes. It's Alex. But what is she doing in this classroom? And where as she been for the past few weeks?

 

"Bonjour" she mutters as she waves to the teacher.

 

"Ah! Bounjour!" he excitedly returns, "You must be our new student!" 

 

"Oui" Alex nods, staying calm amidst Monsieur's animatedness. 

 

"Bienvenue dans notre classe! Asseyez-vous partout où vous voulez" he instructs. I have no idea what he's saying, but Alex seems to understand just fine.

 

"Merci, je le ferai" Alex responds before walking down the aisle beside mine and taking a seat directly next to me.

 

"Bonjour" she greets me with a warm smile just as Monsieur turns back to the whiteboard. "Je ne savais pas que vous parlez français." I have no idea what she just said, so I decide to just wing it.

 

"Uhhh...It's crepe to see you again, too." Alex bows her head in laughter as I can hear Mandy snickering on my other side. Sure I look dumb, but at least I made Alex laugh.

 

Maybe this semester won't be so dreadful after all.

 

 

 

 


	2. February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gym class, a caravan, and a battle over the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for being willing to give this story a shot. I realize it's a little different than my usual stuff, but I'm trying something new. I think it may be an acquired taste as far a fan fics go, but I appreciate those of you who have had faith in me. I'll try my best not to disappoint.

**Beginning of February**

 

Thank god for gym class. The only hour of the day where I actually feel within my element. World History can be semi-entertaining when Mrs. Jenkins decides to play one of those overly dramatic History Channel reenactment documentaries. And Clay and Ceramics isn't so bad either when we get to use the potter's wheels. But nothing is better than the school district required 50 minutes of daily moderate physical activity that is high school physical education. I get to play around and I actually get a good grade for it. Most of the other girls in my class piss and moan because they have to get sweaty and mess up their hair, but not me. This is my domain, and while others have math and science to fall back on, this is it for me. I haven't the slightest clue what I'm going to do with my life after high school, but I know that it will have something to do with athletics. And if I'm lucky, professional soccer.

 

Today's a particularly good day in gym class. The sun's shining outside and for the first time in what feels like ages, Coach Holloway lets us have class outside. Another benefit of the nice weather means we have the options of playing soccer, softball, or running around the track. Guess which one I picked.

 

"Whoa, sorry! That was a wild pass" Alex calls out from about thirty feet away. We're in the middle of warm ups and since our period of gym class is in the morning, the grass is still damp with morning dew. As I jog after the ball that's rolled slickly across the field about ten feet to my left, I think about how fortunate I am to have Alex in my class. Every other year I've had at least two friends in my gym class, however this year was the exception and I was unlucky enough to not have any. That is until Alex transferred here. It took a while for her transcripts to go through, and as Alex has told me, there were a few complications regarding what kind of classes she should really be taking. I found out that she's much smarter than I am, so she's in a lot of advanced classes. If I'm being honest though, it isn't exactly difficult to be smarter than me. When gym is your best subject, that should be pretty telling. Anyway, once all of Alex's records were received, she was finally allowed to attend school and now I feel like I'm seeing her around all the time. I did my best to show her around and introduce her to a few people, but she didn't really need my help in the end. She's kind of like a social magnet. Whenever she walks in a room, you can tell she turns almost everyone's head. She's charismatic and friendly, quickly becoming the talk of the school. She seems to linger on everyone's mind, my own included. Every time we talk to each other or say hi to each other in the hallways, I feel like I've won the lottery. Her smile is intoxicating and I swear whenever I hear her laugh, it echoes in my mind for days. So naturally I try to make her laugh as much as possible. It's like no matter what I do, my thoughts always circle back to Alex Morgan.

 

"No problem, I got it!" I yell over my shoulder as I chase down the ball. Once I finally track it down, I turn back to Alex and she gives me a thumbs up. When I realize her eyes are still on me, I decide to make the most of the moment. I start off by juggling the ball with my feet, starting simple but then pulling out a few tricks every here and there. Then I rainbow the ball over my head and begin skillfully dribbling the ball out in front of me. Instead of avoiding the other students within my path back to Alex, I make easy work of nutmegging every single one. Sure they're unsuspecting in the first place, but it doesn't make it any less funny to see their reactions as I leave them annoyed and confused in my wake. By the time I finally make it back to Alex, she's bent over laughing.

 

"That was ridiculously hilarious" she pants as I just smirk proudly in front of her. Hopefully that was enough to impress her in some way. I would say that I wasn't trying to show off, but I definitely was. I care about what Alex thinks of me, and ever since I hardcore embarrassed myself in front of her that first day we met, I've felt the burning desire to redeem any amount of swagger that I possibly can. "You're really skilled with the ball though" she continues as she straightens up once again and gestures between me and the ball now balanced precariously on the top of my foot, "If this whole school thing doesn't work out, you definitely have a shot at the circus."

 

"Actually the circus is career path that I plan to pursue right off the bat. College and everything else is my plan B" I sarcastically return with a sly smirk, earning another chuckle from Alex.

 

"Well good, you've got the class clown thing going for you as well" Alex smiles, seemingly amused by my comment. I can't help but think that if I can keep her laughing, she'll want to hang out with me more. And it's hard to tell right now, but I kind of get the feeling that she does. To which, I am in no way opposed.

 

"Hey! Ball!" I hear the low-toned bellow that could belong to no creature other than a teenage boy. I look to my right and notice that a soccer ball is sailing towards Alex at an alarmingly fast speed. Without even really thinking, I jump in front of her and throw my foot in the air. As luck would have it, my wild kick deflects the ball away as it was just inches away from connecting with the back of Alex's head. She's startled by the sound and looks between me and the ball with wild eyes as she registers what just happened. She opens her mouth like she's about to say something, but she's interrupted when someone comes jogging over towards us.

 

"I'm so sorry, are you guys okay?" Servando Carrasco asks in an apologetic tone once he reaches us. He glances at me for only a second before his eyes lock on to Alex. He looks as though he's seeing the stars for the first time, his eyes filled with wonderment and intrigue. I glance over to Alex and notice that she looks similar, staring back at Serv. She's probably just looking at him because he's staring at her so intensely. She probably feels awkward and doesn't know how to react. I decide to come to Alex's rescue, so I clear my throat fairly aggressively and free Alex from Serv's imprisoning gaze.

 

"Yeah, Serv, don't worry about it. We're both fine" I reply, hoping to give Serv the opportunity to regain his cool. Or at least check his manners. By the looks of it, he seems to do so.

 

"Sorry, I'm being rude" Serv softly admits as he shakes his head and looks back over to me for a moment. Damn right you are. Way to creep a girl out, Serv. "Tobin, would you mind introducing me to your friend?" I look over to Alex and she just smiles shyly and nods her head for me to do so.

 

"Sure thing" I mutter after letting out a less-than-enthusiastic sigh. I like Serv, he's a cool dude, but sometimes I feel like he has trouble reading a situation. It's obvious that Alex would much rather continue the conversation that she and I were just having than have to go through awkward introductions with Serv. But oh well, she's already instructed me to do so, so I guess I may as well get on with it. "Servando, this is Alex Morgan" I begin as I gesture between the two of them. "And Alex, this is Servando Carrasco."

 

"It's a pleasure to meet you" Serv smiles as he extends a hand to Alex. She takes it, out of sheer politeness I'm sure, and shakes his hand. She nods in return, smiling, but not saying a word. Serv must really be throwing her off, she's usually so confident. Why don't guys ever notice when they're making a girl uncomfortable. I mean I'm not even Alex and I'm having a hard time stomaching this. "I'll see you around" Serv adds in his naturally smooth voice, "Maybe next time I won't have to kick a ball at your head to have an excuse to talk to you." Alex lets out a small laugh and Serv looks pleased with himself. He really shouldn't be though, had he only been over here a few minutes ago, he would've seen that I had Alex in stitches. Now  _that's_ something to be proud of. He leans down to place a small kiss on the back of Alex's hand before he offers he one last smile and starts backpedaling, only turning around when he's about twenty feet away. It takes all that I have not to puke right here and now. I look over to Alex and notice that she's frozen in her spot, still watching Serv's figure as he walks over to the other guys warming up. I don't blame her, she's probably paralyzed in shock after Serv kissed her hand. Like seriously, who does that?

 

"If you fake a period cramp, Coach Holloway will let you go in and use the bathroom. You know, in case you want to wash that hand of yours" I suggest to Alex once she begins to stir again. She turns back to me and smiles with hilarity.

 

"Thanks, Tobin. I'm pretty sure I'm good though" she laughs, now in a noticeably better mood than she was at the beginning of class. I smile to myself. I'm glad all my jokes could perk her up.

 

* * *

 

 

I contemplate escaping to the bathroom and pulling the fire alarm as I sit through another one of these bland school district meetings. Once a month, mom drags the whole family along with her to this little shindig. I don't really see the point in it. Why do _I_ have to be here when _she's_ the one with the position on the school board? She's said in the past that it's good for the district to have the input of the students at these meetings, but I'm pretty sure her real reason for forcing us to come along is so that she can look good in front of her colleagues. It's like she thinks that if her family shows up, that'll somehow convince the other board members that she's large and in charge. I think that's complete bullshit, but there's no convincing my mother otherwise whenever she's made up her mind about something.

 

The only thing that gets me through the meetings these days is that Christen is always here, too. She's the Junior Class Chairperson for the board of education, so she's allowed to partake in every meeting. She speaks well in front of other people and is very captivating to listen to when she's passionate about a particular issue that arises. Other than that, sometimes when one of the boring board members has the floor, she makes silly faces at me to keep me entertained. She hasn't been caught once, and I think it makes it that much better. More than a few times tonight I've had to pretend to cough to hide the fact that Christen made me laugh from across the room. I'm sure the people around me think I have bronchitis or something.

 

"...And with those closing remarks, I conclude tonight's meeting" my mom says as she stands in front of her seat at the front of the room. "Thank you everyone for your attendance and insight on the state of the district. Drive safely and have a good night." A few people clap in sporadic places around the room. I waste no time rising from my seat and walking to the refreshments area in the back of the room. It feels good to stretch my legs, even if my knee was impatiently bouncing for the entire meeting. I'm adding a few crackers to my plate when I hear one of my favorite voices in the whole world.

 

"I'm pretty sure those are for board members only" Christen slyly comments from my side. I half turn towards her and smile as I pop about three whole crackers into my mouth.

 

"These crackers are reparations for the board killing a small part of my soul" I counter through a mouthful of half-chewed crackers. I few crumbs spill out of my mouth as I talk, but Christen just laughs at how ridiculous I must look. To anyone else the action would probably seem childish or slightly repulsive, but Christen simply reacts by grabbing a small cocktail napkin from the table and wiping the stray crumbs away from the corners of my mouth. "Thanks" I mutter, causing a few more crumbs to escape my mouth. Christen just shakes her head and smiles, cleaning my face off once more.

 

"You're a mess" she chuckles, looking me right in the eye and grinning endearingly as she does.

 

"I am what I am" I shrug, smiling back at her, crackers no longer visible while I talk.

 

"Tobin?" I instinctively jump away from Christen as I recognize the raspy voice behind me. I whirl around and see Alex standing just a few steps away. Alex? What is Alex doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see her, I just wasn't expecting this at all. I glance down at my body before looking back at Alex again. Dammit, I knew I should've worn a nicer shirt tonight. I thought I was only going to run into a bunch old board members and Christen tonight, so I didn't really do anything with myself. As I get lost in thought, I realize that I still haven't replied to Alex and she's currently standing in front of me, patiently waiting for me to say something back. I quickly swallow the last bits of crackers in my mouth before speaking.

 

"Yeah, it's me" I awkwardly spew out. Ugh, come on. Gain some composure! "What are you doing here, Alex?"

 

"My dad was recently elected Vice Mayor. He wanted me to come with him tonight so I could get a feel for how school runs around here" Alex explains nonchalantly, gesturing over her shoulder to a clean cut man shaking hands with various people on the other side of the room. Alex's dad is the Vice Mayor? I guess that would explain how her family can afford to live in such a nice house. And why Alex is so good around people; that kind of thing comes naturally when you're the daughter of a politician. 

 

"I didn't know your dad was Vice Mayor" I state as I look between Alex and her personable father, immediately noticing the family resemblance. "But then again, I guess I don't really follow city politics very much either."

 

"Well to be fair, I didn't realize that your mom was the district superintendent until I saw you about halfway through the meeting" Alex replies to my own surprise. She noticed me among the crowd of people? How did I not notice her? It must've been because I was watching Christen the whole time.

 

"Oh no, my secret's out" I lamely joke as I raise both of my hands and pretend I've been caught in some scandalous escapade. I know I must look like an idiot, but Alex is sweet and humors me with a smile anyway. I can briefly hear Christen snort from beside me.

 

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me" Alex playfully reassures before turning her attention towards Christen. "Hey nice job speaking tonight. I don't even have a vote, but you made  _me_ want to set room aside in the budget to replace the student lockers."

 

"Thank you" Christen bashfully smiles as she nods at Alex. Christen always gets this way whenever someone pays her a compliment. It's like she's too humble to know what to do with praise. That's one thing that I've never truly understood about Christen, it's not like she isn't completely deserving of it.

 

"I also enjoyed all those faces you were making, you had me cracking up in my seat" Alex adds, only causing Christen to turn a shade of tomato red.

 

"You saw that?" Christen shyly mutters as she brings her hands up to her face to shield herself from embarrassment. Alex and I laugh but I reach over to Christen and slowly draw her hands away from her face.

 

"Hey" I console, making eye contact with Christen while trying to talking as soothingly as I can, "You were hilarious and the only reason I was able to survive this painful meeting." Christen stares back at me, her eyes warming as a smile grows on her face. As Christen and I hold each other's gaze, I can see Alex glance over her shoulder out of the corner of my eye.

 

"I think my dad wants to get going" Alex announces, causing both me and Christen to look in her direction again. "I'll see you guys at school."

 

"Yeah, see you" I return, offering Alex a small wave. She sends one back to both Christen and I before turning around and weaving her way towards the door. I watch her go until Christen speaks up again.

 

"So that was Alex?" she asks, her tone shy again, although not entirely lacking of suspicion either.

 

"Yep" I sigh, turning back towards Christen now that Alex is no longer in view. "That was Alex."

 

* * *

 

 

**Mid-February**

 

February 14th. Usually I don't make too much of a fuss over this holiday, it's basically mainly geared towards couples anyway, but this year feels different. I worked up some courage a few days ago and decided to send Alex a Valentine's Day cookie-gram. I know it's silly, and probably a waste of money, but Alex and I have been really getting along lately and I don't know, it just kind of felt like the right thing to do. After all, she is new here and I don't want her to be upset if no one sends her anything. I know what that feels like, and if it wasn't for Christen always sending me one as a nice gesture, I would be in the same boat, too.

 

As I sit in my French class, I'm unable to still my bouncing knee under my desk as I glance up at the clock every two minutes. The person at the table selling the cookies said that they would be delivered today during fourth hour, which just so happens to be this one. Any minute now someone should show up with a basket of cookies, ready to either make or break people's day. With every tick of the second hand, I feel myself growing more and more nervous. I don't know why I'm acting so weird, it's just a stupid cookie, but a part of me just can't seem to stop thinking about it.

 

It's only as Monsieur is in the middle of explaining some profound French verb conjugation that the door finally opens. Most people around the room sit a little taller as the senior dressed as cupid enters with his basket of goodies. He begins calling names and making his way around the room, passing cookies to some while completely passing up others. It dawns on me that I probably should've bought one for Mandy so she doesn't feel left out, but my worries are soon put to rest when the cupid places two cookies on her desk. Two? Not bad, Mandy. The guy a few seats ahead of me receives four cookies, and the cupid says, "Four for you, Glen Coco. You go, Glen Coco!" Ugh, he makes that joke every year. A few seconds later he stops at my desk and places a single cookie in front of me. I don't even have to read the tag to know who it's from. I smile at it, Christen always has my back. I'm happy I always send her one, too. Finally, the cupid stops at Alex's desk, and much to my surprise, he places six cookies in front of her. Six. Almost everyone in the class looks at her in awe, Monsieur included. I guess Alex is more popular than I thought...

 

I eagerly watch out of the corner of my eye as I watch Alex read each of the tags for each of the cookies. At one somewhere in the middle, she smiles extra wide. I'm guessing that was the one from me. I wrote a small joke on it about Monsieur and his love for past participles. Alex usually gets a kick out of my jokes, so I'm sure she liked that one as well.

 

Once Alex finishes reading all of the notes on her cookie-grams, she turns to me and smiles.

 

"Thanks for sending the cookie" she offers me sweetly as her smile reaches her eyes, "But now I feel bad that I didn't send you one."

 

"Don't worry about it" I scoff as I wave a dismissive hand, "Just hanging out with you is enough."

 

"Here" she says, reaching into her pile and placing one of her cookies on top of my desk. "I can't possibly eat all of these myself. You have one." I smile back at her, and as I look down at the tag tied to the wrapping of the cookie, I see who it's from. Serv. Alex follows my gaze at the tag and suddenly she's reaching back over for the tag as her eyes widen. She's probably embarrassed to have received a cookie from Serv after he's been acting so weird around her lately. After she successfully snatches the tag away from the cookie, she smiles back at me apologetically. "Sorry, I just realized that my sisters will never believe that I got six cookies unless I show them the tags." Her excuse isn't that convincing, but I don't want to exploit her apparent embarrassment any more.

 

"I get it" I shrug, allowing Alex to settle down again in her seat. The cupid by now has finished handing out cookies and pretends to shoot Monsieur with his love arrow before he exits the room. Monsieur resumes his lesson easy enough, and for some reason as I nibble on the cookie Alex shared with me, I pay closer attention to Monsieur's lesson than I ever have before. After all, French is the language of love.

 

* * *

 

 "Happy Palentine's Day!" I burst as I hold the door open to my family's caravan that sits vacant in our backyard for nearly all 365 days of the year. My dad bought it a few years ago in the midst of a midlife crisis. My mom wasn't too happy with him after he did, but I didn't mind. It actually gave me another place to escape to when I couldn't handle my family on a particular day. It isn't the most extravagant, but it can be kind of homey given a little cleaning and the right company. Speaking of which, Christen looks between me and the caravan skeptically before finally deciding to trust me and just go in. "Oh don't be that way, this bad boy is actually a lot cooler than you think" I tell Christen as I follow her into the mid-sized recreational vehicle. Christen takes a seat on one of the leather benches near the window, her eyes graze the area surrounding her as I close the door behind me.

 

"It's a lot dustier than I thought it would be, too" she comments, half-teasing as I settle on the seat next to her. I smile as I reach into a paper bag sitting at the foot of the bench.

 

"Yeah, well" I exhale as I pull a bottle of vodka out of it, "At least it comes with all the right amenities." Christen looks somewhat disappointed as I show her the bottle, but not necessarily surprised.

 

"Tobin" she scolds, readjusting herself in her seat so she can glance out the window, almost as if to keep watch to make sure no one catches us with alcoholic beverages that we aren't supposed to have. "Where did you even get that? You're mom would flip if she found us drinking back here." I laugh a little at Christen's comment. Sometimes her tendency to be a goody-two-shoes is beneficial, but she worries too much. 

 

"Relax" I airily breathe as I place a hand on Christen's knee, hoping to settle her nerves a little. She glances down to my hand for just a second before looking me in the eye again. "My dad owns a bar and he isn't exactly secretive about where he keeps his stash at home. As long as we only take a little bit, he won't even notice that any's gone missing." Christen listen's to my words intently, but I can still detect the hint of anxiety in her eye. "Also we're not going to get caught. No one ever checks on me when I'm back here. They hardly even notice when I'm in the house" I continue, hoping to have convinced Christen at this point. "You trust me, right?" Christen peers deeper into my eyes. I can tell she's still conflicted, so I make one last effort to ease her mind. "Alright, I promise that if anyone catches us, I'll take the fall. You'll be completely absolved of blame. Deal?" She studies me for a second more before nodding.

 

"Alright, fine. But no getting crazy, you hear me? The last thing I want to do is take care of your drunk ass all night. You're kind of a handful when you drink too much" Christen finally allows, causing a victorious smirk to find its way to my lips. I know exactly what she's talking about, the New Years Fiasco of Sophomore year. I had the glorious idea to mix together a wop with a far higher cheap alcohol to fruit juice percentage than was traditionally acceptable. Or even stomach-able. After about two and a half drinks I was throwing up every liquid in my body until fireworks around the world had stopped exploding. Christen was kind enough to take care of me that night and convince my parents that I had contracted a small form of the stomach flu. But still, that was over a year ago and I was new to drinking at the time. I like to think that I've built more of a tolerance and become more of a skilled mixologist since then.

 

"I'll be good, I promise" I reassure Christen as she smirks back at me, probably recalling the same now humorous memory that I just did.

 

"Ok, good because we're past stomach flu season so I don't know how you'd dig your way out of that one" Christen giggles as she relaxes a little more against the back rest of her seat. She looks back to the bottle in my hands before raising a suspicious eyebrow. "You planning on drinking that straight, or do you have some more tricks up your sleeve?" I smirk again as I hold up a finger and pause to reach back into the brown paper bag. I pull out a carton of orange juice and turn back to Christen.

 

"Alright first of all, I don't do anything straight" This earns a laugh from Christen who knows I look for every opportunity to make a joke about my sexuality. "And second, I was thinking I could whip up a few screwdrivers. Or would you prefer Sex on the Beach? I already have two of the four ingredients right here, and I'm sure I could find the others somewhere inside the house."

 

"Screwdrivers are fine. I like sex on the beach, but usually not in drink form" Christen quips jokingly suggestively beside me. My eyes go wide and my jaw drops. Christen is probably one of the most innocent people I know, so whenever she says anything even borderline risqué, it always throws me for a loop. Christen laughs jovialy as she watches me try to shake the shock from my face.

 

"Ok, wow, we haven't even started drinking yet and my cheeks are already blushing" I admit as I further soak in Christen's slightly jarring, yet delightfully amusing comment.

 

"Good, then my work here is done" Christen teases, clapping her hand on my shoulder and getting up to pretend to leave. As she's not even a foot away from the bench, I reach in front of me and pull her back down by her wrist. She falls back into her seat with a humored smile.

 

"Oh no you don't" I interject, finding that Christen puts up little fight against my effort to keep her right next to me. "There's no way I'm letting you leave me all alone on Palentine's day."

 

"What kind of a pal would that make me if I did?" Christen asks, her tone playful and willing to go along with my unsubstantial threat.

 

"A mean one" I simply reply, a slight pout already established on my face.

 

"And if I stay?" Christen continues, propping her elbow against the top of the backrest and leaning her face against her palm.

 

"The best one" I nod decisively as I glance back over to my best friend beside me. I'm not exaggerating when I say that either. Christen truly is the best friend I've ever had. She's been there for me through thick and thin. Come hell or high water, she's always been in my corner when I needed her. And I think that's why Palentine's Day (the Saturday after Valentine's Day) is one of my favorite days out of the whole year. Because I always get to spend the entire day with just Christen and we get to enjoy each other's company just like we always have. As Christen smiles at me, almost as if lost in thought just as I had been, I decide to break the silence and speak up again. "You know I'm feeling kind of hungry. How about you order one of those heart-shaped pizzas from Rocky's while I mix us a few drinks?"

 

"Why do you always want to get one of those heart-shaped pizzas? You bring them up every year" Christen questions, pointing out my annual tendency to request a festive pizza from one of the many pizza joints in town.

 

"It's a pizza shaped like a heart, and I _love_ pizza. Why wouldn't I want one?" I reply to Christen as if it's the most obvious explanation in the world. I mean, I really do love pizza. There's no fooling anyone there. But I think a part of me also likes to do that because it's one of those things that are meant to be enjoyed by couples, and since I'm typically single during this time of year, it feels like sharing that pizza with Christen is our little way of ignoring the rules and making our own. Yeah, that's what makes it fun. Take that society! "Also I don't know about you, but I'm not about to drink on an empty stomach" I add, pulling a few red solo cups out of the bag and getting all my supplies in order so I can properly make these drinks.

 

"Fine" Christen sighs, conceding to my whimsical desire for a slightly misshapen pizza, "I'll make the call." 

 

"Extra cheese and-" I call over my shoulder now that I've gotten up and placed my ingredients on the small table across the caravan.

 

"-don't forget the stuffed crust" Christen interrupts, effortlessly rattling off the remainder of my usual order. "I know, I haven't suddenly forgotten your unhealthy obsession with mozzarella." I smile to myself as I begin measuring out a few ounces of vodka. A friend who commits your pizza order to memory is the best sort of friend there is. "But I'm also adding pineapple to it."

 

"What? No. Pineapple on a pizza is a  _crime_ " I whine as Christen shocks me with this new, and rather upsetting information.

 

"Pineapple on a pizza is delicious" Christen counters, firm in her stance, "You would know that if you didn't have the eating habits of a five-year-old."

 

"What's next? Apricots in mac n' cheese?" I mutter as I dump the measured out vodka into each of the cups and begin to unscrew the cap of the orange juice. "At least only order it on half."

 

"That's fair" Christen easily agrees as she starts to punch in the number for the pizza place into her phone.

 

* * *

 

"Pizza's finally here" Christen announces as she rises from her seat on the bench and walks towards the door. Geez it took them long enough. It's been over an hour and I've only been filling my stomach with multiple screwdrivers to pass the time.

 

"No, you stay. I'll get it" I interject as I swat at Christen's passing feet and attempt to pull myself up off of the caravan floor. It proves to be a harder task than expected, and suddenly I'm feeling the effects of my third drink where I added a little extra punch to it when Christen wasn't looking. That's the silly thing about liquor, it hits you when you least expect it. At least with beer you can feel your buzz gradually grow. There's a little bit of a warning that tells you when you need to slow down. But I'll take the unpredictability of liquor over the practicality of beer any day. Beer just doesn't taste good. Like at all. I really don't get why people drink it when there are plenty of fruity drinks to indulge in instead.

 

"I don't think you're in any state to get off the ground, much less walk all the way to the front yard and pay for a pizza" Christen comments as she takes in the slightly inebriated sight of me. I send her an offended look. Sure I'm having a little issue with my motor skills, but my mind's still as sharp as a tack. I can tell when I'm being judged.

 

"Just watch me" I defy as I try to get up again and successfully make it on my feet this time. I stand proudly in front of Christen, ready to march out of the caravan and show her I'm not a light weight, but she just shakes her head and walks back over to me. In a surprisingly swift motion, she lowers me back to the ground. As much as my mind wills against it, my legs fail me so I have no choice but to allow myself to be set back down on the ground. Man, Christen sure is physically commanding when she wants to be.

 

"Tobin, seriously. Just stay here, I'll be back in a minute" She responds once she's finished settling me back to the carpet.

 

"I could've been there and back in fifty nine seconds!" I call after her as she's just about to pass through the open doorway. She shakes her head at me, but I can still see the hint of a smile playing at her lips. Once she's out of sight, I lean back against the base of the bench and decide to relax, taking in the calming effect of my buzz.

 

Soon enough, the door to the caravan swings open again and I see Christen entering with the pizza box in hand. The smell of my favorite Americanized, doughy treat sobers me up a little.

 

"Oh my god, I thought this moment would never come" I admit as Christen plops down on the carpet next to me and opens the box. My eyes widen as I gaze upon the cheesy delicacy.

 

"Me neither" Christen agrees as she hands me a napkin for when I inevitably smear marinara sauce all over the sides of my face. "The pizza guy was nice about it though, he cut the price in half."

 

"You should've batted a few eyelashes at him and gotten us some free bread sticks" I reply as I pick off a few stray pieces of pineapple and fling them back over to Christen's half of the pie.

 

"Yeah right, like that would ever work" Christen skeptically scoffs from across from me, entertained by the sight of my disgusted face any time I find a new bit of pineapple on one of my designated slices of pizza.

 

"It always works on me" I shrug, finally grabbing a slice once I've determined it's been cleansed of tropical impurity. I take a large bite out of it and hum with satisfaction as I pull the remainder of the slice away from my face, the cheese stretching into a thinning string. "You're kind of hard to say no to." Christen glances down at the ground for a minute before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

 

"Is that why you agreed to be my friend all those years ago?" she asks, her voice gentle and with a hint of curiosity.

 

"Nah" I decline through a mouthful of pizza, "It was because you bribed me with food. Duh." Christen giggles at me when I take another bite and end up taking all of the cheese off of my slice of pizza in one fail swoop. I'm forced to eat it all in one bite, and I'm sure it must be one hell of a sight to behold. It's nice to hear Christen's laugh now though. She's been nursing the same drink for the past hour, but I can tell that she's already loosened up since we first arrived in here. Her laugh sounds more genuine now. More natural. I like it better when it sounds like that.

 

After I can feel Christen's eyes linger on me more, I can tell she has something on her mind. I can tell she has something she wants to talk about.

 

"What's up?' I ask, gesturing with my hand to Christen's head. "What's floating around in there?" Christen chews her lips for a second before deciding to respond.

 

"What would you say if I told you that I was thinking about going on a Spanish Trip at the end of the school year?" I glance up at Christen. She looks worried about my reply for some reason. I'm not really sure where this question is coming from, or why she seems so concerned about it, but I go along with it anyway.

 

"I think that sounds cool. You should do it" I answer, turning my attention back to eating the stuffed crust of my pizza.

 

"Yeah, I thinks it sounds cool, too. But uh, the thing is, it's kind of a long trip" Christen continues, almost as if she's walking on eggshells. I'm perplexed again, so I prompt her to continue.

 

"Okayyy. How long are we talking? Like a few weeks or...?" I trail off, trying my best to read her expression.

 

"Six months."

 

"Oh."

 

"Yeah" Christen breathes, her pupils slightly dilated. Six months? For real? "It's uh, it's kind of like a foreign exchange type of deal. My Spanish teacher said that it would be to somewhere in Central America and that it would look really good on a college application. I haven't made up my mind about it though, I have a while to decide, but I just figured it was worth mentioning."

 

"You can't go" I feel myself muttering before I have a chance to even think about what I'm saying. That must be the alcohol kicking in. "I mean, how would we ever survive if we were apart for that long?" Christen takes in a deep breath and studies my saddened face. After a moment she shakes her head and forces a smile to her lips.

 

"You're right, I don't even know what I was thinking" Christen rushes out, busying herself with wiping the crumbs away from her shirt.

 

"I need you, Chris. I hope you know that" I continue, reaching over to put my hand on her knee. She smiles as a mixture of indistinguishable emotions cross her face.

 

"I need you, too" she whispers as she peers back into my eyes. I smile back at her and give her knee a squeeze after a few moments. I need another drink after even just the thought of being apart from my best friend for that long.

 

"Round two?" I ask as I grab her cup from out of her hand, just before she's about to raise rim to her lips. I slowly stand and grab my cup as well as I stride back over to my mixing table.

 

"Sure" I hear her mutter lightheartedly from behind me as I unscrew the top of the vodka bottle and pour us both a drink without even bothering to measure anything out.

 

* * *

 

 

**End of February**

 

I'm breathing hard as I cross my front lawn and make my way back into my house. Today's run has taken more out of me than I would like, and I keep thinking to myself about how I really need to do that more often if I want to be in any semblance of in shape for when soccer starts up again next month. However right now my immediate need is a shower. Whether it be hot or cold, I really don't care. I just need to feel water stream against my skin and wash all the sweat and grime away.

 

When I get to my room, I waste no time climbing up the rungs of the ladder and grabbing some fresh clothes from my dresser. There's just something about taking a shower after a run and feeling nothing but the cleanest of clean afterwards. I toss my phone on my bed after I've collected all my things. I feel myself getting more and more excited by the minute. After I climb back down my ladder and stride down the hallway, I smile to myself once I see that the bathroom is vacant. Fuck yes. However, just as I'm about to walk in. I hear Perry yelling at me from down the hall.

 

"No, no, no! Tobin, don't!" my sister exclaims as she quickly shuffles over, wearing a fuzzy pink robe and matching slippers. Who in hell would think that's a flattering thing to wear? My obnoxiously girly sister, apparently.

 

"What?" I ask as I impatiently hold up from entering the bathroom.

 

"You're not going to shower, are you?" she asks, her voice a bit frantic. What's wrong with Perry right now? Why is she acting all weird? Is there something wrong with the shower or something?

 

"Yeah, why?" I question, puzzlement and suspicion in my voice. Perry's expression turns from frantic to annoyed, and I'm still left wondering what the hell is going on and why it is that I'm not in that shower right now.

 

"You can't" Perry hisses, trying to push past me to get into the bathroom. "My boyfriend is coming over in a half hour and I need to get in there." Seriously, Perry? 

 

"What? No way. I was here first!" I return, growing irritated by my sister's selfishness. Who does she think she is?

 

"He's not your boyfriend, it doesn't matter what _you_ look like in front of him. But it matters what I do, so I have priority right now" Perry returns, not making an iota of logical sense.

 

"Exactly, he's not _my_ boyfriend, so it's not _my_ problem if he shows up here when you're not ready to see him" I argue, a little bite in my voice. I've been playing these dumb games with Perry for years, and I'm really starting to get sick of them. Just because she's slightly older than me does not mean that she's always right.

 

"Tobin, just stop being a pain and let me shower" Perry sasses, trying to close the door on me before I can say another word.

 

"No!" I protest as I lunge forward and push at the door from the outside, "You're the one being the pain!" Perry and I struggle like this for a few seconds before she reaches down and swats at the pile of clothes and other personal hygiene products in my hands. My deodorant falls and lands forcefully on my foot. "Ow! Dammit!" I yell as I drop all much stuff and begin hopping up and down on one foot as I wince from the throbbing pain. In my moment of weakness, Perry elects to take advantage of the situation and slams the bathroom door in my face. When I hear the lock click on the other side, I know I've lost. "Damn you, Perry!" I scream as I slam the outside of the door with my fist. I regret it as soon as I do it, because not a moment later my hand is pulsing in pain. I shake out my hand before clutching it close to my chest. I decide to stalk off to my room before my mom has a chance to reprimand me on the off chance that she just heard me curse out my sister.

 

As I'm climbing up my ladder, I hear my phone faintly ringing from my bed. I recognize the ringtone as one I specifically set for one person in particular.

 

"Hello?" I somewhat harshly snap into the phone. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I can still feel my rage coursing through my veins.

 

"Is this a bad time?" Christen's sweetly confused voice asks on the other end. Immediately I feel bad. I shouldn't take out my anger on Christen, she didn't do anything wrong.

 

"No, sorry. I just got into a little fight with my sister" I explain, taking a seat on my bed and running a hand across my face. I seriously need to cool it.

 

"What was it about?" Christen asks, launching straight into her protective mode.

 

"Nothing, it was stupid" I reply, trying to slow down my thundering heart beat.

 

"Tell me" Christen encourages, once again offering me her seemingly limitless support. I sigh. She's going to think I'm being ridiculous. 

 

"I just went for a run and I was about to shower, but then Perry weaseled her way into the bathroom even though I was there first because her stupid boyfriend is coming over and apparently that gives her the jurisdiction to do whatever the hell she pleases" I explain, feeling myself getting all riled up again just thinking about it. "Also she made me drop my deodorant on my foot and that really hurt." I'm not sure why, but for some reason, I felt like adding that last part would make it sound better. Although now that I've said it, I realize I just sound like a child.

 

"You can come over and use my shower if you want" Christen offers to my surprise.

 

"What?" I ask, unable to hide the shock in my voice. What does she mean by that?

 

"Yeah, I was actually just calling to see if you want to come over anyway. I have a surprise for you" Christen nonchalantly explains. I shake my head, trying to regain my composure. I don't know why Christen's kind offer threw me for a loop, she's just being nice. It's almost like my head started to drift somewhere else for a second. Ok, that was weird, Tobin. 

 

"You mean that?" I ask, unsure if the offer really stands. Perry takes forever in the shower, and all I want more than anything right now is to bathe.

 

"Yeah" Christen easily agrees, "How about you make your run a little longer and jog over?" I mean I was just thinking about how I need to run more. Maybe Christen's suggestion is a good thing for me after all.

 

"Alright" I finally agree as I pull my running shoes back on, "I'll be over in a bit."

 

"Cool, see you then" Christen warmly concludes before hanging up and ending the call.

 

* * *

 

 

As I jog over to Christen's I decide to take the scenic route and really work on enjoying my run. I take the time to notice the environment around me. I listen to the birds in the trees, I smell the burning wood of someone in the neighborhood having a fire, and I see the sunlight shimmer through the branches of the trees as I run beneath them. Palos Verdes can be a relaxing place when you allow yourself it take it in. As much as I criticize it for being too small and the people for sometimes being a little too nosy, I really do think it's a nice place to live.

 

The closer I get to Christen's house, I decide that I may as well pass by Alex's while I'm at it. I haven't really heard from her this weekend. Maybe she's out of town. Or maybe she has some Vice Mayor event to attend with her family. Either way, I'm sure she's busy with something and that's the reason why she hasn't reached out. Regardless, it doesn't hurt to just sneak a peak and see if she's around. 

 

When I near her house, I'm surprised to see her car parked in the driveway. I start to wonder if I should stop by and say hello, but then I notice that she's not the only one there. There's another car parked next to Alex's. I don't recognize it as one of her family's, so I figure it must belong to a family friend who just happened to be in town and decided to visit with the Morgan's. I figure I was probably right when I guessed it would have something to do with her dad being the mayor. Alex always says that he has people over from the office a lot.

 

As I pass the mystery car, I check it out a little. It's a fairly new black Mazda. Sweet ride. Whoever this car belongs to has good taste in motor vehicles. I steal one last glance at Alex's house before I set my sights forward again, gleefully excited to get to use the shower at Christen's place.

 

* * *

 

 

"Thanks for letting me borrow some of your clothes, I can't believe I didn't even think to bring any" I gratefully admit to Christen as I take a seat next to her on one of her living room love seats.

 

"No problem" she smiles over to me as she sets down her phone in her lap. "I'm just happy you were able to shower. You really needed one."

 

"Ha. Ha. I'm dying of laughter" I deadpan as Christen chuckles at my reaction to her comment. She wasn't wrong, but did she really need to comment on it? Not all of us can look so perfect all the time. Not all of us can be like Christen Press.

 

"Well you look really good in that Student Council shirt anyway. Maybe you should join" Christen continues, reaching over to pull at the sleeve of my (wait, her?) shirt.

 

"No way. Absolutely not" I immediately decline, my skin crawling at the very idea. "I get enough talk about school matters at home, so no thanks, I'm good."

 

"I still think your face would look good on a campaign poster, but oh well, that's your prerogative" Christen sighs, leaning back over to her side of the love seat.

 

"So" I begin, regaining Christen's attention, "Where's this surprise you promised me?" Christen's eyes light up at the mention of it. Maybe she forgot, but there's no way that I did. If someone tells me the have something for me, I don't let that slide so easily.

 

"Oh yeah, be right back" Christen chimes as she bounces off the couch and on to her feet. "And close your eyes." It's a silly request, but I obey anyway. Christen's excitement does seem to make it worth it. After a few moments of staring at the back of my eyelids, I hear Christen pad back into the room. I can feel her settle back onto the couch, and I feel the cool edge of some sort of heavy paper fall into my lap. It kind of feels like a book, but it's a little too light and flat for that. Maybe a pamphlet? But why would she give me a pamphlet? Oh! Maybe it's a voucher to a restaurant or something? Maybe tickets to an amusement park? Or a concert? I suddenly feel the excitement build inside me. All I want to do is open my eyes. "Alright, you can look now."

 

After blinking a few times and letting my eyes adjust to the light, I realize it's none of those things.

 

"Ummm, what is this?" I ask after a moment of inspecting my surprise further.

 

"It's an SAT prep work book!" Christen exclaims, meeting my confused expression with a cheerful one.

 

"Yeah, I get that, but why are you giving this to me? I'm not even in an SAT prep course" I ask, still puzzled as I look over at Christen. She smiles like she knows something that I don't.

 

"Yes you are" she corrects, seemingly enjoying the disoriented look on my face.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean that I signed the both of us up for one. This should take some of the pressure off when you have to take the exam in a month" Christen explains, her tone alone conveying how proud of herself she is.

 

"You did what now?" I asks, dumbfounded. Did she really? How could she have though? She must be lying. "How? I'm pretty sure you at least need to get a parent's signature or something, and I know for a fact that you haven't talked to my mom, or else she would be on my back about it."

 

"It's amazing how far a professionally typed letter and a district stamp of authentication can go" Christen simply smirks. What the hell?

 

"Are you seriously telling me that you forged my mom's signature just to enroll me into some silly prep class?" I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing right now.

 

"I didn't _not_ say that" Christen returns, he face as cheeky as ever. She's really enjoying this, isn't she?

 

"I can't believe you right now" I breathe out as I shake my head. She lets out a laugh and reaches over to grab my arm.

 

"Look, I know you're not thrilled about this, but I'm positive it will help you in the long run." I don't say a word, and Christen must be able to tell that I don't feel so convinced. "You're super smart, Tobin" Christen continues as she intensifies her grip on my arm and looks me square in the eye. "You just have to give yourself a chance to prove it. And if all that takes is just a little extra preparation for the test, I know you can blow it out of the water. Besides, I'll be with you every step of the way. There's no way I'm letting you walk out of that testing room without at least a solid score."

 

I'll admit, Christen's words are inspiring, and it's comforting to know that she's willing to go through all of this with me, but that's the part that trips me up. Why is she taking the prep course as well? I know she doesn't need the extra help, or the extra work for that matter? So why commit to something like this? There are somethings that Christen does that I really don't understand the rationale behind, but if there is one thing that I am certain of, it's that I'm glad I have her by my side.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's the consensus on pineapple on a pizza? I personally love it, so if that changes how you feel about me, sorry to keep this a secret for so long. At least now the truth is out.


	3. March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soccer! French swear words!! A pool party!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly one year ago today, I published the first chapter of my very first work on this site. It's been a long ride for me since then, but an amazing one to say the least. To those of you who have been reading my stuff from the very beginning, and to those of you who decided to give my writing a chance somewhere else along the way, I want to say thank you for your support. It really is a special thing to be able to log on to this site and share my work instantaneously with people from all over.
> 
> Anyway, I just want to say happy birthday Across The Hall! I love and cherish you like my metaphorical first born child. And I also want to celebrate your birthday by updating this fic instead because I want to keep you humble. And I don't like to play by the rules. And I just felt like updating this story today just 'cause. And I haven't storyboarded your next chapter yet and this one was already all good to go. Anyway, I think I need to cut myself off now before I get too emotional. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, dammit.

**Beginning of March**

 

It's finally my favorite month of the year. No, it's not the month of my birthday, nor is it the month of Christmas or Thanksgiving (two of the best holidays around). It does include St. Patrick's Day (which is another quality holiday if I may say so myself), but that still isn't the reason why favor this month over any other. I love March because it marks the beginning of soccer season. The season where I feel the most myself than I do any other time of the year. I never feel as whole as when I have a ball at my feet, and my best friends along side me on the pitch. There's just nothing else like it.

 

Today is the team's first official practice aside from our preseason fitness testing and conditioning sessions. Today's the day where we all take the practice field as a team for the first time of the year. I'm an upper-classman now, and I can just feel that this season is going to be like no other for me. Maybe that's because I'm in the best shape I've ever been in at the beginning of a season. Or maybe it's because we have Christen at the helm, ready to lead the team as the Captain as no junior ever has before in the school's history. Or maybe it has something to do with a few of our new recruits, more skilled than your typical transfer students. Alex Morgan is one of those recruits, and I can tell by only seeing a few of her touches on the ball that she's going to be a force to be reckoned with for any opposing team's defense.

 

Coach calls the team into a post-warm up huddle after we complete a set of wind sprints and various other stretching activities. I feel myself buzzing with excitement. It's almost time for the real work to begin and I am nothing but ready. However, before we launch into the gritty drills and technically challenging exercises, Coach decides to say a few words.

 

"Alright ladies, I'll keep this brief" Coach Rory calls as we form a semi-circle around him, all of us sure to at least be within sight of the man. "I just want to say that I'm happy to see many of your faces again, and that I would like to extend a personal welcome to those of you new to the team this season. I can already tell that this is a talented bunch, and I know that if you're willing to put in the work and invest not only in your individual performances, but your performances within the group, this team will go far. The ball is at your feet, and it's up to you how this season will go." A few of us clap or let out a hoop or holler here or there. Coach says more or less the same thing at the beginning of every season, but it's become somewhat of an inspirational tradition, and for some reason, his words always stick with us until the last whistle has blown. He believes in us, and as much as I'd like to say that's the norm for every coach in regards to his team, it just isn't. "Now pair off and grab a ball from the sidelines, we're going to begin this practice with a dribbling/defending drill."

 

I don't even register the smile on my face until I feel my cheeks burning. Finally the action begins.

 

Around me my teammates split off into groups of two. Cheney and Allie together. Mandy partners up with Emily Menges. Alyssa Naeher already kicks a ball over to Kelley O'hara's feet. It's only when most of my team has found a partner that I shake myself from my ecstatic trance and realize that I'm still standing alone. I'm not worried though, I always start out the season with the same partner. Coach isn't the only one who's keen on tradition.

 

"Hey, Tobin" I hear from just over my shoulder. I smile when I see it's Alex. She smiles back at me and opens her mouth to say something else, but is interrupted by another approaching voice.

 

"Alex, hey!" Christen greets rather enthusiastically. Alex offers Christen a polite smile accompanied by the slight nod of her head. I look back and forth between the two. I guess I hadn't realize they are on such friendly terms. The only other time I've actually seen them say a few words to each other was nearly a month ago at the school board meeting. Christen beams as she steps in front of me and cuts me off from Alex. "Wanna be my partner? You're new to the team, and as Captain I feel like I should get to know you a little better" Christen offers, her back completely turned to me. Christen wants to be partners with Alex? I guess she's just doing her job as Captain, but I still thought that left room for me.

 

"Uh, yeah. Sure" Alex hesitantly agrees, meeting my eyes and sending me an apologetic look from over Christen's shoulder. Why is she looking at me like that? Wait, was Alex going to ask me to be her partner? I grow a little giddy at the thought that I was Alex's number one choice, but then I realize that she's still looking over at me, so I keep my cool and nod, hopefully reassuring her that I don't mind her partnering up with Christen. Alex seems to relax a little. "I'll go get a ball" Alex supplies, turning to retrieve a ball near the sideline. Once Alex is a few feet away, Christen finally turns to me.

 

"Hey, sorry about not being your partner today. I just thought that as Captain I should branch out to the newbies this first week. I want to make sure no one feels out of place on the team" Christen explains, looking somewhat regretful. Admittedly I am a bit disappointed that we won't be carrying on our tradition this season, but I understand where Christen is coming from. She is Captain, and that does mean that Coach expects more out of her this year. She isn't just another player on the team, she has actual responsibilities to attend to. Although I do feel like the last part of Christen's apology is a tad ironic. Now I'm the one who feels out of place. As I let my thoughts roam free, Christen must think that I'm upset, because she places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "We can be partners again next week. All week if you want. I promise." I look into her eyes and smile. She's always been one to lift my spirits.

 

"It's cool, I'm fine" I return, trying to convince Christen not to feel bad about this. "You do what you gotta do. It won't kill me to wait a week." Christen smiles one last time before drawing her hand from my arm.

 

"Thanks for understanding" she warmly responds, taking a few steps back from me. I nod and glance around briefly to try and locate someone else on the team without a partner. My eyes quickly lock on to a smallish, and extremely pale freshmen. Rose Lavelle. Rose and I make eye contact, and without exchanging a single word, I jerk my head backwards, signaling for her to come over. She seems a little unsure at first, but soon enough she's walking over.

 

"Looks like I'm on welcome duty, too" I joke, earning an amused grin from Christen.

 

"Try not to scare the poor girl too much" Christen immediately returns with a humored tone. I chuckle while shaking my head.

 

"No promises" I state, though we both know that the only time that I'm even a sliver intimidating is after I've had a few drinks and someone tries to convince me that Barça isn't the best team out there. Which they are always wrong about, by the way. However, luckily for Rose, that isn't the present situation. Christen lets out a small laugh at my remark. I smile to myself proudly, but only for a moment as I glance down the field and see Alex on the opposite sideline, patiently waiting for Christen to join her. "Alright now get out of here" I instruct as a raise my right leg a foot or so off of the ground and pretend to kick Christen away, "You're making Alex wait for you. That's not a very good first impression, Cap." Christen takes my advice and begins backpedaling in Alex's direction.

 

"Well you would certainly know a thing or two about those" Christen quips with a wink. Her eyes are on me for a second more to gauge my bashful expression before she releases one final laugh and turns to jog to the sideline. I let my head slump as it hits me instantly what Christen is referring to. It's been like two months and she's still not done giving me shit about how I so graciously made an idiot of myself in front of Alex when we first met. I don't think I'll ever live that down.

 

"So you're Tobin, right?" a shy voice asks from beside me. I pick my head up again and realize that Rose has been standing by my side for a few moments now.

 

"The one and only" I reply, meeting Rose's unsure eyes as I try to get the kid to loosen up. "And you're Rose Lavelle."

 

"You know my name?" Rose asks, somewhat shocked even though we did team introductions a few weeks ago. She's kind of quiet and usually sticks in the back of the pack, out of everyone's way, so I understand why she might assume that I wouldn't know who she was.

 

"Yeah, of course. You're my teammate, aren't you?" I chuckle in return. She nods slowly as if she isn't really sure that she can claim that title. Wow this kid is really timid. "Plus I've seen what you can do with a ball when you're on a dribble. I like to get to know the names of my competition so I have an idea of what I'll be going against later."

 

"Competition?" Rose repeats, seemingly even more confused than before. I chuckle again. She really is a bit of a 'Nervous Nelly'. Actually come to think of it, she kind of reminds me of those tiny chihuahuas that shake when you even so much as look in their direction. Hopefully I can help get her out of this shell as the season progresses.

 

"Sure" I airily agree. "You may not look like much, but I can already tell there's a soccer beast just waiting to come out of you."

 

"Uh, thanks?" Rose returns, no doubt confused by my backhanded compliment. I give her a smile to let her know I mean no harm by it.

 

"Don't mention it" I smirk as I begin to turn towards the sideline, "Come on, let's test your skills and see if you can put your money where your mouth is."

 

"Money? But I didn't even bet anything..." Rose trails off as I've already begun to walk away.

 

Rose follows a few steps behind as I collect a ball and float it back it her. She brings it down easily, and the two of us line up at the side of the field. Coach blows his whistle just as I settle into my defensive stance. Turns out Rose is good. Really good. She looks so at home on the ball as she attempts to dribble past me to the other side of the field. I stay with her step for step, but I'll admit that there are a few times where it seems possible that she might actually be able to slip past me. I knew the kid had it in her. This Rose has thorns.

 

After we switch off a few times, I begin to fall in rhythm with the drill. Rose is exceptional offensively, but she could use a little help with her defending. I'm able to easily dribble beside her, but I don't bother to try and pull any tricks or burn past her. The kid just got some confidence, I'm not about to take that away from her right away. I glance over at Christen and Alex from time to time. Christen is by far the more skilled dribbler, which comes as no surprise since she's one of the best on the team, maybe only beaten by me. But I am a little shocked to see that she's much less merciful on Alex than I am on Rose. She manages to dribble past Alex a few times, and even on defense, she pokes the ball from Alex's feet at any opening she sees. I would've thought that Christen would be a little gentler to one of the new members of the team, but she doesn't seem to hold back at all. Maybe this is just Christen's way of trying to get Alex past the shock of her new environment and give her a taste of what she should expect on the pitch? Like ripping off a bandage or pushing a baby bird from the nest? Although I can't help but feel a little bad for Alex. I can tell by the look on her face that she's frustrated by Christen's superior ball handling skills.

 

* * *

 

  **Mid-March**

 

 "Mard" I try to pronounce correctly, although from the humored look on Mandy's face, I can tell I've already butchered the word.

 

"No" Mandy interjects between laughs, " _Merde."_

 

"Merde?" I repeat, this time hoping that I've gotten it right. 

 

"Yes! Merde!" Mandy cheers, giving me a doubled-handed high five as Mandy, her new friend Emily (also our teammate), and I burst into laughter as we sit on the floor of Mandy's (formerly my) room.

 

At first this little get together started out as a study session for me to improve my basic French, in hopes of preparing me for the next quiz. However as time went on and after Emily decide to swing by, my little tutoring session with Mandy evolved into her teaching me French curse words, and the three of us laughing when I either get it wrong, or when I sound completely ridiculous at the times where I do get it right. I've been trying to commit myself more to my academics lately, but it hasn't been so easy. My heart's in the right place, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm retaining much information. It's like the old saying goes; you can lead a Tobin to a textbook, but you can't make her think.

 

"So what does that mean anyway?" Emily asks once we've all finally recovered from my poor pronunciation of French words.

 

"It means 'shit'" Mandy explains as she pops a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth from the large bowl that I brought as a bribe to get her to help me study.

 

"Oh, so it's a useful one to know" I slyly chime as I reach in front of me and grab a handful of popcorn for myself. "Got any other particularly useful ones in mind?" I ask just before stuffing the entire handful into my mouth in one fail swoop.

 

"Hmmm" Mandy begins as she purses her lips and thinks about it for a minute. I have to appreciate how serious she's taking this 'lesson' right now. After all, these are the vocab words that you _really_ need to know. "Oh, ok I've got one." I wipe off my popcorn-buttery hand on the knee of my jeans as I lean forward and listen attentively at what Mandy has to say next. "Va te faire foutre."

 

"Va te..." I begin, already forgetting the last part of the phrase after hearing Mandy rattle it off so eloquently.

 

"...faire foutre" Mandy finishes, smiling in amusement as I struggle to string the words together.

 

"faire foutre" I repeat, a little unsure if I said it right. Mandy nods enthusiastically once I finish.

 

"Yes, now say it all at once" Mandy instructs as she snatches a few more pieces of popcorn and chews them as she waits for my second attempt.

 

"Va te faire foutre."

 

"You got it!" Mandy laughs, this time harder than the last. This must be a good one if she's laughing like this.

 

"What does this one mean?" Emily questions, just as invested as Mandy and I, even though she's not even in a French class. Mandy giggles to herself a little while longer before willing herself to let us in one the meaning of the phrase.

 

"Go fuck yourself" she mutters, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth once she begins laughing again.

 

"Well that's definitely a useful one to know, you weren't wrong about that" Emily snickers as Mandy falls into her lap, laughing so hard that she's clutching her side.

 

"Alright, Mandy. It wasn't _that_ funny" I comment as Mandy reacts far more vehemently than either Emily or I. Yeah it's funny, but not that much funnier than all the other ones.

 

"It's just that you sound so ridiculous when you say it" Mandy explains through staggered breaths as she sits upright once again. "It's like listening to a toddler try to swear."

 

"Oh yeah? Well your accent's funny" I counter as I take a few more pieces of popcorn and chuck them playfully in Mandy's direction.

 

"Your face is funny!" Mandy deflects, grabbing some popcorn of her own and tossing them right back at me. I laugh as I try to lean out of her line of fire. Mandy's definitely mastered the art of American humor. When in doubt, make a joke about the other person's appearance and hope they don't say anything about your mother. That's pretty much how it works, at least in high school anyway. All jokes aside though, it's been really impressive to see how far Mandy has come with her English. Two months ago she had a hard time just formulating a few sentences. Now, she's cracking jokes with the rest of us. It's been a cool thing to experience, but it's also been a harsh reminder that someone like Mandy can grasp a foreign language in a matter of months, while a person like me can't even hold a basic conversation even after years of studying.

 

"Touché" I finally concede, not allowing my last thought to get into my head too much.

 

"Hey that was French too, wasn't it?" Emily points out as she pulls the bowl of popcorn over towards herself. Mandy nods affirmatively. "Maybe Tobin's getting the hang of this after all."

 

"There's hope for me yet" I proudly return.

 

* * *

 

 A few hours later the three of us find ourselves lounging around the living room, caught up in the throes of March Madness. Our popcorn has long since disappeared, so now we just chill and sip on a few iced teas as we watch hours upon hours of continually streamed college basketball. It's a nice change of pace from sitting on the hard floor in Mandy's room and trying to drill any and all French words into my skull. My butt is much happier all settled in to one of the family's soft and squishy living room couches.

 

"So Mandy, who do you see going all the way?" I ask as Mandy tears her eyes away from the blaring television screen to consider my question. Considering the fact that she isn't from this country and this is her first exposure to the renowned NCAA tournament, I'm curious to hear what she has to say after only a few days of watching the games.

 

"Duke" she finally responds after a few minutes of pondering.

 

"Duke?" I repeat in mild surprise, "Seriously? They're such a wild card." Out of all the teams, Duke is the one she picks? I guess I have yet to teach her the art of a proper bracket set up.

 

"Yeah" she shrugs, turning her attention back to the flat screen, "They have that tall guy that's really good."

 

"Mandy, literally every team has a tall guy that's really good" I refute, chuckling slightly at my foreign friend's explanation.

 

"Alright, then who would you pick,  _Tobin_?" Mandy sasses back. That's a no brainer for me. I don't hesitate for even a second before responding.

 

"That's easy" I scoff, as if the answer is apparent (which in my mind it definitely is), "UNC. No question."

 

"That's funny, I never pegged you as a Tarheels fan" Emily interjects from the opposite couch, beside Mandy.

 

"Yeah well, I plan to make that place my Alma Mater some day" I return, wincing a little as I watch one of the guards from Kentucky get steam-rolled in the lane by the George Town center.

 

"Oh, so you're biased" Emily returns as if she now understands where I'm coming from. She may have a point, but I genuinely do believe that UNC could easily take the championship. They're just that good.

 

"That has nothing to do with it. UNC is just stacked and I don't see how anyone can disrupt their momentum at this point" I explain, not wanting my credibility as a basketball fan to be put into question.

 

"Alright, then who do you have winning the women's tournament?" Emily asks, challenging me to pick any other team than UNC. Of course I want them to win as well, but I know better than to say so. Stats don't lie, and it's pretty apparent which team has been dominant in the women's game lately.

 

"Definitely UConn" I confidently supply, "They're unbeatable."

 

"No team's unbeatable" Emily corrects as she takes a long sip of her iced tea, "But I have to agree with you on this one. It's UConn's title to lose." I smile as Emily and I find a point of agreeance.

 

"I never asked, who do you see winning the Men's side?" I question as it dawns on me that Emily has yet to enter that debate. I'm pretty sure Mandy's tuned the both of us out at this point as she let's out a loud outburst as one of the Kentucky players nearly sinks a shot from half court when the horn for halftime buzzes.

 

"I feel like Wisconsin could take it this year" Emily discloses as she shifts in her seat to stretch her legs now that the action on the television has momentarily ceased. Wisconsin? That's only slightly more plausible than Duke.

 

"Really? Why's that?" I ask, thrown by Emily's prediction just as I was by Mandy's.

 

"They're always pretty consistent in this tournament, and I think this year they have the personnel to actually pull it off" Emily informs. I'm still skeptical, but I just shrug it off. I don't really see that happening, but she can believe whatever she wants to believe.

 

We each take a few minutes to get up and stretch, grab some more snacks from the kitchen, or use the bathroom before the second half starts. Just as I finally sit down again with a freshly topped off glass of iced tea, I hear the front door open and close, and from the sound of it, I can tell it's my mother. And that she's not happy about something. Within a minute she's stomping into the living room. She huffs and struggles to contain her anger once she notices that Mandy and I have company over. Uh oh, this can't be good.

 

"Tobin, may I have a word with you in the kitchen?" I hear her ask through gritted teeth. Yikes, she's definitely not happy with me. But why? I can't think of anything I've done recently that would upset her. Well I did accidentally break one of her potted plants in the back yard when I was juggling and my ball got away from me, but I made sure to hide the evidence in the shrubbery along the side of the house. Whatever it is that she's mad about, I know that I definitely don't want to talk to her about while she's this visibly upset. Maybe I can stall and convince her that this can wait until later.

 

"But the second half is just about to start" I whine as I gesture to the television where the two teams take the court once more, "And I'm trying to teach Mandy about how March Madness works." I can see her jaw clench and I know right away that she's not having my sorry excuse.

 

" _A word_ " my mom hisses, her tone venomous and indicative that I may very well die today. Without waiting for me to reply, she spins around and stalks off back to the kitchen. I let out a long breath and drag my feet as I follow after her. I steal one last glance at my friends behind me. I can tell just by the looks on their faces that they know I'm a dead man walking.

 

I'm surprised that when I walk into the kitchen I'm only met by silence. My mom just stares me down as I sweat under her fierce gaze. She's usually yelling at me at this point. This is typically the time where she chews me out for doing whatever stupid thing that I've done. But right now, she doesn't. She stares at me like a hawk staring down its prey. It throws me off, and the silence soon becomes excruciating. She must be really mad this time. Did she really care that much about that silly potted plant?

 

"Mom?" I finally ask, no longer able to tolerate her intense glare. As soon as I say something, I immediately regret it. I'm pretty sure I've just triggered her out out whatever stewing state she was in. Now just from the single vein bulging at the top of her forehead, I can tell I've signed my own death sentence. But I still don't even have the slightest clue what I did.

 

"I'm really disappointed in you, Tobin" she breathes as her nostrils begin to flare. I swallow hard without saying anything. At this point I think she can sense my confusion. That's when she reaches into her briefcase and pulls out a single piece of paper. "You want to explain why you're nearly failing two of your classes?" she asks as I squint to get a better view of the sheet of paper. Is that my report card? How does she have it? They haven't even sent those out yet.

 

"How did you get that?" I ask, still perplex at the reason as to how my grades ended up in the hands of my mother a good two weeks before they normally do. Two weeks that I could've desperately used to prepare myself for this moment.

 

"Answer the question" mom spits, causing me to flinch.

 

"I don't even know what you're talking about" I counter, meeting my mother's unforgiving eyes. I really don't. As far as I knew, I was passing all my classes. I've even been trying harder than I usually do.

 

"Physics and Geometry" mom immediately returns. Really? I'm nearly failing those two classes? But I just answered a question correctly in Geometry a few days ago. But then again, I've never really been good at math. And physics is just more math dressed up in cool experiments and class demonstrations. But still, I really didn't think it had gotten _that_ bad. "Do you think I appreciate getting a phone call from your math teacher that you're one bad test away from repeating the class again next year? Do think it's funny to watch me try to explain to your teachers and the school why my own daughter is misbehaving and not applying herself in class? Do you know how that makes me look?" Is she seriously accusing me of not trying right now? Does she honestly believe that I just don't give a fuck? Why the fuck would I care about how my grades make her look? I'm the one who could go on academic probation if my grades slip any further.  _I'm the one_ who could lose soccer because of this. Why the hell is she the one playing the victim here?

 

"But I'm trying to do better! I've really been trying lately!" I argue, feeling myself getting all worked up. How can I not take this personally when my own mother won't even give me the benefit of the doubt.

 

"You've said that before" my mom snaps, placing her hands accusingly on her hips, "The first time you took Geometry." Ok wow, that's a fucking low blow.

 

"Well if you paid any attention to me at all, you'd realize that it's different this time!" I scream, my throat growing dry and scratchy. I haven't told her about how Christen and I go to our SAT prep course a few times a week after school and soccer practice, but my mom's never asked either.

 

"I do pay attention. I wouldn't be having this conversation with you right now if I didn't" mom counters, as if I'm totally out of line for suggesting that she's anything less than a model mother. This is getting to be too fucking much for me right now. She'll never understand me, I'm certain of that.

 

"That's bullshit!" I yell, at this point not giving a single fuck that my mom abhors curse words. "Your head's too far up the district's ass for you to care about anything other than your career." I know I've crossed a line, but I just don't care anymore. As my mom blinks at me, wordless for the moment, I decide to seize the opportunity and make a clean get away. I rush out of the kitchen and briskly make my way out the front door, slamming it after I do.

 

I fast walk across my front lawn and bee-line down the sidewalk. I'm on the verge of tears after that altercation with my mom, and all I care about right now is putting as much distance between her and myself as possible. I need to calm down, I know I do, but I can't think clearly as my mom's disappointed expression haunts my mind. Before I fully realize what I'm doing, I pull out my phone from my back pocket and dial the only person who will know what to do with me in this state.

 

"Hey Tobs, I'm driving right now, so this isn't the best time for me to talk. Can I call you back in a few minutes?" Christen sweetly answers as I can hear the faint sound of the car radio playing on the other end of the call. That's right, she had some Spanish Club get together tonight. It was a mistake to call her in the first place. Christen's far too busy to be muddled down with my stupid problems.

 

"Yeah, it's fine. I shouldn't have called" I reply, I wince as I hear my voice cracking as I do. My damn emotions are getting the best of me.

 

"Tobin, is something wrong?" Christen asks, her voice laced with concern. I let out a long sigh. I feel guilty for always calling her when I'm upset. I'm just a burden to her like I am to everyone else in my life.

 

"Just forget it. You're driving so you can hang up if you want" I exhale, wiping harshly at my eyes as I try desperately to regain my composure. I'm such a fucking mess right now that's it's annoying. I'm betrayed by my body's physical response to stress. I can hear the faint rolling of tires against gravel on the other end of the phone call, and the decisive click of Christen's car shifting gears.

 

"I'm pulled over now" Christen announces, countering my reason for her to hang up. She's taken away my out, and I know I'll really have to talk to her now. I open my mouth to respond, but suddenly my mind wanders back to the fight with my mom, and my body starts shaking. I breathe sporadically into the phone as I attempt to regain control over my convulsing lungs. Get yourself together, dammit. Don't be a fucking disappointment anymore! "Are you crying?" Christen asks when I fail to respond to her.

 

"No" I weakly reply once I manage to regain my voice. It's a complete and utter lie, but maybe, just maybe Christen will buy it.

 

She doesn't.

 

"Tobin, you don't have to lie to me. I just want to help" Christen supplies gently, seeing through my poorly constructed facade as if gazing through a clear pane glass window. I fail to respond to her again, not really sure what to say to her at this point. I'm embarrassed, and the last thing I want is for Christen to know that I was set off by just a little argument with my mom. What kind of a person does that make me? A car whooshes by me as it passes me on the road. It's loud enough for Christen to hear even through the phone. "Where are you right now?" Christen asks urgently.

 

"Walking down Roosevelt Boulevard" I answer, trying to sound as disaffected as I can. "Why?"

 

"I'm coming to pick you up" Christen declares as I can hear her switch gears again, and her engine resumes its usual purr.

 

"You don't have to do that. Really, I'm fine" I try to persuade her. I don't want her to have to go out of her way just to come check on me. That isn't fair to Christen.

 

"I'll be there in five" she proclaims, dismissing my last attempt to get her to drop the subject. I sigh once she hangs up the phone. Christen's coming to pick me up, and there's no arguing with her about it either. She's made up her mind, and now all I can do is wait for her to arrive.

 

* * *

 

 

At first we hardly say a few words to each other. I assume Christen's just trying to tread carefully around my feelings while I don't really feel like talking. But after a while of driving aimlessly through town, we decide to pick up some ice cream. When we leave the local ice cream shoppe and make it back into the car, I already feel ten times better. Christen isn't forcing anything, just trying to cheer me up a little.

 

As we drive now, we have the music on.  _Hello_ by Adele rings through the speakers of Christen's car, and I can't help but smile as I listen to her sing along to her favorite song. She's a little pitchy, and admittedly not the best singer I've ever heard, but she pours herself into the lyrics, the entire time sporting a luminescent grin on her face. My heart warms as I take in this side of her. The side that's carefree and liberated of any stress or worry. She's just existing purely in this moment, enjoying life. I look over to her as she belts out another line and I try to soak it in so I can come back to this moment in the future. Whenever I need a reminder of just how beautiful and amazing Christen Press is. Whenever I forget who holds the title of my favorite human being.

 

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Christen laughs once she notices me looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "Am I really that bad?" I'm jolted out of my thoughts, and instinctively shake my head in the negative.

 

"No, you sound great" I return, offering her a reassuring smile. She becomes shy all of a sudden, directing her eyes back to the road.

 

"That's a lie, I know my singing is cringe-worthy" Christen denies, drawing one of her hands away from the steering wheel and running it through her hair. "But I appreciate you saying that."

 

"Well I appreciate you being here for me today" I respond, becoming somewhat sentimental now. "And, you know, every other day of the year." Christen smiles at me briefly before turning her attention forward again.

 

"I'll always be here" Christen states, surprising me as she leans over and pats me on the knee. "I'll always have your back."

 

"I know" I warmly return, trying to convey my gratitude through my tone of voice, "I'll always have your back, too." Christen's smile widens just a little, and we drive a few minutes in comfortable silence before she speaks up again.

 

"So if you don't mind me asking, what made you so upset earlier?" she asks cautiously. Had she questioned me about it an hour earlier, I probably would've shut down on her. But now that I've calmed down and Christen's proven to me yet again that she's worthy of my trust, I decide to just tell her.

 

"My mom was being a bitch. You know, the usual" I exhale, still feeling drained from our argument.

 

"Was there anything that made her particularly bitchy today?" Christen prompts, doing her best to subtly get me to spill. I ball up my fist, it still makes me mad to think about it. But then I see Christen glance at me expectantly, and I know the best thing that I can do for myself is to let her in.

 

"She got a hold of my grades" I explain, a wave of melancholy washing over me. "It turns out I'm not doing so hot." I can see the saddened look in Christen's eyes, but they're not like how my mother's looked. Not disappointed, but maybe just sympathetic towards me. As much as I hate seeing Christen that way, it is refreshing.

 

"At least you've been trying more these days" Christen supplies, trying to change my moment of failure into an opportunity for growth. "The results will come later, but the fact that you're trying now is what's really important."

 

"I know" I sheepishly concede, not a fan of talking about how bad at school I am, "It's just hard to remember that sometimes. And hard to get other people to see that without them immediately writing me off."

 

"We'll just study a little longer each night, work on practice problems at lunch if we have to" Christen suggests as she turns on her blinker and switches lanes. "You'll show everyone once you kick ass on the SAT. Then they'll never doubt you again." I smile, Christen's succeeded at inspiring me again. She's a natural born motivator.

 

"I hope you're right" I add.

 

"I know I am" Christen confirms, locking eyes with me from the opposite side of the car as she does.

 

* * *

 

  **End of March**

 

I'm shaking as I take a seat in one of the cold, hard desks of my designated testing room. There aren't many things that make me anxious, but big tests are one of those things. Especially when those big tests could be decisive of my future, the determining factor of whether I get into the college of my dreams or not. Or even any college at all. It's a lot of pressure to place on the shoulders of a teenager.

 

I start to sweat when a teacher I don't recognize begins to hand out test booklets to everyone in the room. I tap my pencil vigorously against my desk as she walks down my aisle. I only stop when the girl diagonal from me clears her throat and turns around in her seat to send me a glare. As I take a deep breath, I think of Christen's encouraging words. I think of how we've stayed at the library until close for multiple nights within these past few weeks. I think of her unshakable faith in my ability to succeed on this assessment and I wish I could have the same.

 

When the teacher places my test booklet in front of me, a chill runs up my spine. This is it. This is do or die. This is UNC or working at my dad's bar for the rest of my life.

 

I tune in only partway through the teacher's instructions at the front of the classroom. I didn't even realize that she had finished handing out testing supplies.

 

Before I know it, she's glancing at the clock and notifying us that the first portion of the test will begin in a matter of seconds. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. Here we go.

 

I hope to hell that I can pull this off.

 

* * *

 

 I get to Christen's house at the same time as a few of my teammates. They're not sure if they should ring the doorbell or knock on the door, so I just push my way past them and lets us all in. When I get inside, I'm greeted by both of Christen's dogs. They vie solely for my attention for a good minute or two before scrambling around to give my other teammates a warm welcome. I guess that's because they know me so well at this point. Every time I walk into Christen's house, the dogs treat me like I'm a part of the family, entering my own home.

 

After spending some time with the dogs, I wave hello to Mama Press as I pass the kitchen and make my way to the backyard where all the festivities are. At the beginning of every soccer season, the team always has a big party to celebrate. We always used to have it at Heather O'Reilly's house, but she graduated last year, so the position was left unfilled until Christen offered to take on the task. She's really embracing every bit of her new role as Captain.

 

I slide open the sliding glass doors that separate the house from the backyard, and I smile as I see most of the team already here. I helped Christen and her family set up a few things last night, but it wouldn't be a party unless I arrived fashionably late today. My eyes scan around the yard and I get excited when I see the person I'm looking for. I bee-line straight to her and hug her from behind when I arrive.

 

"There's my favorite hostess with the mostest!" I greet enthusiastically as I lift Christen slightly off the ground. She laughs once she recognizes that it's me embracing her from behind. I set her back down after a second and she turns around in my arms.

 

"It's about time you showed up" she pretends to scold as she playfully bats me on the shoulder. I let my arms fall from her waist as I return her smile.

 

"Hey at least I showed up at all" I tease, glancing around the yard at all the decorations and snack tables. "You're party is alright, but it's no HAO's." Christen tries to swat at my arm again, but I jump out of the way just before her hand is about to make contact.

 

"Give it time" Christen suggests with a bit of a knowing smirk. "Besides, HAO didn't have a pool."

 

"And that makes a difference?" I question skeptically with a laugh.

 

"It makes _all_ the difference" Christen draws out, holding eye contact with me before slowly turning away to go refill some of the snack bowls. I raise an eye brow, but decide to just carry on enjoying the party and to worry about what Christen means later.

 

* * *

 

 

"So frosh, you starting to feel comfortable on the team yet?" I ask as I plop down on a poolside lounger beside Rose Lavelle. She pauses her conversation with Morgan Brian and glances at me a tad hesitantly.

 

"Uh, yeah. I guess" she shrugs, probably thrown off by my blunt question. I know I can come on a little strong to some people, but I've sort of made it my personal mission to get Rose to crack out of her shell this season. I want to take her under my wing and give her the opportunity to start playing to her full potential. And a part of playing to her full potential includes instilling a little confidence in herself. That's why I try to keep Rose on her toes as much as I can. If she can handle me, she can handle anyone.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard you. Could you say that again?" I ask, cupping a hand around my ear and leaning closer to Rose to pretend to have a better chance at hearing her reply. She rolls her eyes at me, but she decides to humor me nonetheless.

 

"I said yes" Rose returns, slightly annoyed, but with far more gusto this time.

 

"That's more like it" I praise as I slap my hand on her back, nearly causing her to spill her drink. "I'll let you in on a little secret though."

 

"What's that?" Rose sighs, already sensing that what I'm about to say next will be completely ridiculous. Which she's right about of course, the kid's a quick study.

 

"Well, in order to truly feel comfortable on the team, you need to assert your dominance. Let your teammates know that you're the alpha dog, and that when you command respect, they need to give it to you without any questions asked" I begin, sounding absurd, but pretending to be completely serious about what I'm talking about. Rose studies my face for a second with a look of skepticism before encouraging me to continue.

 

"Oh yeah? And how does one do that?" Rose sasses back, her expression doubtful. I glance around the yard a few times to pretend to check to see if anyone else is listening, then I lean in closer to my fellow midfielder.

 

"You just have to walk up to one of the more experienced players on the team, yeah?" I begin to whisper, pausing briefly to make sure that Rose is still listening carefully. I she nods and I gesture for her to lean closer to me before I continue. She does, although reluctantly. "You just look them square in the eye, and then you tackle them right to the ground." Rose leans back and lets out a huff of annoyance.

 

"You're so full of it" Rose grunts as I lean back and smile to myself.

 

"Don't believe me?" I ask cheekily as I glance along the edge of the pool and locate my target. Rose just shakes her head without a word. I coolly stand and set my drink on the ground before I strip off my shirt and shorts so that I'm standing in just a bikini. I make sure to fold my clothes nice and neatly on the lounger before I glance down to Rose once again. "Watch this."

 

I sprint forward at full speed as I run towards the edge of the pool. Just as I'm about to go over the side and into the chlorine-infused water, I latch on to Christen's unsuspecting body and pull her overboard with me. She has no time to react before we're both submerged in the pool water, her only acknowledgement of my surprise is the brief squeal she let out just before hitting the surface of the water. Bubbles form a cloud around us underwater, and I easily let go of my grasp on Christen to allow her to swim back to the surface. I join her only a moment after her frantically kicking feet nearly smack me in the face.

 

"Tobin!" Christen reprimands as soon as my head's above water again, "What the hell was that?!"

 

"I just missed you and I wanted a hug" I slyly comment as I lock eyes with Rose across the yard, her face frozen in pure astonishment. I flash her a smile and raise my hand in a brief thumbs up. I can feel Christen's eyes burning against my skin as she glares at me from my side.

 

"I'll show you a hug" she mutters with narrowed eyes. I turn to find out what she's talking about, but the next thing I know, I can feel her hands on my bare shoulders and I'm sent through the water as Christen uses her full body weight to plunge me under. She doesn't hold me under for very long, but it's long enough to get the point across.

 

I cough as I resurface, trying to free the water that just rushed in my nose and lungs. Christen laughs as I shake my head to try to get the water out of my ears. Her amusement only lasts a moment however, because I waste no time lunging forward and attempting to give her a taste of her own medicine. Christen shrieks again as we both struggle to keep ourselves above water, while simultaneously trying to sink the other. Our grunts and out bursts soon turn to squeals and giggles. It's only when we've almost completely exhausted ourselves that I notice more of our teammates arrive to the backyard.

 

"Water wrestling?" Ashlyn Harris exclaims just as she steps through the glass doors. "I got here at the perfect time!" In a swift few motions, Ashlyn kicks off her flip-flops and strips down to her swim suit before making a mad dash forward and cannon-balling into the pool. I look over at Christen and laugh as the water settles in the wake of Ashlyn's large splash.

 

"I think we started a riot." Christen laughs and nods in agreeance. Even amidst a party of a bunch of rowdy and spirited high school soccer players, we both know that no one fucks it up like us.

 

* * *

 

 

"That's 3-0 for the Dream Team!" I exclaim as both Kelley and Alyssa are sent sputtering into the water. Christen sits easily on my stable shoulders, and the cheers begin to ring around the pool as we've just won our third consecutive game of chicken. I begin to bob the both of us up and down in the water in celebration.

 

"How are you two so good at this?" Morgan Brian bursts in disbelief. "I mean, you're both string beans, how can you possibly keep winning?"

 

"Lots of years of practice" Christen declares humoredly from above me. I smile up at her as a few of our teammates let out a groan. The truth actually lies in our strategy and teamwork. I'm able to keep us both stable because I maintain a low center of gravity and an adaptive sense of balance. Christen is able to knock other people off because of her impressive upper body strength, and her tactful timing. However, what really sets us apart from the others is our ability to read each other's mind. It's like we're always on the same page, and we know exactly how the other is going to move. We've got a winning dynamic, and I have yet so see anyone else truly test that.

 

"Hey, Christen. How about a special celebration to commemorate this hattrick?" I ask mischievously as I glance up at my chicken partner. See looks into my eyes and immediately senses that I'm up to no good. Smart girl.

 

"Tobin, don't you da-" Christen begins to warn me before I cut her off as I bend my knees and launch her off of my shoulders, splashing rapidly into the pool. I laugh when she emerges again. Christen is extra amusing when I do something to get under her skin.

 

"Do you have a death wish today or something?" she asks fiercely as she latches onto my back. We splash around for a bit, me trying to shake her off of me and her doing everything in her power to stay on. Eventually I tire out, and the only left to do is let her push we under the water. I've worked up a bit of a sweat, so the cool water against my skin actually feels quite refreshing. I'm about to make another sly comment to Christen when I resurface, but before I get the chance, my eyes lock on to a pair of blue irises staring at me from across the yard. I feel my heartbeat elevate as I send the girl a smile. When she sends me one back, I almost think I'll just sink deeper into the water and never resurface.

 

"Hey uh, Christen? I think I'm gonna take a little break from the pool" I inform my friend as I already begin swimming towards the built in stairs.

 

"Uh yeah, okay..." I can hear Christen quietly comment from behind me.

 

I eagerly make my way up the steps and pause briefly at a nearby table to grab a towel from a stack of several. Once I briskly wipe down the majority of my body, I abandon the towel all together and make my way over to the snack table where a _certain someone_ is currently standing.

 

"Hey Alex" I coolly greet as I will the hair on the back of my neck to stay down. "For a minute there I thought you wouldn't show." I pop a few pretzels into my mouth to appear as casual and disaffected as I can.

 

"There's no way I'd miss this" Alex kindly returns as she dishes herself a small serving of hummus and peta chips. I glance around the yard and take in the faces of my teammates as they mess around in the pool or near the edge of the grass. They all look to be having a blast. All but Christen, who has mysteriously disappeared. Maybe she went in to get more chips?

 

"Yeah, it's a pretty good time" I comment as I lean against the table, half angled towards Alex and half facing the rest of the party.

 

"You sure looked like you we're enjoying yourself when you and Christen sent everyone else to their watery graves" Alex chuckles as I glance back over to her.

 

"You saw that?" I ask, somewhat surprised. I didn't realize she's been here for so long. I didn't even notice her come in. But I guess that makes sense. Whenever Christen and I play chicken, we're completely in the moment. A meteor could land in the yard and I would still only focus on keeping Christen on my shoulders. But anyway, if Alex just said that, does that mean she was watching me? Was she impressed?

 

"Of course" Alex animatedly agrees, "You and Christen are a force to be reckoned with. Now I'm really glad I came, I would've kicked myself had I missed seeing that." Alex smiles at me as I smile back.

 

"I'm glad you came, too."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed the relatively smooth ride so far. However, I hope you haven't grown too used to it. After all, now that we've reached the midpoint, there will be no more messing around. The fun and games are over. Shit's about to hit the fan.


	4. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The results are in, love goggles are on, and soccer is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter brought on a lot of nostalgia. And carpal tunnel.

**Beginning of April**

 

"Pass the milk" Mandy commands as she glances expectantly between me and the carton of milk. I groan as I tear my downcast eyes away from my bowl of cereal to look at her. Once I see that she's being serious, I groan as I reach for the milk carton that she easily could've gotten up and grabbed for herself. Mandy's grown to be quite comfortable in the Heath household as of late. She's also been tutoring me a lot (and seriously tutoring me), so I think that's gone to her head. It's her newest hobby to order me to do things for her around the house, citing that it's only fair. Last night she made me do her laundry, now today I'm preparing every bit of her breakfast for her. She's really getting a kick out of it while I on the other hand have to deal with the fact that my patience is wearing thin, especially now that it's early in the morning and I don't even begin to feel like a human until at least 10:00 am. It's almost as if Mandy's truly a part of the family now, although I think Perry is rubbing off on her a little more than I would like.

 

"Va te faire foutre" I mumble as I begrudgingly oblige Mandy's silly request and hand her the milk. Perry and Jeff stare at me across the table with slight confusion, but Mandy just smiles.

 

"Fork you" she returns as she happily accepts the carton and splashes milk on the bowl of cereal that I also prepared for her. I chuckle a little at that. She's definitely got the sibling banter down.

 

As I shovel another spoonful of Honey Nut Cheerios into my mouth, my mom enters the kitchen with a stack of mail in her hand. I return my attention back to my breakfast as she leans against the counter and sorts through it. It's probably just all bills anyway.

 

"Oh, Tobin" my mom interjects in an excited, then seemingly hesitant and withdrawn tone. "Something is here for you. Something...important." I draw my eyes up again and meet them with my mother's. She appears seemingly nervous as she hold the mystery envelope, but she also looks like she's trying to be encouraging. I don't understand why she's acting so weird until I'm able to make out the return address on the back of the envelope. The College Board of the State of California. I now realize what my mom meant by, 'important.' It's my SAT results.

 

I drop my spoon into my bowl and wipe my mouth on the back of my hand as mom hands me the envelope. My palms begin to sweat as I turn it over in my hands. I glance up hesitantly at my mom and she nods, signaling for me to open it now. I thought maybe dad would want to be here when I did, but he had a long shift at work last night and there's no way me or my mom would be able to handle waiting any longer. I slowly exhale as I carefully tear the seal of the envelope and reach inside to pull out a few folded up pieces of paper. Most of it is jibberish that I probably wouldn't even understand if I did read it, so I search directly for the piece of stationary with all the scores on it. My heart stills in my chest and I hold my breath once my eyes land on the words, 'Composite Score.' I swallow hard as I slowly drag my eyes horizontally across the paper. My hands start shaking as I do, so when I see my score for the first time, I'm not even sure I'm looking at the right number. I take a deep breath as I will my shaking hands to still. My eyes find the number again, and I freeze completely. I had gone into the test thinking that I would probably get a mildly bad score. I suck at tests, that's just how it is, but I never expected a score like  _this_.

 

"Well?" mom finally prompts after several long moments of silence. I only slightly shift as I look my mom in the eyes one more time. How the hell is she going to react when I tell her?

 

"I...I got..." I trail, still trying to regain my wits at such a shock. Seriously, I can't even believe this is happening right now. They had to have sent me the wrong score. There's just no fucking way.

 

"What? You got what?" my mom questions further with more urgency in her voice. She seems to grow more worried by the second, as if a voice in the back of her head is telling her that I've failed horribly. If only she knew. For both of our sake, I guess I should tell her pretty quickly before things go any further.

 

"I got a 1250."

 

My mom's eyes widen so much that I wouldn't be surprised if they fell right out of her head. I glance over to Jeff who looks equally as stunned, then to Perry who looks absolutely mortified, and finally to Mandy who just shrugs and continues to casually eat her breakfast, in no way affected considering she didn't even have to take the test, therefore she wouldn't know a good score from a bad one.

 

"That's impossible!" Perry shrieks as she snatches the results paper from my hands to inspect it for herself. "There's no way you got a better score than me!" I smile to myself as I watch Perry's face once she sees my score written concretely on the paper in her hands. The best score Perry got when she took the test was a 1080, and that was after two attempts. The real kicker is that 1080 is about an average score, so the fact that I scored slightly above average  _and_  that I beat Perry's score as a result, well, that's just icing on the cake.

 

"Tobin, I'm shocked" my mom mutters as she begins to come back to reality. I frown slightly, a little hurt that the fact that I did well on the SAT would surprise my own mother, but before I have the opportunity to dwell even more on these negative thoughts, she speaks up once again. "But I'm very impressed. Good job, honey. You did well." It feels awkward to hear actual praise coming from my mom's lips, especially since I'm used to her constant stream of criticism, but I don't want to question it any further. Instead I just want to enjoy this moment.

 

Mom must be thinking the same thing because the next thing I know, she's pulling me out of my seat and in for a hug. I react slowly and hug her back. Unfortunately our regular amount of animosity towards each other usually gets in the way of physical comfort and reassurance, so it's safe for me to say that this is the first time I've had the opportunity to hug her in a while. I almost forgot what it felt like. I almost forgot how good it was to hug my own mom.

 

After a few drawn out moments I pull away, excitement now rushing through me.

 

"Can I go tell dad?" I chime, hopeful that mom will allow me to interrupt my father from his much needed slumber. Slowly, a smile grows on her face. It looks happy and almost prideful as she nods. She must know how big of a moment this is for me, and how important it is that I include my dad in it. Before anyone else in the kitchen says another word, I briskly snag my results sheet from Perry's hands and take off down the hallway towards my parents' bedroom.

 

When I get there, I fling the door open and see my dad still asleep, snoring and laying on his side. I pounce onto the bed, forcefully jolting my dad from his sleep. His most recent snore gets caught in his throat as he sits up and sputters awake. His wild eyes fall on me after they rapidly dart around the room, attempting to get an awareness of his surroundings.

 

"Tobin, why on earth are you-"

 

"I got my SAT results" I eagerly ramble out as I push the results sheet into my dad's face. "Look at the composite score." Dad blinks a few times as his eyes adjust and skim the paper. After a few seconds, his friendly eyes fall back on me.

 

"I knew you had it in you" he smiles with warm sincerity, "I'm so proud of you, Sport."

 

* * *

 

 

I'm driving much faster than the allotted speed limit as I impatiently make my way to Christen's house. I originally planned to call her to deliver the good news, but before I knew it, my legs were leading me to my car, and my keys were in the ignition. I'm lucky enough not to encounter much traffic as I drive my usual route, but even as I see Christen's house growing bigger in the distance, I slam my foot on the gas and cut my arrival time in half. I had been excited to share the news with my parents, but to share the news with Christen, that's a whole other level of anticipation. Almost an unbearable one. 

 

As I pull up to the curb in front of her house, I spot Christen and her mom doing some gardening in the front yard. I cut the engine as quick as I can and I race out of my car, not even bothering to close the door as I stride across Christen's front lawn.

 

"Christen!" I yell at the top of my lungs, a large smile bursting from my face (one that I'm only hardly able to contain). Christen turns around and raises an eyebrow at the sight of me barreling towards her. I launch myself towards her and she has only milliseconds to react before our bodies are crashing together. Luckily for the both of us, she catches me just in the nick of time.

 

"It's good to see you, too" Christen laughs as she steadies me back on my feet again. I continue to beam at her as she asks her following question. "But what brings you here so early in the morning?" Without a word, I pick her up and spin her around.

 

"1250!" I exclaim, twirling her around until the both of us are a tad dizzy and I'm beginning to lose my balance.

 

"1250? What do you mean?" Christen asks as we both grab a hold of each other's forearms in hopes to stabilize the both of us enough so that we won't fall over.

 

"I got my SAT results back and I scored a composite result of-" I try to explain, only to be cut off by Christen as realization strikes her.

 

"1250!" she yells as she pulls me in for one of the tightest, and one of the best, hugs that I've ever received. "Oh my god, Tobin. I'm so proud of you, you have no idea." I lean in closer to Christen and bury my head into her shoulder, allowing myself to truly savor the embrace. I feel so safe and warm and good. I feel protected and loved (if that's even a word I can use to describe this). My thoughts on how to describe this feeling aside, I just feel completely content with Christen's arms wrapped around me. I knew coming to tell her the news in person was a good idea. I have no regrets in this moment. There's no place I'd rather be. "I told you that you could do it" Christen continues to murmur against my ear, the reverberation of her voice echoing throughout my body. "I never doubted you for a second."

 

At this I instinctively pull back. Christen slowly releases me from her grasp as she gazes into my eyes, waiting for me to say what I have to say.

 

"Thank you" is all I can mange to utter. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but my eyes begin to water and a lump grows in my throat. I look at Christen standing in front of me, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, and it just about melts my heart. I can't express through words how grateful I am to her. She's the on who never let me give up on myself. She's the one who believed in me when no one else did. She's the one that sacrificed so much just to help me out in anyway that she could. I know for a fact that I could've never pulled off this feat without Christen encouraging me the entire way.

 

Instead of asking me why I'm thanking her or why I'm crying about it, Christen just smiles wider and pulls me back in for another hug. She doesn't say so, but I think she can tell how thankful and appreciative I feel for her right now. The way she cradles the back of my head with one of her hands practically confirms it.

 

We stay like this for a while. Locked in each other's arms, letting the world pass by us as we stay frozen in the moment.

 

* * *

 

 I stare at Alex pensively as I lean against the door frame of my English classroom after we've been dismissed for the day. She's further down the hall, standing at her locker and adding to or taking away a few books from her locker. She looks so pleasant and relaxed, even after a long day of school. It's like she's just walked out of jungle, yet she's completely unscathed and probably even better looking than she was when she entered it. I know that's unrealistic, but few would deny that Alex Morgan is unrealistically beautiful. It's the truth.

 

I take a deep breath as I push off of the door frame and slowly make my way down the hall towards her. Today is a big day, a huge one in fact. One that could change everything. You see, Alex and I have just shared a connection since the moment that we met, and we've only gotten closer since. We talk and text all the time, she sits by me and chooses to be my partner in all of our shared classes, and beyond that we can never seem to get bored of each other. She laughs at all my jokes, even the ones that aren't funny, and she's told me multiple times how glad she is that I was the first person she met here. Over the past few weeks, we've gotten especially closer, sharing food at lunch, inside jokes and notes in class, and even a few pats on the ass at soccer practice after a good scrimmage. 

 

As Alex looks away from her locker and smiles when she locks eyes on me, I feel certain in the fact that she definitely has feelings for me. She wouldn't look at me like that if she didn't. All the evidence is there, and now she's just patiently waiting for me to make the first move. I was right when I said today was a big day. It is. It's momentous. It's gargantuan. It's historic. Today is the day that I, Tobin Powell Heath, ask  _the_ Alex Morgan to the Spring Fling dance.

 

"Hey Alex" I coolly greet as I try to gain control of my trembling hands. My body may be betraying me, but I'll be damned if my brain does as well. After a few seconds of my hands denying my request to cease the shaking, I hold them behind my back and I lean against the locker next to Alex's, hoping she won't notice them. "How are you today?" Alex smiles and laughs as she tucks a few more books into her backpack.

 

"Still just as good as when you asked me that three hours ago" Alex humoredly chuckles. I stiffen up a little at the realization of my mistake. How could I ask such a stupid question? It's not like this is my first time talking to her today. I need to calm down, it's probably just the nerves getting in my way of thinking rationally here. Damn Alex for being so intimidating.

 

"Right" I force out a laugh as I readjust my stance against the locker, "It never hurts to check in again though, right?"

 

"I suppose you have a point" Alex warmly agrees while adding a few more notebooks into her bag. Alright, it's cool, just make things better from here. Try not to be so rigid. Just be outright with it, there's no use prolonging this and giving yourself even more opportunities to blow this.

 

"So" I exhale, trying to introduce my question as smoothly as possible. "I have a question for you."

 

"Oh yeah? What's up?" Alex asks, her eyes still trained on her locker as she digs through it, apparently looking for something that isn't immediately in sight. Alright, Tobin, deep breath. You've made it this far, no turning back now.

 

"As you know, Spring Fling is coming up and-" I begin as calmly as I can.

 

"Excuse me, but you're blocking my locker" some random girl with glasses and a mountain of books in her arms interrupts. I look between myself and the girl's locker before I decide to step aside and let the girl have access to her locked up possessions.

 

"Sorry" I quickly apologize before I turn back to Alex who's still riffling through the contents of her locker. "Anyway" I begin again, trying to shake my newly obtained embarrassment after my interaction with Alex's locker neighbor. Of whom I've become suddenly jealous of because how cool would it be to have a locker right next to Alex? Pretty damn awesome, one would think. Whatever, back to the task at hand. "I've been thinking about it, and I really think it would make sense if you and I-"

 

"There's my chemistry notes!" Alex exclaims triumphantly as she pulls a beaten up green folder from her locker and quickly stashes it in her backpack before she can lose track of it again. "I was looking everywhere for those!" Alex smiles gleefully as she shuts her locker and turns her attention back to me. "Sorry, Tobin. What were you saying?" My confidence is slightly shaken at this point, already having had the to work up enough courage to begin asking her to be my date to the dance two times before getting interrupted only a few seconds later. I try to push my anxiety from my head. I'll only regret this if I _don't_ ask her, so I just need to get this over with while I still have her attention.

 

"Well basically, I just wanted to know if you would interested in going to the-"

 

That's when I hear the acoustic guitar ring out from behind us. Alex's head snaps over to the direction of the sound, and her eyes settle on a seemingly pleasant sight. I glance to the source of the noise as well, only I don't find it anywhere near as pleasing. Actually I find it pretty annoying. And horribly timed. Across the hall from us, Servando and a few of his buddies strum away on guitars and begin to sing.

 

" _In gym class one day, I almost hit you with a ball_ " Serv sings out as he takes a step closer to Alex. Alex stays completely still, only watching Serv as he serenades her. She's probably weirded out by all this attention Serv is drawing. And I remember the ball he's singing about, I'm the one who prevented it from harming Alex in the first place. " _You were the one, for whom I did fall._ " Ok, that's just a creepy verse. Where is he going with this? And how can Alex stomach it so well? " _You inspired this song, of which I now sing._ "  Serv takes a few more steps towards Alex, eventually dropping to one knee and kneeling in front of her. Wait, is Serv doing what I think he is? How could he? He has no right! " _Alex, I beg. Go with me to Spring Fling?_ " What the fuck, Serv?!

 

I glance vehemently between Serv and Alex, not being able to believe what I just witnessed is actually reality. Serv looks up at Alex patiently, sporting a hopeful grin. Alex looks awestruck, like she can't believe her eyes. Trust me Alex, I know the feeling. Ugh, why the hell would Serv pull something like this? Now Alex is going to have to turn him down in front of all of these people. He'll have his heart broken and will be tormented for this for the rest of his high school career, and Alex will be known as the bitch that caused Servando so much pain. There's no winner in this situation. It's a lose-lose regardless.

 

" _He even got you a ring!_ " Serv's friends sing out in a surprisingly well-preformed three-part harmony. Serv smiles one last time before reaching back to one of his buddies and taking something from the guy's hand. Serv turns back around to Alex and holds out a ring pop in front of her. Alex giggles when she sees it. A fucking ring pop? That _is_ something to laugh at. Seriously, this guy has absolutely no game.

 

"What do you say, Alex?" Serv speaks up again, Alex now smiling down at him. Why is she smiling? She's about to break his heart. "Will you go to Spring Fling with me?"

 

"Of course!" Alex squeaks out to my absolute surprise. And dismay, can't forget to mention that. I am stunned. Completely and utterly stunned. I don't understand what just happened. Not even a little bit. But I do know one thing; Serv beat me to the punch, and Alex said yes. I've missed my window of opportunity. I've missed the chance to ask Alex to be my date to Spring Fling, the biggest school dance of the year. I didn't even get the chance to utter the question I've been practicing in front of my bathroom mirror for a week. I'm sunk, and Servando Carrasco is solely responsible for that.

 

The students in the hallway around us cheer as Serv slides the candy ring onto Alex's left hand. Everyone but me. People start blabbering left and right about 'how cute' Serv's proposal was, and 'how lucky' Alex is to get to go to the dance with him. I stew in the fact that Serv's the lucky one, not Alex, and it should be me that everyone commends, not him. I was in the middle of asking Alex when he interrupted me. What nerve does this guy have to do that? I used to like Serv, I used to think he was an alright guy. But not anymore. Now I just think he's an asshole who hijacked my date all because he could strum a few chords on a guitar. 

 

"So, do _you_ have a date to Spring Fling?" One of Serv's friends asks as he makes his way around the crowd of people who have huddled around Alex and Serv. I glance over to him and finally notice that he's talking to me. On an ordinary day, I would respectfully decline, citing my lack of attraction to the opposite sex, but today is no ordinary day. Today changes everything. And even if I did say yes to going with him in spite of Alex to make her jealous, I know I still can't bring myself to do it. So instead of politely telling him no, I just turn on my heel and stalk down the hallway without another word.

 

* * *

 

I've separated myself from everyone at the end of practice so I can stretch by myself in peace and not have to hear all my teammates gush about how excited they are for Spring Fling. Honestly, after what happened with Alex and Serv a few days ago, I don't want to hear anything more about the stupid dance. I can't believe I ever got excited for the thing in the first place. All it is is an excuse to get dressed up and flaunt around how much money you spent on your outfit or how much more beloved by people you are than everyone else. It's just a gym full of people judging each other, and the only redeeming qualities is that there's dancing and some decent punch. I want nothing to do with it anymore.

 

However, unfortunately for me, it's all anyone seems to talk about these days. My friends included. And while I tried to have a few moments of peaceful solitude, Cheney and Harry decided to join me in my little excursion. So now, as the three of us sit and stretch at a considerably far distance from the rest of the team, Cheney and Harry can't seem to stop talking about Spring Fling. Trust me, I've tried to get them to.

 

"So I'm going to wear that baby blue dress with the sweetheart neckline that I showed you, and Jrue is going to wear a white tux with a tie to match my dress" Cheney explains as Harry nods along enthusiastically. I try my best to tune out their conversation, but they keep trying to rope me back in.

 

"What do you think, Tobin? I showed you a picture of my dress, didn't I?" Cheney asks as she reaches for her foot and attempts to stretch out her right calf muscle. I think I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Of course I don't actually say that to Cheney. I could never, she's just too nice to be rude to.

 

"Uh yeah, sounds perfect" I inanimately reply as I squirt some water into my mouth from my Gatorade water bottle.

 

"You're just lucky that Jrue is so willing to cooperate with the dress you picked out" Harry sighs dejectedly from Cheney's other side. "I've tried to convince Bati to wear a pocket square that compliments my eyes, but he refuses to even consider it. Ugh, he's just so picky about what he wears. It's ridiculously frustrating."

 

"Does it really matter that you two match?" I groan, growing tired of how fixated on the dance my friends are being. They don't even understand how lucky they are to have a date at all.

 

"Of course it matters" Harry scoffs as if I've just made a ludicrous suggestion, "This is the time of year where everyone is expected to look their best. You know, show off what they've got. It's paramount that we dress to the nines."

 

"Hey speaking of which, what's your dress look like, Tobin? I don't think I've seen it yet" Cheney observes, just now noticing that I haven't been gallivanting around with pictures of my expensive Spring Fling dress like every other girl in the school.

 

"I don't have one yet" I shrug, pulling at my shoes laces so that I may untie the knots and free my feet of their temporary prisons. At first I didn't pick out a dress because I didn't want to shop and actually go search for one in the mall. But then after the mishap with Alex the other day, I began considering not even going to the dance at all. I mean, what's the point if I don't get to go with the person I like? Plus, all my friends will be busy with their dates. How am I supposed to have a good time if I'm just third-wheeling it all night?

 

"You're kidding" Harry deadpans and she stares at me with a blank expression. I just shake my head in the negative and kick off my cleats, taking a moment to wiggle my toes in the cool grass. Both Harry and Cheney look confused by my answer. I'm not really sure why, but I don't think it's significant either.

 

"Didn't you get asked by someone?" Cheney questions, her tone slightly perplexed.

 

"Nope. No one other than one of Serv's dude friends" I return, my voice lackadaisical and disaffected. I don't see why Cheney and Harry are so confused by this. It's not like I usually get asked, and it's not like girls are lining up to go out with me. Or at least, no girls are  _available_ to go out with me.

 

"Are you sure? Because wasn't-" Harry begins, only to cut herself off after Cheney elbows her in the side and sends her a warning look. Now I'm the one who's confused. Why are my friends acting so weird right now? Am I missing something? It's like they know some type of secret, but they won't tell me what it is.

 

 "Hey guys, mind if I join you?" Christen asks as she walks up to the group of us. She's been either talking to Coach, or making her rounds through the team like she does everyday at the end of practice. It's admirable how much effort Christen puts into her position as Captain, but that does mean that she's always late to our little post-practice stretching parties.

 

"Be my guest" I reply, patting the patch of grass next to me as I do. Christen hesitates for a moment, her eyes meeting Cheney's and Harry's before she agrees to sit down.

 

"Hey, Tobin?" Christen asks softly as she settles in next to me. "Could I actually talk to you alone for a moment?"

 

"Yeah, sure" I shrug as I make a move to get up so Christen and I can go somewhere a little more private. However, before I can do that, Cheney and Harry are scrambling to their feet.

 

"No Tobs, it's ok, you two can stay here. We were just leaving" Cheney hurriedly explains as Harry nods energetically beside her. 

 

"Yeah, Kelley owes me twenty bucks, so I need to go talk to her about that" Harry adds, jerking her head back over to Kelley as she does. I glance between both Cheney and Harry. They both seem all shifty all of a sudden. It kind of puts me on edge.

 

"And Cheney has to come with you because...?" I ask, skeptical of my friends' sudden shift in behavior.

 

"Someone has to be the muscle!" Harry quickly chimes, earning a side-eyed glare from Cheney. "Anyway, we should get going before Kelley tries to give me the slip again. Bye guys, have a good  _chat!_ " Harry exclaims as Cheney grabs her by the arm and begins to pull her away. I see Cheney exchange some sort of knowing look with Christen. I'm even more confused at this point, but I decide to just let it go. Sometimes your friends are just weird, and you have to accept them for who they are. It's in the friendship pact. It's only when Cheney and Harry have disappeared into the sea of soccer players that I turn back to Christen.

 

"Sorry they were acting so weird" I apologize to my best friend on my other friends' behalf. "I think all this Spring Fling nonsense is going to their heads." Christen chuckles only slightly in agreeance before casting her eyes down to the ground. She seems lost in thought as she fiddles around with a few blades of grass, and I'm about to ask her if something's the matter, but then she decides to open her mouth and speak again.

 

"Actually that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about" Christen alludes, meeting my eyes once again. She seems somewhat cautious, like whatever it is she wants to talk about is a sensitive area for her. Or maybe me. It's hard to tell right now.

 

"Our friends being weird, or Spring Fling?" I ask, seeking clarification about what could be apparently troubling Christen's mind.

 

"The second one" Christen sheepishly admits.The dance? Why does she want to talk about that? Does she want my opinion about her dress, too?

 

"Alright" I nod slowly, subconsciously pulling my knees up to my chest (which I realize I'm conscious of now, but I wasn't a few moments ago when I actually did it). "What about it?" Christen takes a deep breath, like something inside her is just waiting to come out. Certain words unbeknownst to me are playing at her lips.

 

"Well..." Christen draws out, taking yet another staggered breath before looking me directly in the eye. "I've been thinking about this for a while now, _a lot_  , actually. And well, you and I are just so great together, right?" Of course we are, we're best friends.

 

"Yeah" I nod for Christen to continue.

 

"I think so, too" Christen smiles at me sweetly before continuing. "Um, so anyway,  _you_ don't have a date to the dance.  _I_ don't have a date to the dance. What if..." Christen trails off again, this time pausing to reach over and grab my hand. She rubs her thumb across the back of it once she does. It feels good. I love it when Christen does these little things, they always have such a calming and reassuring affect on me for whatever reason. "What if we went together?" Us? Together? To the dance?

 

"Christen" I pipe up, trying to understand what Christen is asking me here. "Are you asking me to be your date to the dance?" Christen smiles as she nods. Her eyes seem to twinkle for a moment.

 

"Yeah" Christen warmly agrees, allowing our joined hands to fall into her lap. "That's what I'm asking."

 

"But" I begin again, still attempting to make sense of Christen's proposal, "Didn't you get asked already? I'm sure there were hundreds of guys lining up to ask you."

 

"There were a few guys" Christen allows, her eyes drifting to the clouds as she recalls what must have been a numerous about of invitations to the dance. Her eyes linger there for a second before falling back onto me. "But I didn't want to go with any of them. I would much rather go to the dance with you." Of course there were guys. Christen is insanely pretty and teachers and students alike fawn over her on a daily basis. But I get why she wouldn't want to go with any of them to the dance. It's a known fact that most of the guys at Palos Verdes High are far from the best and the brightest. Suddenly it dawns on me what Christen is really asking. She asked me to be her 'date' because she didn't want to be creeped on all night by a dude who wasn't worthy of her company. If I'm the one who takes her to the dance, I can make sure she has a good time without being constantly hounded for attention by a bunch of thirsty guys. Also this gives me a reason to go to the dance and have fun. I won't be a third wheel because Christen will be right there with me. Of course, leave it to Christen to worry about me not being included in stuff. At first I was confused, but now I'm content that I've figured this all out. 

 

 "Sure, I'll be your date" I happily agree now that I'm aware of the implications of our little deal. Christen smiles brightly, she must be really excited to hang out with me at the dance without having to worry about going with the wrong dude.

 

"Really?" Christen asks in apparent ecstatic disbelief. "This is something that you want, too?"

 

"Yeah" I confirm with a smirk. Why wouldn't I agree? Christen's my best friend, I love spending time with her.

 

"And you don't think this will be weird? This is a step that you're willing to take with me?" Christen questions further, excitement growing in her voice. Why is she asking so many follow-up questions? It was an easy decision.

 

"Definitely" I exhale playfully as I watch how surprisingly amped up Christen is getting about this. She gives my hand a squeeze as I see that familiar twinkle return to her eye. I never knew she got this excited about dances. Maybe it's one of her newest obsessions? I wouldn't blame her if it were, what with how much people talk about them around here. "I get to go to the dance with my best friend, and we get to make a statement to everyone else about dances. It'll be like we get to show everyone that just because you go to a dance with someone, it doesn't have to mean you're dating. It can just mean that you want to spend time with that person and have a good time. When you think about it, that's a pretty cool statement to make. And a progressive one at that. Like seriously, are we still stuck in the 50s?"

 

Christen's eyes fade and her grip on my hand loosens as I speak. Her smile has all but vanished, and she suddenly seems like a vastly different version of herself than she was just a moment before. It's like a flip switched inside her.

 

"What's wrong?" I ask, slightly concerned and confused by Christen's aggressive change in mood. "Did you suddenly realize you would much rather go with some cute guy or something?" I joke around, poking at Christen's knee. Her pained eyes meet mine again. I get a chill in my spine. That was weird.

 

"No" Christen deflatedly dismisses, suddenly making an effort to rise to her feet. "I think I just...I just need some air." Once on her feet, Christen starts towards the locker rooms, not bothering to ask if I want to come with or not. Maybe the fatigue of practice is finally hitting her? She's usually running on all cylinders all the time, whether that be in school or practice, so I'm not surprised if she just hit a wall.

 

"Alright" I call after her, "I'll catch you at a later, ' _date_ '!"

 

I was hoping that my last minute joke would make her feel better, but she doesn't even acknowledge it. Maybe she didn't hear me? Maybe my delivery was off? I sit and ponder the possibilities as Christen puts more and more space between me and her.

 

* * *

 

  **Mid-April**

 

Well today's the big day. The day of the big dance. And no I'm not referring to basketball or any other sports tournament. No, I mean the actual big dance. Spring Fling. The annual event that sends the town abuzz. For us it's kind of like a mix of Prom and Homecoming; There's a spirit week leading up to the formal, a pep rally to reveal court nominees (Which Christen won a spot on, crazy enough), and of course a huge parade on the morning of the day of the main event. The only difference between Spring Fling and those dances is that we have a special Spring Fling game that both of the soccer teams compete in. It's not quite as lively as the homecoming football game, and people only ever show up to the men's game, but it is still kind of cool. Our men's team actually lost the game for the first time in ten years, which shocked many. I didn't feel too bad about it though, our team won our game, so that's all I really cared about. Plus, Serv is on the men's team, and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't give me some sort of satisfaction that he, among others, failed to win such a cherished annual match. I'm still a little mad at him if you can't tell.

 

Anyway, I'm all dressed up by now, allowing Perry to apply the finishing touches to my makeup. All our differences aside, Perry loves to do hair and makeup for people, so she quickly volunteered to do mine for the dance. I had a little apprehension about it at first, but she is pretty skilled with a flat iron and a makeup brush, so I let her fix me up. When I look in the mirror after she informs me that she's all finished up, I'm pleasantly surprised by my reflection. I actually look good. Like aesthetically decent. Suddenly I feel a wave of confidence wash over me. I may feel a bit out of place in my last minute, full-length and form-fitting red dress, but at least now I have a little faith that I may have a chance at pulling this look off. I take in the sight of my reflection for only a few moments longer before my mom is calling me from the living room.

 

"Tobin! Lauren's here to pick you up!" I hear her yell through the bathroom door. Perry smiles at me and catches my hand just before I'm able to make my way back into the hallway. I look back at her in surprise, unsure of why she's holding me up.

 

"Tobin, wait" she says, her voice sincere as if there's something that she really wants to tell me. "I know we can be at each other's throats sometimes, but I just want you to know how beautiful you look tonight. And I'm not teasing you or anything, I really mean it." I look into Perry's eyes and detect the truth in her words. I smile as I look at my equally beautiful sister, all dolled up in a dress of her own.

 

"Thanks, Per. You look really good, too" I lightheartedly return. She smiles at my comment, but she pipes up once again when another thought crosses her mind.

 

"Have fun tonight, alright?" she suggests as she swings my arm back and forth for a moment. "Enjoy the dance with your friends, and with Christen." I'm a little confused by the last part of her statement, Christen _is_ one of my friends, but I choose to just let it go.

 

"I'll try my best" I finally agree, punctuating my response with a solid, singular nod. Perry smiles proudly one last time before I hear my mom's voice again.

 

"Tobin, hurry up! You don't want to keep Lauren waiting!" she beckons from the front of the house. Perry and I simultaneously shake our heads, but after a moment I comply to my mom's request, and I find Cheney waiting for me in my living room.

 

"Well don't you clean up nice?" Cheney teases once she sees me. I blush for a moment, but then I see how happy she looks, and I try my best not to feel so uncomfortable in front of my friend. After all, Cheney means well and she wouldn't lie, so if she says that I look good, I should probably believe it.

 

"The same can be said for you" I return as I arrive at Cheney's side. She does look good. Amazing, actually. And now I can see why she searched so long and hard for the perfect dress, anything else wouldn't do Cheney's natural beauty or essence any justice. This gown looks like it was made expressly for her.

 

"Ready to go? Jrue's just out front" Cheney asks, motioning to the window where I can see Jrue parked in the driveway. He nervously adjusts his tie in the rear-view mirror as he waits for Cheney and I to emerge from the house. I smile to myself as I think about how perfect Jrue is for Cheney. They've been dating for just over a year now, but he still gets nervous whenever he's around her. That's how you know a guy's a keeper.

 

"Yeah" I finally return, directing my attention back to Cheney, "Let's do this." Just as Cheney and I are about to reach the door, my mom stops us.

 

"Girls, wait!" she interjects as she chases after us with a camera in hand, "Can I get a few pictures first? This is a night you'll never forget." Cheney and I look at each other and shrug, deciding to allow my mom to snap a few photos. We strike a pose here and there, and once my mom is content with the results, she finally sets us free of her grasp.

 

I take the back seat and greet Jrue while Cheney climbs in the car at shotgun. I adjust myself a little, trying to figure out the best way to sit without wrinkling the back of my dress as Jrue shifts into drive and sets off for Christen's house. I forgot how awkward it is to sit in a dress, and suddenly I miss pants more than ever.

 

"Oh, Tobin" Cheney chimes from the front seat as I finally settle into a position that I can live with. "I almost forgot. This is for you." Cheney hands me a small, clear plastic box that contains a small bouquet or arranged flowers with one large orange flower at the center. I look between the box in my hand and Cheney's face in moderate confusion.

 

"You got me a corsage?" I ask, somewhat surprised. Isn't that what your date is supposed to do?

 

"Well yes" Cheney simply replies with the small shrug of her shoulders, "But technically it's for Christen, not you."

 

"You got me a corsage that's for Christen? Am I missing something here?" I question further, now considerably perplexed. Cheney sighs impatiently as she turns around in her seat to get a better look at me.

 

"I got you a corsage so that you would have one to give to Christen" Cheney explains to me like she's talking to a toddler. A tone I don't very much appreciate. "And it's a good thing I did, or else you would've shown up to Christen's house empty handed. See? I knew you were zoning out whenever Allie and I tried to talk about Spring Fling preparations with you." I slowly begin to understand as Cheney pieces things together for me. She's probably right, I really should've listened to her and Harry more. I was this close to ruining a part of Christen's night, and that's something that I really don't want to do.

 

"Oh" I sheepishly return, meeting Cheney's eyes once more. "Thanks for uh, looking out."

 

"No problem" Cheney lightly returns once she shifts back around in her seat, "Just promise me that you'll be able to handle things from here." I chuckle a little at Cheney's comment. I think I'm more than capable of handling a high school dance, with my best friend as my date no less. She really needs to have more faith in me.

 

"I promise" I return, just as Jrue pulls the car into Christen's driveway.

 

* * *

 

When the three of us walk inside, we find Allie and Bati already chatting with Mama Press in the front foyer. I glance around the room, and somewhat to my surprise, I don't see Christen anywhere in sight. When Mama Press locks eyes on me, she interrupts her conversation with my blonde-haired amigo in favor of gawking at the sight of me in a dress. She smiles wide as she crosses the room and pulls me in for a bear hug. She squeezes me so tight that I nearly drop the corsage box in my left hand.

 

"Tobin, my dear, you look absolutely astounding in that dress!" Mama Press beams as she pulls away and admires the sight of me once again. "And your hair! Just look at it! And is that makeup I see? What a shock this is!" My friends all share a laugh as Mama Press continues to make a fuss over my clean-cut appearance. It causes me to blush slightly, I'm not accustomed to this kind of attention. But just as I'm beginning to get used to being the center of everybody's attention, something at the top of the stairs catches everyone's eye.

 

Dressed in an eye-drawing, yet tastefully elegant orange (which just so happens to be my favorite color) dress, Christen slowly makes her way down the stairs. Her hand lightly drags along the railing as she does, and I can't help but think of how this reminds me of one of those princess movies when the most beautiful girl at the ball enters the room. The only way I can think to accurately describe how Christen looks right now is simply breathtaking. Yeah, that seems to be the right word, considering I haven't taken a breath since she first appeared at the top of the stairs.

 

Christen's heels click against the tile of the foyer as she makes her way over to me. She smiles at me as she lifts the bottom of her dress a little, careful not to step on it or snag the hem on her sparkly high heeled shoes. Her smile is so bright and blinding, and for a second I forget that there are other people in the room. With the way that Christen's looking at me right now, I feel like I'm the only one she sees as well.

 

"Wow, Tobin. You look fantastic!" Christen sweetly exclaims as she arrives in front of me. I smile as she grabs at the flowy lower half of my dress and runs her hand briefly against the silky fabric. She looks me over up and down, doing her best to take in every inch of me. The entire time she maintains her vibrant smile. I get a warm feeling in my chest. It feels good to receive Christen's approval. I didn't notice until now that the opinion that matters the most to me is hers. "This dress is perfect on you. Wow, I just can't take my eyes off of you." Christen meets my eyes again, and suddenly I become shy. There's always that weird feeling I get when a girl far prettier than me pays me a compliment. It doesn't seem believable, but yet, Christen makes me want to accept her words as the truth.

 

"Thanks, Christen" I return, my voice slightly gruff. I clear my throat before speaking again. "You look really great, too. And I really do mean that. I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen." I'm not really sure where that last part came from, I know I hadn't intended on saying it, but Christen smiles before I have a chance to be embarrassed about it.

 

"Thank you, I appreciate that" Christen warmly replies, maintaining eye contact with me the entire time. At this moment I feel grateful for Christen being gracious enough to save me from my own humiliation, but at the same time, some other emotion enters my mind. I can't figure out how to describe it, but it lingers, even after Christen directs her gaze elsewhere.

 

"So" Allie interjects after witnessing that entire exchange, "Now that we're all here, should we take our seats for dinner?"

 

"Ah yes" Mama Press excitedly agrees as she makes her way to the front of the room, "Right this way, everyone! I made something special for this grand occasion." My friends begin to follow Mama Press out of the foyer and towards the living room, but I hang back as I remember something that I need to do first, before I forget.

 

"Uh, Christen?" I call out, catching Christen's attention and causing her to turn back towards me. She back tracks the steps that she had just taken until she's in front of me once again. "Would you mind waiting up for just a second?" Christen nods and smiles in response.

 

"Sure, Tobs. What is it?" Christen asks, a hint of happy intrigue in her voice. I look down to the corsage in my hand before glancing back up at my best friend's beautiful face.

 

"Well, uh, I kind of got you something" I say as I hold up the box to Christen, opening it and presenting the orange corsage (which I'm suddenly realizing matches her dress) in front of her. She smiles down at the box before looking back up at me again. Her eyes seem warmer than before, if that's even possible.

 

"For me?" she asks, already knowing the answer but waiting for my confirmation nonetheless. It's actually pretty amusing how taken aback Christen seems by all of this. It's like I've just made her day just by giving her a silly little bouquet of flowers to wear on her wrist. I nod and continue to hold the box out to her. "Could you...?" Christen trails off, glancing between me and the corsage.

 

"Oh, yeah, for sure" I suddenly burst as I realize that Christen wants my help putting it on. She laughs as I fiddle with the band at the bottom of the corsage. My hands are slightly shaking as I gently slide the floral accessory over Christen's hand, and fasten it to her wrist. I'm surprised at how nervous I suddenly am, but then Christen's voice settles my anxiety once she speaks up again.

 

"It's lovely, Tobin. Thank you so much" her voice sounds so softly that it's practically a whisper. I nod shyly in return, suddenly unsure what to say next. Which is strange, I usually always know what to say next to Christen. Maybe all the pomp and circumstance of this evening is throwing me out of my element.

 

"I actually have a surprise for you, too" Christen excitedly informs as she glides across the foyer and picks up an small object from the small table near the door. I can't see what it is from this distance, but now I'm intrigued. What could it be? Christen turns back to me with a smile on her face as she sashays over. "Hold out your hand" Christen instructs playfully. I do as she asks, holding out my right hand for her to commandeer. As she grabs a hold of my arm with one hand, she reveals another small bouquet with the other. The only difference between mine from hers is that it's red instead of orange. In the back of my mind, I can't help thinking that Cheney had a hand to play in this as well. Maybe not going so far as to get the corsage on Christen's behalf, but at the very least telling her what color my dress would be. Christen secures the corsage around my wrist before smiling at me as our eyes meet again. "Great minds think alike." I nod and smile at Christen's lighthearted comment, but a part of me now feels guilty that it wasn't by my own accord that I was able to give Christen a corsage. I'm kicking myself for not even considering it.

 

"Thanks, Christen. This is great" I supply, aware that our absence from the dining room has probably gone noticed by now. "What do you say we join the others for dinner? Hopefully they had the decency to save some food for us." Christen laughs and smiles as she begins leading the way to the other room. As we walk, I think back to how silly it was that I thought about skipping the dance a few weeks ago just because I didn't get to ask my crush to go with me. If I had listened to those feelings, I would be alone, laying in my bed right now, and not beside my beautiful best friend, getting ready to have a night that I will never forget.

 

* * *

 

After probably about a thousand pictures (no exaggeration there), the group of us set off for the dance. We take three cars; Allie and Bati in Bati's mustang, Cheney and Jrue in Jrue's dad's BMW, and me and Christen in Christen's Lexis. I offered to drive, but Christen insisted. That may have been at least partially because it's the family car, and a pretty pricey one at that. She probably doesn't want to worry about me scratching it or something. I don't entirely blame her if the thought crossed her mind though, I am a self-proclaimed reckless driver.

 

When we get to the high school parking lot, we're met with crowds of students arriving at nearly the same time. Needless to say, it's hard to find a decent parking spot, so Christen and I park in one of the back lots behind the school. They're usually reserved for faculty, but the school made an exception for the dance considering it's the biggest event of the year, and it usually draws students from all over the surrounding area as well as those that actually attend the school. After we both get out and walk around the car, I brace myself for the long walk to the front entrance of the school. I typically don't mind an opportunity to stretch my legs, but considering I was barely able to wobble across Christen's front lawn to just get to the car, I know this is going to be a challenge. Just as I'm about to take my first step forward, Christen surprises me by interlocking the crooks of our arms, so that we're walking arm-in-arm. She smiles at me briefly before leading me forward. I'm a little unsure at first, but I know after a few steps that I feel much more stable with Christen supporting me, close by my side. I smile back at her, grateful to have a friend like her that's willing to come to my rescue even when I'm too afraid to ask her to.

 

When we finally arrive near the front entrance of the school, I feel tired from constantly checking my balance, but also a little hesitant once I realize that Christen and I are drawing a lot of eyes. I can't figure out if it's just because we both look so well-dressed tonight, or if people are slightly surprise to see me, an average-looking _girl_ , as Christen's chosen piece of arm candy. Before I can make a decision about which it is, Christen leads me forward again, a sudden pep in her step. She makes eyes with many people as we pass, but she just keeps her stride forward. It almost feels like she's showing me off. It takes a little getting used to, but I eventually decide that I'm enjoying my newfound attention. I mean, Christen is  _far_ more popular than I am, so it isn't every day that people ogle over me like the way that they ogle over Christen. Maybe this is like the Halo Effect in play. If you surround yourself with attractive people, you appear more attractive than you usually would on your own. Or at least, that's what the Halo Effect suggests.

 

We walk into the building and head straight to the coat check to drop off our purses and heels. Thank god, I feel like singing as soon as I slide my heels from my feet. I'm at my happiest when I'm barefoot, so the fact that it's acceptable at school dances is just euphoric for me. Basically as soon as the coat check attendant hands me the check ticket to use to pick up our stuff later in the evening, Christen grabs my free hand and starts dragging me through people once again. I quickly stuff the ticket in my bra (I know, not the most lady-like thing I've ever done, but talk to me again when they start making more dresses with pockets. I mean would that be such a crime?), as Christen weaves me through the crowd.

 

Soon we find ourselves in the middle of the dance floor, the song  _Yeah 3x_ by Chris Brown starts up when we get there. I waste no time starting to move my body to the beat. I may look a little silly, but I can't help it, school dances always bring out the pent up dancer inside of me. Whether it looks pretty or not, I let myself let loose. Christen laughs at me as she sways to the music, moving noticeably more gracefully than I am. At this point we're both amped up, just ready to dance the night away. Christen smiles and laughs at me the entire time we dance together, and I find myself doing the exact thing right back. This is just fun. Pure, unadulterated fun, and I can tell that we're both having the time of our lives.

 

By the time the song ends, I'm already short for breath, but Christen encourages me on as the next thumping song comes on right after. We pick right up right where we left off, and fall into a similar rhythm as song after song comes on. I feel myself losing track of time, but I don't really mind. Dancing here and now with Christen in front of me, well, this is the most fun I've had in a while. A  _long_ while.

 

* * *

 

 

"I need something to drink" I say to Christen after probably about the fifteenth song to play since we first walked into the gymnasium. I've already worked up quite a sweat, and as much of a good time I'm having with Christen, re-hydrating my body has suddenly become my number one priority. 

 

"What?" Christen mouths back, unsure of what I just said as the music blares from the speakers not far away from us. I take a step closer to her, hoping that lessening the distance between us will allow her to hear me better.

 

"I said I need some water!" I yell over the booming bass of the current song that rings throughout the room. She nods as she seems to understand me this time.

 

"Alright, we can take a break if you want" Christen yells back to me, already looking around to find the nearest opening in the crowd of people around us. As soon as she spots one, she grabs my hand and tows me through. Christen's taken charge a lot this evening, I kind of feel like she's at the wheel, and I'm just along for the ride. But that's not a bad thing, it's actually kind of nice not having to worry about anything and to just let Christen take control. Besides, I know for a fact that Christen likes to have control. You don't just magically become Captain of the varsity soccer team and the Junior Class Chair to the School Board if you don't.

 

We bump into a lot of sweaty, dancing bodies as we move towards the back of the gym. Most of them I don't recognize, but some of them I do. Actually, one person in particular catches my eye as Christen grazes by her. I stop in my tracks when I realize who it is, causing to Christen to rubber-band backwards. Christen shoots me a confused look before she follows my eyes. Her face falls just a little once she identifies who I'm staring at. 

 

"Alex! Hey!" I excited greet from over Alex's shoulder. Alex turns around, at first a little thrown off, but when she realizes that it's me calling her name, she smiles. I take a moment to look her up and down, and I can just say it isn't a moment wasted. Damn. She's wearing a purple gown that's form-fitting and accentuates everything that would need to be accentuated. There was never a question in my mind as to if Alex would look good in a dress, but to look  _this_ good? I'm surprised it isn't considered criminal.

 

"Tobin! How are you?" Alex greets as she too looks me over. I begin to sweat under Alex's gaze, even more than I already was as a result of all the dancing. It's a good cover though, I guess. Alex smiles finally once she meets my eyes once again. "You look so good!" I try my hardest not to blush at the compliment, but I can't help that Alex makes my blood simmer against my skin. She glances down for a moment, and I'm unsure what she's looking at until I realize that Christen still has my hand in hers. I attempt to drop it, but Christen's grip only grows tighter. "And Christen!" Alex gushes, turning her attention away from me and over to my best friend. "You look like you just walked out of heaven. I mean, WOW!"

 

Christen offers Alex a tight-lipped smile as she nods and accepts Alex's compliment. For some reason I feel a little annoyed by this. It's silly, but I think maybe I'm jealous that Christen got a far more substantial compliment from Alex than I did. And speaking of annoyances, I see Servando peek out from behind Alex, probably wondering what it is that's keeping his date from him. Her  _should've been date_ I desperately want to scream.

 

"So did you come alone, or did like a group of you come here together?" Alex asks, glancing over to me again. Did she just assume I didn't have a date? Why would she think that? Is it because I never mentioned anything about it to her? Before I can figure out what to say, I hear Christen speaking on my behalf.

 

"Actually she came as my date" Christen supplies from beside me, using our joined hands to pull me a little bit closer to her, and a little bit farther away from Alex. Shock seems to fill Alex's face for a second as she looks back and forth between me and Christen. 

 

"Oh" she mutters in a mildly surprised tone, "I guess I didn't realize you two were together." My heart stops in my chest. What? No. Christen and I are definitely not together. Why would she even think that?

 

"We just came as friends" I quickly blurt out, trying to salvage Alex's impression of my current relationship status. Her face relaxes a little bit at my admission. Was that relief? Is Alex relieved to find out that Christen and I aren't a thing? Was Alex jealous?

 

"Oh, that's cool too" Alex quickly responds, now seemingly feeling a bit awkward. I feel like I should say something to ease her worries, but Serv finally decides to chime in.

 

"Hey Alex, I love this song. Care to dance?" He asks as he takes her arm in his own. Just as he steals Alex's attention, Christen pulls as my arm, attempting to lead me off again.

 

"Come on, Tobs. Didn't you say you were thirsty?" Christen asks, a sort of grit now present in her voice. Thirsty? Definitely. But which kind, I'm not really sure anymore. Anyway, why is Christen in such a yank to keep moving? Wasn't I the one who needed a drink?

 

I glance back over to Alex and Serv as Alex laughs at something he whispers in her ear. Oh yeah, I definitely need a drink.

 

Finally Alex directs her eyes back to me once again.

 

"Serv and I are about to go to the dance floor" Alex informs both me and Christen as Serv impatiently tugs at Alex's dress. It pisses me off watching him do it, but then I realize that Alex is looking directly at me, not him, so I count that as a small victory for myself. "Save me a dance?" Alex asks in an endearing tone. I nod a little more enthusiastically than I intended, but Alex's request gets my heart beating again.

 

"For sure" I smile back, struggling to contain my excitement. Alex waves before she finally allows Serv to pull her away. It leaves butterflies in my stomach. But before I can enjoy the moment for too long, Christen ushers me through the crowd again, though this time a little more forcefully as she does.

 

* * *

 

"Attention. Can we have everyone's attention, please?" Becky Sauerbrunn, our Student Council President, sounds into a microphone from the small stage on which the DJ and all of his fancy party lights sit. Even as the music lowers, most everyone in the gym continues talking and going on about their business, not really paying Becky any attention. I feel bad that even me and my group of friends hardly do, but Bati was just in the middle of telling the hilarious story of how Allie tried to jump out and scare him on their first date, only to have mistakenly targeted a complete stranger instead. We're all laughing so hard that we're on the verge of tears by the time Kelley O'Hara steals the mic.

 

"Yo! Listen up everyone! Do you want to find out Spring Fling King and Queen or not?" Kelley booms into the mic, causing a silence to fall over the room. The group of us slowly turn towards the stage once we realize that the big announcement is about to be made. I can feel Christen cling to my arm at my side. I don't even have to turn my head to know it's her. As a matter of fact, she's been particularly touchy-feely tonight. It's like in some way or another, she feels the need to be in constant contact with me. Maybe that's just because the gymnasium is crowded and she doesn't want to lose track of me, but I've noticed that in some form or another, she's had her hands on me more often than not this evening. Although I feel like right now it's probably for an entirely different reason. Even though she's never admitted it, I have the feeling that she hopes that she'll win Spring Fling Queen. She's always been fairly competitive, so I know that losing something even as small as this would upset her. It's pretty improbable for a Junior to win, but I know if anyone could do it, it would definitely be Christen. I place my hand over the one that Christen rests against my arm, hoping that it will comfort her in some way. When she rests her head on my shoulder, I get the feeling that it worked.

 

"Um, thank you for that, Kelley" Becky mutters into the mic once Kelley finally hands it back to her. Kelley nods and smiles at Becky triumphantly. "Anyway, before we get things started, we would just like to applaud the men's soccer team for a hard fought game this past week. Despite the results, you played hard and you should all be very proud of your efforts." A mixture of cheers and boos ring throughout the audience. It's easy to see that some people are more forgiving about the loss than others.

 

"Also shout out the the ladies for kicking ass on the pitch and winning the Spring Fling game for the twelfth year in a row!" The audience cheers and booms at Kelley's remark, obviously a little more content with our result than the men's. Kelley holds a hand to her ear to encourage the crowd to get louder, which it does easily. Kelley's a natural ball of energy, and our team's biggest hype woman. It's no wonder that she was unanimously elected as Student Council PR representative, she's good at getting people to listen. And she's one of the most talented outside backs that our team has ever seen, so we're lucky to have her on our side for multiple reasons. "That's what I thought. We love you too, fam" Kelley adds before Becky shoots her a wordless glare, silently requesting that Kelley return the microphone to her.

 

"Yes, thank you again, Kelley" Becky comments unenthusiastically as she pulls an envelope out of her pocket. Wait? Her dress has pockets? I'm so fucking jealous! "Anyway, without further ado, this year's Spring Fling King -wow, try saying that five times fast- is..." Becky takes her sweet ass time opening the envelope and unfolding the paper that was inside. She's probably trying to build suspense, but I personally think it's a pretty tired tactic. I'm one of those people who finds award presentations unnecessarily drawn out. I just like to know who the winner is right away so that I can get on with my life. I think my peers feel the same as I hear more than a few groans escape the crowd as we anticipate the results. "Servando Carassco!"

 

Cheers immediately erupt around the gymnasium as Serv makes his way to the stage from somewhere in the crowd. I don't see him until he's on the stage, and I'd give anything to wipe that obnoxious smirk off of his face. Becky places the crown on top of his head, and the crowd of students lets out one final cry of approval as Serv takes his place next to Becky, smiling while waiting patiently for her to announce his queen. A thought suddenly crosses my mind after watching Serv parade around on stage. If he's up there, then that means Alex is alone in the crowd somewhere. If only I actually knew where. Or even the direction she's in. Maybe I could -

 

"And now to announce this year's Spring Fling Queen!" Becky declares, causing the crowd to get all riled up again, and me to lose my train of thought. Christen's grip tightens around my arm, and for that moment any thought of Alex has completely dissipated from my mind. The only person I care about right now is Christen. And suddenly I begin to feel just as nervous as she seems. I've let myself become invested as well. "Palos Verdes High Spring Fling Queen of 2017 is..." Becky begins. I groan internally, not wanting to go through this again. That's when Kelley decides to steal the microphone once more.

 

"My girl, Christen Press!" Kelley proudly exclaims as the crowd roars, at least ten times louder than they did for Serv. I feel my heart drop in my chest as I can't believe the words that just came from Kelley's mouth. Christen turns towards me with wide eyes, but I just smile at her excitedly.

 

"You did it! You fucking did it!" I exclaim as I shake Christen back and forth enthusiastically. I think this literally shakes her out of her state of shock, because the next thing I know, she's beaming and launching herself into my arms. She wraps her arms tightly around my neck as I hug her right back with just as much vigor. I only allow this embrace to last a few seconds before I force myself to pull away. "What are you still doing here? Go get your crown!" I remind, pushing Christen encouragingly towards the stage. She throws one final smile over her shoulder before she turns and walks toward the front of the room. The crowd separates in front of her to allow her an easy path to Becky and Kelley.

 

Once she arrives on stage, Kelley wraps her up in an excited hug before allowing Becky to place the crown on Christen's head. When Christen turns and faces the crowd once again, everyone loses their shit. Christen's just pulled off the unthinkable, winning the title as a Junior. She had some strong competition from the Senior Class as well, beating out the likes of Fara Williams, Diana Matheson, and Louisa Nécib. It's one for the record books, and as loud as the crowd around me is, I'm pretty sure I'm the person cheering the loudest.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, your 2017 Palos Verdes Spring Fling King and Queen, Servando Carassco and Christen Press!" Becky announces one last time as a slow song begins to play and Serv offers his hand out to Christen. She smiles sheepishly and takes it, allowing Serv to lead her down the stage and out to the middle of the dance floor to share their dance as freshly-crowned school royalty. They join hands as Serv places his free one just above Christen's waist, and Christen rests her own on his arm, just lower than on the shoulder. They sway together, and I can see Serv saying something to Christen as they dance. It's probably just an attempt to cut through the awkwardness, but it makes her laugh, and I feel myself getting angry as I watch it happen. That Servando is one hell of a guy, not stealing just one, but  _both_ my dates to the dance. Can I not have anyone to myself?

 

They dance together for about half the song, but then I see them break apart. Serv turns towards the perimeter of the crowd circled around them, and suddenly I see Alex walking towards him. He smiles as he takes her in his arms and begins to sway with her to the slow music. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about how the King and Queen start off the dance together, but then they usually break off to share the moment with their dates. I watch Christen standing in the circle alone, her head swiveling around in search of something, and suddenly I feel bad for her. Why has no one come to dance with her yet?

 

"Tobin? What the hell are you doing? Get over there!" I hear Allie scold from behind me. I turn back towards her and offer her a puzzled look. What is she talking about? She violently jerks her head towards the center circle of the room and pushes me forward. My eyes settle on Christen standing alone again, her gaze still scanning the crowd. Oh shit, that's right!  _I'm_ Christen's date.  _I'm_ the one who's supposed to be dancing with her right now. The realization hits me like a truck as I stumble to recover from Allie's forceful shove.

 

I begin to make my way through the crowd, along the way I hear murmurs of people speculating who it is that could possibly be Christen's date tonight. Boy are they in for a surprise. I walk a little faster as I catch another glimpse of Christen's face, this time I can detect a sense of worry. All I want to do right now is take that away from her.

 

I finally arrive at the edge of the circle, and when Christen's eyes land on me, her concerned expression morphs into a sweet and encouraging smile. With the small wave of her hand, she beckons me to come join her at the center of the room. My heart rate elevates as I can feel people's eyes on me, coming to the realization that I was the one that Christen was waiting for. As I take my first shakey steps out towards her, I hear the crowd begin to "Ooooh" behind me. Apparently I've come as quite a shock to more than a few people, but before I lose my nerve, Christen locks eyes with my and meets me halfway. She smiles as she grabs my hand and leads me to the center of the circle. To my surprise, the "Ooooh"s from the crowd now change into celebratory cheers. When Christen turns back towards me, she grabs my hand and places it on her shoulder, and wastes no time placing her free hand on my waist/the small of my back. She smiles at me one last time as she leads me to sway with her.

 

"Sorry if I'm bad at this, I don't really know what I'm doing" I shyly apologize as I do my best to move in time with Christen's body. I glance around at all the people staring at us, and my mouth goes dry. I've never been in this type of position before. I've never been the center of everyone's attention. And even if they've cheered and hollered when Christen and I started dancing together, I can't help but think that everyone is judging me right now. They probably think that I'm not good enough to be Christen's date. They probably think that there should be some extremely cute and charming guy out here, someone worthy of sharing this moment with her. Suddenly I feel a pang of guilt. This is a moment that most girls dream of. The moment that they become the queen of the dance and they get to share a slow dance with the person they really like. But right now I'm the one out here with Christen, not some guy who could potentially make her truly happy. This should be different, I'm blowing this for her.

 

"Hey" Christen consoles in a soothingly smooth tone, daring me to look her in the eye again. "You're doing fantastic. Just don't let your head drift anywhere else right now. Stay here in the moment with me." I nod as I let out a deep breath to try to settle my nerves. Christen smiles warmly at me as she sees how hard I'm trying to keep it together for her. I'm trying so hard. "Remember that play we were in at the beginning of eighth grade?" Christen asks after a brief moment of silence.

 

"How could I forget? Trust me, I've tried many times to block it out" I reply to Christen as I grimace just thinking about it. She giggles at my disgusted reaction. "Why do you bring it up? Especially now of all times?" Christen smiles like the answer is clear as day in her head. Still, she chooses not to reveal why just yet.

 

"Remember when I played the princess and you played one of the knights in the background?" she continues. I nod in the affirmative as we continue to sway and chat as the music plays behind us. "Well, that one performance where I forgot my lines mid-monologue, you were the one to jump in and save me. You weren't even in that scene, but you walked out on stage and started making up lines as you went." I remember the exact moment that she's referring to. I remember being on the side of the stage one moment, and saying whatever popped into my head on stage in the next. I recall not being able to just sit idly by and watch Christen struggle on her own. I needed to be there for her. I had to be there for her. So I went out and made a fool of myself in front of at least a hundred people so she wouldn't have to feel bad. I was the laughing stock of the class for a solid two weeks after that. "Mrs. Thomas was freaking out in the front row, but you just kept on going anyway. You made me interact with you and find my confidence once again. We were the only two people on stage, the only two that mattered. For those few minutes, we changed the play and made it our own" Christen tells as she gazes affectionately into my eyes. "I can't help but be reminded of that right now. Here I was, alone at center stage yet again, and you were the one to come and rescue me. I know I could've gone to this dance with anyone, but I'm so glad I came here with you. I wouldn't want to share this moment with anyone else. Not a single person."

 

Christen's words feel like they hold some kind of weight to them, but I can't for the life of me figure out how or why. All I know is that I'm happy she told me that. After all these years, I was sure that disastrous middle school play was a dark spot for both of us, but to hear that Christen remembers it differently, it makes me almost proud that I did what I did. Because at the end of the day, I made Christen feel better in even the smallest way, and that's all I've ever really wanted to do. If Christen's happy, then I'm happy too.

 

Finally the slow song ends and the crowd cheers as the four of us in the middle of the room stop dancing and accept our applause. Christen has to remind me to stop swaying as we stand there. It's strange, as the circle falls apart and other students begin filling in the empty space, I feel bad that the song has to come to an end. As much apprehension as I had when I first walked out here, I feel myself not wanting my private moment with Christen to end.

 

* * *

 

It isn't long before Christen and I are dancing together again. We've been glued to each other's side since the coronation ceremony. Christen's even let me wear her crown for a few minutes. But I eventually returned it to it's rightful place upon her head. After all she's the one who actually earned it, and she looks far more regal than I ever will. Throughout the night, multiple guys have tried to cut in and get the opportunity to dance with Christen. She almost always says no, which isn't exactly a surprise because some of them were pretty skeezy, but the night is coming closer to an end, and I feel bad that I'm hogging Christen all to myself. That's when I decide to take some affirmative action of my own when Senior Nima Majd approaches us.

 

"Excuse me, Tobin? Do you think it would be alright if I borrowed Christen for just one dance?" he asks politely as he smiles charmingly at the both of us.

 

"I don't really think that's-" Christen begins to deny, only to have me cut her off mid-sentence.

 

"Of course! I'm sure Christen would  _love_ to dance with you. Besides, I need a break from all this dancing anyway" I return as I push Christen a little closer to him. Christen throws a frantic look at me from over her shoulder, but I just laugh as I urge her forward. She's never really been one to talk to boys, especially cute ones, so I figured I give her the little push that she needs to leave her comfort zone. It's my duty as her best friend to make sure that she gets to dance with the person that she could potentially start a relationship with. I've seen Christen and Nima interact around school a few times, and it's clear that there's some kind of connection there. If any guy will be able to sweep her off her feet, my money's on Nima.

 

Nima holds out a hand to Christen, and she looks worriedly between me and him before she finally takes it. I smile as she does, proud of my friend for being willing to give the guy a chance. I send her one last wink before turning around and walking away. I've changed the course of Christen's night just now, I can feel it.

 

As I make it to the back of the gym, I hear another slow song come on. Considering that they only ever play about five throughout the entire dance, I determine that this is probably my last chance to share the dance with Alex that I promised her. I scan my eyes around the room, but she's nowhere in sight. I decide to weave my way in and out of the mosh pit at the front of the dance floor, but she's not there either. After wasting a few minutes wandering aimlessly through the gymnasium, I come to the conclusion that she's probably not in the room.

 

I leave the gymnasium in favor of the hallways to see if I can find her lingering somewhere out there. I check near the photo-op area decorated with twinkle lights and backdrops of picturesque scenes from around the world. She's not there. I wander over towards the coat check to see if maybe she needed to grab her phone or something. She isn't there either. Finally I decide that there's a chance that I just didn't see her in the gymnasium, and she's just in there dancing the night away, but as I make my way back, something makes me take one of the hallways that's officially 'off-limits' for the dance.

 

As I walk down the darkened corridor, I notice a few pieces of streamers and other decorations scattered along the floor. Obviously I'm not the only one to take this alternative route tonight. When I turn the corner to the hallway that will eventually lead me back in the direction of the gym, I see two people at the end of it. At first I only see their silhouettes as the moonlight streams in through the large, floor-to-ceiling windows behind them. I can tell that they're making out, so I decide to gracefully excuse myself and turn back to walk the other way. But just as I round the corner, I hear a familiar giggle. Then the familiar low rumble of a male's voice that I've already heard a few times tonight. I freeze in my tracks, hoping desperately that my ears are just playing games on me, but before I can stop myself, I'm peeking around the corner again. I still can't see much, but I do get a glimpse of the purple dress belonging to the smaller of the two silhouettes. My heart drops to my stomach and immediately I feel nauseous. I begin to walk back in the direction that I came from, picking up my pace with every step. Soon enough I'm almost at a full blown sprint.

 

I crash into the doors of the nearest bathroom and beeline for an open stall as hot tears begins to track down my face. Once I slam the stall door shut and lean again the back of it for support, I let my emotions spill out of me. All I can feel is pain and hurt. All I want is to not be here anymore. To run away and never look back. But here I am, quivering pathetically and writhing in anguish in the women's bathroom, stuck in my own humiliation. I don't want to stay in here, but I know that I can't go back out there. I'm trapped with only a toilet and some toilet paper to keep me company.

 

And the saddest part of it all, I'm not the only one crying in here.

 

* * *

 

The cool night air makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up as a gust of wind blows against the skin that my dress doesn't cover. I shiver at the sensation before glancing down at the red solo cup of punch sitting on the step beside me. I grab it with one hand and reach for my purse with the other. I quickly glance around to make sure that I truly am alone as I sit outside at one of the sets of outdoor stairs leading up to the side entrance of the school I escaped out of. I can faintly hear the thumping low end of the music as my peers party on within the gymnasium not too far from where I am right now. All that really separates us is a few layers of concrete bricks and the mortar holding them in place. Once I determine that the coast is clear, I reach in my purse and pull out my half-empty flask. A Heath knows better than to go anywhere empty-handed.

 

I take my time screwing off the cap and tilting the flask to pour more of its numbing contents into my punch. I need it to help me get warm, but I also need it to chase the pain away. I've taken more than a few pulls at this point, but I still haven't reached my goal of becoming totally and completely unfeeling. That's all I want right now. To feel nothing. Because honestly, that would feel a whole lot better than what I'm trying to cope with at the moment. I take a long drag from my plastic cup and grimace slightly as I feel the alcohol burn its way down my esophagus. Then I place the cup down beside me so I can conceal my flask back in my purse for another few minutes until I need it again.

 

Just as I'm screwing the cap back on, a hand reaches out and wraps around my wrist. Shit. I'm caught.

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the accompanying voice harshly reprimands from above me. It isn't the voice of a teacher or some other chaperone as I had expected. No, instead it's one that I instantly recognize. One that's been in my ears for practically the whole night.

 

"I  _think_ I'm trying to get smashed on the steps outside of the Spring Fling dance, your highness" I smugly reply. "I don't know, I've been out here a while, so my judgement's a little cloudy." Christen takes a seat on the steps next to me, but she keeps her grasp on my wrist secure and unforgiving.

 

"How long have you been out here? I've been looking all over for you" Christen quickly questions, a bit of a snap to her voice. I can already tell she's not happy with me by the way she says it.

 

"Not really sure" I shrug, letting my heavy shoulders go up before letting them lazily drop down again. "However long it takes to drink half of one of these" I say as I hold up the flask to Christen. Her eyes narrow and her nostrils flare as she quickly snatches it away from me. "If you wanted some, you could've just asked."

 

"Could you just be serious for one second?" Christen snaps, gearing up to lay into me with her thoughts. I meet her eyes for the first time in a few moments, and I can tell that I've only aggravated her further. "I don't understand why you would do something so stupid. You could've been caught! You could've been suspended and kicked off of the soccer team right here on the spot! What the hell is going on with you right now?"

 

"I don't understand why you're making a big deal about this" I try to dismiss as I think of ways to try to justify my behavior. "I just wanted a drink." Isn't spiked punch just a part of the high school dance experience?

 

"Because this _is_ a big deal, Tobin! You can't just ignore the rules and do what you want. There are consequences to your actions! Some that could take away all the things that you love!" Christen bursts, getting exceedingly worked up now. She's disappointed in me, that much is clear, but I really don't need the lecture right now. I know that what I'm doing isn't very smart. I know that I could get in serious trouble for this. I know all of that, but the thing that she's failing to realize is that I just don't care. Nothing goes my way. Ever. So why should now be any different? If I was really smart, I'd just learn to accept that and get on with my life. What's the point in giving a fuck if the world doesn't give a fuck about me in the first place?

 

"What would you know about consequences? Huh? Miss Soccer Captain, Miss Chairperson, Miss Spring Fling Queen. Life is easy for you. You want something, you get it. But that's not how things work out for me. Everything always blows up in my face,  _especially_ the things that I love" I angrily shout back. I don't like this. I don't like exploding at Christen. But I can't control it right now. Whether it be the alcohol talking or my out of control emotions, I have no choice but to let my anger and resentment out of me.

 

"If you would just open your fucking eyes, you would realize that isn't the case" Christen grumbles dejectedly from beside me. She sounds sadder than she was before. Like I struck a nerve. But I don't dare look her in the eye. If I hurt her, I can't bare to witness the damage that I've done. Not even the alcohol would be able to save me then. After a few long minutes of silence, I hear Christen sniffle and get up to her feet. "Come on" she says as she pulls me up by my shoulders. "I'm taking you home."

 

"No" I protest once I'm back on my feet. I feel a little wobbly now that I'm upright, but this time it's not because I'm wearing heels.

 

"Tobin" Christen's voice harshly warns, causing me to look her in the eye once more. Her eyes are red and puffy, but they hold a ferocity in them that I would be a fool to try to defy. I must have really upset her. I don't think I've ever heard her use that tone with me in my entire life.

 

"Christen? Tobin? Is that you guys over there?" I hear Cheney's voice sound from several yards away. I look over Christen's shoulder and see her and Allie making their way over. Shit. Christen must be thinking along the same lines that I am because she briefly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before turning to face them. She's probably doing her best to plaster on a happy face. Only I will have the pleasure of knowing her fury.

 

"Why aren't you guys inside? There's only about twenty more minutes until the final song" Allie asks once she and Cheney are nearly in front of us.

 

"Actually I was just about to take Tobin home" Christen informs in a far more friendly voice than the one she used on me just moments ago. I stumble to the side a little as I experience a momentary lapse of balance. Cheney stares at me skeptically before she glances down and notices my confiscated flask still visible in Christen's hand.

 

"Tobin, are you drunk?" Cheney asks in down-played disbelief. I don't answer, but then again, I don't have to. Cheney already knows that it's true. Allie gasps as she realizes it as well.

 

"Like I said" Christen continues, "I'm just going to take her home."

 

"Christen, no" Cheney argues, stepping over to grab a hold of my arm. "Jrue and I will take her. This is your big night, you shouldn't have to duck out early."

 

"It's fine" Christen exhales after holding up a hand to stop Cheney from trying to convince her to change her mind. "My night ended a while ago." Both Cheney and Allie exchange sympathetic looks before both of their eyes land on me. I'm not really sure why they're looking at me like that, or rather,  _glaring_ at me like that, but I suspect it has something to do with my vanishing act from earlier. "You guys just watch her while I pull the car around" Christen instructs. Both Cheney and Allie wordlessly nod in agreeance before Christen makes her way to the back parking lot.

 

"Harry, how could you-" Allie begins to scold once Christen is far enough out of sight.

 

"You can save me the lecture" I interrupt as I haphazardly lower myself to take a seat on the steps once again. "Christen already gave me an earful." Cheney takes a seat next to me and grabs my hand as I stare blankly out at the rows of cars in the parking lot in front of me.

 

"Tobin" she starts out gently, using her inherent kindness to cut through the walls of my hardened exterior. "Are you alright?" A lump grows in my throat as look over to Cheney's concerned eyes.

 

"I don't know" I reply, trying my best to shield my true emotions. But the longer I gaze into Cheney's pitiful irises, the more I realize that I can't lie to her. I don't have the strength to do that anymore. "No" I weakly correct, my lower lip trembling and the tone of my voice wavering. "I really fucked up."

 

Cheney gives my hand a squeeze while Allie takes a seat on the other side of me and grabs my free hand, resting her head on my shoulder as she settles in.

 

The three of us sit in silence as we wait for Christen to pull the car around.

 

* * *

 

 It's only when we turn onto Christen's street that I realize we've long since passed any route to my home. I turn towards Christen in confusion as she puts the car into park in her driveway.

 

"This isn't my house" is all I can manage to say. Real eloquent, I know.

 

"You were barely able to get in my car. There's no way you could even attempt to sneak into your room in this state" Christen points out. She's not wrong, I feel like I've lost even more control over my own body since we left the dance. And even though the car is in park right now, I feel as though I'm still moving. I don't even want to think about what would've happened had I tried to climb up the ladder to get to my room. "Besides, if your mom saw you like this, you'd be toast." Another valid point.

 

"Thanks" I mumble, fiddling with my seat-belt, though failing miserably to free myself from it. Come on, hands. Work better. After a few moments of watching me struggle, Christen sighs ans leans over to release the buckle.

 

"Just stay here for a few minutes" Christen instructs as she leans back over and opens the driver's side door. "I'll come back for you in a bit." I nod and with that, Christen closes the door and makes her way into the house. I sit in silence as she goes to make sure that the coast is clear. I glance over to the center console of the car's interior. Christen's crown is sitting there, nearly an after thought at this point. That's when I'm struck with a pang of guilt. Cheney was right, tonight was Christen's night, and I took that away from her. Yet here she is, still willing to help me when I'm unable to help myself. A single tear trails down my face, I think that's all my exhausted tear ducts have left in them, and I think about how I don't deserve a friend like Christen, much less Christen herself.

 

A few minutes later, Christen emerges from the house with her sister Tyler in tow. They make their way over to my side of the car and open the door. Before I allow myself to be pulled out, I reach behind me and grab Christen's crown. Then I place it back on her head where it truly belongs. Christen doesn't say anything, but I see a suppressed smile play at her lips. Tyler looks surprised to see the crown on Christen's head, but she doesn't say anything either. Instead, both of the Press sisters pull me from the car and drag me into the house.

 

We make pretty good progress until we encounter the stairs to the basement. It was a struggle for me to even maneuver on a flat surface, much less stairs. Slowly and quietly Christen and Tyler get me down the stairs. There's only one time where I almost slip, but Christen catches me before I do. Finally we reach the basement, and the two sisters deposit me on one of the couches.

 

"Thanks, Tyler. I can take it from here" Christen declares as Tyler takes a step back from Christen and I.

 

"Alright" Tyler nods, glancing back and forth between me and her sister, an unreadable expression on her face. "Just let me know if you need anything."

 

"Will do" Christen agrees. Tyler travels back up the stairs and soon it's just me and Christen in the room. "Lift your arms" Christen instructs as she glances back at me again. I stare at her confused for a moment.

 

"What?" I ask.

 

"Lift your arms" Christen repeats again, her voice less than humored. "We have to get you out of that dress." Out of my dress? Why? Christen places her hands on her hips as I still refuse to comply. Honestly I don't know what to expect right now. "There are some pajamas right next to you" Christen finally reveals. I follow her eyes and see the pile of clothes that she set aside for me.

 

"Oh" I sheepishly mutter as I finally lift my arms over my head. Being that I'm unable to stand on my own, Christen leans against the couch beside me and leans me forward so my weight isn't on the back of my dress. She reaches behind me and begins to unzip my gown. It seems agonizingly slow, and as she does it, I feel myself growing restless. Her fingers occasionally graze the bare skin of my back, and a foreign feeling swells within me. I'm suddenly very conscious of the fact that I'm being undressed my another woman.

 

"Alright, I'm going to take it off of you now" Christen calmly instructs as she reaches for the bottom of my dress and begins pulling it upward. Gradually more and more of my body is exposed. First my thighs, then my stomach, and finally my chest as she pulls the flowy fabric up and over my head. My hair's a mess once I've been stripped of my gown. Even though I'm still in my underwear, I feel naked in front of Christen. All vulnerable and exposed. But she's kind enough to direct her eyes away from me, busying herself with preparing my pajamas instead. She makes me lift my arms again, and carefully pulls a t-shirt over my head. It's soft and much warmer as it sits on my shoulders that have been exposed all night. I thought we might run into trouble with trying to get me into the pair of shorts she brought me, but that goes off without a hitch as well. Once that's done, Christen disappears back up the stairs for a little while.

 

When she finally returns, she's dressed in some pajamas of her own, and she carries a bottle of water and a toiletry bag in her hands. I'm a little disappointed at the sight. Christen looked really good in her dress tonight, I wish I would've appreciated that fact a little more when I had the chance.

 

Christen sits beside me on the couch again and zips open the toiletry bag. She pulls out a few makeup remover wipes out of a fresh packet and immediately goes to work on my face.

 

"Ow, that's my eye!" I burst, unaware off my volume as Christen tries to wipe my eye shadow away.

 

"Tobin, you have to be quiet" Christen reminds, glancing upward towards the ceiling, and consequentially all the floors above. I forgot that we're supposed to be incognito right now. It's not that Christen's parents would mind if they knew that I was staying the night. It's just that as much as Mama Press loves me, she wouldn't be thrilled to see me in the state that I am right now.

 

"Sorry" I whisper, regretful and hoping that my now subdued voice will somehow compensate for my previous outburst.

 

"It's alright" Christen sighs, focusing all her attention on finishing removing the makeup from my face. After a few more moments of silence, she finally does just that, and no trace of Perry's work of art remains on my skin. "There, all done." Christen holds my gaze for a few seconds while her hands remain on my face. I look at her back with similar intensity. I feel that sensation again. The one that was swimming through me before, as Christen was undressing me. I still can't name what it is, but I can piece together that I've never felt it when looking at Christen before. Not until now. Now I just want to keep looking at her and keep feeling this thing I'm feeling. I want to keep her in this new light. But as I think this, Christen pulls away and retreats to the other couch.

 

There she grabs a pillow and a blanket and helps me prepare a makeshift bed on the couch that I'm sitting on. When I lay down, she pulls the blanket over me. She places the bottle of water next to me on the floor, leaning directly against the couch. I want to ask her to stay by my side for a few minutes longer, but before I can, she's out of sight again. My heart sinks a little.

 

But after another few minutes, she returns to the room, fresh-faced and carrying a pillow and blanket from her bed upstairs. She sets them both on the other couch before she crosses the room and switches off the light. She pads back to the other couch and settles in for the night. I wait until she stops moving before I speak up.

 

"Christen?" I ask hesitantly, unsure if she's listening at this point.

 

"Yeah?" she returns, her voice seemingly tired and worn out.

 

"I'm sorry about tonight." A few beats pass before I get a reply.

 

"Just get some sleep, Tobin."

 

"You looked really beautiful in your dress" I try again, hoping to get Christen to forgive me in even the smallest way.

 

This time I don't get a response. Maybe she's ignoring me. Or maybe she's just asleep. Either way, I know I won't be getting much rest tonight.

 

Nothing causes insomnia more effectively than a guilty heart.

 

* * *

 

**End of April**

 

This game has been a slugging fest from the very first whistle. We're mid-season now and every team in the conference is starting to pick up the intensity. That means all the rookie mistakes should be behind us. By now we should've settled into our style of play, and we should be working towards finding that winning rhythm that will lead us all the way to the state championship. That's what should be happening, in theory, but as this game proves, even the most confident team is going to have to battle it out every second that they're on the pitch.

 

It's a tie game at the moment as we face off against the fierce competitors of Long Beach South. Fouls and cards have been plentiful, and every player on each side is playing particularly scrappy soccer. It's only a matter of time until someone gets hurt, and I'm hoping for my sake that it won't be me. But I'm positive that someone's going to take the fall. Like I said, it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

 

As I look down the field in front of me, I hear Christen barking out orders to the team after a ball just rolled out of play. She's the nicest person you'll ever meet off of the pitch, but when it's game time, she runs a tight ship. She makes eye contact with me and points for me to move closer to the ball on the flank, so I can hopefully intercept the throw in. I do as she says without protest. Things have been a little rocky between me and Christen ever since the night of the dance. Like we still see each other at school and we still talk and whatever, but she's been distant, and I know I'm responsible for that. I've been doing everything in my power to get back in her good graces, but I know that it will take time. Honestly I'm just grateful that she hasn't completely abandoned me.

 

The ref blows her whistle and my mind switches back into game mode. The winger on the other team tries to throw it to the girl behind me along the sideline, but I chest it down and send it over to Cheney in midfield. Cheney picks her head up and sees Christen making a curling run towards goal. She slots through the most beautifully weighted ball to Christen, and Christen places it in the back of the net on her first touch. The team cheers as Christen throws up her arms, smiling as she waits for the rest of us to cluster around her in celebration. I'm among one of the last players to get there, so I have to settle for just patting her on the head before I run back to take my position on the flank.

 

That was the third goal of Christen's this game. It's safe to say that she's having the best match of her high school career. Every other player on the field has been subbed out multiple times, but not Christen. Coach Rory knows that you don't take a player out when she's having a game like that. And by the looks of it, she doesn't intend to slow down any time soon.

 

A player on the other team wastes no time fishing the ball out of the back of the net and running it back to the center of the field to reset. Sure we have the lead, but it's still anyone's game.

 

The whistle blows and we're underway again. Several minutes pass as the ball gets ping-ponged around in the midfield, possession switching almost as often as a foot lands on the ball. Finally Allie's able to gain some control of it, and she sees me streaking down the sideline with no defenders near me. I launch into the attack as soon as the ball is at my feet. I go end line and try to find some teammates in the box. By now a defender is keeping up with me step for step. Finally I'm able to pick out Alex in the box, so I send in a cross. It connects with the top of her head, but her shot ricochets off the crossbar, and soon I'm hightailing it back down the field to defend against the counter attack.

 

Kelley is able to dispossess an opposing striker, and she plays it back to Alyssa. Alyssa boots it back into the midfield as another forward starts to pressure her. The ball hangs in the air, so I seize the opportunity to post-up under it. As it begins its rapid descent, I leap into the air to contest for it. However as I do, a midfielder for Long Beach jumps up from behind me and tries to over power me. In a bit of a clumsy attempt, her arms swing up, and she clocks me in the head with one of her elbows. I go down immediately.

 

The crowd roars as she referee blows her whistle and I land in a crumpled up heap. I bring both of my hands to cradle the top of my head while the ref shows the other girl a yellow. I'm left alone for a minute, but when I don't make any effort to get up, my teammates and the ref huddle around me. I'm in so much pain I want to cry out. My head is throbbing where the other girl delivered the blow, and I grimace as I clutch it, willing it to stop hurting.

 

"Merde! Enculer! Salope! Va te faire foutre!" I mindlessly spew out as I writhe on the ground.

 

"Tobs, are you alright?" I hear Cheney ask as she's the first one to kneel down beside me.

 

"What is she even saying?" I hear Kelley ask as she too joins the huddle.

 

"You don't want to know" Mandy simply replies, shaking her head and staring at me with mild amusement.

 

I move my hand away from my head a little bit as I feel something slimey coming from my hairline.

 

"Oh my god, she's bleeding!" I hear Allie yell in horror. I am? I lower my hands in front of my face and discover that they're covered with a warm, red liquid. Holy fuck I am! I wince at the sight, suddenly feeling a bit faint. The referee is instantly blowing her whistle again and beckoning for the trainers to hurry over. By that time, Christen pushes her way through the huddle of teammates and falls to my side.

 

"Tobin! Holy shit, are you alright?" she hurriedly asks me as her worried gaze falls on my face. Oh yeah, I'm good. Totally fine. Just, you know, casually bleeding out. Does it fucking look like I'm alright?! However I'm unable to say any of those things before the training staff arrives. They force everyone, even Christen, to the side so that they can get to work on me. They pull on rubber gloves and start applying all sorts of things to my head in an attempt to stop the bleeding. At that time, the two teams take the opportunity to discuss tactics as I'm down. Most of the players that surrounded me before have now retreated to either talk with their coach, or to re-hydrate. Although I can already tell without looking that Christen isn't one of them.

 

"Tobs, you're going to be fine. It's all going to be fine" I hear her try to reassure me over all the murmuring of the training staff leaning over me. I know those are just the first words out of her mouth and that she can't possibly know any of those things for certain, but I cling onto her words. I try to let them keep me calm. And even if they can't bring me total peace of mind, they do well enough to distract me while the medically trained adults at my side poke and prod at my head. "I'm right here with you. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

 

After a while the trainers decide that it's best to get me off of the field. They slowly raise me to my feet. They crowd begins to cheer and applaud as they walk me over to the sideline. I'm leaning almost all of my weight on one trainer while another uses their hands to keep pressure on my head. Instead on stopping me at the training table, they must decide to take even more precaution, because they seat me in one of the school's golf carts. The cheering crowd regains some of its worry when they see that I'm being carted off, so I decide to wave to them to show that I'm not fatal. At least not yet, anyway.

 

I find my family in the stands, my mom looks like a panicked mess and Perry and Jeffery look pretty shaken up as well. I send them a thumbs up for extra reassurance. Suddenly I don't know who has it worse. Me for sustaining a head injury, or my siblings for now having to deal with my hysterical mother. Oh well, I guess the head injury is just the hand I've been dealt.

 

Then I glance back to the pitch as I watch both teams slowly take the field once again. I notice most of my friends out there, so I hold up a fist to them in hopes of encouraging them to keep fighting despite what just happened. If anything I want them to be inspired, not shaken. I have faith in them though, especially if Christen keeps playing how she's been playing. However as soon as that thought crosses my mind, I realize that I have yet to spot her out there. She's somehow disappeared. That, or I really did take quite the knock to the head and I just don't see her.

 

When I hear the whistle ring in the distance and echo across the field, I decide that I'm probably just overthinking it and that Christen's back out there, leading the charge as she does week in and week out.

 

* * *

 

I sit on the training table in the locker room as I pick at the superglue - sorry,  _dermabond_ \- dried onto my head. Turns out the gash on my head wasn't actually as severe as I initially thought, I'm just one hell of an aggressive bleeder. Well, at least I'm good at something. After they were able to stop the bleeding the trainers put me through and array of concussion tests. I passed all of those with flying colors. Turns out I'm hard headed as well, but I already knew that.

 

Anyway, now I just sit here and wait for the trainers to have a word with my mom. They've been outside in the hall for a while (no parents allowed in the locker room), so I just swing my legs back and forth under the table as I sip on the juice box one of the trainers gave me. It was Jenny Taft. She's my favorite trainer when we're out there on the sidelines. I'll never tell Darren that though, it would probably break his heart, and I hate to make that beautiful man feel bad.

 

I hear the door creak open at the front of the locker room, and I'm surprised to see who it is that walks in.

 

"Christen?" I ask once her eyes fall on me and she's making her way over. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on the pitch right now."

 

"They don't need me out there" she quickly dismisses as she takes in the banged up sight of me. By now a large section of my forehead is covered in a pretty nasty bruise. Don't need her out there? That's doubtful. But I conclude that now is not the time to question Christen's decision to come see me. Her eyes look pained as she looks at me, so I decide to ease her worries.

 

"It looks worse than it is" I explain, taking another recreational sip out of my juice box. "It hardly even hurts anymore."

 

"So you're alright?" she asks, her voice still hesitant. I smile and nod, but then I become shy as another thought enters my mind.

 

"Yeah, I'm alright" I confirm as I set my juice box beside me. "But are we?" Christen's eyes furrow in confusion.

 

"What do you mean?" she asks, taking a step closer to me. I sigh, not wanting to bring up bad memories, but feeling the need to finally address the elephant in the room.

 

"I mean, can we go back to the way things were?" I solemnly explain as I look into Christen's eyes pleadingly. "You know, before the dance." Christen's features relax and contort as she realizes what I'm getting at. She stares at me for a few seconds more before she leans forward and pulls me in for a hug. It feels good to be in her arms again. It's been too long since I felt this at ease.

 

"Of course we can" she mumbles into my shoulder, "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately." I pull back and look Christen square in the eye.

 

"You? A bitch? That is physically, mentally, and spiritually impossible" Christen laughs at my dramatically over-the-top reaction to her admission. "Honestly, I think that's against the laws of nature. If anything I'm the bitch. I was the one who was stupid. And look at me now, I'm still paying for it." I point to the edge of my hairline where I received the blow. "You know what they say, bitches get stitches. Or I guess, in this case superglue." Christen laughs even more, and it's like music to my ears. I've missed hearing that laugh, it's one of the best in the world.

 

"Get over here, you goon" Christen orders as she pulls me in for another hug. "Now I know you're fine. Your jokes are as dumb as ever."

 

* * *

 

After the game ends, Coach and the team join us in the locker room. We all circle around as Coach says a few things about the game. As it so happens, Long Beach equalized shortly after I was escorted off of the field. However the team held on and dug deep, and Alex scored the game winner in the ninety first minute. It sounds like it was one hell of a dramatic end, so I feel bad that I wasn't there to see it. As Coach finishes up his final remarks, I notice he sends a less-than-pleased look Christen's way. She bows her head and averts her eyes. This is a strange thing to see. Christen can normally do no wrong in Coach's eyes. I wonder what happened between them while I was away.

 

When Coach finally lets us go for the night, everyone on the team comes over and checks on me at some point or another. Allie makes a joke about my head having to be glued shut, Alyssa extends her sincerest condolences, and Mandy corrects my pronunciation of the few choice French words I let loose on the pitch. When Cheney comes over to check on me, I notice that she has the Captain's arm band around her arm. I look over to Christen quizzically, but she doesn't say anything about.

 

Finally as Christen and I walk out of the locker room together and make our way to the parking lot where our families are surely waiting for us, I hear my name being called from behind.

 

"Tobin! Wait up!" Both Christen and I turn around and see Alex jogging towards us, her large duffel bag bouncing against her side as she does. She doesn't say anything else until she's directly in front of me. "Hey, sorry, I meant to catch you while we were all still in the locker room."

 

"That's alright" I easily dismiss, just happy that Alex went through all this trouble just to talk to me. "What's up?"

 

"I just wanted to check up on you and see how you're doing. That blow looked nasty even seeing it from far away. They totally should've given out a red card for that" Alex explains, recalling my knock to the head as she saw it through her eyes.

 

"I'm totally fine" I scoff, trying to seem as cool and unaffected as I can. "I'm the same as I was before, just with a little less blood in my head." Although from the way that I'm blushing, you wouldn't think that was the case.

 

"Well good" Alex laughs sweetly as she reaches forward and gives my forearm a squeeze. "As long as the Tobin that I know is still in there, that's all that really matters." I smile at Alex's comment. The Tobin that she knows is still in here alright. Still in here, and still very much crushing on Alex. Alex's eye catches something in the parking lot and she smiles once she sees it. She waves at whoever's over there, then returns her eyes back to me. "Anyway it's time for me to head out now, I'm glad to hear that you're okay."

 

"Thanks" I grin as Alex passes both me and Christen. She gets about halfway to the parking lot before she turns back to face us again.

 

"Oh and Tobin!" she yells, regaining my attention that never really left her in the first place.

 

"Yeah?" I call back, highly anticipating what Alex might say back.

 

"When Coach said to use your head in the game, I don't think he meant it so literally! Try to avoid that from now on!" Alex teases as she throws her head back, laughing at her own joke. I chuckle as well, appreciating Alex's quirky sense of humor.

 

"Thanks for the advice!" I yell back, amused by how pleased Alex seems to be with herself.

 

"Anytime!" she returns before turning back around and continuing to walk towards the parking lot. My smile stays on my face. Alex is just so cute without even trying to be. I watch her walk the rest of the way, but then I notice she's suddenly sprinting and launching herself into someone's arms.  _His_ arms. Fucking Servando.

 

"Let's get out of here" I disgustedly suggest as I avert my eyes to anywhere but Alex and Serv.

 

"Nothing would make me happier" Christen grumbles from beside me, her eyes narrowed on the one spot of the parking lot where I refuse to look.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I'm giving myself angst by writing all of this angst. It's like instead of getting angst out, I'm inviting more in. It's the circle of angst.


	5. May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um, just a lot of angst and uncomfyness. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative titles for this chapter include, but are not limited to: Grasping at straws. The Colts Suck. What's a Broken Lamp Between Two Friends? ...I Shouldn't Have Said That. Hurt. Lots of Hurt. UGH. The Oblivious Fuck Fucks It Up Again. All Is Lost.
> 
> I love them all but I already had this month theme going, so "May" it is. I can't break my own rules.

**Beginning of May**

 

Alex Morgan is Bi.

 

I know she is.

 

It's been hard, but I've managed to get over what I saw at the dance a few weeks ago. The more I think about what happened, the more I understand why Alex did what she did that night. I mean, Servando is a good looking dude who could frankly charm the pants off of just about anyone. Well, not me, but pretty much anyone else. Girls or guys. And how can I fault Alex for falling under his spell? The guy serenaded her for Pete's sake. He talks to her everyday, he gives her little gifts, he pays her more attention than he does anyone else. The man is skilled in the art of seduction, and to blame the victim in all of this, Alex, well that doesn't seem fair at all. I've realized now that the only thing standing in the way of me and Alex going out isn't Serv (like I once thought), it's me. I just haven't been trying hard enough. I mean I know Alex likes me, the signs are all there. The way she laughs at all my jokes (even the ones that aren't funny), the prolonged eye contact, the hand holding. That's right, she fucking holds my hand from time-to-time. She definitely likes me. I know she does.

 

Right now we're currently getting a post-practice snack at the local co-op like we have six other times in the past two weeks alone. I usually buy a packet of graham crackers while Alex opts for a container of vanilla yogurt. Today is no different. We buy or snacks separately and walk a few blocks down the street to have a little picnic of sorts in the park. Aside from a few seagulls, we have the park predominantly to ourselves. We take a seat under the large oak tree near the pond, allowing the long branches to from a natural canopy over our heads. The occasional beam of sunlight leaks through the leaves as a gentle breeze flows through the air. Without a word, Alex reaches into her grocery bag while I reach into mine. She is careful to open the yogurt without spilling while I begin dividing my packet of crackers into two stacks. Alex smiles as I offer her a stack. She gladly takes it and sets her container of yogurt in between us. Since the first time that we hung out after practice like this, we share our snacks, discovering that the combination of graham crackers dunked in yogurt is a pretty tasty treat.

 

"You've got yogurt on the side of your face" Alex chuckles after I've taken my first bite. She points to the area just to the left of my mouth, and I suddenly become embarrassed. I don't like looking like a fool in front of Alex. However that seems to happen a lot. I'm a cursed messy eater, and it seems like no matter what I do, I can't change that part of myself. Not even when in the presence of the cute girl beside me. "Here" Alex says as she offers me a napkin that she pulls out of her bag. I shyly take it and wipe off my face. "You know, for someone usually so coordinated, you miss your mouth an awful lot" Alex teases, only causing my blush to deepen.

 

"Yeah, Christen's always telling me that, too" I sheepishly admit. Crumpling the napkin in my hand, trying to find a way to change the subject. For some reason Alex mentioning Christen's name makes me feel some sort of odd feeling. I'm not sure what it is exactly. Guilt, regret, loneliness, I just can't figure it out. I feel like it probably has something to do with not seeing much of her lately. She's been busy with constant student council meetings, or school board responsibilities, or soccer stuff. It just seems like she's always preoccupied with something, her attention is elsewhere, and as much as I want to spend more time with her, I can't tell her that. She's a worrier, and if I tell her that I wish I could see more of her, she would worry about disappointing me. I don't want to add to her list of worries more than I've already done. This is probably the busiest, most stressful time of year for her, so I should probably just give her some space, even if I miss her more and more everyday that we go without hanging out with each other. Even if I feel slightly lost without her.

 

"Speaking of which" Alex interjects at the sound of Christen's name, "What's been going on between you two lately? It just seems like ever since the dance, you've been kind of distant with each other." I still my hand as it's just about to dip a chuck of graham cracker into the yogurt. I'm surprised that even Alex has noticed our uncharacteristic separation from each other. But why is she bringing it up? Why does she care?

 

"Um, I don't know" I mutter, glancing over towards Alex only to notice how attentive her eyes look as she listens to me. "She's just been really busy I guess."

 

"Do you miss her?" Alex asks, wasting no time launching into the question. I study her eyes, but I still can't figure out why she seems so interested in my friendship with Christen. It's like she finds this situation amusing or something. I shift a little against the trunk of the tree before I answer.

 

"I mean, yeah. Of course I do" I nonchalantly reply, placing my graham cracker back on the ground, suddenly not so hungry anymore. Why am I feeling like this? Especially when talking about Christen of all people. Why do I feel so estranged from her? I just saw her at practice not thirty minutes ago. She gave me a high-five and I made a joke about dumping the Gatorade cooler on Kelley after she got all amped up about winning the mid-season beep test.

 

"Then maybe you should talk to her about it" Alex suggests, popping a bite of yogurt covered graham cracker into her mouth. I shrug at the idea.

 

"I don't know" I dismissively return, not overly convinced that it's the best idea. "Like I said, she's really busy with stuff. I don't want to be even more of a burden to her."

 

"Even more of a burden? What do you mean by that?" Alex asks, slight concern in her voice ash she arches an eyebrow. Dammit, I didn't really want to get into this today. Especially not with Alex or all people. It's not that I don't trust her, I do, I just don't want to come off as insecure in front of her. I know that's not attractive. But then Alex touches her hand to my forearm for a few moments, and I know that I can't deny her the answer to her question. I can't deny her anything.

 

"I just mean..." I sigh, trying to organize my words in the least lame way as possible. "Christen is like, really amazing, right?" Alex smiles and nods for me to continue. "Well, sometimes I just feel like, I don't know, like I hold her back. I mean, she's so successful at everything she does and she's so well-liked by everyone. I just, sometimes I feel like she's too good to be my friend. Like I'm not good enough and I'm dragging her down somehow." Alex's smile morphs into a frown. Great, just what I didn't want to happen. Nice job, Tobin. You've ruined this nice moment with Alex. All because you can't keep your trap shut or at the very least tell a convincing lie.

 

"Hey" Alex consoles as she places a hand on my shoulder this time. I flinch at the contact, but after a few moments, I can't avoid her eyes anymore. "I don't think Christen feels that way at all. You're an amazing person, Tobin. I know that and so does she." I blink a few times as I try to digest Alex's words. Alex thinks I'm amazing? Why? How? What does that even mean? Why is she telling me this right now?

 

"Why are you so interested in my relationship with Christen?" I finally ask, kind of allowing the words to leave my lips without entirely thinking them over. I know it's a blunt thing to ask, but the question has been burning inside of me since we started this conversation. What is Alex's motive here? Why does she want to know?

 

"You two just seem so good together" Alex shrugs as she dips another piece of graham cracker into the vanilla dairy product. "I saw the way you two looked when you danced together at Spring Fling. I can tell you make each other happy." My eyebrows furrow I try to figure out what exactly Alex means by that. Could she be insinuating something?

 

"We're best friends" I defensively reply, shifting uncomfortably against the tree trunk once more. "Of course we make each other happy. That's what friends do."

 

"Right" Alex grins knowingly as she breaks off another piece of graham cracker and swirls it around the yogurt container. " _Friends_."

 

"Oh shut up, Alex" I grumpily return as I swat the piece of graham cracker from her hand just before she's about to plop it in her mouth. She watches it fall to the ground before she looks back to me and raises and eyebrow. "You know it's not like that."

 

"I'm not sure that I  _know_ anything" Alex chuckles as she reaches over and steals a cracker from my stack that's gone basically untouched since we sat down and started talking.

 

"Hey! Get out of here you thief!" I playfully yell as I shield the rest of my crackers with my hands, preventing Alex from snagging any more.

 

"What's the matter? Aren't  _friends_ supposed to share?" Alex quips, her face riddled with mischief.

 

"You are not my friend" I quickly return, jokingly narrowing my eyes at Alex. "You're my frenemy."

 

"I should've known" Alex lightheartedly returns as she shakes her head. "Not everyone can be your friend. I takes a special kind of person."

 

"Exactly" I return, dunking a large piece of graham cracker into Alex's yogurt. "A special kind of person who  _doesn't_ steal all my food."

 

* * *

 

"I don't care what anyone says, Ronaldinho is ten times better than Messi and you can fucking fight me if you disagree" I declare in between bites of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Cheney and Allie roll their eyes as I just smile at them contently. We have this conversation about once a week, and it always ends with me getting the last word. I'm sure it's just because my friends get tired of arguing with me about this, but still, I always consider it a win.

 

"Alright, whatever Harry. Can we just talk about something else now please?" Allie groans from beside me, her hands crumpling the corners of her paper lunch bag. 

 

"Yes, anything else" Cheney quickly agrees from across the cafeteria table. I smile again, this time savoring the fact that I've successfully annoyed my friends. It's one of m favorite pastimes. 

 

"Hey guys" I hear a familiar voice sound from behind me. I almost don't believe my ears considering it's been a while since I've heard it at this hour of the day. I turn around in my seat and make eye contact with Christen as she walks around the table and takes a seat next to Cheney.

 

"Hey there, Press" Cheney warmly greets as she scooches over a few inches to give Christen more room. "It's been a while."

 

"What? No lunchtime meeting today?" I tease as Christen makes eye contact with me again. She smiles politely and shakes her head in the negative. It's probably been over a week since Christen's graced us with her presence at the lunch table, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss her. So seeing her here and now, I suddenly feel a jolt of excitement shoot through my body.

 

"No, apparently everyone decided to be merciful today and let me eat my lunch in peace" Christen mutters humoredly, although by the tone of her voice I can tell that she's exhausted by it all. I can't help myself as I let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. I'm not really sure where it came from. Maybe it's just been so long since I've heard Christen crack a joke that all this laughter has just been building up inside of me for a week. Both Cheney and Allie look at me in skeptical surprise, but I see a small smile form on Christen's face. At least not everyone at this table thinks I'm weird.

 

"You okay there, Tobs?" Cheney asks, chuckling a little as a wave of embarrassment overcomes me. Ok, that was not my finest moment. And now people from other tables are looking at me. Great.

 

"Yep" I mutter as I lean my head on the table and wrap my arms around my head. "Just dandy." Even though my ears are mostly covered, I can still hear Christen laugh from the other side of the table. It makes me feel a little bit better.

 

"Oh, Christen!" I hear Allie chime from beside me, "I've been meaning to ask you, how did your date go?"

 

"Date?" I ask as my head shoots up from the table. Cheney gives Allie a menacing glare, causing her to recoil beside me. I glance over to Christen, but she only stares down at the table and avoids my eyes. "You went on a date?"

 

"You know what, Tobin? I think Messi is  _way_ better than Ronaldinho. Let's talk about that some more" Allie pipes up from next to me. I shoot her an unamused look before I glance back over in Christen's direction. She glances at me from time-to-time, almost as if she's considering something in her head. Why is she being so hesitant? I just want to know a little more about her supposed date.

 

"Christen?" I prompt after a few more moments of her failing to respond.

 

"Would you look at that! They have fish sticks on the menu today. Hey Tobs, you better get in line now before they run out" Cheney suggests as she points enthusiastically over my shoulder.

 

"Cheney, would you cut it out? I don't even like fish sticks" I dismiss as I look back over to Christen who at this point is now looking at me. Cheney deflates a little in front of me. What's going on? Why is everyone acting so strange?

 

"Yeah, Tobs" Christen finally mutters, her eyes fluttering a little as they connect with mine. "I went on a date a few nights ago." A few nights ago? And she hasn't even mentioned anything? Maybe it didn't go so well.

 

"Did you and Nima finally decide to give it a shot?" I ask, trying to get everyone around me to lighten up again. Seriously, why did they all get so sullen? "I knew it was just a matter of time. You two would make a super cute couple."

 

"No" Christen decisively declines, leaving no room for another one of my jokes regarding the two of them. "Not him."

 

"Tobin why are you being so peckish? Eat up" Allie interjects as she picks up the other half of my sandwich and shoves it towards my face. It basically smears across my mouth and one side of my face as I resist her attempt to force-feed me. What the hell, Harry? I angrily wipe the peanut butter and jelly residue away from my skin using the back of my hand. I turn back towards Allie and wipe my hand against her arm. "Harry!" she squeals, surprised by my actions.

 

"Not so fun, is it?" I snort, grinning cheekily at my friend. She sticks her tongue out at me and resumes poking at her salad without another word. I turn back to Christen who doesn't seem overly impressed with either of the two of us Harrys. "So why not Nima?" I press further, my curiosity unrelenting. "I thought he was your type."

 

"You have no idea what my type is" Christen quickly grumbles back. This catches me by surprise and I flinch at her sudden change in tone. Was it something I said? Did I strike a nerve?

 

"Ok, sorry, my bad" I sheepishly concede, now shifting uncomfortably under Christen's gaze. I'm not one that does well with being yelled at. It makes me feel embarrassed and weak. My pride is easily bruised, much to my own harm, not that I would ever tell anyone that. Christen sighs as she looks me over from across the table. Her eyes flutter closed and she takes another breath to compose herself.

 

"Sorry, Tobs, I didn't mean for it to come out like that" Christen apologizes in a noticeably softer tone. I nod dismissively in return and take a bite of the half of my sandwich that isn't completely squished. I chew for a few moments before I ask another question that's bouncing around in my head.

 

"So um, if it's not Nima, then what's this guy's name?" I cautiously ask, only daring to steal a glance at Christen a few seconds after the question leaves my lips. She stares at me for a brief moment as is she's considering her words. I immediately get the feeling that I overstepped, so I make my best attempt at backtracking. "You know what, if you don't want to tell me that's fine. I won't force you." Christen studies me a little more before she swallows and opens her mouth to speak.

 

"Peyton" Christen answers as her voice waivers. It's like she's nervous for me to know this dude's name. But why though? Does she not trust me with this information? Is she afraid I'm going to scare him off? If only she knew that's the complete opposite of the case. I want Christen to find the guy that makes her happy. I want Christen to be happy. More than anything else.

 

"Like Manning? Like the NFL quarterback?" I ask, a little more spirited now. All my doubts aside, I'm excited that Christen is willing to at least budge a little bit for me. Christen lets out a small chuckle at my reaction.

 

"Same spelling, but not the same person" she admits with a minuscule smile playing at her lips. There she is, there's the Christen I know. Not the one that seemed so guarded and closed off just moments ago. That Christen is a stranger to me, and I don't really know what to think when she's around. Hopefully she doesn't make another appearance.

 

"Is Peyton a football player, too?" I jest, urging Christen to give me some more information on this mystery man. I suddenly have an unquenchable desire to learn as much as I can about this guy. I can't remember the last time Christen actually caught feelings for someone, she's usually so shy about this kind of stuff. Come to think about it, she hardly ever talks about her crushes, and when she does, she never tells me who they are. She's secretive and I'm nosey.

 

"No" Christen simply states with the small shake of her head. Even though she's smiling, I can tell by the look in her eye that she's still unsure about talking about this. I feel a tad guilty now, so I decide to be merciful and swallow my own inquisitiveness.

 

"Well, I'm sure he's a wonderful guy" I conclude as I pop a grape into my mouth. "Knowing how picky you are, I'm positive you have good taste." Christen smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Allie, Cheney, and I soon fall back into easy conversation, but Christen doesn't add more than a few words for the remainder of the lunch period. It's like she's had another inexplicable shift in mood. It bothers me how shut off she makes herself from the rest of the group, but I will myself not to question it further. I've done enough of that for one day, and given the infrequent amount of times we've been able to see each other lately, I just want to enjoy her company while I can.

 

* * *

 

  **Mid-May**

 

It's finally the end of practice and practically the entire team collapses on the sidelines of the field. We pass around water bottles to and fro, no longer caring whose is whose, but mainly that everyone who needs hydration gets it. After all, we're nearing the end of regular season and players dying of exhaustion won't be any use to the team. We take our time stretching out, each of us doing whatever it is that we need to do in order to loosen up and allow our bodies to cool down and recover properly. After a few minutes or so, I rise back to my feet and lean side-to-side to loosen up my back. As soon as I hear and audible crack come from several of my vertebrae, I smile in sweet relief. My back's been bothering me lately, I hope that won't affect my ability to play soccer for the rest of the season.

 

"Hey Tobin" Cheney calls from the ground a few feet away. I turn to my right to glance down at her as she peels her socks from her feet and removes her shin guards from her legs.

 

"What's up?" I return, curious about what my friend has to say.

 

"Would you mind taking a few steps to your left?" she asks, an innocent expression on her face. I look to the empty space of grass to my left before glancing back over to Cheney. I'm not really sure why she's instructing me to do this. I mean, it's not sunny out, so it's not as if she wants me to block the sun out for her. And it doesn't seem like there's anyone around here that she wants to get a better view of. Nevertheless, I shrug and comply, opting not to question my friend's instruction. "Keep going, just a few steps more" Cheney continues as I slowly put space in between us. "There! There's perfect. Thanks, Tobs" she smiles sweetly, although something about the inflection of her voice causes suspicion to reenter my mind. Why does she want me to stand here? In this exact spot? What's going -

 

"Hey upperclassman!" I hear a young voice yell at me from behind. I glance over my shoulder in confusion. Soon enough, I figure out that the voice belongs to none other than Rose Lavelle. I smile as I spot the endearing rookie running towards me. She's really grown into her own during the past few months, and I'm getting the feeling that she feels more confident in herself as well. I know a lot of that was due to her own will, but I can't help but think that I deserve partial credit for that. You know, me being her soccer mentor and all. I'm basically like an older sister to her on this team. The two of us have grown really close. Speaking of close, the longer I watch Rose run towards me, the more I realize that her pace seems to be picking up rather than slowing down. Come to think of it, maybe running isn't the best word. _Barreling_ seems more accurate. Seriously, she needs to hit the breaks soon. As she's just feet away, I see something in her eyes that tells me that she isn't going to slow down. Or avoid me. Oh shit, she's not going to...No. She wouldn't! ...Would she? Shit, she would. She is! Dammit, I need to get out of the way before she-

 

"Ahhhh!" Rose bellows as she leaps from her feet and launches herself through the air. I try to dodge her projectile body, but my reaction isn't quick enough. Within milliseconds I feel her arms wrap around my waist and my body being hurdled forward along with hers. Luckily we land on a pile of warm up jackets and pants, but my body stills with shock as I can feel Rose beginning to stir from on top of me. "I did it! Haha, I did it!" she cries victoriously as she sits up and rolls herself off of me. I let out a groan as she does. Sure our fall was cushioned, but that doesn't mean that I still didn't receive a pale elbow to the ribs.

 

"Wow kid, I didn't think you had it in you" I hear Allie's voice comment from above. I pick my head up from the ground and realize that several of our teammates have formed a circle around us. What the hell is going on here?

 

"What are you two talking about?" I grumble as I prop myself up on my elbows. Rose laughs as she glances from Allie to me.

 

"I finally asserted my dominance" Rose easily replies as a cheeky grin grows on her face.

 

"You what?" I ask, still confused as ever. Asserted her dominance? What kind of bullshit is that?

 

"If I wanted to feel truly comfortable on this team, I had to tackle one of the more experienced players. So I did" Rose explains with an innocent little shrug. "You said so yourself." What is she talking about? I never - oh wait. Suddenly the memory of Christen's beginning of the season pool party comes rushing back to my mind. I may have given Rose some ill-fated advice that day, but I hadn't really meant it for real. I was just being stupid and looking for an excuse to dunk Christen into her own pool. I never could've imagined that this would come back to bite me. Or rather, _tackle me,_ as it were. That Rose sure is a smart ass. And a chip off the old block. I guess I've had more of an influence on the freshman than I thought I did.

 

"Well, I'm glad at least _someone's_ comfortable" I chuckle as I smile back at Rose. She stands and offers me a hand as a few of our teammates start cracking jokes about what just happened. Rose graciously pulls me to my feet, and I clap her on the back. "I'm glad you're taking my advice" I begin warmly, "But if you try some shit like that again, I won't let it go so easily next time."

 

"Noted" Rose laughs back, detecting the lack of credibility of my threat. I chuckle some more, but then I clutch my side as I begin to feel some pain resurface. It isn't bad, just enough to remind me of the collision that happened just moments ago.

 

"What the hell was that?!" I hear Christen's voice angrily boom across the make shift circle as she pushes her way through teammates and over to us. Rose and I exchange a glance at each other, suddenly any lighthearted humorousness is replaced by fear and rightfully intimidated anticipation. By the look in Christen's eyes, we both know that Rose is in for it. As impressed as I am in her new found boldness, I know she isn't anywhere near prepared to face the wrath of Christen. God help the poor child.

 

"It was just a joke between us" Rose nervously begins once Christen arrives in front of us and intensely stares Rose down as she waits for an answer. "We were just-"

 

"Just what?" Christen agitatedly interrupts. "Just throwing yourself at Tobin's defenseless body to get a few laughs? Just carelessly trying to injure one of your teammates? Just willing to sabotage the rest of our season by putting one of our best players on the disabled list?" Alright, I'm not so sure I'm a fan of the 'defenseless body' part, but I'm not about to call Christen on that. The way her eyes are burning right now, I'm just hoping that she doesn't murder the poor freshmen.

 

"No, none of that" Rose sheepishly mutters as she glances at Christen through hooded eyes. Christen crosses her arms as a stern look occupies her face. She takes a few moments to study Rose while the younger girl shifts uncomfortably in front of her.

 

"Give me five laps" Christen finally instructs in an unwavering tone. Rose's eyes widen at the request, knowing as much as anyone else that that means running roughly an extra mile and a quarter after such and exhausting practice.

 

"Five laps?" Rose quietly whispers in disbelief. I glance back over to Christen and notice that her demeanor hasn't budged in the slightest. Wow, she must be really upset.

 

"Come on, Chris" I supply in a gentle tone, trying to get my friend to show a bit more mercy to the first year. "Don't you think you're being a little harsh?" Christen's firey eyes lock-on to me and I feel an icey sensation flash throughout my body. Christen has a bone-chilling glare when she's particularly pissed off. Even though we've been friends for so many years, I'm still not used to seeing it. However, as she continues to look at me, I can see a few muscles in her face soften.

 

"Four laps" Christen amends once she looks back over to Rose. Rose opens her mouth to protest, but I swiftly bump her on the arm. Her eyes meet mine and I silently advise her to cut her loses while she can. Rose hesitates for a minute, but finally she nods and turns to complete her laps around the track. A few of our teammates take the opportunity to walk away from the circle, probably opting to give Christen space and not to do anything to piss her off even further. Christen watches Rose until she makes it to the track and starts jogging around the first curve. Then her eyes fall back to me. "Are you hurt?" Christen asks softly as she glaces down to my side. I follow her eyes until I realize that she staring at the hand still clutched at my ribs. I quickly let it fall to my side now that the pain has faded away.

 

"I'm fine" I rapidly reply, causing Christen to meet my eyes again. "I just took a weird knock in practice, but it's all good now. Nothing to worry about" I lie, not wanting to get Rose into anymore trouble than she's already in. Besides, this whole thing is kind of my fault anyway.

 

"Are you sure?" Christen asks, somewhat skeptically as she does her best to try to read my expression. "Because I can go with you to the trainer if you're not."

 

"Yeah" I quickly dismiss, allowing a smile to fall on my face. "We we're just having a little friendly fun, no harm done."

 

"'Friendly fun'?" Christen scoffs as she glances to the crumpled pile of warm-ups just behind me. "Reckless is more like it."

 

"Call it what you will" I begin, placing my hands on my hips and poking a little fun at Christen's stoicism. "I'm fine and so is Rose. That's all that matters." Christen raises an eyebrow and swiftly reaches forward and pokes at the sensitive section of my ribs that Rose accidentally elbowed just minutes ago. "Ow!" I yelp.

 

"You're fine? Really?" Christen asks, her tone skeptical and somewhat condescending. I rub a hand gingerly over my ribs as I pretend to glare back at Christen.

 

"Yeah, I was until you just viciously jabbed at my ribs" I sourly return. "What are you trying to do? Rough me up until I actually am in pain?"

 

"Just assessing the situation" Christen replies without missing a beat. As I study her eyes, I can tell that she's scheming something as we speak. It's encouraging to know that she's simmered down, but slightly dreadful as I know that whatever she's planning will probably come back to bite me in the ass. As the corners of her mouth upturn into a slight smile, I know I'm right. "Well then, seeing as you're not hurt, how about you go collect all the balls from the field and take them back to the equipment shed?"

 

"What? Why? I just did that two days ago. It's someone else's turn!" I argue, only causing Christen's smile to widen.

 

"Don't try to bullshit me here, I know Rose wasn't the only one responsible for this mess" Christen confidently advises, sporting a knowing look. She knows me too well.

 

"Are you serious? I'm the one who was tackled. I'm the victim in all this" I defend, still hoping to convince Christen to let me off the hook. This time she's the one to place her hands on her hips. She doesn't say anything else, she just patiently glances between me and the practice field, waiting for me to cave. And as much as I don't want to, I do. "You're abusing your power as Captain, you know that?" I exhale as I let my head droop.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about" Christen mischievously smiles, "I'm just doing my job." I shake my head as I reluctantly start backpedaling towards the field. As much as I want to be mad at Christen for punishing me for a stupid prank that I had no hand in orchestrating, I can't. Her smile is too warm and her leadership skills are too compelling. I can't argue with her for long, I never could. She's turned me into a pushover. Normally I would be concerned about that, but seeing as she has that effect on pretty much everyone, I don't pay it much mind anymore. Instead I just do as she says, with minimal sass.

 

"Just wait 'til the union hears about this!" I call to her once I'm several yards away. Christen rolls her eyes and chuckles.

 

"Better hurry up! Coach won't be too happy if you're late for team meeting!" she yells back now that I'm nearly to midfield.

 

"You could help me, you know!" I return, sending a smile her way, "That would make this go faster!"

 

"Yeah, I  _could_ " she retorts, smiling back at me playfully, "But I don't think I will. Have fun! Don't forget the ones behind the net!"

 

"Christen Press!" I call back to her just after she begins walking away. I freeze in my spot and place my hands on my hips. Christen giggles once she turns around and sees my unamused expression. She grins at me the whole time as she jogs over to me and picks up one of the ball bags along the way. I give her shoulder a slight shove once she finally arrives at my side. "Some iron-willed Captain you are" I tease as the two of us walk over to one of the goals and start fishing discarded balls out of the net.

 

"Maybe I just have a soft side for teammates who are prone to getting themselves knocked over every week" Christen quips, glancing at me devilishly over her shoulder as she retrieves a ball on the opposite side of the goal. I turn towards her and march to the middle of the goal to grab a ball in the center.

 

"It's not my fault that I always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time" I deflect, my voice argumentative but my face contorting into a contradictory playful expression. Christen smiles and meets me in the middle as she opts to collect a ball that's buried in the back of the net. She has to bend down to grab it, revealing a prime view of her ass as she does. I quickly avert my eyes, suddenly feeling creepy for glancing at my friend at such a inappropriate angle. Still though, I will admit that she does have a good ass, and those soccer shorts definitely compliment that.

 

"Or maybe it's the opposite of that" Christen continues, drawing my eyes back to her as she straightens up her back again. "Maybe you're always in the right place at the right time." I realize now that Christen is standing less than a foot away from me. I guess in my moment of awkwardness I didn't notice how close we actually are to each other. As Christen looks into my eyes, she smiles. And I smile back, now realizing how silly I was for feeling weird about looking at Christen. I mean, we've always been close, so why should now feel any different? I wasn't trying to be pervy or anything, I was just noticing a simple fact. Admiring one of Christen's many redeeming characteristics. Christen has a nice ass, just because I enjoy looking at it doesn't mean that I have to feel weird about it. Friends check each other out all the time, right? That's how we let each other know if we look alright. I mean I'm fairly certain that I've seen her do the same thing to me, and it hasn't made me feel strange in any way. Yeah, it's totally normal. That's definitely a thing that friends do.

 

"Kill me now" Rose wheezes as she sluggishly jogs by the goal.

 

* * *

 

"Alright, alright! Settle down ladies. Syd! For the last time, turn that music off!" Coach Rory instructs as we all gather in a circle after our last practice of the week. Syd begrudgingly disconnects her phone from the locker room speakers, ending her scrimmage team's celebration earlier than her side would've liked. I don't mind at all. My team just had our asses handed to us on a silver platter out on the practice field. I had a few bright spots, but the team as a whole was collectively shitty today. So much so that Syd, Christen, and Alex out scored our side nine goals to one. With all of that attacking force on one side, the scrimmage was over before it even began. "Thank you" Coach continues once the locker room is for the most part silent. "That scrimmage today was anything but pretty, so defenders I want you to spend some time before tomorrow's match going over a few drills with Coach Pearce. She's willing to stick around after today's meeting if any one of you have any questions."

 

Most of the defenders around the room let out audible groans. I don't blame them, extra practice is never fun,  _especially_ after taking a complete ass whooping on the pitch.

 

"If I hear anymore complaining, we're doubling up on early morning sessions next week. Is that what you want?" Coach warns, effectively silencing everyone. We all know he most likely won't hold true to his threats, but none of us want to test our luck. Coach is a nice and level-headed guy, but he's been known to surprise us on occasion. If you get on his bad side for whatever reason, it will take a little time until he lets you off the hook. He's a man who doesn't appreciate his players betraying his trust, and he's a man that will put you through the ringer until you've earned every ounce of it back.

 

"We'll shut up, Coach. Can we please just get to the line-ups already?" Stephanie McCaffrey bargains from across the room. Coach chuckles to himself and nods before glancing down to his clipboard. 

 

"Very well" he proceeds as he flips through a couple of pieces of paper. We all sit on the edge of our seats, anxious to hear the starting line up for tomorrow night's game. Due to inclement weather, it's been a few weeks since we've been able to play against another team. In fact, it wasn't since I had my head glued shut that the team last took the pitch. We're all getting stir crazy, and our need to compete has been left unsatisfied for more that a reasonable amount of time. We just need to play, dammit. "Starting line-up" Coach continues as we eagerly await to hear the eleven names that'll get to tear up the turf first. "Naeher in goal. O'Hara, Sauerbrunn, Menges, and Short in the back. Henry, Long, Cheney, and Heath at mid. Morgan and Leroux up top. Everyone else are options off the bench. It'll be a tough game, so don't be surprised if those of you with less experience don't see any minutes." I smile to myself once I hear my name in a starting position, but then it dawns on me that Coach forgot to call one very important player's name. One who's crucial to the team. It must be a mistake.

 

I glance over across the room to Christen who wears a forlorn expression on her face. Her eyes are downcast and she seems to be stuck in her own thoughts. It's almost as if she's not even in the same room as me right now. Confused, I look back over to Coach, only to find his eyes on the melancholy striker as well. By the way his eyes are narrowed, I can tell that his omittance of Christen's name wasn't a mistake. But why? She's usually his favorite. What's the cause of all of this tension between them lately?

 

"That'll be all for now, we'll go over formations tomorrow" Coach concludes as she flips all of his papers back on his clipboard and turns to exit the locker room. My eyebrows furrow as my gaze glances between Christen's sullen appearance and Coach's vacating body. I know I have to choose who I should speak to about this right now, and that I have to make up my mind quick. When my eyes fall on Christen again, my heart aches as I see the glimmer of sadness and disappointment on her face. I waste no time walking over to her.

 

"This must be some kind of misunderstanding. Don't worry Chris, I'll fix this" I announce once I reach her side. She looks up at me through pitiful eyes, her expression slightly puzzled.

 

"Tobin, what are you talking about?" she asks, her voice somewhat gravelly and gruff.

 

"I'm going to talk to Coach" I confidently inform. "You're getting that starting spot." Christen's facial muscles lift in surprise at my admission.

 

"Tobin, no. He's already made up his mind. It's better to just leave this alone" Christen tries to persuade me to resist the urge to go have a word with Coach. But the way her voice wavers and the sad glint that still persists in her eye do all the convincing for me. Now I'm _really_ going to have a chat with him. To make such a sweet and genuine girl so upset, well, that's just one injustice that I won't let fly. Rory may be our coach, but I won't let him get away with disrespecting Christen like this. Not after all that's she's done for this team. No, I'm not going to give up without a fight. I owe Christen that much.

 

"I'll fix this" I firmly repeat, determination buzzing within me. Before Christen says anything else, I turn around and begin making my way towards the locker room exit.

 

"Tobin, stop! This could affect you, too! It's not worth-" that's all I hear Christen call after me before I cut her off as I exit the room.

 

* * *

 

"Coach!" I yell as I sprint through the door leading to the parking lot. I see Coach Rory look up from his keys just after unlocking his car. He looks surprised to see me as I jog up to him. "Coach, I need to talk to you about tomorrow's starting line-up" I say as I try to even out my breathing. Coach rests a hand on his door handle as he angles his body to face me.

 

"What would you like to talk about? I have you at right flank because the other team's left back likes to play up. I was hoping you could exploit that and make a few runs to sneak behind the backline" Coach explains, probably thinking that my reason for talking to him is about my position on the line-up. It's not.

 

"No, Coach. I want to talk to you about someone else" I begin to correct before Coach can go into more of his explanation. "I want to talk to you about Christen." Coach's face contorts at the mention of her name. I can't tell if he's upset or surprised that I'm bringing her up. Maybe both.

 

"What about her?" he feigns ignorance as he glances back to his car and debates leaving me and the parking lot all together. I can tell that I'm making him uncomfortable, but I can see through his indifference. I know he's just as upset about not having her in the starting line-up as I am. And whether he wants to or not, I'm making him address this.

 

"Why isn't she starting tomorrow? She isn't hurt, and you know how badly we need her out there" I reply, making sure to expel any kind of excuse that may cause a coach to bench one of his best players. He sighs and shakes his head before meeting my eyes again.

 

"Look, I know what Christen can bring to the table, but after her actions last game, I can't let her off the hook without any repercussions" Coach exhales, seemingly annoyed by his own words. His admission trips me up and I'm unsure about what he's talking about. Christen was having the game of her career last game. She was playing nothing but flawless soccer. How could Coach even begin to criticize her performance?

 

"What do you mean?" I question, my brow furrowed and my tone begging for information. Coach looks at me skeptically before proceeding. It's like he thinks I should know the answer to my own question.

 

"I'm talking about when she walked off the pitch with twenty minutes remaining in the game" Coach reveals, frustration apparent in his tone. "The team had to scramble to make up for the loss of two of their key players. I can't allow my Captain to act so rashly without seeing some sort of punishment for it. Her actions could've cost us the game." Wait, Christen left the game? Why? Where did she...oh.

 

"Coach, she didn't just leave the game for no reason. She left the game to come check up on me" I point out, hoping that this information will get Coach to see things from a different perspective. It doesn't.

 

"Regardless of the reason, a captain has no right abandoning her team like that" Coach returns, now visibly flustered by my persistence and demand to talk about this sore subject. I feel myself starting to get angry with him.

 

"What are you talking about? She didn't abandon her team! She came to make sure that I was alright. She did her job as Captain and personally made sure that one of her own was okay. How is that abandoning her team? If you ask me, that's just stepping up when no one else did. I didn't see _you_ making any sort of effort to make sure that I was alright. Hell, I could've bled out on that field and you still would've kept the game going" I angrily spew out. I know I'm overstepping, but I'm not going to let him get away with say that, dammit. He can't denounce her like that, I won't let him.

 

"Tobin, I realize you're upset because Christen is your friend and you feel the need to defend her, but the decision is final. She needs to earn her way back to Captain if she wants to continue getting playing time with this team" Coach returns, trying to shut me down before I say something I'll regret. It's a valiant effort on his part, but a severely miscalculated one.

 

"What? Are you kidding me right now?" I boom, throwing my hands in the air and making a series of animated gestures. There's no going back now, I am _thoroughly_ pissed off. And like a wild fire, this fury storm is about to run its course. "Yeah Christen's my friend, but she's also my _Captain_ _!_ And a fucking good one at that. How can you sit there and say that she needs to earn her place back on this team? How dare you even suggest that? She has busted her ass for _years_ to get the team where it is today. Don't even imply that a large part of our success isn't attributed to her! It is! It fucking is! And this is how you choose to thank her for all that she's done? You bench her and disrespect her in front of everyone so what? So no one else will prematurely leave the field during a game? Well guess what. That's not going to happen! Why try to make an example out of her when you know that the team would benefit far more by having her on the pitch rather than having her sit on the sidelines? Christen is as true of a Captain as this team has ever seen, and her actions a few weeks ago only support that. Choosing to punish her over this isn't going to make the team any stronger, nor is it going to help Christen in any way. She's Captain, and she was doing her fucking job. Maybe if you did yours, she wouldn't have to save all of our asses all the time and we wouldn't have to worry about what happens on the pitch when Christen takes a godforsaken justified break!"

 

Coach lets out an agitated deep breath as his eyes meet mine. I know I'm in trouble now, but I don't regret a single word. Not a single fucking one.

 

* * *

 

I bow my head and drag my feet as I walk down one of the school hallways and make my way back to the locker room. Boy did I just get reamed out. And here I thought that practice kicked my ass. Nope, not today. Today I received a personal ass kicking, by none other than Coach himself. And let me tell you, it was one for the history books.

 

"Tobin? There you are!" I hear Christen call out from in front of me. I pick up my head and see her fast-walking over to me. She looks concerned. "Where have you been?"

 

"I uh, I had a little chat with Coach" I mutter, still feeling the sting of Coach's elevated voice affect me. Christen takes in my subdued expression and places a hand on my shoulder.

 

"Are you alright? You seem a little-"

 

"Fazed?" I finish her sentence, meeting her eyes for the first time. "Yeah, that's 'cause I am." Christen frowns, probably assuming the worst.

 

"I told you not to confront him" she begins, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "How bad was it?"

 

"Well" I begin, letting out a languished sigh, "Let's just say that you won't be alone on the bench tomorrow night." When Christen opens her eyes again, they look remorseful. Almost guilt-ridden.

 

"I'm so sorry, this is all my fault" Christen admits, always one to blame herself. I place my hand on top of hers and will her to look me in the eye.

 

"No" I decline, shooting down any kind of self-blame Christen may be clinging onto at this very moment. "You left that game because of me. This is my fault. I'm just sorry that I had to bring you down with me as a result." This time Christen shakes her head.

 

"You didn't make me leave that field, I chose to do that on my own accord" she explains, her face emotive and desperate for me to believe her.

 

"Well you didn't make me talk to Coach just now, that was my own doing as well" I counter. Christen smiles a little at that.

 

"How about we compromise and share the blame?" Christen offers with a slight chuckle.

 

"Seems fair" I smile back, taking the opportunity to sling my arm over Christen's shoulders and lead us both back towards the locker room. "I think we're both too stubborn for that conversation to end any other way."

 

"I think you're right" Christen lightly confirms, grabbing hold of my wrist as it rests on top of her shoulder. We walk down the hallway in silence for a few moments before I speak up again.

 

"My talk with Coach wasn't all bad though" I allude with knowing smirk. Christen turns her head towards me and raises an eyebrow.

 

"How so?" she asks, her interest piqued. I pause the both of us just before we arrive to the door of the locker room.

 

"I mean" I warmly begin as I reach behind my back and pull at a small piece of elasticy fabric that I had tucked into the waist of my shorts. "Coach did tell me to give you this." I unclench my fist and reveal a balled up Captain's armband in my hand. Christen's eyes dart excitedly between the armband and my face. She breaks out into a bright smile before she launches herself forward and latches her arms around my neck. I catch her and hug her back just as tightly.

 

"Thank you" she gratefully mumbles into my ear.

 

"Anytime, Cap" I utter back, smiling contently as I cherish the feeling of Christen in my arms.

 

* * *

 

"Faster!" Alex squeals as she glides down the street on my long board while I push her along the way. I'm briskly jogging at this point, worried that if I push Alex any harder that she'll go out of control and I won't be able to catch up to her. Breathing is hard as I try to juggle laughing and running all at the same time. Whenever I get tired and feel like I'm going to have to quit, Alex throws one of her endearing grins over her shoulder, and suddenly my energy is replenished. I ignore the fact that she's the one enjoying the ride while I'm doing all of the grunt work. I actually don't mind really. After all, I'm used to chasing after Alex Morgan. I've been doing it for months now.

 

"Any faster and you'll flip. Is that what you want?" I ask in between breaths as I struggle to catch up to her. She looks back at me and laughs.

 

"Only if I look super cool while doing it" she proclaims, her smile widening as I shake my head and lightheartedly chase after her again, sporting a grin of my own on my face.

 

"Well if you're anything like me, you'll look completely and utterly ridiculous" I mutter through gritted teeth as I catch up to her and use the weight of my body to push her and the board forward with as much force as I can muster. She glides forward with gracious ease, and I admire how Alex is such a quick study with a long board. You wouldn't think she was a novice just by watching her now. Is there anything that this girl isn't good at?

 

"You're right, it's a good thing I'm not you!" Alex teases as she speeds further down the street. I try to follow after her, but as soon as I start into a jog, I have to pause to catch my breath. I bend forward and rest my hands on my knees, allowing my hair to fall over my face. I guess that last shove took more out of me than I thought. "What's a matter, Tobin? Embarrassed that I'm already better at long boarding than you?" Alex jokes as her voice nears. I can hear the rumble of the plastic wheels of the board against the pavement. As I glance up, I brush a few stray strands of hair out of my face and meet Alex's friendly eyes now that she's only a few feet away.

 

"I'm spent" I reply, taking the opportunity to straighten my back and make myself upright again. "I don't appreciate the jokes, though. You're good, but not _that_ good."

 

"Oh yeah?" Alex playfully quips as she hops off the long board and joins me at my side. "And will I ever be able to be on your level?"

 

"Maybe with a few more private lessons" I slyly return, biting my lip. "There's hope for you yet." Alex shoves at my shoulder and laughs.

 

"Come on, grandma. Let's get you inside before you get a hernia" Alex sarcastically suggests as she leads on in the direction of her lavish house. I gladly follow her lead.

 

Sure I've been to Alex's house before, but only ever in passing. Like if I had to pick Alex up for practice, or if she was running late and needed me to wait for her to finish getting ready before the two of us would hang out. However, those few times I've only gotten so far as the front foyer or the living room. Whatever remained in the rest of the large estate has been a mystery. That is, until today. After last night's game (in which I was benched and subsequently miserable), Alex kindly offered for me to attend a sleepover at her house. I was surprised by the offer, and  _thrilled_ once I learned that it would only be the two of us. I don't think I slept a second last night I was so excited. I'm still not totally sure what this means, but I know it means something. If Alex invited  _me_ _of all people_ to spend the night at her house, I know that must mean that I'm important to her. Maybe it's because we've become really close friends recently. Or maybe it's because we're on the verge of becoming  _really close friends,_ if you catch my drift.

 

Once inside the house, I deposit my long board, overnight bag, and shoes by the door. I don't really know the rules to Alex's house, so I figure precaution is a better route to take than assumed casualness. She kicks off her shoes as well and leads me down a few hallways to the kitchen. It's huge and decked out with all the latest and greatest appliances. Seriously, I think this room alone is bigger than my entire house. It's probably worth more, too. Alex ignores my gawking at every shiney object that I see, and instead busies herself with preparing a few snacks for us.

 

"You like hummus, right?" Alex asks as she dumps a bowl of chickpeas into a food processor. I nod as she adds a few other ingredients and eventually turns the fancy machine on. It whirls and buzzes while I watch in awe as the food inside quickly turns to paste. She grabs a bowl and a rubber spatula and empties the food processor of its contents. She smiles as she sneaks by me and walks around to a cabinet on the other side of the island. She pulls out a bag of pita chips and strides back over to me and the bowl of freshly made hummus. "Should we take this little party upstairs?" she asks, and again I wordlessly nod.

 

"So this is your room?" I ask once we pause in front of a door at the top of the stairs. Alex smiles and nods as she looks me in the eye. Suddenly something about her seems a little shy. I begin to brainstorm why that is, but my mind likes to settle on one reason in particular. "Can we go in? Or are we just going to stand here?" I ask after a few moments pass.

 

"Yeah, sorry" Alex laughs as her hand rests on the doorknob. "It's just that no one else has ever seen my room before, and I guess I'm a little self-conscious." Her tone is soft and her gaze falls to the floor. Even though she's trying to play it off, I can tell this is a pretty big moment for Alex. She's friendly enough to most people, but she's careful not to reveal too much of herself to others. I think she's kind of afraid of letting people in. Now I feel honored that she invited me here today. She must really trust me. She must really like me.

 

"Alex, I live in an attic. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about" I encourage as she makes eye contact with me again. The corners of her eyes crinkle as she laughs, and I can feel my heart flutter. I love being the cause of that laugh.

 

"Fair point" she warmly responds as her laughter dies down. She looks at me one last time before she glances back to her bedroom door and turns the knob. As the pushes the wooden door forward, a vast and exquisitely decorated room comes into view. I take a few steps in and marvel at all the personal touches Alex has added throughout her room. She has some beautiful tapestries pilled to the wall, wall sconces artfully lighting the room, and a large pane glass window at the end of the room, offering a prime view of her expansive and expertly manicured backyard. This place is definitely a sanctuary of sorts, and it feels unabashedly Alex. It feels like I've stepped into her world. "Do you like it?" I hear Alex gently ask from the doorway. I turn around to face her and smile.

 

"It's amazing" I simply state, still in awe of this breathtaking place. Alex smiles back and uses her free hand to grab me by the wrist. She leads me across the room and we each take a seat at the foot of her queen sized bed. She places the bowl of hummus and bag of pita chips between us as I run my hand along the edge of her silky smooth comforter. I don't think I've ever sat on a more comfortable bed in my entire life. "Alex, seriously, I feel like I'm in a palace right now. Why were you so worried about showing me all of this?" I ask as I scan my eyes around the room and take in more tiny details that I missed upon first glance. Alex shrugs and shifts in her place.

 

"I don't know, I guess..." Alex trails off, causing me to look at her once again. I nod and encourage her to continue. "I guess I was just nervous. I mean, I've basically moved around a ton for the majority of my life. My dad's political career kind of uprooted my family whenever it felt like we were finally settling in somewhere. I've never really had any close friends before, so when we moved here and I met you, I got really excited, but a little bit scared. Like, my dad was elected vice mayor, so I knew that we would be sticking around here for quite some time. For the first time in my life, it felt like my family finally had a home, and I finally had a friend. A _real_ friend. There was permanence there. I didn't want to do anything to mess that up, so I kind of just played everything safe and tried not to reveal too much of myself. But the more that I've hung out with you, the more I've gotten to know you, I know that you're truly someone I can trust. Someone I can let see the deeper sides of me. It was silly, I know that now, but before we started hanging out more, I was scared that you would eventually grow bored of me and leave. I was worried that letting you in would scare you off."

 

"Alex" I console once I'm certain that Alex had said everything that she needed to say. "You don't need to be worried about anything. I'm not going anywhere." Alex smiles somewhat sadly as she wipes what seems to be a tear from the corner of her eye. Happy tears are what I hope I'm seeing.

 

"Thank you, Tobin" Alex sweetly mutters as she reaches over and rests a hand on my knee, causing a shiver to run up my spine. "You're the person I've grown to trust the most in this town. Your companionship means everything to me." The way Alex gazes into my eyes, I can tell she means it. My heart beats faster at her admission. And the way that she said 'companionship' bounces around oddly in my mind. It's one of those strange words that has a particularly connotative meaning. It could mean friendship, or it could mean _more_. And maybe this is wishful thinking, but with the sensation of Alex's hand burning into my knee and the inviting expression she wears on her face, I'm leaning more towards the  _more_ option. Unsure what to say next, I glance around to room again before a specific piece of furniture catches my eye.

 

"Hey uh, Alex? What's that over there?" I ask as I point to a seemingly crumpled lamp that sits on top of one of Alex's side tables, beside a plush armchair. It doesn't appear to be of any sort of functioning use, so I'm guessing it's for decorative purposes. Still, it seems out of place among all of Alex's other tasteful decorations.

 

"Oh that?" Alex chuckles as she glances over her shoulder at the lamp that's seen better days. "I'm surprised you don't recognize it." Recognize it? How could I? I've never even seen Alex's room before today.

 

"What do you mean?" I question, now puzzled by Alex's statement. Her smile widens as she turns back to me.

 

"That lamp was in the box that Steve was carrying. You know, the guy that you bulldozed into the day I moved in" Alex explains, chuckling slightly at the memory. I feel a blush creep on my face as I too remember that embarrassing moment. Oh how I still wish Alex never saw that.

 

"Why did you keep it?" I ask, still curious as to why the lamp that I destroyed still has a place in Alex's room. "I doubt it even works anymore, so what's the point?"

 

"I don't know" Alex shyly shrugs, her smile sweet and her eyes kind. "I guess I wanted to keep it as a type of memento of sorts. So that I would never forget the day that we first met." I feel my heart rate pick up in my chest. I never realized that Alex cherished that memory as much as I did. Or at least, the meeting each other part. This is really sentimental. I must really matter to her.

 

"It means that much to you?" I question further, still trying to make sense of this newfound information. I'll admit, I'm struggling to keep myself together right now. Alex thinks enough of me to keep a lamp I destroyed. She thinks enough of me to show me her room before anyone else. Alex thinks about me.

 

"Yeah" Alex confirms without missing a beat. "Like I said, you're so important to me, Tobin. I'm so happy to have you in my life." Forget beating, my heart is swelling. My breathing is all over the place and my hands don't want to cease trembling. A warm sensation rushes through me as I look deeper into Alex's eyes. A sensation that I haven't acted on during the time that I've known Alex, at least not yet. But now that I'm here, now that Alex has just told me all of that, now that I  _know_ that I mean so much to her, I find enough courage to finally do what I'm about to do next.

 

"You're so important to me, too" I whisper before leaning forward and quickly narrowing the space between us. Alex's breath hitches and my heart sings as our lips finally meet. Her lips are softer than I imagined, and feel so good pressed against mine. I've been waiting  _forever_ for this moment to come, and now that it's finally here, I can hardly believe it. I'm kissing Alex Morgan. Holy fuck, I'm actually kissing Alex Morgan! This is one of the greatest days of my life! I'm kissing Alex, you-better-believe-it, motherfucking Mor-

 

Alex quickly pulls away and breaks the kiss. As my eyes flutter open, I see her staring back at me with wide eyes and a flush face.

 

"Tobin, what are you doing?" Alex rushes out, her body stiff as a board.

 

"What do you mean? I'm kissing you" I easily explain as I go to lean in again. Alex holds up her hands and pushes me back slightly by the chest.

 

"Yeah, but why?" she quickly questions, her expression still uncharacteristically tense. I raise an eyebrow at her. Why is she acting so strange?

 

"It's just like you said. I'm  _important_ to you, and you're  _important_ to me" I shrug. "So why not seal it with a kiss?"

 

"Tobin" Alex pointedly injects as she quickly rises from the bed and to her feet. "I'm straight."

 

"You're what?" I ask, overwhelmingly shocked and not truly believing what I'm hearing. There's no way, the signs were all there that she liked me. She  _does_ like me. She just said so!

 

"I'm straight" Alex repeats, sounding like a dagger to my heart. "And I'm dating Serv." My jaw all but drops and I'm pretty sure that my heart has fallen to somewhere in my stomach. I feel like I've just been shot.

 

"What about what you just said?" I frantically ramble out. "What about all that stuff you mentioned about me meaning so much to you? More than anyone else in this town?"

 

"I meant every word of it, but I meant it as friends" Alex explains, apparently shedding some of her own shock in an attempt to calm me down. Not that it's helping.

 

"W-What about all those times the we've hung out together, just the two of us?" I try again, desperate to get Alex to take back all that she's just said. To make it go away and for her to realize that she holds the same feelings for me that I do for her.

 

"That was just us hanging out. Platonically. Enjoying each other's company" Alex returns, her face now seemingly pitiful as she watches me squirm beneath her gaze.

 

"But, but, what about all the small touches? The flirty jokes? The prolonged glances?" I'm basically shuttering now, so many unsettling emotions swirling around inside of me."Come on, you know that meant something." My insides feeling like they resemble that hummus Alex made just minutes ago.

 

"Tobin" Alex sighs exhaustedly as she dares me to look her in the eye again. "That was all just friendly in nature. Just ways of connecting with you on a personal level. Don't get me wrong, I do love you, Tobin. Just, you know, as a friend." My body instantly stops trembling once I hear those dreaded three words.

 

"As a friend?" I whisper, the only other noise I hear is the sound of my heart shattering into a million pieces.

 

"Yeah, Tobs" Alex's kind voice continues, encouraged that we might now be on the same page. "And you're a really great friend. So if you're willing to look past this, then so am-"

 

"I need to go" I instinctively mutter and I shoot up from my seat on Alex's bed. She offers me a confused look.

 

"Tobin, wait. You don't have to-"

 

"I need to leave!" I argue, my voice much more prominent than it was before, even though it still cracks. I turn towards the door and start briskly making my way towards the exit. I need to get the hell out of here. Now.

 

"No, Tobin! It's really okay! I'm not upset with you! Don't freak out! We can just-" Alex calls after me, though I don't allow her to opportunity to finish. My feet thunder down the stairs and I waste no time slipping my shoes back on my feet, slinging my overnight bag over my shoulder, and grabbing my long board before I head out the front door. Just as I make my way down the front steps, I see a car pull into Alex's driveway. It's a black Mazda. The same one that I saw parked here a few months ago when I passed her house on my way to Christen's. I watch as the headlights shut off and hope and pray that one of Alex's family members gets out. Or maybe a family friend. Or one of Alex's dad's work colleagues. Just anyone but-

 

"Oh, hey Tobin!" Serv greets with a smile as he pops his head out of the car. I feel like I've been kicked while I'm down. I aggressively wipe at my eyes and bolt down the driveway, doing my best to ignore him. "Hey, where are you going?" He asks as I pass him. "I thought you and Alex were having a sleep-"

 

"Fuck off, Serv!" I burst over my shoulder as I slam my long board to the ground and hop on. I don't look back as I pound my foot against the road, over-and-over again until I'm sailing away at a dangerously high speed. Self-safety isn't exactly a priority right now. It's not like I can feel anything else anyway. I'm already in excruciating pain. It can't possibly get any worse than this. It just can't.

 

* * *

 

I hear the sound of tires slowing over gravel and a car door shutting behind me. A pair of footsteps traipse over rocks and sand, getting closer and closer by the second. I don't turn around. I just continue to stare aimlessly at the lookout in front of me. It's a beautiful view, one that usually brings me comfort, but not today. Not right now. Not after what just happened.

 

I hear a person sit down on the ground beside me, but I don't even steal a glance in their direction. Instead my bloodshot eyes stay trained forward. I'm sure I look like a pathetic mess. I'm covered in sweat, my hair is terribly wind-blown, and my cheeks are tear stained. I sit with my knees drawn to my chest, making me appear as small as I feel right now. I want to talk, but I don't want to talk. I want to scream, and I want to cry. I want to run away as far as possible, and I want to just stay here and shrivel up into nothing. My feelings are contradictory in every sense, and it's as if I have no control over my emotions. Even my feeble attempt at numbing the pain was a bust. I still feel like I'm writhing on the inside, even though I've emptied out the liquid contents of the small brown paper bag beside me long ago. As I continue staring out at the cascading landscape in front of me, I feel a hand on my arm.

 

"Tobin, what happened?" I hear Christen's gentle voice ask from beside me. I don't want to face her, not like this, but I know I owe her that much. After all, I am the one who called her down here. Albeit, in one of my many waves of hysteria, but I still did it nonetheless. I slowly force myself to turn and face her, and when her eyes land on mine, she almost flinches. I'm sure that just the physical state of me alone tells her how lowly I feel right now. Maybe my intensity is a bit alarming. I wouldn't blame Christen for feeling that way, though. I'm pretty alarmed by this as well. "Tobin?" Christen questions after a few minutes have passes without a verbal reply from me. I want to tell her what happened, I want to tell her why I'm like this, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It hurts too much. "Hey, what's going on with you? Why are you so upset?" she tries again, her gaze soft and tender as she stares into my eyes. I'm still unable to bring myself to speak. I don't know why, usually telling Christen about things is so easy. But this time is different. This time I feel paralyzed by pain. Or maybe suffocated. Or drowned. Or strangled. Or tortured. Or disemboweled. Or hallowed. Or mutilated. Or maybe all of the above. All I know is that my entire body is tingling with this hellish sensation, and I can't do anything to remedy it. 

 

I feel a new stream of hot tears trail down my face.

 

Followed by a few more.

 

And more still.

 

And now I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

 

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here" Christen consoles as she wastes no time wrapping her arms around my convulsing body. I bury my head into her shoulder as she cradles the back of my neck. She uses her other free hand to rub soothing circles along my back. I can feel her rest her chin on the crown of my head. She murmurs more palliative nothings into my ear as I silently cry into her. We stay like this for a while, until I'm able to gain a semblance of composure.

 

"How did you find me?" I ask in a small tone, leaning my head back only a little so that I can look at Christen while I talk to her. I had called Christen in the midst of an emotional break down, but I never once told her where I was. And I hadn't actually expected that she'd come seek me out.

 

"This is our place, you always come here when you're upset" Christen calmly answers as if the answer is obvious. My eyes take in the trees and the lush valley below our vantage point. This place has been our little sanctuary practically since the moment that we became friends. We stumbled upon it while adventuring around one day. We used to ride our bikes up here all the time and talk for hours. It was a place where we felt safe, and a place that no one else knew about. This was our place,  _is_ our place, and I'd almost forgotten just how special it is.

 

"I do?" I ask as I sit up a little bit more. Christen removes her hand from the back of my neck and moves it to my back so that both of her arms are resting loosely around me.

 

"Yeah" Christen nods, "You kind of have a pattern."

 

"Oh" I shyly return. All this time, I had no idea I was so predictable. Why is it that I feel like Christen knows more about me and my tendencies than I do sometimes? How can she be so in-tune with Tobin, and me so out of sync with my own self? "I hope I didn't pull you away from anything important" I guiltily mutter, now realizing that I could've really inconvenienced Christen by having her come here. Her expression shifts a bit at my admission.

 

"Um, it's okay" she sheepishly answers, making me think that I did pull her away from something. I wrack my brain trying to think of what that could be, and then it hits me. I immediately feel guilty.

 

"Shit, it's Saturday. You had that date with Peyton" I remorsefully recount while looking sympathetically over at Christen. She seems a little regretful too, but she tries to brush it off. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I totally ruined your date, didn't I?"

 

"It's fine, I explained everything. You don't need to worry about it" she offers, though I still feel bad. I didn't mean to sabotage Christen's evening like that. Especially since this Peyton is the first guy that she's gone on a few dates with in a while. Just because my love life is doomed doesn't mean that hers has to be. She deserves better than this. She deserves to have someone who loves and appreciates her. Someone like me, only, someone she can love back.

 

"Still, just because I fucked up doesn't mean that you should have to deal with the consequences" I blurt out before thinking my words through. I hope that Christen doesn't catch that, but she does. Of course she does.

 

"What do you mean you fucked up?" Christen presses, trying to solicit any more information out of me. I was just starting to forget about all of this, but now that we're back on the subject, all the negative feelings of Alex rejecting me come flooding back in. Another round of agony. I can feel my lower lip begin to tremble as my eyes mist up for the millionth time in the past hour. My fists clench as the heartache sets in again.

 

"I kissed Alex" I sputter through gritted teeth. "And she didn't kiss me back." There it is. The truth that I've been trying so hard to forget. Or at least to bury down for no one else to find. I hate it. I hate that it happened. And I hate that I'm telling Christen about this right now.

 

"You...kissed Alex?" Christen mumbles, seemingly quite taken aback by this new information. I nod slowly as my lip continues to quiver and I sniffle uncontrollably.

 

"Yeah, and she shot me down. Point blank" I whimper out, now really beginning to succumb to the pain. "She said we were friends. She said she loved me, but as nothing more than a friend. All this time, I was so convinced that she felt the same way about me as I did about her. But I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I can't believe I've been such an idiot. How could I ever think a girl like that could possibly like me? All she wanted from me was friendship, how could I betray her trust like that? Now everything's ruined between us and we can't even go back to being what we were before. All because I was greedy and wanted more. This is why dating a friend is never a good idea. It always ends badly. Crashing down in fucking flames. I am so goddamn stupid."

 

"Tobin, you're not stupid. Sometimes friends develop feelings for each other. Acting on them doesn't make you stupid, it makes you honest" Christen counters, trying to get me to see things from a different perspective. Her tone is almost desperate, like she's begging me to believe her. Only it's so hard for me to. I really want to buy into Christen's words of encouragement, but after what I've experienced, I just can't do it. My faith is far too shaken.

 

"No" I flatly decline, picking up the glass bottle disguised by a brown paper bag. I swirl it around, remembering again that I've already drank every drop. "It only makes you a fool. A damned heartbroken fool. It's despicable." Christen looks down to the bag in my hand, apparently noticing it for the first time since she sat down. A look of disappointment washes over her face, and her body visibly deflates. It's like she's come to some sort of crossroads, and she has to make a difficult decision about which path to take.

 

"You can't keep doing this" she morosely mutters as she grabs the bag from my hand and rises to her feet. She looks between the bag and me as her brow furrows. She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep, yet staggered breath. "I can't keep doing this." She uses her free hand to grab my arm and attempt to lift me from the ground.

 

"What do you mean? Where are we going?" I ask as I stumble upwards.

 

"I'm taking you home" Christen responds flatly, choosing to ignore my first question all together and electing to pull me towards her car.

 

"Can't we just stay here instead?" I suggest, glancing over my shoulder to take in the comforting and nostalgic view in front of me. I don't really want to be alone right now. I want to stay here and spend more time with Christen. She's the only one that can ever truly make me feel better when I'm sad. If I'm left to my own devices, I just know that I'll start spiraling again. I need to be with Christen.

 

"Tobin, you need to go home" she declares, her voice strained. "And so do I."

 

* * *

 

  **End of May**

 

I haven't talked to Alex in a while.

 

I haven't talked to Christen in a while.

 

I haven't talked to anyone in a while.

 

Or at least, for the past week and half since that dreadful day. Since the day my world came crashing down. Or was two weeks? I don't even know anymore. I've become robotic lately. I wake up, go to school, skip lunch, sit in Mandy's seat in French class, go to practice, and then come straight home. Everyday since my falling out with Alex. I've gotten texts from her, and Christen, and everyone else, but I don't answer them. Hell, I don't even read them. What's the point? I'm not meant to be happy, I know that now. It's just not in the cards for me. I'm a sinking ship, doomed to fail. Why bring everyone else down with me? I don't want to be a burden to anyone else. Not anymore.

 

Right now I'm sitting in the family caravan parked in our backyard. I've been spending most of my free time here lately. The house is too crowded, and my room is too close to all of that. I like being back here where no one expects me to be. I don't want to be found.

 

I stare at the half-empty bottle of vodka in my hands as I lounge on the floor, my back leaning against one of the built-in benches. I haven't opened it since a few days ago, but the more I stare at it, the more tempting it becomes. However just when I place my hand on the bottle's unscrewable top, a memory pops into my mind. The image of Christen's disappointed face flashes to the forefront of my brain, and I immediately lower my hand from the top of the bottle. When that memory passes, the next one to enter my mind is the expression on Alex's face after I stole a kiss from her. The way her eyes widened and her body stiffened still makes my stomach turn. Suddenly I have an unquenchable thirst for distilled liquor. I reach for the cap again, but then I hear Christen's voice saying, 'You can't do this anymore.' It echoes hauntingly in my ears. I hadn't realized what she meant at the time, but now I know. I can't drink away my problems, that won't solve anything. But it's so hard not to, that's all I know how to do these days.

 

I feel myself getting frustrated. I can't even make up my mind on whether to have a drink or not. It's like my mind is constantly torn, and my emotions are waging war inside of me. Never in my life have I felt this out of control. It's aggravating. It makes me want to break things, it makes me to smash and destroy things, just so I can feel something again. Something other than heartache or guilt or shame. I glance down at the bottle in my hand again, this time with rage boiling up inside of me. This is part of the reason I'm a fuck up. I give in to temptation too easily. I don't think things through. I do stupid shit all the time and always end up paying the price for it. Just once I want to be able to have a say over what happens next. Just once I want to control how I feel or what I do. Caught up in my pent-up aggression, I clutch the bottle at the neck and raise it over my head. With one violent swing, I launch the bottle at the wall opposite of me. The bottle shatters and sends shards of glass and splashes of vodka flying in all directions. I watch the alcohol slowly dribble down the wall and I take in the mess I just made. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in my hands. I don't feel any better now than I did before. Nothing I do makes me feel better anymore.

 

"What on earth was - Tobin! What are you doing in here?!" My mom frantically questions just after barging through the caravan's door. I glance up from my hands and meet my mother's eyes.They don't look happy. She briefly breaks eye contact with me to survey the area. Once she notices the shattered vodka bottle, her angry expression only intensifies. "Did you do this?" she asks in an intimidating authoritarian kind of tone. I'm kind of at a loss for words. I figured no one would hear that. No one ever bothers checking in on me when I'm back here. Now I've been caught trashing the caravan, and that does not bode well for me. "Is that vodka?" she reprimands when I fail to answer her. "Were you _drinking_ in here? Where did you get this?"

 

"I wasn't drinking" I quietly reply, still trying to find my bearings. It's not a lie. I wasn't drinking, at least not yet. My mom throws her hands on her hips as her eyes go wild.

 

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" she scoffs, dismissing me before even considering if I'm telling the truth or not. Which I am. "I find you back her all by yourself with a bottle of vodka and you're telling me that you weren't drinking?"

 

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying" I bitterly counter back. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm telling the truth?"

 

"Because I remember what happened at the family reunion last summer. I remember finding you in shambles behind your grandfather's shed. I remember Perry coming to me crying, telling me that your self-destructive behavior had been going on for weeks. You kept it all to yourself, even went to far as trying to hide the alcohol on your breath. How can I believe you now when I know about your condition?" mom returns, referencing that one night last summer when I was over zealous with my alcohol consumption. I hadn't meant to get drunk off my ass, but my relatives were being so goddamn annoying that night. I had to drink just to bear it. Still, my mom's words sting as she throws them at me now. I wasn't in a good place then, I let my drinking get out of hand. Ever since that night, she's been convinced that I have a drinking problem, or as she likes to call it, my 'condition'. What complete bullshit.

 

"What do you want me to do? Lie and tell you that you're right?" I fire back, now pissed off that my mom's jumping to conclusions.

 

"I want you to tell me the truth" my mom returns in a stern voice.

 

"I am telling the truth!" I yell, throwing my hands up in the air. Why won't she fucking believe me?!

 

"Have you relapsed? Tobin, honey, you can tell me if you have. I can call Dr. Vickie and make an appointment for tomorrow. I'm just trying to help you here" mom questions, now trying to convince me that _I'm_ the one in denial. That  _I'm_ the one that needs to admit my mistake. It's like she thinks that bargaining with me will make a difference. She really has no fucking clue who her own daughter is, does she?

 

"Sure mom, call Dr, Vickie, then I can talk to her sober support group and tell them that I wasn't drinking tonight. Maybe one of them will actually believe me" I sarcastically sass back. The memory of my sessions with Dr. Vickie last fall makes my stomach churn. I was so ashamed that my mom sent me there, just because of one minor incident. Those meetings were embarrassing, and no one would accept that I didn't have a problem with alcohol. It was always like they thought I was lying. It was like I was guilty until proven innocent. I was finally able to stop going only after I said I had a problem, just to get them all to shut up. It was a terrible time of my life, and I've never told anyone about it. Not even Christen. I'm already a mess, the last thing I want is people thinking I'm an alcoholic to boot. 

 

"Take this seriously, Tobin. Alcoholism is not a joke!" mom scolds, her frustration growing as much as mine.

 

"I know it's not a joke!" I exclaim, shaking my head. "You think I don't know what it looks like? You think I don't know the signs? Take a look around, I come from a family of alcoholics! It's in our fucking blood. I mean, my god, dad runs a bar for fuck's sake! If you want to help an alcoholic so bad, go help one of them, because I don't need it. And I don't need you and your perfect DNA reminding me about what a fucking family disappointment I am. Trust me, I know, okay? I hear the way you and dad talk about me when I'm out of the room. I know what you say to grandma when she calls. You married into a disappointing family and you got a disappointing daughter. I'm sorry, I know that must be so hard for you. But hey, at least you have Katie, Perry, and Jeff to brag to all of your friends about. Three out of four ain't bad, right?" My tone got more and more venomous throughout my rant, and by the look in my mom's eyes, I can tell that I've hit a nerve. I know I hurt her feelings. But I can't deal with this right now. I can't stay here and clean up my own mess. I need to leave, like the family disappointment that I am. I have the title, so I may as well commit to it. After all, I've got literally nothing else to fucking lose.

 

I quickly push myself off of the ground and make my way to the door. I brush past my mom and take off down the lawn.

 

"Tobin!" I hear my mom croak from behind me. "Tobin, get back here this instant!"

 

I don't look back. I just keep running until I've made it to the front of the house. I circle my way over to my jeep and jump into the driver's seat. I thrust the key into the ignition and sling my seat belt over my chest in haste. I see my mom appear at the side of the house just as I hear it click into place. She spots me in the jeep and begins to run over, waving her hands for me to wait. She's too late, I throw the car in reverse and pull out of the driveway. When she reaches the sidewalk, I shift into drive and gun it down the street. I don't know where I'm going, I just know that I need to get the hell away from here.

 

* * *

 

After about a half hour of amble driving around town, I find myself back in the neighborhood, on my way to Christen's house. I tried calling her a few times to let her know that I'm coming over, but she hasn't picked up. So now I just focus all my attention into getting myself to Christen's house in one piece. I've calmed down considerably since my fight with my mom, but I still need someone to talk me all the way down. I can't leave this kind of head space on my own.

 

I take the long way to Christen's, being careful to avoid Alex's street entirely. I'm already upset, I don't want to add to it anymore. Several houses pass as I drive, all of them look well taken care of and homely. As I pass one house in particular, I spot a family having dinner in front of one large window. They all look so happy, so put together. Like what happens behind closed doors is never more upsetting than a game of monopoly getting a little heated. I feel a pang in my chest. I know for certain that no one has ever looked at my family and thought the same thing. At least not while I'm part of the picture.

 

By the time I reach Christen's I park on the other side of the street, seeing as I didn't drive my usual route. After I put the car in park and I cut the engine, I reach for my phone on the jeep's center console. I dial Christen's number once more, hoping this time she'll pick up so I don't surprise her when I walk into her house for the first time in several days. It rings a total of two times before I'm sent to voicemail. I think that's strange, it usually goes on for three or four rings. Did Christen just ignore my call? Maybe she's busy and couldn't pick up.

 

"This is Christen" I hear Christen's cheery, prerecorded voicemail message play in my ear. "Sorry I missed your call. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. In the meantime, you know what to do!" I hear the high pitched beep at the end and take a deep breath before speaking.

 

"Hey, Christen. It's Tobin" I begin as I mindlessly scan my eyes out the driver's side window. A small blue car pulls up on the other side of the street, just in front of Christen's house. I don't think much of it as I continue my message. "Look I know I've been really distant lately, and that's completely my fault, but I really need to talk to you right now. I just got in a fight with my mom and I'm kind of all over the place." I see the headlights of the blue car go off, indicating that it's been parked. Then I see a girl with long, blonde hair exit the driver's seat and walk around to the other side of the car. "I know that you're probably busy, and that's why you didn't pick up" I add as I watch the blonde pull the door open for someone in the passenger seat. "But if you could spare just five minutes, I would really app-"

 

That's when I see Christen get out of the car. She smiles at the blonde before walking up the front steps to her house. The blonde smiles back and closes the car door before following close behind Christen. Wait, what's going on? Who is that? Christen pauses once she reaches her front door, and turns back to face the blonde when the girl places a hand on her hip. Christen's hand floats over the doorknob, like she's just about to enter the house. I don't know why, but I really hope she does. But just before she's about to turn it, the blonde places a hand under Christen's chin and guides her head to face her again. I shift slightly uncomfortably in my seat. Why would that girl do that? It's almost as if-

 

That's when the girl leans in and kisses Christen. Right there on Christen's front porch. In broad daylight. For anyone to see. I can't believe what I'm seeing, and I'm ready to bust out of my car and beat the shit out of that girl for assaulting Christen.

 

But then Christen pulls back, and  _smiles_ at the blonde. I become still as a statue as I watch Christen gently brush some hair behind the girl's ear. I'm so surprised that I don't know what to do with myself. But that's nothing in comparison to what I see next.

 

This time  _Christen_ leans in to kiss the blonde. I'm shocked that my eyes don't bulge out of my head.

 

This kiss is brief, but it's enough to leave them both smiling, and me floundering. Christen waves goodbye to the girl, mouthing something I can't read, and then slips into her house. The girl turns back around and heads down the stairs to her car. Her eyes flicker to my jeep for a second, and I quickly slump down in my seat, feeling like I've been caught staring. I don't move a muscle until I hear the familiar slam of a car door, and the disappearing rumble of an engine as the car drives down the street. Once I'm certain that the girl is gone, I take a deep breath as a few things begin to fall into place in my mind.

 

Christen just kissed a girl.

 

But she's been seeing a guy named Peyton for several weeks now.

 

So who was that blonde girl and why was she kissing Christen if Christen's seeing someone else?

 

...Oh my god. That _was_ Peyton. Peyton's the name of a girl.

 

Christen's dating a girl.

 

Christen...isn't straight?

 

The image of Christen and Peyton kissing just moments ago flashes back into my mind. I shake my head in a desperate attempt to make it disappear. The answer is definitive.

 

Christen isn't straight.

 

Suddenly I feel lost in a trance, unable to fully come to terms with this new information. How is it that I never knew this about Christen? My own best friend. How come she never told me that she was into girls? How did no one tell me that Peyton was a girl? Why did I assume she wasn't? Am I a terrible friend for not knowing? Did I make an assumption about Christen's sexuality even though I'm always preaching that you should never do that? Am I a hypocrite? Ok, yes, I definitely am. Does this mean my gay-dar is broken? Why is all of this making me feel weird? Why do I feel like the floor has been ripped out from under me? Why is it that I'm starting to not like Peyton? I don't even know her. But now whenever I think about her, I get this bad feeling inside. She's not right for Christen, that's what my gut is telling me now. What's this feeling in my chest? Why do I suddenly feel betrayed? Why do I feel sad? Why is this effecting me like it is? Why-

 

"...If you are satisfied with your message, press one. To listen to your message, press two. If you would like to erase and rerecord your message, press three. If would like to continue your message where you left off, press four."

 

I glance down to the forgotten phone in my lap. I pick it up and see that it's still leaving a message.

 

I end the call.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

*For additive dramatic effect, cue  _Take Me Home_  by Jess Glynne*

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this gave me heartburn. And I had the very strange experience of feeling like I was breaking up with myself. And it made me feel sad. So that was weird.
> 
> Also, sidenote: IT'S NOT A LOVE TRIANGLE! Oh my FUCK, I've been dying to say that since forever. You have no idea.


	6. June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever read Faust? I have. Talk about an anti-hero.

**...End of May**

 

Never in all of my natural life have I ever been so conflicted upon finding out that a hot girl is gay. Never. Not once. But right now, this is no ordinary hot girl we're talking about. This is Christen Press. My best friend. My confidant. The person I cherish the most in this world. That hot girl. She's gay. Christen's gay. Or at least not straight. Which is something that I always just assumed that she was. But now I've found out that I'm wrong. Very wrong. And confused. And I'm still sitting in my car across from Christen's house even after a half an hour of trying to make sense of all this. I mean, I just saw Christen  _kiss_ another girl. I saw it with my own two eyes and I still can't believe it. How come she never told me? Why haven't I ever figured it out? Were there signs? How many? Where were they? I'm so disoriented that I don't know which way's up and which way's down anymore. I came to Christen's house in an attempt to clear my head after my fight with my mom, not to cloud it up even more than it already was. Where the hell do I go from here?

 

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

 

My body jolts as that sound shakes me from my thoughts. My head snaps towards the passenger side window of my jeep and I see someone standing beside my vehicle. I can't make out who it is until the tall figure bends down to peer through the window. I'm about ready to drive off before I recognize Alyssa Naeher's face peaking at my through the door. I place a hand over my racing heart as I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. Thank god, it's only Alyssa. Wait a second, what's Alyssa doing here? I roll down the passenger window so that we can talk.

 

"Hey there, Tobin" Alyssa greets with a warm smile. "Whatcha doing out here all by yourself?" The question catches me more off guard than I thought it would, especially considering that I don't quite have an answer.

 

"Oh, um, you know, I was just taking a drive" I try to explain as coolly as possible. I still can't manage to shake that weird feeling I've gotten from witnessing Christen and Pey-... You know what, no. I can't even say her name anymore. Or I guess _think it_ in this case. It's just too weird after what's just happened. I don't know that I'll ever be able to say here name again without thinking of today. Alyssa looks at me skeptically from outside my jeep.

 

"That's funny" Alyssa comments with a smug grin. "I wouldn't really consider being parked in one spot for forty five minutes 'taking a drive'." I look at Alyssa in shock. How does she know that I've been parked out here for that long?

 

"How did you-" I begin to stutter, only to earn a chuckle from the goalkeeper. 

 

"I live here" Alyssa explains as she gestures to the house directly across the street from Christen's. "My dad was about five minutes away from calling the cops about a 'suspicious vehicle' parked in front of our house." Wait, Alyssa lives across the street from Christen? Since when? Wow, I am learning all sorts of new things today.

 

"Oh" I shyly reply, now feeling pretty embarrassed that I haven't been as incognito as I meant to be. "Uh, sorry I worried your dad."

 

"Don't be" Alyssa easily dismisses with the wave of a hand. "He's just paranoid and way too interested in his neighbors' business for his own good." The corner of my mouth upturns and I give Alyssa a nod, but I feel my features relaxing and beginning to revert back to their saddened state. I can feel Alyssa's eyes study me as she leans against the car.

 

"Tobin?" she asks, her voice much gentler now. "Is something up?" Psshhh. If only she knew.

 

"Oh um..." I trail, debating in my mind whether I should tell Alyssa about all of this or just keep it to myself. I mean, I want to talk to someone about it, but I also want to respect Christen's privacy. Maybe Christen doesn't want people to know. She didn't even tell me after all.

 

"Tobin, you've been parked here for forty five minutes" Alyssa begins.

 

"Thirty" I correct, blurting it out too quickly for me to stop myself. Dammit. Alyssa's inquisitive eyes stay trained on mine as she raises an eyebrow.

 

"Alright, you've been out here for  _thirty_ minutes" Alyssa amends, "That tells me that there's a reason you're here. And a reason that you haven't left your car. I'm pretty sure there's something that's bothering you." I stay silent as I shift uncomfortably under Alyssa's questioning gaze. I still don't know how to answer her without sharing information that might not be meant to be shared. Alyssa takes a long sigh. "Is it because you saw Christen with Peyton?" Alyssa cautiously asks. My head snaps in her direction for the second time in the few minutes that we've been talking. If I kept this up I might get whiplash. 

 

"You know about that?!" I exclaim, although I quickly cover my mouth hoping that my outburst didn't draw attention from the neighbors. Especially those residing in the Press residence. Alyssa just nods.

 

"Yeah" she replies as she glances across the street at Christen's house. "Kinda hard not to when I live so close and Peyton visits at least once a day. My dad almost called the cops on her too the other day when she and Christen were parked in her car for a couple of-" Alyssa stops mid-sentence when she sees the look on my face. My eyes are wide and I can't believe what I'm hearing. Peyton comes over once a day?! And she and Christen were parked in her car for a couple of what? Seconds? Minutes??  _Hours???_ Oh god, I need to stop thinking about that right now. "...Nevermind."

 

"How long has this been going on?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me. It's like no matter how uncomfortable this topic makes me, I can't suppress my urge to know more. It's like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. Alyssa stares at me with somewhat of a confused expression on her face.

 

"Wait, you really didn't know anything about this?" Alyssa questions in mild disbelief. "Aren't you and Christen like best friends? I figured you would know more than I do." I narrow my eyes at Alyssa, now I'm the one that's confused.

 

"Not really, no" I return with a shrug. "I mean she's mentioned Peyton's name a few times, but I always figured Peyton was just some guy. It wasn't until today that I realized that she's actually a girl." Alyssa nods slowly as she begins to understand. But as she does, a new question arises in my mind. "Wait a second, if you figured that I already knew about Christen and Peyton, then why did you think that it was what was bothering me?"

 

"I don't know" Alyssa casually comments, "I guess I just thought it was because you were upset to see Christen with another girl or something?" The words flow so easily out of Alyssa's mouth, yet I find them so surprising. Why would she say a thing like that?

 

"What do you mean? Why would that make me upset?" I immediately question, a slight edge to my tone. Alyssa shrugs.

 

"Well, Tobin, you two are pretty close, and you aren't exactly subtle when it comes to hiding your-" Alyssa elaborates as I can feel myself getting riled up for some unknown reason.

 

"What? When it comes to hiding my what?" I sassily retort, launching into full-on defensive mode. Alyssa stops mid-sentence, electing not to finish her thought. I feel bad for lashing out on her. It's not her fault for answering my question. I guess I'm just all out of sorts today. I've had more than my share of confrontation and realization this afternoon. I glance back at Alyssa with apologetic eyes. "Sorry" I begin again, trying to make up for my outburst. "It's just been a really crazy day and-"

 

My phone starts to ring from it's position on my lap. That's Christen's ringtone.

 

"Shit!" I burst, staring frightfully at my phone.

 

"What is it?" Alyssa asks as she peers deeper into my car.

 

"It's Christen" I nervously ramble, fidgeting in my seat as the phone continues to ring from my lap. Do I answer? Do I not? Does Christen know I'm here? Can she see me right now? Am I busted? How do I explain this?

 

"Give me the phone" Alyssa finally instructs after a few moments of watching me struggle in my seat. I glance back up to her, my eyes filled with worry as they land on her extended hand.

 

"What?" I sheepishly ask, my voice barely audible over the blaring ringtone. Alyssa sighs.

 

"I'll take care of it, just trust me" she replies. I stare at Alyssa for just a moment. Her overall expression is sympathetic but her eyes are determined. I know she means what she says. I hand her the phone.

 

"Hello?" Alyssa asks as she answers the call. I can hear Christen's voice on the other end, but I can't make out what she says. Alyssa glances up at the Press house before she glances back to me. "Yeah, I'm with her right now." I look over to Christen's house but I don't see her peering out any of the windows. Maybe she doesn't know that I'm here. "No she's actually driving right now, that's why I answered" Alyssa continues. I hurriedly glance back over to her and she sends me a wink. I hear Christen's voice on the other end once again. "Yeah she's fine. She said that the thing with her mom was a just a little argument, nothing major. We're actually on our way to get some food as we speak." Man, Alyssa sure is good at coming up with an alibi on the spot. I'll have to remember to call her if I'm ever in legal trouble in the future. She tells a convincing fib. However, when I hear the murmur of Christen's voice on the other end again, I start to feel guilty. I don't like lying to her. She's the last person I'd ever want to lie to, but I just can't bring myself to speak with her in the state that I'm in. I don't know why, I just can't bring myself to do it. "...Uh-huh... Yep... Yeah, I'll be sure to have her call you back... Alright... Yeah, you too... Okay... Bye!" Alyssa hangs up the phone and hands it back to me. I take a deep breath of relief. 

 

"Thank you" I offer earnestly after Alyssa just did me such a solid favor.

 

"No problem" Alyssa shrugs as she grabs my jeep's door handle and opens the passenger seat door. She slides into the jeep and closes the door behind her. I look at her quizzically as she buckles herself in. "What?" Alyssa asks once her eyes meet my confused gaze. "I just told Christen that we were on our way to get food. You want to make a liar out of me now, too?" I'm taken aback for a second before I turn my head back towards Christen's house for one last glance. I sigh and put the keys into the ignition.

 

"Where to?" I ask as I direct my gaze back to Alyssa. I do owe her, it's only fair.

 

"Surprise me" Alyssa nonchalantly responds as she begins fiddling around with the car radio. I shrug and pull the jeep away from the curb.

 

* * *

 

**Beginning of June**

 

I'm gonna be honest. I'm not doing so hot.

 

It's weird. The beginning of June usually marks such a happy time for me. The sun's out, school's almost over, the team has made it to the play-offs. But this year is starkly different from all the rest. Things with my family have been pretty rocky. Ever since I had that fight with my mom and ran away with the jeep, we've hardly said more than a few words to each other. Oh, and my driving privileges have been revoked. Now I only get to use the jeep when I drive Mandy and I to school in the morning. That, and when I have to drive us home from practice. Other than that, my transportation has been limited to anywhere I can get on my long board. Mom keeps trying to convince me to make an appointment with Dr. Vickie again, but every time she brings it up, we end up getting into a fight. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since last month, but mom never seems to believe me. It sucks because I can tell the tension between me and my mom has affected the entire family dynamic. Perry is extra snappy these days and Jeff hardly leaves his room other than to grab some snacks or get new batteries for his Xbox controller. And what makes things even worse is that the only two family members that I can really confide in, dad and Katie, are never around. Dad's been working a ton of late shifts at the bar and Katie decided to spend the summer in her new apartment in her college town. Honestly if it weren't for Mandy, I'd be all alone in my own house. Funny, I never thought the french exchanged-student would become my only next of kin.

 

As far as the friends front goes...well, things haven't been great there either. Ever since I stupidly made a move on Alex, I haven't even been able to look her in the eye. Every time we're even in the same room as each other I just feel overwhelmed with shame. I even made Mandy switch seats with me in French class so I don't have to be by Alex. I know giving Alex the cold shoulder sounds like an especially shitty thing to do, but I don't know how else to handle this awkward situation that I've gotten myself into. Hell, I can't even look at Serv either. I'm sure Alex probably gave him the low-down on what happened that day. He probably hates my guts more than anyone else. Honestly though, I don't blame him. I'm the one who went after his girl. Neither he nor Alex ever did anything wrong. Only me. And I have to live with that.

 

And finally, there's the whole situation with Christen. I never did tell her that I saw her with Peyton that day. How could I? How does one bring that up? Basically I just try not to mention Peyton's existence at all and Christen doesn't bring her up either. The only time she does is when they're texting or if she says she has 'plans' later. Christen doesn't have to say anything for me to know who she's spending her time with now. The person who has the majority of Christen's attention these days. The person that used to be me. It's been really tough actually. I mean, my birthday was a little over a week ago and it felt like Christen was hardly there when we hung out. I mean, she was there physically, but not mentally. Every time her phone pinged and she began to text back, I may as well have been just another piece of furniture in the room. Christen slept over that night and every so often text-after-text would come in and take her away from me. I didn't sleep at all that night.

 

Anyway, that's how things have been. Shitty, I know.

 

* * *

 

I think I'm loosing feeling in my left ass-cheek. Damn, the cold, hard tile floor of a high school hallway is even more unforgiving than one would think. Or at least than I would think. I've been sitting outside of Señora Velazquez's classroom for the past hour-or-so. Christen is inside and I'm waiting for the Spanish Club's meeting to end so I can finally have a chance to hang out with her a little. When I first sat down I didn't think that the meeting would last this long. What's made this hour even more boring is that the club speaks _only_ in Spanish, so I can't even eavesdrop to keep myself entertained. The most I can make out is 'Sí', 'No', and 'Baño' which I'm pretty sure means 'bathroom.' Other than that, I have no idea what they're saying in there, but conversations have been going on for quite a while and I'm beginning to wonder if the meeting will ever end or if I should take a good-ol'-fashioned siesta in the meantime.

 

A few more minutes pass as I begin to hear students stirring from within the classroom. The sound of Señora Velazquez's voice bidding the students '¡Adios!' perks me right up. In all honesty I was beginning to nod off. As a bunch a people that I don't recognize leave the room, I pick myself up off of the floor and dust myself off a little bit. Suddenly I'm much more awake at the thought of getting to see Christen soon. Although after most of the students have vacated the meeting room, I still haven't seen Christen yet. Did I miss her? Did she sneak by when I wasn't looking? I decide to investigate a little and poke my head into the classroom. Inside I see Christen talking with Señora Velazquez. Again, they're speaking in Spanish so they could be planning a jewelry heist and I wouldn't be the wiser, but it seems like whatever they're talking about is personal. For instance, Señora Velazquez is animated as she speaks, but Christen's expression seems a little dubious. It's like Señora Velazquez is trying to reassure Christen about something she's on the fence about. I decide to let the two discuss whatever they have to discuss in private and wait outside the classroom like I've been doing this entire time. Soon enough I hear the conversation conclude and Christen walks out of the room. I instantly get excited once I see her. Wow, I guess it really has been a while since we've been able to hangout, just the two of us. However as Christen exits the classroom, she turns in the opposite direction and walks down the hall away from me. It takes me a little by surprise, but judging by the pensive look on Christen's face, I'm guessing that she was just lost in thought and hadn't seen me.

 

"Christen!" I call out as I jog after her in the hallway. She freezes as she hears my name and she turns around with a shocked expression on her face.

 

"Tobin?" she questions, looking me over as if I'm severely out of place. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Hey" I happily greet once I've caught up to her. "I was waiting for the Spanish Club meeting to finish so I could talk to you. You said you'd be free after the meeting so I figured I'd just catch you afterwards and then we could hang out." Christen smiles a bit, which is the least bit encouraging, but it doesn't quite meet her eyes.

 

"Tobin that's very sweet of you" Christen begins, causing me to feel a wave of relief. Yes, finally.  _Finally_ Christen and I can hang out together. "But..." she continues, her words trailing off and my heart sinking a little at her tone. 'But'? Oh no, that's never a good sign. I'm about to be disappointed, aren't I? Christen takes a deep breath and stares apologetically into my eyes. "I kinda already made plans for tonight." Yep.

 

"Plans?" I ask, trying my best not to reveal my internal dismay. "With who?" Christen takes another deep breath as she hesitates to answer me. I study her somewhat pained expression a little more as it suddenly dawns on me. "Oh" I finally admit. "Oh, well um, that's okay. I...I uh, understand." Christen's eyes seem to soften a bit, but the remainder of her exterior still seems tense and rigid. Since when did we become so guarded with each other? It's like we're each keeping one another at arm's length. I don't like this at all, but I don't really know what to do to counteract it.

 

"Thanks" she exhales like she's been holding her breath this whole time. I nod and hold her gaze, searching for some kind of answer as to what caused this sudden shift in our dynamic. It's like overnight there's just been this huge rift between us. I don't think I've ever felt this distant with Christen. Even when we would have the occasional fight it would never be this bad. It's both confusing and frustrating, and the worst part of it all is that I have no idea what caused it. As I continue to observe Christen's demeanor for any kind of clue, her phone springs to life. Both Christen and I glance down to the phone in her hand. She looks at me cautiously and I motion for her to answer it.

 

"Hey" she says softly before the other person on the phone begins to speak. I can't help it as my hands ball up into fists. I've never even heard the voice before, but I know it's  _her_. I know it's Peyton. "Yeah I'll be outside in a sec" Christen replies as she absent-mindedly smiles down at the floor. "Uh-huh... Yeah, me too... Alright, bye." When Christen looks back up at me she seems a little shocked. It's like she forgot that I was standing right in front of her the entire time that she was on the phone. I squeeze my fists a little tighter at that realization. "So, um, I should probably get going. Sorry to cut things short, Tobs" Christen informs me regretfully. My heart sinks some more. I just got to see her, now she's running off again. It's like I don't even get to spend time with my best friend these days.

 

"That's alright" I allow as I try to calm myself enough to be cool. "Maybe we can hang out later?" A pang of something, pain or maybe doubt, flashes quickly across Christen's face.

 

"Yeah..." she sheepishly nods as she begins taking a few steps down the hallway. "Maybe." Her words hit me like a bullet but I do my best to keep a level head and nod. She offers me one last hint of a smile before she turns around and continues towards the hallway exit. When she's about twenty yards away I feel myself opening my mouth to say something else.

 

"Christen, I-" I call out. Christen stops and turns around to face me again, but her eyes don't seem to have the warmness that they usually do when she speaks to me. They more I look at them, the colder they seem. Suddenly I've forgotten what I was about to say and I'm scrambling for something, anything, to continue with. "I..." I stammer, my confidence fading by the second. "I'll see you around."

 

"See you around" Christen whispers back to me before briskly turning back around and making her way to the doors at the end of the hall. It's only after she's disappeared through them that I allow my fists to unball. I close my eyes and take a long breath as I stand alone in the long, lonely hallway.

 

Why does this feel like goodbye?

 

* * *

 

I place my books into my locker a let out a sigh of relief. It's only midday, but it's already felt like an eternity. I set my backpack on the floor as I begin to rub at the muscles in my shoulder and neck region. Usually the heavy stack of books that I have to haul around don't give me this much trouble, but lately they've been a literal pain in the neck. It's like someone keeps adding more and more weight to the backpack on my shoulders. I'm exhausted all the time lately and I have no fucking idea why. Maybe it's because the school year is coming to a close. Or maybe it's because my sleep has been somewhat lacking lately. Or maybe it's some other factor all together. Whatever it is, it's draining every ounce of energy that I have left. After a moment of pause, I pick up my backpack once more and add a fresh new stack of books from my locker. Once I've zipped it back up and load it onto my shoulders again, the weighed-down feeling returns to me once again. And then it feels even heavier once I remember that my next class is on the second floor. I take one last glance at myself in the small mirror I keep on my locker door. There are dark circles under my eyes and my face has an overall droop to it. Basically I look about as good as I feel. What a load of shit. I let out one more exasperated sigh before I finally close my locker.

 

"Jesus!' I exclaim out of unabashed surprise when I see a pair of eyes starring at me from just beyond where my locker door just was. I immediately register those eyes as familiar. After all, they're the eyes that up until recently I've been day dreaming about all semester long. I place a hand over my beating heart as I try to get my panting under control. "Alex, you scared me. I, uh, wasn't expecting to see you there." Alex pushes off from my neighbor's locker that she was leaned against and she looks me square in the eye. Her intensity is almost intimidating.

 

"Funny, I didn't think you could see me at all these days" she snarkily replies as she crosses her arms over her chest, her judgmental stare not wavering in the slightest. I feel an immediate pang of guilt. I knew avoiding Alex for the past few weeks would come back to bite me in the ass. I realized that I was going to have to face her at some point, but I've been buying some time to try to prepare myself better. Truthfully, I still haven't really gotten over my feelings for her yet. Not quite. I mean, it's not like I think about her in that way anymore or that I see us together like I once did, but the feelings of rejection still haunt me. Whenever I even think about that night in her room or whenever I see her and Serv together, my heart aches. It's painful for me to even look at her. I really liked Alex, as a friend and a little something more, but I'm afraid that I've burned all my bridges with her. How could I not have after what I did? How could she ever see me as anything more than a damn fool?

 

"I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, I've just been really busy" I lie as I try to scope out the crowded hallway and find a route of escape. That was such a bullshit thing to say, but I really don't think I have it in me to face Alex right now. It's too humiliating and too painful.

 

"Too busy to even talk to me for a few minutes?" Alex asks skeptically as her tone contains a little more bite to it. Wow, I knew she wasn't happy with me, but I didn't expect her to be this angry. She must really hate my guts for kissing her.

 

"Um, well, you know. Finals are coming up and soccer's been pretty high paced. Things just keep coming up is all" I nonchalantly reply as I elect to avoid looking her in the eyes this time. She doesn't even have to say anything for me to know that I'm failing to convince her. Alex let's out a frustrated sigh as she glances down to the floor and then back up to me again.

 

"Tobin" she exhales, her voice softer this time. "Why are you avoiding me?" I gulp. Damn, straight to the point. I can feel myself starting to sweat.

 

"Whaaat?" I airily laugh, "I'm not avoiding you! It's just like I said, I've been really busy." Alex quirks an eyebrow and hesitates before glancing over her shoulder. When she looks back at me, she takes a small step forward.

 

"Is this because of the kiss?" she asks in a slightly hushed tone. I instantly feel blood rush to my face, causing my cheeks to burn. Hell, and I thought I was embarrassed before? I'm straight up humiliated at this point. How could she bring that up? In public no less!

 

"Alex!" I reprimand as I nervously glance around in all directions, praying that no one heard what she just said. We're in high school after all, there are ears _everywhere_. I'm so shaken right now that I begin praying for a miracle. Something to magically rescue me from this agonizing conversation. And then it happens.

 

_Riiinnngggg!_

 

The warning bell goes off and both Alex and I jump at the interruption. As she glances up at the ceiling, I take the opportunity to make my get away. I'm a few steps away before Alex realizes that I'm fleeing once again.

 

"Tobin! Wait-" she calls out as I speedily continue forward, doing my best to avoid students wandering in the opposite direction.

 

"Gotta get to class! Sorry!" I yell over my shoulder, though without turning around to see the look on Alex's face. A look I'm 99.9% is anything but pleased.

 

Once I make it up the stairs and around the corner, I take a second to lean against the wall and catch my breath again. I'm not proud of what I just did, but I was desperate. I don't think my heart could take another blow. Not right now. After a few seconds I collect myself and begin trudging off to my fifth period class. I feel even heavier now than I ever have before.

 

* * *

 

I sit in my room, alone and in silence. I tried listening to music, but that only made me feel worse. I don't know what it is, but I'm just not feeling myself right now. It's like I have no motivation to do anything, which is strange because I'm usually the kind of person who needs to be entertained. If not by someone else at the very least by myself. But right now, I don't know what I'd even want to do. I don't even know what I feel. I glance down at my phone again. I know I shouldn't do this, but I pick it up and open up my texts once again.

 

 **Tobin:** _Hey Chris! How's it going?_   **(** **5:47 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _I was thinking that maybe we could go see that new Melissa McCarthy movie that just came out. The one where she's a tax collector who sets up an online dating profile to catch her perp but she actually ends up falling in love with him. I'm not usually into romance movies, but you know that anything with Melissa McCarthy in it is gonna be gold_   **(5:52 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _So would you be down? If you already have plans or something I totally understand. Just thought I'd ask my bestest friend and see if she wanted to go with me XD_ **(5:58 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _I meant you, btw. You're my bestest friend_ **(6:03 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _Just thought I'd clarify lol_    **(6:03 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _Chris??_ **(6:05 pm)**

 

 **Tobin:** _..._ **(6:06 pm)**

 

 **Tobin: ...** _so I guess that's a no then_ **(6:43 pm)**

 

It's currently 7:17 pm. I know I'm not going to get a reply back. 

 

I drop my phone to my side and lean back on my bed. I close my eyes for a second as I feel something well-up within me. I don't know how to describe it other than a mixture of nausea and confusion. A lump forms at the back of my throat.

 

Christen's ghosting me. Hard. And I have no idea why. If I did something to make her upset with me, I wish she'd just say so. I wish she'd just say anything, dammit. Anything would be better than being left here to speculate all by myself. The silence is beginning to feel torturous, so I grab my phone again to distract myself. I unlock my phone and open up my Facebook app. I don't know why I do, it's mostly just my relatives posting pictures of their kids or my uncle Tom sharing the occasional 'funny' meme, but something draws me to it. After watching a brief video of a monkey attempting to use a typewriter that apparently has - holy shit, 30 million views?? - I continue scrolling. That's when I see it. Those few little words that say 'Christen Press has been tagged in a picture.' I nibble at my lower lip as I scroll ever-so-slightly down and see who's posted the picture. The name of the user reads 'Peyton Fanning.' I close my eyes tight and throw my phone into my pillows. I know I don't want to see whatever the picture is. I know it will only upset me to see Christen with the girl who has taken over my role as number one in Christen's life. More like _overthrown_ now that I think about it.

 

...But then again. I kind of _do_ want to see the picture. I mean, only to see what it is that Christen's up to tonight. To find out the reason why she isn't texting me back. It's probably a good reason, right? One little peak won't hurt me.

 

And just like that, I slowly crawl up my bed and retrieve my discarded phone from my pillows. I brush a few stray hairs from my face as I take a deep breath and unlock my phone once more. Once the app opens up again, I find that my news feed is exactly where I left it. My thumb stills over the screen as I reconsider viewing the picture one last time.

 

I mean, should I?...

 

...

 

...

 

Aw, fuck it.

 

I scroll down until the entire description and picture comes into view. I see Christen smiling as she looks off past the camera. Christen's captured in a sweet, candid moment. She looks nice. Happy.

 

Then I see Peyton standing directly next to her with her arm slung over Christen's shoulders. She looks directly at the camera. It's as if she's showing Christen off. Like she's bragging or some shit. Like she's rubbing it in my face specifically. Just when I start to feel myself getting worked up, my eyes drift to the caption.

 

**_Peyton Fanning_   posted a picture with _Christen Press_**

_Got to see 'Tax on Love'  with this cutie right here. So glad we decided to smuggle in our own candy and avoid the outrageous movie theatre prices. Who do they think we are? Tax collectors with all sorts of money to spend? As my girl Melissa McCarthy would say "You can't put a tax on happiness! It's free, you greedy bastards!"_

 

I chuck my phone into my pillows once again as my blood begins to boil.

 

'Peyton Fanning'?

 

What a stupid name.

 

* * *

 

The shrill cry of the referee's whistle sounds like an angels chorus as the game is declared over and us the victors. It was a rough one, which should be expected in a playoff game, but still, the team had to fight tooth and nail to stay alive. Had it not been for Alex's lucky left foot, our season may have been over tonight. The home crowd cheers as our team celebrates on the field. Many of my teammates elect to jump around and high-five and the like. I, on the other hand, choose to sit down in the exact spot that I was standing in and allow my body to collapse on the grass field. I don't know how any of my teammates have any energy to celebrate, I feel completely dead. I'll admit that may be due to how shitty I played tonight. I could not for the life of me connect a pass, so I constantly had to recover and defend whenever I made a mistake. Defending almost an entire game is exhausting as hell. To be honest I was surprised that coach didn't pull me, but I guess he had faith that I'd turn things around. Boy, did I let him down. Ah well, I'll dwell on that another time. Right now I just want to lie here and die in peace.

 

All is well and good until I feel the shocking sensation of ice water being sprayed across my face. My eyes jolt open only to have more water run in them and cloud my vision.

 

"What the hell?" I grumble as I sit up and rub the excess water from my face.

 

"Is that a new form of mediation or do you really believe that you're part of the turf now?" I hear a warm voice tease from above me. It's strange, it's like I haven't heard that voice in so long that I almost don't recognize it. But I do, and I'll admit that I'm fairly surprised. As I blink a few times my vision becomes less blurry and eventually the image of Christen Press standing over me with a water bottle, smiling mischievously becomes crystal clear. The sight is almost enough to cure my bad mood. Almost.

 

"Yeah well, with the way that I was playing, I may as well just have been a part of the pitch." I mumble as I try to keep my cool and not over think things. Christen's just talking to me because that's what she does with every teammate after a game. "Seriously, I may have been more useful off the field than on it." Christen frowns and extends a hand down towards me. I hesitate for a moment, but then I take it without another thought. Christen pulls me back up to my feet.

 

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has an off game from time-to-time" she offers kindly. I look into her eyes, they seem genuine.

 

"Yeah but I missed six shots" I sigh, glancing down to my feet as each missed shot replays ten-times-over in my head. "I think that's a record high for the team."

 

"You can't score a goal unless you take the shot. Yeah, sometimes you miss, but at least you tried. That counts for something" Christen states, daring me to look her in the eye again. I do, and there I find a kind of warmness that I haven't seen in a while. Christen's looking at me the way she used to. Before things got all... weird between us. It's nice and immensely relaxing. It makes me feel like I've been holding my breath for a long time and I'm finally able to breath again. I feel relieved.

 

"Where'd you get that? One of Coach's inspirational speeches?" I joke, finally allowing myself to be at ease for the first time tonight. For the first time in a while, actually.

 

"No" Christen shakes her head as a small smile forms at her lips. "That one's all my own."

 

"Well, I sure could've used your wisdom earlier" I comment as I return Christen's smile. "Maybe then I wouldn't have had such a horrendous game." We both laugh until a short silence falls between us. It isn't uncomfortable or anything, it just feels natural. Christen and I just look at each other and smile. Sometimes there's no need for words.

 

That is until someone calls Christen's name from the sidelines. I don't look to see who it is. Frankly, I don't want to see who it is. I don't want to ruin this moment with Christen. It's been too long since this has happened. Christen gives a smile and thumbs up to the person calling her before looking back at me. She still wears a smile, but her eyes weren't as warm as they were a second ago. Not as familiar. I know right away that our moment is gone as quickly as it came.

 

"Listen" she begins as she places a hand on my shoulder. "Dust yourself off and forget about tonight. It doesn't matter now, it's in the past. Just focus on next week. I know for a fact that it'll be better. You're great, Tobin. You'll come back from this." I nod as Christen gives my shoulder a squeeze and removes her hand from my shoulder. My heart sinks a little as she takes a step back from me. Here we are, arm's length again.

 

"Thanks" I simply return, my eyes downcast and my tone slightly morose.

 

"And cheer up!" Christen declares as she squirts more ice water in my face, causing me to jump backwards and laugh. "Stop moping around, you're killing the victory vibes" Christen giggles as I wipe away at my face again. Her laugh alone perks me back up.

 

"Alright, alright! Just put that thing down" I chuckle as I swat at her water bottle. She smiles and nods as she begins walking backwards towards the sideline.

 

"I'll see you later" she grins, causing me to grin back.

 

"Yeah, later Cap" I return warmly as I watch her walk further and further away from me. I begin to turn around as I don't want to watch her walk all the way to sideline, for obvious reasons, but before I do, she calls out to me again.

 

"Hey Tobs?" she yells as she's just barely still within hearing range. I turn around and look at her again. She's still wearing that smile. "Congrats on the new team record! It's one for the history books." I shake my head as she laughs and squirts some water in her mouth before turning around and jogging over to the sideline. Even though I told myself I wouldn't, I watch her the entire time. Even as Peyton hugs her after she's arrived. It irks me to no end. I can feel my stomach setting on fire. Finally I decide to turn away before I can see anything more. I try to think back to my moment with Christen, but the memory is already fleeting. So much for holding onto it. Despite what Christen said, I don't want to forget about tonight. No way.

 

I decide to put off my annoyance and walk over to the bench to collect my things. A few of my other teammates are there still. I grab my water bottle, my sweats, and my towel and throw them into my duffel bag. I sling the bag's shoulder strap over my right shoulder and re-check the bench area to make sure that I've got all my things. When I look up again, I lock eyes with Alex on the other end of the bench. There are a few teammates between us, but I can see her beginning to make a move to approach me. I reactively turn in the opposite direction as Alex begin fast-walking to the locker room. Luckily I bump into Rose on the way.

 

"Whoa, watch it, NASA" Rose warns as she rubs at the shoulder that I ran into.

 

"NASA?" I question, confused by the new nickname.

 

"Yeah" Rose chuckles, seeming content with herself. "I figured it suits you. You know, after all those shots you rocketed into space tonight." My eyes narrow at the underclassmen, only causing her to laugh even more.

 

"Whatever" I say as I shake my head at the childish, and admittedly clever, nickname that Rose has so gallantly bestowed upon me. "Do you wanna walk with me to the locker room?" I ask, sneaking a peak over my shoulder to see if Alex is still following me. She definitely is. Damn she's persistent.

 

"What? Why? You want some pointers on how to play winger without looking like a total dunce?" Rose quips. I close my eyes briefly and sigh. This kid sure is a smart-ass.

 

"Tobin! Wait up!" I hear Alex call out from behind me as she draws nearer. It's time to go. I throw an arm around Rose's shoulders and begin leading her forward. She's shoots me a confused look but still allows herself to lead in the direction of the locker room. She's glances quizzically between me and Alex.

 

"Hey Alex is calling for you. Don't you want to stop and talk to her?" Rose asks as if she thinks that it's actually possible that I can't hear Alex's cries.

 

"Not particularly" I deadpan as I continue to stride forward.

 

"Tobin, come on! You're being rediculous!" Alex yells, frustration apparent in her voice.

 

"But why-" Rose begins, only to have me silence her.

 

"Just walk, Rose" I grumble, also growing frustrated as all I want to do in the moment is leave. Rose stays silent as we proceed walking. Just as we're about to exit the pitch, I spot Cheney and Harry chatting near the gate. I sigh as I try to think of something to say so that they won't try to intercept me for Alex. But what? As we get closer to them, they both turn towards Rose and I as we approach. I'm beginning to panic as I hear Alex call after me again. She really isn't one to give up.

 

"Tobin!" Alex yells, her tone now pleading with me to stop and turn around. And I almost do, but then out of the corner of my eye I see Serv glaring at me from the stands and my feet push me forward. Rose and I are just feet away from Cheney and Harry now I've realized that I still haven't come up with anything to say. When Cheney opens her mouth to speak, I know I'm done for. I can't escape her guilt trips even on a good day. At this point I'm praying for divine intervention.

 

"Tobs, Alex is trying to talk to you" Cheney urges as I try to avoid her persuasive gaze. "You should hear her out and talk-"

 

"Wow, Tobin! I can't believe you're about to teach me how perfectly curl the ball on a corner kick. You're like, a  _legend_ during set pieces. I've been waiting  _all season_ for this. You have no idea how much this means to me! You're the best mentor ever!" Rose blurts as we approach and pass through the gate. Her outburst is so loud that it covers up both Cheney and Alex's protests. We glides past the gate and away from the field without a hitch. Once we're several feet away from the rest of our teammates, I turn to Rose with what must an extremely puzzled expression.

 

 "Why did you-?" I start, only stopping myself as Rose holds a hand up to me.

 

"Don't worry about it" Rose interjects as we begin to cross the parking lot, our cleats clicking across the pavement as we do. "You're just going to have to make it up to me later. Or, right now actually." I give Rose a confused look.

 

"What do you mean 'right now'?" I ask, not quite sure how I could repay Rose for the favor at this moment. I mean I'm more than happy to, as long as it doesn't involve me getting tackled again.

 

"Didn't you hear? You're going to help me with my corners" Rose easily explains as she begins to alter our course to the practice fields.

 

"You were serious about that?" I ask, kind of caught off guard. Rose shrugs.

 

"Hey, you weren't the only one who could've had a better game tonight. And those damn corners have been giving me hell all season." I look at Rose one last time before letting out a chuckle.

 

"You know, you're more like me than I thought" I grin, bumping Rose's shoulder with my own.

 

"Please don't ever say that again. I have my self-respect" Rose cheekily returns. I gape at her for a second, pretending to be offended. She takes one look at me and begins to laugh, loosing her poker face as she does. I exchange my shocked expression for a grin as I reach over and rustle her hair.

 

"You have no respect is more like it, rookie."

 

We eventually make it over to the practice fields. Rose practices taking corners as I give her advice and place myself in various defensive positions. We go on with this exercise for a while. I'm not sure how long exactly, but I know it's well after everyone else has left the premises. We only decide to call it quits when the field lights turn off on us. I would've lost Rose in the dark if she weren't so pale. Seriously, she's so fair that she's practically glowing in the dark. Maybe she does have some divine powers.

 

* * *

 

I lay on the couch as whatever mindless sitcom plays on the living room television. Mandy sits in an arm chair to left, watching the show intently as if it's the most amusing thing. What? Do they not have sitcoms in France? I should be getting ready to head out to the School Board meeting with the rest of my family, but I just don't feel up to it. I would go to see Christen, but I know I won't even get a chance to talk to her anyway. It's been radio silence since our playoff game a couple of days ago. I thought our little moment was a turning point in the right direction, but unfortunately I was mistaken. The worst part is that I see that she reads my texts, she just doesn't reply back. I try not to dwell on it too much anymore, but I can't deny that it stings. And then there's Alex. I know she'll undoubtedly be at the meeting, and I don't want to risk another one of our run-ins. There have been some pretty close calls lately and I am fairly surprised that she's still making an effort to talk to me. What's even more surprising is that I've somehow managed to escape her every time. I know my luck will run out eventually, but I'm hoping she loses her will before then. I'll admit, I do miss her, but there's no way we'll ever be able to get past what happened. Or at least I won't. And I know Serv won't. The guy shoots me daggers every time I'm in his line of sight. The way I see it, there's no upside to me going to the meeting tonight. Honestly I'd rather face my mother's wrath than show my face at that meeting.

 

"Tobin, honey, you should get up and get dressed. You know your mother likes to arrive early to these things" my dad prompts as he fastens a tie around his next. It's always strange seeing him get all dressed up, he works at a bar for Pete's sake, but a certain kind of 'presentation' is always expected at these things. Mom never says it, but I'm sure she's not overly excited to introduce her husband as the owner and barkeep of a pub downtown. That kind of thing doesn't usually do well to impress her esteemed colleagues. Sometimes I wonder how my parents ever got together in the first place. Mom's so put-together and structured, and dad's so easy-going and laid back. They're different in almost every way.

 

"I'm not going" I groan as I bury my face into one of the throw pillows. I would never leave this couch again if I didn't have to.

 

"Come on, Tobin. I'm serious, we need to get going" my dad tries again. I will commend him on his patience, he's always been a very calm-natured man. That's somewhere where him and I differ. If I got anything from my mom, it's her hotheaded temper. Speaking of the devil, she walks into the room as she attaches an earring to her ear. She looks primed and proper as usual. She takes one look at me laying on the couch and then glances over to my dad.

 

"Why isn't she dressed?" she asks him, for the moment leaving me alone as I lounge meekly on the couch.

 

"She says she's not going" my dad sighs, probably hoping as much as I am that mom keeps her criticism to a minimum. I internally brace for a lecture, but much to my surprise, one never comes.

 

"That's alright, she can stay home if that's what she wants" my mom allows without any trace of sarcasm or judgement in her voice. If I weren't already laying down, the shock of it all probably would've knocked me off of my feet. I can't believe it, my mom's actually showing me mercy. Is it my birthday? Am I dreaming?

 

"Who can stay home?" Perry asks as she saunters her way into the room.

 

"Tobin. She's not feeling up to coming to the meeting this evening" mom explains easily. Seriously, the calmness in her voice is a bit unnerving. I glance over at Perry and see that she's just as surprised as the rest of us.

 

"What? Why not? We all have to go. That's the rule, isn't it?" Perry protests, crossing her arms over her chest. She's basically pouting. Leave it to Perry to throw a tantrum over something small like this.

 

"Perry dear, your sister has been having a rough time lately. She can stay home. Tonight we'll make an exception" my mom explains, only seeming to upset my sister further.

 

"That's so not fair!" Perry argues, raising her voice. "You didn't let me skip the meeting that was the same night as Taylor's pool party. How come Tobin gets to stay home if neither Jeff nor I have been let off the hook before?"

 

"Perry, that's enough" my mom gently warns, although Perry seems to completely ignore the soft warning. Naive girl.

 

"Come on, she's fine! She's just faking all of this so she doesn't have to sit through this boring meeting. She's playing you! She's just playing the typical Tobin 'poor me' card and-" Perry protests with unrelenting fury. Damn Perry, tell me how you really feel... Bitch.

 

"Perry Elizabeth!" mom interrupts. Perry goes silent immediately as a vein bulging from my mom's forehead is visible even from my position on the couch. Perry done fucked up. Mom takes a deep breath to try and calm herself. She straightens up her dress before she continues. "Perry and Jeff, please go wait out in the car. We'll be leaving in a minute." Perry glances over to Jeff as he sits as still as a statue on the other living room couch. Then they both glance at me before grabbing their jackets and exiting the house. I almost forgot Jeff was in the room, but he was smart not to say anything this entire time, or else it could've been his head on a platter instead of Perry's. Mom turns to dad as he grabs both of their coats from the coat closet near the front door.

 

"Honey, could I have a word with you in the kitchen?" dad doesn't say anything, he just nods and follows mom out of the room. As soon as they're out of sight, I can hear mom start to speak again. I don't pick up every word, but I think I get the gist of it. Why do parents always think walls are sound proof? "I'm just worried... she's been acting really out of it since last month... doesn't leave the house... hardly talks to her friends... maybe depressed? I don't know... Dr. Vickie said... and I'm trying... keep an eye on her... do you think maybe... with Christen... or Alex... at the meeting tonight... I might ask... I just don't know how to handle this..." I close my eyes try to block out the rest of the conversation. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

 

After a few more minutes my parents emerge from the kitchen. Mom looks a little somber, but does her best to plaster on a quick smile as she addresses Mandy and I for the final time.

 

"Alright ladies, we're off now" she announces as dad holds open the door for her. "If you get hungry, I believe there's some pizza and stuff for sandwiches in the fridge. We'll see you later!"

 

"Later" both Mandy and I call out in unison as my parents finally walk through the door and exit the house. When the door clicks shut, I turn to Mandy who's still fairly engrossed in the TV show she's watching.

 

"So..." I draw out, not sure what to do after my mom surprisingly let me stay home tonight. "What do you want to do?" Mandy just shrugs without taking her eyes off of the television screen. I sigh as I sit up on the couch. "Well, I think I'm gonna go scope out what we have in the fridge." Mandy only nods as I get up and make my way to the kitchen. Once I arrive at the fridge I open it and scan its shelves. After a brief once over, my eyes return to the left-over slices of pizza that my mom was talking about. It seems like the best option, even if there is pineapple on it. I shrug and pull out the bag of slices. I grab a plate from one of the cupboards and load the slices onto it before placing it in the microwave. After about thirty seconds-or-so, the microwave timer dings and I pull the plate off of the turn-table. I know I should wait until the pizza cools down a little bit, but I'm so hungry I just decide to throw caution to the wind. As soon as I take a bite I immediately regret it. The top of my mouth singes as the steaming marinara sauce comes into contact with it. "Dammit!" I carry my plate back to the living room and take a seat on the couch again. I wait a while to eat my pizza again. In the meantime I watch some new sitcom with Mandy. I'm pretty sure it's a re-run, but who's to say? Most sitcoms are the same anyway.

 

After about fifteen minutes I hear a knock on the door. I raise a suspicious eyebrow as I get up and make my way over, a slice of pizza still hanging from my mouth. For as much as I've been opposed to pineapple on pizza during all these years, I hate to admit that it's actually kind of good. Dammit, Christen was right. I'm never telling her that though. Well, it's not really like I'll get the chance to even if I wanted to. I sigh as I slowly turn the doorknob and open my front door. After I do, I'm a little taken aback to find Cheney and Harry.

 

"Hey Tobs. We're coming in" Harry informs as she and Cheney push past me and enter my house. It's not like I'm not happy to see them, I just sure as hell wasn't expecting a visit. I close the door and reunite with them in my living room. By now I've removed the piece of pizza from my mouth.

 

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask as I take my seat once more on the couch. Both Cheney and Harry remain standing.

 

"Mandy texted us" Cheney simply admits, jerking her head in Mandy's direction.

 

"What? Why?" I ask, confused as to why Mandy of all people would tell Cheney and Harry to pay me a visit at this time of day. Mandy shrugs.

 

"You were bumming me out" she nonchalantly confesses as she fiddles around with the TV remote. 

 

"What?" I return, dumbfounded. How could I have possibly been bumming her out? All we've done tonight has been watching TV and hardly saying more than a few words to each other. "So you made these two come all the way down here?"

 

"That's not why we're here" Harry interjects, causing me to look in her and Cheney's direction once again. Then why are they here? I shoot them a puzzled look. Harry glances over to Cheney who wordlessly encourages her to continue. "We're here because we're worried about you."

 

"Yeah" Cheney agrees with a single nod of her head. "And because we can't stand by and watch you, and Christen, and everybody else do this anymore." Cheney's addition confuses me further.

 

"What do you mean _'this'_? And what does Christen have to do with you two coming here tonight?" I question, slightly on the defensive. Harry closes her eyes for a minute and takes a deep breath before stepping in again.

 

"Tobin, listen, people have been talking and we know that  _something_ has been going on with you and Christen. And Alex too, for that matter. And we just want to make sure that you don't do something that you'll regret. Or that you _don't_ don't do something and end up regretting that later. We just want what's best for you, but we can't watch you keep going at the rate you're going. You need to take more action if you want things to be better."

 

"Ok, cryptic much?" I return a tad feisty. "You're speaking in codes, Harry. And what is it with everyone assuming they know my business and how I feel? It's getting pretty old if you ask me."

 

"Tobin, no. That's not what we're saying" Cheney jumps in in an attempt to cut-off my over-reaction before it fully develops.

 

"Then what are you saying?" I immediately ask. At this point I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I've had it up to here with all the criticism lately. The last thing I want is to be judged by the only friends I have left.

 

"We're saying that maybe..." Harry continues, this time extra cautious as she looks me gently in the eye. "...Maybe it's time that you take action so that you aren't so down-in-the-dumps anymore." I glance between Cheney and Harry.

 

"You think I'm down-in-the-dumps?" I question, admittedly a bit shocked by what Harry just told me. Yeah, I haven't felt that great in a while, but I didn't think other people noticed that much. Especially Cheney and Harry considering I mostly only see them at lunch and practice. Is it really that obvious?

 

"Kinda, yeah" Cheney confirms as she offers me a sympathetic look and takes a seat next to me on the couch. I let my head droop as Harry follows Cheney's lead and takes a seat on my other side. She places her hand on my knee.

 

"I..." I mumble, a little too embarrassed to look either of my friends in the eye. "I guess I thought no one noticed." Cheney places her hand on my back and begins rubbing soothing circles on it.

 

"Yeah, we have" Cheney admits in a soft tone. "But it's alright, Tobs. We're here to help." I sniffle a little bit as I feel my emotions building up inside of me. I don't have many words for what I've been feeling lately, but it does make me feel a little bit better to know that I have Cheney and Harry by my side. I'm not sure that I can open up to them completely in the way that I'd like to, but it helps knowing that they're here for me.

 

"See?" Mandy chimes in from across the room. "Bumming me out."

 

* * *

 

I take a deep breath as I shift into park and cut the engine. I take in the silence from inside my jeep as my fingers remain curled around the steering wheel, my palms beginning to sweat. Well, I've done it. Cheney and Harry told me to take action, so I did. I'm here, parked in front of Christen's house. I can feel my heart racing within my chest. I texted Christen that I was coming over here tonight, but as per usual I didn't get a reply. So I came here anyway. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of waiting around for a text that will never come. I get that she's busy these days, but I'm her best friend, dammit. She can't keep blowing me off like this. I know it's intentional, and at this point I just want to know why. I just want to be a part of her life again. So I'm here. I'm making it happen.

 

I take one more determined breath as I unhinge my hands from the steering wheel and unbuckle myself. I glance over at Alyssa's house and realize I better get a move on before her dad tries to snitch on me again. I get out of the car hit the lock button on my key. As I make strides to Christen's front porch, my heart is beating faster than it was before. For a place that used to feel like a second home to me, I've never been so intimidated knock on a front door. But when I get there, I push all apprehension aside and just do it. I came here for a reason after all. Once I've knock a few times, I take a step back and wait. I try to think about what exactly I'm going to say to Christen when I see her. Maybe something like, 'Hey Christen, what's up? Any reason in particular that you've decided to ignore all my texts?' Or maybe that's too blunt. What about, 'Chris! Hey! You know I was in the neighborhood and I thought I may as well drop by and catch up. It's been a while, yeah?' Hmmm, that could work, but that may also be too casual. As I begin to think up some more greetings, the door opens, snapping me back to reality, mid-thought.

 

"Um, hello" I hear a voice I've never heard before open as I pick my head up from looking at the ground. For a second I think I'm at the wrong house considering that voice belongs to none of the Presses. However when I finally get a look at the girl, I know exactly who it is.

 

"Uh, h-hi" I stutter, not prepared for this encounter. I mean, I figured I would meet her one day, but I thought I would be more prepared for this moment. There's so much I want to say to her, but none of it makes it to my mouth. "You're Peyton, right?" The girl politely nods and gives me the once over.

 

"And you are?" she asks with apparent ignorance. She doesn't know who I am? What? Seriously? I'm Christen's  _best friend_ , how could she not know who I am? Has Christen seriously never brought me up? That doesn't sound right. I've seen Peyton at soccer games for goodness sake. I'm in hundreds of photos with Christen on Facebook, and Instagram, and Twitter. There's no way she doesn't know who I am! But Peyton continues to stare at me with a blank expression, so I have no choice but to introduce myself.

 

"I'm... I'm Tobin" I curtly reply, still trying to regain my wits. "I'm Christen's friend."

 

"Huh" Peyton responds as if this is some interesting new information. It isn't even a full word but it still manages to piss me off. I've been talking to this girl a grand total of two minutes and I already strongly dislike her. I thought maybe once I met her she wouldn't seem so bad. I was wrong. "So why are you here?" Peyton asks as I internally stew in front of her. Why do you think, dumbass?

 

"I'm here to see Christen" I state as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I mean come on, it doesn't take a genius to put two-and-two together. This girl really isn't the brightest, is she? Or maybe she is and she's just putting on this front to get a rise out of me. Either way, I don't like her behavior one bit. It's like there's already bad blood between us. "Why are you answering the door?" I return with a question of my own. Two can play at this game. Peyton shrugs.

 

"I was closest to it" she simply replies, her stare unwavering. I keep my eyes locked on hers. There's no way I'm out to lose this stare down. I've lost enough to this girl already. But before either of us has a chance to break, our conversation is interrupted by Mama Press's voice calling from within the house.

 

"Peyton, dear, who's at the door?" she asks, her tone as sweet as usual. Wow, it's been a while since I've even seen Mama Press. I've missed her, too.

 

"I don't know" Peyton calls back over her shoulder. "I already forgot what she said her name was." Bitch. I open my mouth to say something more to Peyton, but Mama Press interrupts me before I can. That's probably for the better anyway.

 

"That's strange" Mama Press comments as I hear her nearing the door. "Are you sure it isn't- Tobin! What a lovely surprise to see you! Please, come in, come in. It's been far too long since you've stopped by, sweet heart!" Mama Press ushers me inside and I glide past Peyton at the door. 

 

"Yeah" I begin as I look Peyton in the eye, "It has."

 

"Oh I'm so happy to see you!" Mama Press exclaims as she pulls me in for one of her infamous bear hugs. "It's like I've been missing my fourth daughter." I hug Mama Press back as tightly as she hugs me. It feels so good to be back in the Press house. It's one of my favorite places to be. I steal another glance at Peyton before Mama Press and I end our hug. She looks a little discouraged. Fucking _good_. After Mama Press releases me from her grip, she looks at me with a smile. "I'll go get Christen for you, I'm sure that's why you're here."

 

"I'm half here for Christen, and half here for you" I smile back charmingly as Mama Press walks to the edge of the front foyer.

 

"Oh you're too much!" she laughs before she disappears around a corner. I grin to myself. If there's anything that parents love, it's flattery. Just after Mama Press leaves my line of sight, I hear several sets of paws rapidly thundering against wooden floors. Before I know it, both Morena and Khaleesi are barreling towards me. I kneel down with a huge smile as they launch towards me. Peyton flinches from a few feet away and takes a step or two back to maintain some distance between me and the dogs. Huh, must not be a dog person. How are her and Christen even together? The dogs' tongues lap up my face several times before someone else enters the room. Someone else I've been dying to talk to.

 

"Tobin?" I hear Christen ask in a fairly shocked tone. "What are you doing here?" I stand to greet her as Christen's eyes dart nervously between me and Peyton. It's like she's afraid to have us in the same room or something. I don't blame her though, I don't particularly want to be in the same room as Peyton either.

 

"I came to see you" I state with a smile, by mood lifting just by being in the presence of Christen. Although she still has an uneasy look on her face, and suddenly I get the feeling that my presence isn't as welcome. "Is that alright?" Christen's eyes focus on me again, and after studying me for a millisecond, the corners of her mouth upturn into a smile. She shakes her head as if to shake herself out of a trance.

 

"Yes, of course" Christen replies, notably much warmer this time. Peyton clears her throat from the edge of the room and the twinkle in Christen's eye vanishes. Suddenly she takes on a much more serious tone. "We were actually just about to eat dinner, though. Is it alright if we meet up again some other time?" Christen's voice is gentle, but I can hear past her tone. My heart sinks a little. She's asking me to leave.

 

"Oh, um, sure" I sheepishly agree as I suddenly feel like the walls are closing in on me. "I uh, I wouldn't want to be a burden." I slowly turn around and make my way back to the door. My stomach starts to turn. I can't believe I drove all the way over here just to be turned away. I should've taken the hint, Christen really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Just as my hand reaches the doorknob I hear Mama Press shuffle back into the room.

 

"Tobin, honey, please don't tell me you're leaving so soon!" Mama Press calls after me, causing me to turn around. "At least stay for dinner. You did go out of your way to come here tonight. I wouldn't want that to be in vein." I glance around the room and take in everyone's expressions. Mama Press looks hopeful, Peyton looks slightly agitated, and Christen looks conflicted. Her lips are drawn in a flat line, but her eyes seem to be saying something else entirely. They look sadly longing if that's even a thing. I weigh my options for a moment, but I eventually settle on the course of action that my heart is screaming for me to take. I'm not leaving here empty-handed, dammit.

 

"Alright, sure. Thanks, Mama Press" I finally agree. Mama Press lets out a gleeful squeal as she walks over and begins to usher me to the dining room. Peyton and Christen follow behind.

 

* * *

 

We're about halfway through dinner when the conversation really gets rolling. Honestly up until now I've mainly been enjoying my plate of spaghetti while the Press' reminisce about their days. It's been too long since I've had Mama Press' cooking, especially considering we both share a strong love of Italian food. Besides the eating I've been waging an on-going stare down with Peyton, who conveniently is sitting across the table from me and directly next to Christen. She keeps touching her or fiddling around with Christen's plate, every time very aware that I'm watching her. The bitch is putting on a show. I'm doing my best not to be too bothered by it, but it's difficult. One reassuring thing is that both dogs are nestled around my feet. At least I know for certain that they favor me over Peyton. That counts as a win in my book.

 

As Peyton and I are in the midst of yet another staring contest, Mama Press stokes up the conversation again.

 

"So Tobin, how are your parents doing? I meant to speak with your mom at the last School Board meeting, but she kept getting swept away by people in fancy suits" Mama Press chuckles as she directs the conversation back to me. But did she have to bring up parents of all things? That isn't exactly a great talking point for me at the moment.

 

"Um, they're good. Mom's pretty busy with work, as usual. And dad's been working a lot of late shifts at the bar lately" I supply, trying to sound as casual as I can with out letting on that this is a bit of a sore spot for me.

 

"Ah well" Mama Press pleasantly adds, "The work has got to get done by somebody. It sure is a noble thing that your mom works so hard for the district. A good education system is one of the strongest investments in the future." I smile and nod. Leave it to Mama Press to have a positive take on things.

 

"Your dad's a bartender?" I hear Peyton chime from across the table. Her tone isn't exactly rude, but it isn't very pleasant either. I ball up my napkin beneath the table. How dare she judge my dad? She doesn't even know him.

 

"He owns the bar, actually" I correct, crumpling the napkin in my hands even more. Peyton's eyes remain on me.

 

"Oh, that's nice" she says in a transparent tone. "My dad is the CEO of a real-estate company." I clench my jaw. Uppity bitch.

 

"Well look at that!" Mama Press interjects from the head of the table. "Both of your dads are business owners. You two have so much in common already! Hey Peyton, your father didn't happen to sell that nice house on Orlando Ave. to Vice-Mayor Morgan did he? I thought that place would never go off the market." Peyton grins.

 

"Yeah, he did actually" Peyton boasts as she places a her hand on top of Christen's. Christen looks wearily between me and Peyton. It's like she's uncomfortable. I raise an eyebrow at her before Peyton continues. "I was with him when he was showing the house. They seem like a nice family but their daughter came across as kind of haughty. They invited us over another time for dinner, but when we arrived she was no where to be found. That is, until we heard a guy's laugh come from upstairs, then we put the pieces together." I grip my fork so hard that my knuckles turn white. Oh _hell_ no. She does not get to sit there and talk shit about Alex. I know I've been shutting Alex out lately, but I still really care about her. She doesn't deserve this kind of disrespect from someone who doesn't even know her.

 

"Her name is Alex" I grumble, my eyes narrowing on Peyton. "She's a good person, you have no idea what you're talking about." Peyton takes a sip of water and shrugs.

 

"I guess you would know" Peyton airily continues as her eyes deviously settle on me again. "I heard she's a bit of a heart breaker though, so you might want to keep an eye out for that." I feel a stabbing pain flash through my chest as I'm reminded about my ruined friendship with Alex. How could Peyton possibly know about that? I glance over to Christen, but she avoids my eyes. I can feel myself starting to get worked up. I can't believe this.

 

"Speaking of Alex, she had a wonderful game this week, didn't she? She's a great striker. I'm sure she and Christen can learn a lot from each other" Mr. Press pipes up nervously from the other end of the table.

 

"Oh yes, she did a lot for the team" Mama Press agrees, obviously trying to change the subject. "I'm sure Coach Dames was really happy with her performance. But the team held it together as a whole. It was inspiring to see."

 

"Yeah, I agree. Alex and a few other players did have a really good game" Peyton jumps in once again. Oh Lord, not her again. This bitch needs to learn when to keep her trap shut. A sly expression makes its way onto her face. That can't be good. "However I did have some criticism on some of Coach Dames' decisions. For example, I think he kept some of those players in the game too long. I mean it was a playoff game. If someone's under performing, you gotta cut the dead weight. Why should they bring the rest of the team down? Some players should know their position and realize when they're beat." Peyton's eyes don't leave me for a second as she speaks. That's it.

 

"Shut the fuck up!" I scream as I rise from my chair and slam my hands on the table, causing everyone's silverware to rattle against their plates. The entire room goes silent as everyone looks at me in horror. I've even managed to scare Morena and Khaleesi away. I'm breathing hard as I take in everyone's expression. Dammit, I fell into her trap. This is what she wanted all along. I'm the bad guy now. "I'm sorry" I exhale, as I place my napkin on my plate and turn towards Mama Press. "Thanks for dinner, it was great, but I think I should get going now." Before anyone has a chance to protest, which I doubt any of them will in their shocked states, I walk around the table and make my way to the front door. As soon as I'm through it, I close it gently behind me and begin marching down the steps. I can feel my eyes starting to well up as my throat goes dry. When I'm about halfway across the front lawn, I feel a hand wrap around my forearm and whirl me around.

 

"What the hell was that?" Christen yells, her eyes firey and demanding an answer.

 

"She was baiting me the entire time. She wanted this to happen" I grumble, refusing to look Christen in the eye any longer. How can she be upset with _me_ right now? What did _I_ do? Peyton's the one who made this happen.

 

"What are you talking about?" Christen questions, confusion written all over her face.

 

"Peyton! Alright? She's had it in for me since I got here" I explain, my frustration starting to flourish.

 

"No she hasn't!" Christen argues. "She was just trying to get to know you and you-"

 

"Bullshit! Christen, come on! She was targeting me the whole time! She even brought up Alex! I can't believe you told her about that!" I scream, my patience all used up tonight. The dogs start barking from inside Christen's house and I'm sure all the neighbors can hear us, but I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm sick of this. All of this. I stare into Christen's eyes and they look somewhat guilty. Like they've been caught in a lie. I shake my head and turn away from her. I take a few steps towards the road before she calls out to me again.

 

"Tobin, I didn't-" she defends, but it only makes me angrier. I spin back around to face her again. My blood is pumping through my veins.

 

"Save it, Christen! Don't lie to me anymore! It's been almost a month since you've been ignoring me. I came here tonight to try to make things better with you, but it's apparent now that it was a mistake. If you wanted me out of your life, then you could've just said so!" I boom, my pain oozing out of every sharp word. Christen's eyelids flutter at my outburst. I think I've genuinely scared her.

 

"Tobin, that's not true. I haven't been ignoring-" Christen rushes out, her voice sounds as if she's fighting back tears. It breaks my heart a little, but I'm too enraged to rein in my anger. It's been pent up for too long.

 

"Goddammit, Christen! Wake up! Ever since Peyton's been around, you've been lost to the world. You've been lost to all your friends. You've been lost to me. She's not good for you, alright? She's made you blind to everyone else!" As soon as the words leave my lips I see rage begin to bubble up within Christen. I've managed to cross a line.

 

" _I'm_ the one who's blind?!" she erupts, her facial muscles contorting into a menacing scowl. " _I'm_ the one who needs to wake the fuck up?!" Christen scoffs as she takes a step closer to me. " _You're_ the one who's been lost to the world. _You're_ the one who can't see what's right in front of your fucking face. You're a damn hypocrite, Tobin. The sooner you realize that, the fucking better." Christen stares at me with an intensity that I've never seen from her before. This feels like more than just a fight. This feels like a confession. But of what, I'm not so sure. Maybe Christen's right. Maybe I really am blind.

 

"Whatever" I grumble as I turn away and stalk back towards my jeep. I'm a combination of angry and humiliated and all I need right now is to leave.

 

"Yeah, whatever" I hear Christen growl from behind me. I know she's gone when I hear the front door of her house slam shut. When I get to my jeep, I quickly slide into the driver's seat and start the engine. I stare at the road ahead for a moment as I feel the effects of the fight start to take their toll on me. In a last wave of rage I slam my hands against the the steering wheel a few times.

 

"Dammit!" I yell as my breathing increases and my emotions start spilling out of me. I came here to smooth things over with Christen, not to make things worse. But I fucked it up like I always do. That's all my life is, one big fuck up. The more of these types of thoughts I have, the more tears I can feel spilling down my cheeks. My body begins to shudder.

 

After a few minutes of sobbing alone in the cab of my jeep, I feel my mood begin to shift as I wipe my eyes and look up at the road again.

 

No. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to sit here and feel bad for myself. That isn't going to change things, and that sure as hell isn't going to make things alright again. I need to do better. I need to _be_ better.

 

And with that I buckle myself in and turn on the car radio. I pull away from Christen's house and decide to drive around a bit before heading home. I need some time to cool off and reorganize my thoughts. As I turn onto one of the less busy roads, the song 'I Wanna Get Better' by Bleachers begins to play. A small smile plays at my lips. They couldn't have played a more suiting song. If I'm doing this shit, I'm doing it right.

 

* * *

 

  **Mid-June**

 

I sigh as I enter the lunch room and see Christen nowhere in sight. She's probably having lunch in the Spanish room again. She's been doing that a lot lately. That, and completely icing me out besides when we're at soccer practice and she  _has_ to talk to me. I don't blame her though. I was an asshole to her that night at her house. Come to think of that, I've been an asshole to her for a lot longer than that. I've come to the realization that I'm a pretty shitty best friend. I'm good at taking but bad at giving. So I'm working on myself. I'm making an effort to change. For the past week or so, I've been wracking my brain for a way to make things up to Christen, and tonight I'm going to give it a go.

 

I wander over to the lunch line and wait as students in front of me scan their student IDs before grabbing a tray and loading up on food. Usually mom or dad makes my lunch for me, but they've each been pretty busy lately, so it's a school lunch for me today. Luckily today's options include nachos, veggie wraps, and turkey sliders, although I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my heart set on those nachos. Just when I'm about three students away from the scanner, I feel a strong hand wrap around my wrist and pull me from the line. Startled, I quickly glance between the hand and the person it belongs to. Serv. Serv guides me across the room and into the hallway without any fight from me. Honestly I'm so shocked that I'm just letting myself be led astray. My nachos are long forgotten. Once we finally make it into the hallway, I find my voice again.

 

"Serv? What's going on?" I ask as Serv's actions are undoubtedly drawing a few curious eyes. He doesn't say a word until he's dragged me all the way to the doors to the outdoor courtyard. He pushes through them with his free hand and lets the door slam behind us as he pulls me out into the abandoned nature area on campus. Ok, at this point I'm a little scared. Serv is acting strange, and from the look on his face, he's not happy with me. Hey, welcome to the club, pal. Finally once Serv guides us behind the infamous 'make-out' tree, he releases my wrist and turns to face me. Our current location is a little suspect, but I'm not about to question it.

 

"Why do you keep blowing off Alex?" Serv questions as he visibly attempts to suppress his discontent. I avoid his eyes and look at a flower bed behind him. How am I supposed to answer his question without riling him up even more? I can't very well tell him that it's because I kissed his girlfriend, that would send the dude through the roof. Although, he probably already knows. I'm sure Alex told him. Why wouldn't she?

 

"What do you mean?" I ask stupidly as I try to buy myself more time. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because it only causes Serv's eyes to narrow. No more bullshit. Got it. Messaged received.

 

"Why don't you just talk to her, Tobin? Aren't you supposed to be her friend?" Serv breathes out, obviously very invested in the matter. It's true, I was Alex's friend once. But am I still? It's hard to say, all things considered.

 

"Yeah, but-" I try to begin, honestly not sure where I was heading with it anyway.

 

"No 'but's" Serv interrupts as he slams his hand against the make-out tree. That seemed a bit excessive, but I guess it made his point. "If you're her friend, then you need to act like it. You need to grow a pair and talk to Alex. Do you know how upset she's been over your little disappearing act? Do you know how much stress you've caused her? Smooth things over with Alex. Talk things over. Do _something_. Because I can't stand to watch her cry over this anymore. I just can't." Serv sounds desperate near the end of his little speech. In a way, he sounds a little pained. Wow, I guess I never realized how much he cared for Alex before. He really is good for her. I feel bad for ever thinking ill of him, he actually is a good guy. Now it makes me kissing Alex seem even worse than it did before. I sigh and look Serv in the eye.

 

"Look Serv, I know. I'm sorry. I'm not happy about the way things have been either. But I just don't see how I can patch things up with Alex. I just don't think-"

 

"Tobin" Serv interrupts me as he places both hands on my shoulders. I glance between his hands and his face. Suddenly I'm all ears. "Listen, I don't know what happened between you and Alex. She won't tell me, alright? She said it's personal and between you and her. But it's killing me to see her so upset over this. She thinks that she's lost you completely. It breaks her heart. So please, for her sake and yours, and hell, even mine, please, just talk to her. Try to meet her halfway. She's willing to, so you can too. Just please, I'm begging you, try." Serv's words hit me like a brick wall. I wasn't expecting any of it. Especially the part where he said I was causing Alex so much pain. That was never my intention. Not by a long shot. At first I thought this space would be a good thing for the both of us, but it turns out that we're both suffering because of it. And then there was the other thing Serv said. He doesn't know why Alex and I aren't speaking. That means she never told him about the kiss. He doesn't know.

 

"Okay" I finally mutter as I let all of my realizations sink in. "I'll try." Serv smiles as his hands slip from my shoulders and he uses his arms to wrap me up in a hug. Funny, I had not anticipated hugging Servando Carrasco today. Or any day, for that matter. But I allow myself to be hugged and I even hug him back.

 

"Thank you" Serv mumbles from over my shoulder.

 

"No" I return, "Thank you." We stay like this for a few moments before a thought crosses my mind. "Hey Serv?"

 

"Yeah?" He replies in a much friendlier tone.

 

"You might want to take your hands off of me now. We're standing next to the make-out tree and embracing. People might talk."

 

At that Serv releases me all together and let's out a laugh.

 

"Good call" he chuckles.

 

* * *

 

I almost slide down the ladder to my room after my left foot missed one of the rungs. Luckily I catch myself. And it's a good thing, too. The last thing I want is to be out for the Championship game tonight on account of an ankle injury. Coach would not be happy with me. Nor would a lot of other people I'm guessing.

 

Once I've successfully descended down the ladder I hurry down the hallway and beeline towards the front door. I check my pockets to make sure that I have both my wallet and my keys. I breathe a sigh of relief once I confirm that I have them both. My spirits lift as the front door is in sight. I don't have much time before I have to head out for the game, but I need to make a quick run to the store and make it back here before then. Time is truly of the essence so I really need to be efficient here. After all, my friendship with Christen may be on the line. Just as I walk into the living room, I hear a voice call out to me.

 

"Tobin, dear. Could you wait up a minute? I would like to speak to you" I freeze in my tracks. Mom wants to speak to me? That usually never ends well for me. Although I can't think of anything that I've done to upset her lately. Why would she choose tonight of all nights to pick a fight? I quickly turn around to face her. I just wanna get this over with so I can get on with my plan.

 

"Yeah, mom? What's up?" I hurriedly ask as I glance over at the clock hanging on the living room wall. Every tick of the second hand reminds me that I'm losing precious time. My mom unfolds her hands in her lap and gestures to the spot on the couch next to her.

 

"How about you take a seat?" she insists. My feet stay rooted to the spot. I really don't want shoot the breeze right now. There's places that I gotta be.

 

"Do we have to do this right now?" I half-whine, my foot beginning to tap as my entire body is starting to go stir crazy. "I kinda need to get somewhere."

 

"It will only take a few minutes" my mom insists. The look in her eyes beckons me to go sit down. Although she doesn't look as intimidating as she usually does. No, today she just seems...engaged. "Please, Tobin. There are some things that I feel you need to hear." Finally I decide to just wander into the living room and sit down next to her. There's no use wasting even more time arguing with her on this. Also, her phrasing is a bit ominous which compels me to listen. Is today the day that she tells me I'm adopted? Once I've settled in, she turns to me and reaches for my hands. She cups them with her own and looks me square in the eye. "Tobin..." Here it comes. 'Your name is actually Beverly and the Johnsons decided they want you after all.' Or something like that I'm sure. But what she says next is nothing like that. It's something that I can't remember her saying to me at any other point in my life. "... I'm sorry."

 

"You're what?" I blurt out as a knee-jerk reaction. She's sorry? She's apologizing to me? She's actually admitting that she was in the wrong for once? But for what? Mom closes her eyes for a brief moment before capturing my gaze once again.

 

"I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. I know I put a lot of pressure on you and that's unfair of me" mom explains as I stare at her wide-eyed. I can't believe those words are coming out of my own mother's mouth. And I can't believe she's starting to get choked up by them. Ordinarily, I would chalk that up to her being allergic to basic human emotion, but now is not that time. "Tobin, I'm hard on you because I want what's best for you. I know you have so much potential inside of you to be someone great, but I often worry that you aren't tapping into it. I've spent so much time trying to get you to see things my way that I have failed to try to see things from your point of view."

 

"Mom, it's okay" I croak, starting to get a bit emotional as well. I think I've been so starved of this kind of emotional reassurance from my mother that I physically and mentally don't know how to handle it. But I can see how hard my mom is trying here. I can see that she really means what she says. I can see that she cares about me, and that makes me so happy. "You've just been looking out for what's best for me, I know that." And as rarely as I admit it, deep down I always knew that mom has my best interest in mind. I knew the criticism came from good-intention.

 

"I've taken it too far" mom shamefully admits as her grip on my hands tightens. I can see a single tear forming at the corner of her eye. I've never seen my mom cry like this. "I've lacked faith in you and I'm afraid that I've taken more from you than I've been able to give. You don't deserve that, honey. I'm so sorry for that." Right now I feel like I've swallowed a shard of glass.

 

"It wasn't all your fault, alright?" I try to reassure my mom. I can't, in good conscience, let her take all of the blame for our rocky relationship. I can be quite the handful. Not to mention one hell of a pain in the ass when I want to be. "I haven't been doing my best either. Lord knows I don't make things easy for you. And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that my actions reflect on you and the rest of the family. I never meant for things to be this way. Sometimes I wish I could be somebody else. Somebody you can be proud of."

 

"Don't you worry about how what you do makes the rest of us look" my mom advises with a fair amount of conviction in her voice. "I don't want you to be anyone else, you hear me? I want you to be you. I'm so proud of who you are and I wouldn't trade you for the world."

 

"You mean that?" I squeak out, my voice cracking as I do. I feel tears coming down my face now. My mom drops my hands in my lap and reaches over to brush the tears away from my face.

 

"Of course I do" she warmly reassures, her eyes twinkling. "I love you, Tobin." A small sob escapes me as I quickly reach out and wrap my arms around my mom's neck, burying my face into her shoulders. She smells the same as she did back when I was a kid and we would play games and cuddle. We were so much closer back then. Even after all these years, that small detail hasn't changed about her. Maybe that's not the only thing that hasn't changed. Her arms wrap around me just as tight as my arms are wrapped around her.

 

"I love you too, mom."

 

* * *

 

My palms are sweating as I hear the crowd cheer as our opponent, the Carson Cobras, take the pitch. I feel all sorts of jittery as anticipation for the big game fills my body. Ususally I don't get so nervous for a match, but tonight is no ordinary night. Tonight is the Championship game. The game that we have been playing all season for. The very moment that is supposed to be worth all those line drills and beep tests and extra practices. Everything has led up to tonight. Tonight is the climax of our season. Tonight is do or die. And to add even more on top of it all, there are recruiters here from colleges all over the country. And not just your average rinky-dink community school, no, big schools. UCLA, USC, Stanford, and UNC, yes  _fucking U-N-C,_ to name just a few. For such a small area of the country, we've seemed to have managed to attract a lot of national attention. As I think about it, I think one person in particular is responsible for that.

 

"Alright ladies, huddle up" I hear Christen instruct as the team begins to form a circle around her. I snap out of my thoughts and stand in front of our Captain. "Listen, I know there's a lot of pressure on us tonight. There are reporters here, college scouts, you name it. But I want you to forget about all of that. It's just noise, understand? None of it really matters." A few of us look over to the crowd. I can here Rose gulp from beside me. It's even more daunting as the stadium lights shine into our eyes. There are a lot of people here. More than a usual regular season high school game. And they're all watching us, waiting to see if we succeed or fail. "Tobin, Rose, eyes back here" Christen prompts from the center of the huddle. My head snaps back to her and I notice a lot of my teammate's eyes are on me. I blush as I feel slightly embarrassed and gesture for Christen to continue. Christen takes a breath as her eyes scan around the circle of teammates around her. She looks determined, like she's trying to reassure each and every one of us. It's as if she asking permission for all of us to instill our trust in her. It's not a stretch, we all do. "Guys, this is it. _This_ is what it's all about. Are we here to win? Hell yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about."

 

"What do you mean winning isn't what it's all about?" Alex comments from the other side of the circle as a confused expression takes residence on her face. 

 

"I mean" Christen begins again before she pauses and, to my surprise, glances in my direction again. "This is about _us_. This is about how far we've come as a team. This is all we've dreamed about." I kind of can't believe the softness in Christen's voice right now. It's not the kind of thing you'd imagine from a pre-game pep talk. But it's nice. It's soft and comforting. And as her eyes focus on me, gentle and not as harsh as they have been lately, I get the feeling that Christen is talking directly to me. I know that's selfish to think, but I want so badly to believe it. I want so badly to have my best friend back at my side again. I want to go into this game like we have imagined since the first time we played on the same team as one another.

 

"Together" I mutter instinctively, my eyes connected with Christen's. She nods, her eyes remaining on mine.

 

"Exactly" Christen echoes, "Together."

 

For a moment I forget that there are other people in this huddle besides just me and Christen. It's been a while since I haven't felt a certain animosity from her. It's been a while since I felt this close to her. It's like just for this one moment, we've both shed our resentment and frustration and have come to the common understanding that we are better off with each other than we are without. It isn't until I feel someone's hand clap onto my shoulder that I become aware of our teammates' presence once again. Soon enough we all huddle in closer and sling our arms over each other. 

 

"Alright, so let's go out there and play the game we know how to play" Christen continues in her usual Captain voice, her gaze now piveting around to get a good look at everyone surrounding her.

 

"Yeah, and let's win this last one for Mandy" Emily Menges adds from my left. The rest of us nod and hoop in agreeance knowing full well that this is the last game Mandy is going to play with us before she has to return home to France in a week. A pang of sadness hits my gut. I can't believe Mandy is really leaving us so soon. She's like a sister to me now. Given a stubborn, French sister who can be a little bit of a smartass and sometimes hard to understand, but a sister no less.

 

"For Frenchie" Harry nods as she reaches her hand in the middle of the huddle, causing the rest of us to follow suit. I reach over and give Mandy's arm a squeeze. She smirks and sticks her tongue out at me. I laugh and look back at the center of the circle. I glance down and notice that my hand is somehow on top of Alex's. My first reaction is pull my hand away, but I refrain as I look up and find Alex staring directly at me. I think about what Serv said to me the other day. I think about how I hurt Alex by being such a poor friend to her. No more. I keep my hand where it is and offer Alex a small smile. Her eyes soften.

 

"Together on three" Christen announces once all of us have our hands in. "One, two, three..."

 

"Together!" we all shout in unison as we throw our hands in the air and break the huddle. Our parents and cheering section roar as we run out to take the pitch. As I get into position, I look over to Christen to offer her one last thumbs up of encouragement like we usually do for each other before a big game. Although when I get a look at her face, she looks preoccupied with her thoughts. I can't tell if it's nerves or something else entirely, but she looks uneasy. If she is nervous, she did a bang up job hiding it just a few minutes ago. As I start to feel the anxious butterflies return to my stomach, I think back to Christen's words and begin to feel reassured. If she could help make me feel better about this game, then I'm going to do everything in my power to make her feel comfortable out on this pitch. Now instead of nervous, I feel determined. I am going to personally make sure that this is one of the best games that either me or Christen has ever played.

 

"Together" I whisper to myself just before the referee blows the whistle to start the match.

 

* * *

 

"...And defense, we need to hold a higher line. Number eighteen likes to play up field, catch her offside and pull up. We can get the call, the refs have been watching for it all night" Coach Rory intensely rushes out as we sit in the locker room and try to fight off the deterred emotions that threaten to creep into our minds. Even though we've been playing our hearts out, we're down one-nil. At around the fortieth minute, one of the forwards from Carson was able to sneak through the back line and catch Alyssa on her back foot. She slotted the ball near post. Alyssa almost got her fingertips to the ball, but it was too late as the ball ricocheted off of the post and into the back of the net. On the pitch, Alyssa remained stoic until the whistle for halftime was blown. Now she sits in front of her designated locker with her head hung low. It's surprising to see such a cool-tempered person look so broken up. But Alyssa's still human, and the pressure of being a goalkeeper is like no other. "That's enough for now. Just clear your heads and get yourselves back in game mode. We're still in this. The game is still ours for the taking." After Coach is done speaking he leaves the locker room to give us a little bit of space to reorient ourselves.

 

I glance around the room and see each of my teammates doing what they need to do to stay in a competitive mindset. Cheney talks strategy with Harry, Kelley does a few sets of push-ups on the tile floor, and Alex sits at her locker with her eyes closed, working on her visualization. When my eyes find Christen, they're surprised to see her not in a state of meditation. Instead of her regular halftime routine, Christen remains leaning against the door frame of the locker room, her expression still pensive and worrisome like it was at the beginning of the half. I know it's a gamble, but I decide to walk over to her and attempt to make conversation. I fish something in particular out of my bag and begin to walk over. She could very well blow me off, but at the very least I'd be a momentary distraction from whatever's clouding her thoughts. I can't stand to see Christen so out of sorts. Especially in her own domain.

 

"Hey" I greet gently as I slowly approach. Christen's head snaps up at me, like she didn't see me walk over. "What are you thinking about?" It's right to the point, but I figure staying away from small talk is probably for the best right now. We're on a time crunch and I want to make sure that if it's possible for me to help Christen before the next half begins, I can.

 

"Oh, um, nothing" Christen deflects, gradually angling herself away from me. I'll admit that this small bit of unwelcome body language from Christen hits me where it hurts, but I decide to push through the discomfort and continue to make an effort to comfort Christen.

 

"Come on, Christen" I continue, "I know you well enough to know that something's bothering you." I sigh as she casts her gaze to the ground. "I just want to do whatever I can to help." Christen grimaces at my words.

 

"You can't help" she helplessly mutters as she squeezes her eyes shut in frustration. "It can't be helped." When her eyes open again, they look pained, yet apologetic. It's hard for me to completely decipher what emotions Christen is feeling right now, but I can tell that conflicted is one of them. And I get the feeling that I have something to do with it.

 

"Christen" I mumble, my voice slightly cracking. "I have something I need to say to you."

 

"Tobin, now's not really the best-" Christen rambles as she wipes at the corners of her eyes that have begun to water. She pushes off of the wall but I hold up a hand to her abdomen to stop her from walking past me.

 

"Please" I basically whimper as I beg her to stay. Christen's watery eyes connect with mine and she wordlessly stays in place. I slowly retract my hand.

 

"I just want to say that I'm sorry" I exhale, feeling the weight of the moment crashing down on me. "I'm sorry for being a terrible friend to you all these years. I'm sorry for demanding so much of you and giving back so little in return. You're the most important person to me Christen, and I've treated you so poorly all this time. All I've done has been a burden to you and caused you to give up so much to be there for me when I needed you. But that wasn't fair. You didn't deserve to have to pick up pieces all the time. You didn't deserve to be taken for granted. I cannot tell you how terrible it makes me feel to realize all of the shit that I've put you through. All of the pain that I've caused you. During this past month, it's been torture to not be around you. It's a privilege to be a part of you life and I'm sorry that I've jeopardized that the way that I have. The truth is, I'm not worthy enough to be your friend, and I always feared that you'd one day come to your senses and realize that. And maybe you have, I don't blame you if that's the case." I have to take a breath to keep myself calm. I've been waiting to tell Christen all of this for a while, and it's taking a lot out of me now that I've finally worked up the courage. "What I'm saying is, I miss being your friend, Christen. I miss you, and I'm sorry I've been such an asshole lately. If you want to be with Peyton, then I fully support you. I just want to see you happy and I just want to be by your side again." After I've finished talking, I feel winded. It's like I've just ran a marathon in the course of a minute or two. My knees feel a little weak, especially as Christen stares at me wordlessly. Every second she fails to say something, my spirit weakens. I soon begin to doubt myself. I originally came over here with the intent to comfort Christen, not to let all of that spill out of me. Dammit, why would I choose now of all times to lay all of that on Christen? She obviously has a lot on her mind, and now I've only added to that. It's like no matter what I do, I'm no help to Christen at all. Maybe she'd just be better off with me out of the picture completely. I close my eyes as I begin to turn around and make my way back to my locker. I feel defeated in every way, but if Christen doesn't want me by her, the least I can do is obey her wishes. However, as I take a step or so away, Christen's words catch my attention. I swear I must have heard them wrong. "What did you just say?" I ask as I turn around to face Christen once again.

 

"I said" Christen comments as she takes a deep breath and slicks back the stray hairs away from her face, "Peyton and I broke up." I take a step closer to her and place my hand lightly on Christen's shoulder, not entirely sure if it is welcome. I thought hearing these words coming from Christen would make me happy. In fact, I've imagined it many times over the past few weeks. But right now, looking at Christen and how downtrodden she looks right now, they don't. They have the opposite effect, and suddenly I feel guilty for ever wishing it to become true.

 

"Why?" I simply ask, my shock limiting me to only one word. Christen sighs as she glances from the ground and into my eyes.

 

"She said that no matter what she did, she'd never be able to compare to you" Christen morosely recounts, her eyes seeming to pierce right through me. I am perplexed by this new information. Why would Peyton say that? The girl hates me. And why would that cause her and Christen to break up? It doesn't add up to me.

 

"That doesn't make any sense" I declare, confusion laced within my voice. I scan Christen's eyes for whatever I seem to be missing, but they reveal nothing. They just continue to stare at me in that pained way that to my displeasure, I've grown all too accustomed to seeing lately.

 

"She was right" Christen confirms, her eyes now filled with conviction.

 

"What d-" I begin to stutter, only to be interrupted as coach enters the locker room once again.

 

"Alright ladies, to the pitch!" he barks, causing everyone but me and Christen to stir from their spots and begin to make their way out to the pitch. Christen makes a move to follow the others, but suddenly I remember what's in my hand.

 

"Christen wait" I call out as she is just a few feet away from me. Christen halts and turns back to me. Before she can say anything, I stride back over to her and offer what's in my hand. "For you" I advise as I hold it out to her. "As a peace offering."

 

"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" she asks as she raises a suspicious eyebrow. I nod.

 

"No crust. Just like in the seventh grade" I affirm, a proud smile making its way to my face. Christen looks down at the saran wrapped sandwich in her hands and what appears to be the semblance of a smile forms at her lips.

 

* * *

 

I am panting so hard that it's almost to the point of hyperventilation. For the last thirty five minutes I've been hauling ass up and down the pitch, doing everything in my power to get the ball back at my feet and make a push back up the field. At this point my determination has transformed into desperation. We're still down one-nil and time is ticking away much faster than any of us would like. The inside of my body feels like it's burning, but I can't take my foot off of the gas pedal now. Not yet. Not until we've scored ourselves a goal. And by god, I'm going to make that happen even if it kills me.

 

Right now I kick away at a forward's ankles as she dribbles the ball into our final third. Her sights are set on the goal and she tries to juke me at every opportunity. I stick on her like glue, just as I have when I picked her up at midfield. I'm close to our back line at this point, but there's no way in hell I'm letting this player past me. She has fancy footwork, I'll give her that, but she doesn't know who she's dealing with here. Finally, as she tries a hesitation step to and shake me once again, I toe-poke the ball away from her feet. I pounce on the ball as it's only a yard away from either of us. I've been waiting all night for this opportunity, I'm not going to waste it now.

 

I spring forward and dribble the ball up the pitch. A few midfielders launch themselves at me in an attempt to hold me up, but I don't miss a single step. I pick my head up and look to the midfield as I continue to blaze down the flank. All I see is clustered chaos, so I decide to just keep the ball and make my way towards the end line. As the edge of the field gets nearer and nearer, I look up once again only to see that I'm now even with the other team's back line and our team's forwards. My eyes first find Alex, but a center back blocks my path to her. I try to look past Alex to find someone else near the box, but when I do an outside back comes barreling at me. I swerve out of her way at the last second, but I know that she recovers quickly and is back on my heals. If I'm going to make a cross, now is my only chance to do it. Again, I quickly pick my head up and glance towards the goal. I can see a defender tracking someone at a blazing speed, making a run to the box. Without another thought I launch the ball towards the goal, somehow managing to get a bit of a curl on it. The defender tracking our player extends her forward leg and nearly does the splits trying to intercept it. It amazes even myself that the ball stills finds its way around her. The defender crumples to the ground, revealing the player she was tracking. It was Christen. Of course. Once the ball arrives in front of her, Christen looks up and one-touches the ball, sending it rocketing into the upper corner of the goal. My heart stops in my chest as it dings against both the far post and the crossbar before it finds its way into the back netting. My heart resumes beating when the referee blows the whistle to signify that a goal has been scored.

 

I jump up in the air, unable to control myself as excitement bubbles up within me. Did that just fucking happen?! IT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED!!

 

Out of the corner of my eye I can see my teammates all sprinting towards me. I eagerly anticipate their arrival so we can all celebrate together. However as I think about it, I begin to wonder why they're running towards me and not Christen. After all, she's the one who just scored such a spectacular goal. But then it hits me why they don't. It _literally_ hits me. I immediately feel a single body crashing into my front, their arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders. I look at the form clinging tightly to my body and realize who it is.

 

"That was amazing!" Christen happily squeals as she pulls me even closer to her. "That was the best cross I've ever seen. You're amazing, Tobin. Just so damn _amazing_!" Christen rests her chin on my shoulders as I wrap my arms around her and begin to embrace her with just as much zeal as she embraces me. "God, I could just _kiss_ you right now" Christen mutters into my ear, no doubt lost in her euphoric state. At that moment, time seems to come to a complete halt. My heart has ceased beating once again. My pupils have dilated. My breath has caught in my throat. Did Christen just say should could... She would want to... She wants to...  kiss... _me???_

 

The words echoe though my head, and suddenly I'm now hyper aware of Christen's proximity to me in this moment. Of how tightly she holds me. Of how secure I feel right now. Honestly, I feel so safe. I feel like as Christen stands next to me, I'm standing with an army. An entire militia. Here and ready to fight by my side. And then I think about the past month and how I've missed her so much. And _why_ I've missed her so much. And how I didn't like the idea of Christen being with another girl. That thought really stands out to me. I didn't like the thought of Christen being with _another girl_. Meaning, a _different girl_. A girl who wasn't _me_.

 

Oh my god.

 

"I could kiss you, too" I silently whisper as I hug Christen even tighter to the point where I'm not even sure that either of us can breathe anymore. The crowd is cheering so loud that I doubt she heard it, but my eyes shoot open after I realize what I just said. After I realize just how _much_ I'm enjoying this moment right now.

 

Oh dear lord.

 

I'm...

 

I'm _in love_ with Christen.

 

"Tobin you brilliant fucking genius!" I hear as Harry jumps onto my back, wrapping her arms around me from behind. Suddenly the entire team is crashing into me and Christen, each of the them sharing their profanity-laced praise. Soon Christen and I's hug turns into a large clump of our teammates, all of which hugging and patting each other. They cause Christen and I to stay glued to each other at the center of it all. And given the discovery that I've just made, I don't mind one bit. Holy shit, I don't want this moment to end.

 

But however hard I wish, it does fairly soon. Before I know it, everyone is running back down the field to reset for kick off. Even Christen manages to escape my grasp and snap back into game mode just like business as usual. My heart is now thumping against my chest and adrenaline courses through my veins. I feel both enlightened and even more confused.

 

What the fuck do I do now?

 

I take my place for kick-off and try to get back into the game. I shake my head to clear my racing thoughts. I glance back over to Christen who seems to be invigorated and ready for play to resume. I decide to follow her lead and dedicate all of my focus into the remaining minutes on the pitch.

 

After all, the score is now tied and this game is far from over.

 

* * *

 

I still have tears in my eyes and the game has been over for nearly an hour now.

 

The game ended in a tie after both regulation and double overtime. So it went to penalty kicks, the most dreaded event in the entirety of the sport of soccer. It was back and forth until a girl from Carson missed her PK right before I was about to take mine. I felt confident as I stepped up to the spot, but then the unthinkable happened. I missed my PK. I thought I was going to be sick. I thought it was all over and the team would lose because of me. I was the second-to-last shooter and meant to be our insurance plan as I always sink my PKs. Well, that is until today. When I walked back over to the sideline I couldn't even look at any of my teammates in the eye. I thought I had just cost them everything. But as Alyssa made her way back over to the goal, she brushed shoulders with me and gave me a nod. She didn't verbally say anything, but I knew she was telling me that she had this. And luckily for me, she stayed true to her word, blocking the next kicker's PK attempt in an outstretched dive. Once again, I was in debt to Alyssa Naeher. Then it was our turn to kick again and our last PK taker stepped up to the spot. Christen. On the outside she seemed calm, cool, and collected, but I knew what was really going on in that brain of hers. I knew that she was nervous beyond all belief, no doubt analyzing every last detail of the PK that she was about to take. As I saw her take a deep breath, I knew I had to do _something_ to reassure her. So I yelled, "Oh Captain, my Captain!" as loud as I could. Several members of the team followed suit. Well, at least those who had taken sophomore English with Mrs. Peters and had seen the Dead Poet's Society before. After all of our yelling, Christen finally took a few steps back to get ready to shoot. The goalie had her arms flailing like she was surrounded by a swarm of mosquitoes, but Christen paid her no attention. Before I knew it she was taking the shot, and in the blink of an eye, we were finally deemed the champions. Like always, Christen saved my ass.

 

So now I wait impatiently as Christen interviews with the sports coverage teams of a few local news stations. Ever since the PK, she hasn't gotten a moment of peace. Nor have I gotten the opportunity to talk to her. I don't know what I'd say exactly, but I have this overwhelming need to talk to her. Especially in light of my revelation. I need to tell her how I feel before another Peyton comes along. God knows I can't go through this all over again.

 

As I wait, various teammates have come up to me to either celebrate or console me after missing that PK. Even though my spirits are up now, I still don't feel like I've won anything at the moment. I still feel like there's something else where I'm still competing. I thought victory would be this huge wave of relief, but instead it's left me uneasy and impatient. Like it wasn't satisfying enough.

 

I watch Christen closely as she animatedly talks in front of a camera man and a reporter. She looks so natural with the light cast on her. It's where she belongs. Just as the interview appears to be wrapping up, I get up from my seat on the ground and begin to walk in her general direction. Christen busies herself by walking over to the bench and collecting her things there. I alter my course for the bench, but suddenly someone steps in front of me and obstructs my view of Christen. I feel my frustrated impatience fill up in me before I discover who it is.

 

"Hey Tobin" Alex cautiously greets from in front of me, her duffel bag already packed and thrown over her shoulder. "Do you have a minute?" I glance conflictedly between Alex's concerned face and Christen's far-off form that appears to be getting ready to leave. My window of opportunity to talk to Christen is fleeting, but I'm not sure I have the heart to deny Alex any longer.

 

"Um, sure. What's up?" I say as I fidget in place. I know the following conversation is going to be uncomfortable, but I know it's long overdue. I just want to make it quick so I still have time to catch up with Christen.

 

"Tobin" Alex's voice sadly begins as she stares as me longingly, as if she's begging for me to give her my complete, undivided attention. Suddenly I feel bad. Even now I'm still ignoring Alex because I can't keep my thoughts from wondering to Christen. I told myself that I need to be better, so now is the time for me to cut the bullshit and own up to my word. "Can we please talk about what happened?" My heart sinks hearing Alex speak. I may be over the pain of what happened, but I'm still struggling to overcome the shame. However, I take a deep breath and ready myself to seriously talk to Alex. It's time.

 

"Yeah Alex, we can" I affirm, trying not to let myself be too bothered that Christen's already disappeared into the locker room.

 

"Okay, um, good" Alex continues, her tone somewhat shocked. "So about that night, you know, after the kiss-"

 

"I'm so sorry about that" I blurt out, my guilt making me interrupt Alex. "I shouldn't have done that. It was completely inappropriate and unfair to you." Alex's eyes soften as she listens to me ramble. She reaches a hand out and places it on my shoulder to silence me.

 

"No, Tobin. You don't have to be sorry about that" Alex quickly tells, now causing me to be surprised.

 

"I don't?" I ask, completely failing to hide my confusion. "Why not?" Alex looks down to the ground as she shifts her weight. She's obviously a bit uncomfortable right now.

 

"Well, after I thought about it" Alex shyly starts, nervously chewing her bottom lip. Finally she looks up and meets my eyes again. "I think I may have led you on a little." Wow, I was not expecting those words to come from Alex's mouth.

 

"What?" I simply return, at this point completely dumbfounded.

 

"Yeah" Alex nods, her expression morphing into a regretful one. "I realized it after you left that night. You know, after you said all those things. I thought about it and I realized how some of my actions may have come off. And I think the reason that happened was because I wanted to keep you by my side." Alex nervously fidgets as she looks over my face, trying to read how I must be feeling upon hearing this. I guess the joke's on her, because I haven't the slightest clue either. So I just gesture for her to continue. Alex nods and opens her mouth to speak again. "It's just that, you were my first friend here and I immediately felt a connection with you since the moment that we met. It's like I knew that we would be close, and that thought made me really happy. But you see, I think I began to suspect that you liked me in a bit of a different way a little while after that. Whenever I would compliment you or agree to spend time with you, you would always get so happy. You always made me feel welcome and supported even though you hadn't known me for very long. I loved that feeling that your friendship gave me, so I think I may have played into your feelings for me in order to keep you close to me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think that's what happened. And Tobin, I'm so sorry for doing that. It obviously ended up hurting you. I was being stupid and selfish. But you have to know, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you like that. All I wanted was to have you as my friend, my _best_ friend, and my fear of losing you made me lose you in the end."

 

"Alex, I..." I slowly begin as I try to digest everything that Alex has just revealed to me. It honestly causes my head to spin. I'm not sure that I even heard any of that right. "I don't know what to say." Alex's eyes begin to water as she nods and uses the sleeve of her warm-up shirt to dab at the corners of her eyes. Dammit, I can't have another person cry in front of me tonight. My heart can't take it.

 

"That's fair" Alex rasps out, doing her best to stay composed. It pains me to see her this way. She obviously feels guilty about what happened, but there is no way that she is responsible for our falling out. That was all me, and I can't let her beat herself up about it anymore.

 

"Alex, no. That's not what I mean" I quickly rush out, grabbing each of her hands in an attempt to calm her down. She looks at me slightly perplexed, but there's a hint of hopefulness in her eye.

 

"You're not mad at me?" she asks, seemingly caught off-guard. I vehemently shake me head.

 

"No, absolutely not" I declare, getting a firm grip around her hands to reassure her. I sigh. This has gotten far too complicated. "Listen, Alex. I've never blamed you for what happened, and I still don't now. I was impulsive back then, and I was overjoyed that such an amazing girl like you was the least bit interested in getting to know me. I think I just got caught up in it all and assigned some misplaced feelings onto you. You can't blame yourself for my overactive imagination and wishful thinking, that isn't fair. The reason why I avoided you all of that time was because I was embarrassed in myself. I couldn't believe that I managed to trick myself into thinking that you liked me. It was a hard thing to come to terms with, and I thought that you wouldn't want to speak to me again after I had betrayed your trust. That's why I cut myself off from you."

 

"But Tobin I _do_ like you" Alex interjects, her tone desperate and a bit fearful. She probably thinks I'm going to run away again.

 

"I know" I confirm, looking Alex square in the eye so she knows that I understand. "Just... Not like _that_."

 

"Yeah..." Alex regretfully agrees, slowly casting her eyes to the ground.

 

"And that's okay" I continue, trying to restore some faith in Alex. "I understand" Alex looks back up at me and quirks and eyebrow.

 

"You do?" her expression puzzled. I nod and offer her a small smile.

 

"Yeah" I answer, "I do."

 

"Oh" Alex muses as she seems to be putting some pieces together in her mind. "Because you know what it's like to have your best friend have feelings for you." Alex's admission catches me off-guard. Where on earth did that just come from?

 

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice slightly rising. What is she insinuating here? Alex shrugs.

 

"You know, it's just like how Christen likes you but you guys are best friends" Alex nonchalantly explains as if what she's saying is plain as day. My heart rate picks up.

 

"Christen likes me?" I blurt out, my tone somewhat frantic. Alex just laughs as if she thinks I'm joking, but when she sees the determined look in my eye, she knows that I'm serious.

 

"Wait..." she trails off, her eyes studying me some more. "You really didn't know?" I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Chris... Christen... likes- wait, _WHAT?!_ "Oh Tobin, I'm sorry. I just figured that-" Alex gently tries again, only before I begin to take off running towards the locker room. I can't tell you why I'm running, but my feet can't seem to quit. I only slow down when I hear Alex call after me. "Tobin, wait!" she yells, her voice sounding distant. I quickly turn around and face her again. My impatience is already beginning to annoy me once more.

 

"What?" I yell back to her, wanting nothing more than to keep running.

 

"We're still friends, right?" Alex asks. The question seems silly now after our talk, but I know she needs an answer.

 

"Yeah, we're still friends!" I call back to her, causing her to smile so wide that I can see it even from all the way back here. "But we're _just_ friends!" I add, suddenly feeling a bit cheeky. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea now!" Alex laughs as she begins to wave me off.

 

"Go make-out with Christen already!" she teasingly yells back. I run the remaining distance to the locker room. It feels good to have resolved things with Alex, but now there's another matter that I need to attend to.

 

* * *

 

I crash through the locker room doors like a pigeon into a high-rise window. My eyes frantically dart around the room to try and find someone in particular, but they fail to do so. I pace around the room scanning every inch of the place, weaving around my meandering teammates as I go. Still no sight of her. At this point I begin to panic. I have an insatiable need to talk to her, but she's nowhere to be found.

 

As I tromp back over to my locker I begin haphazardly throwing my things into my duffel bag. I'm in a hurry to collect my stuff so I can look around the stadium some more. Or maybe she's already on the bus? Either way, she's not in here, so there's no point in me staying here either.

 

"What are you doing?" I hear Cheney ask as she walks up behind me, a bit cautiously as she does. I don't blame her, I probably look like a mad women the way that I'm throwing my things around. I turn and face Cheney as I throw my warm-up pull-over over my head and pull my arms through the sleeves.

 

"I need to get out of here quickly" I curtly respond, now hopping on one foot as I kick off my cleats. Cheney studies me with apparent skepticism.

 

"What's the rush?" she questions, her tone suspicious, "The bus doesn't leave for another twenty minutes." I toss my cleats into my bag and slip on a pair of sweatpants before answering Cheney.

 

"I need to talk to Christen" I return, this time making sure to clarify my need to flee the locker room. I just finish sliding on a pair of sneakers when Harry approaches the two of us.

 

"Did someone mention Christen?" she asks, characteristically butting into our conversation. Normally I would make something up to punish Harry for eavesdropping, but I don't have the time or mental capacity to do so right now.

 

"Tobin said she needs to talk to her about something" Cheney explains as Harry takes a seat at the locker next to mine.

 

"Oh" Harry suddenly mumbles as her expression reveals that she knows something that I don't. I stop what I'm doing and spin around to face her.

 

"'Oh'?" I frantically repeat. "What do you mean, 'Oh'?" Harry slouches in her seat as she begins rubbing the back of her neck. She's avoiding my gaze, and I know that means that she's about to tell me something that I don't want to hear.

 

"Well..." Harry trails off, causing me to throw my hands on my hips. I don't have time for this. Out with it already! I clear my throat to prompt a quicker response. Harry sighs before she looks at me again. "She already left." My heart sinks to my stomach. No. How could she? We're supposed to ride the bus as a team, we have all season. It's a tradition, why would she forego that tonight of all nights?

 

"What? No way, Christen would never do that" I rapidly deny, now certain that Harry is lying to me. If this is her idea of a joke, it's not funny. Not funny at all. "C'mon Harry, just tell me where she is. I don't have time to joke around right now." Harry looks at me like I'm speaking nonsense for not believing her. Why is she still trying to maintain the rouse? It's over, I've called her bluff.

 

"Tobin, I'm not joking" Harry states with conviction. So much so that I freeze in place. Harry is never this serious. What the hell is going on here? "She left about ten minutes ago with her parents" Harry continues in a tone as if she's trying to jog my memory. It's like she thinks that I should know the reason why Christen left with her parents. But I don't. I haven't the slightest clue. "Coach let her go because she has to wake up early to go to the airport tomorrow." Harry studies my face after explaining Christen's absence. It's as if she's waiting for me to remember something. But my face is blank and expression-less, and soon Harry looks mortified. 

 

"W-Why..." I stutter in a small voice. A large lump is beginning to form in my throat. "Why would Christen need to go to the airport?" At this point Harry has gone ghost pale and she looks over at Cheney desperately for salvation. As my friends seem to have a wordless conversation with each other via a storm of very animated expressions, I feel like I'm crumbling apart. Is Christen going somewhere? Is Christen...leaving? Without saying goodbye? Without...me?

 

Cheney walks over to me and grabs my arm. She pulls me down to have a seat in front of my locker. I allow myself to be guided, I'm too numb to think of what to do on my own.

 

"Christen is leaving for Costa Rica tomorrow morning. She's going on a Spanish exchange-program" Cheney gently explains as she begins rubbing my back. With just a few simple phrases, I feel ike my entire world has just been turned upside down. So _that's_ why Christen's been hanging out in the Spanish room so much lately. She's going on that exchange program after all. The one she told me about all the back on Palentine's day. But I thought she said she wasn't going to go. What changed her mind about that? I mean, we both agreed that there would be no way that either of us could survive being apart that long. How long did she say it was going to be again? Maybe it's just a little trip to mark the end of the year. Maybe this won't be so bad. Let's see, was it a few days?... No, it had to have been longer than that... A few weeks, perhaps?... Nah, that doesn't sound quite right either... Maybe it was... Oh god.

 

That's when I remember.

 

"She's gonna be gone for six months" I whine as realization hits me like a brick to the face.

 

What makes things even worse, I realize something else. The reason why she changed her mind. The only reason why she'd go back on her word and make this colossal decision without a single word about it to her best friend.

 

She's leaving to get away from me.

 

* * *

 

As soon as I get home I make a mad dash for the kitchen. I left the keys to the jeep sitting on the counter and I practically barrel over Jeffery on my way there. My family made it home before I did, and after the bus ride that I just had, I wish I would've been smart like Christen and caught a ride home with my parents as well. About twenty minutes out from the stadium the bus broke down and we were pulled over on the side of the road for nearly forty five minutes before Triple A showed up. My teammates took the time to throw an impromptu bus party to celebrate our win, but every second we were stranded on the side of the road, I felt a small piece of me wasting away. I had to leave the bus completely and pace along the shoulder of the highway in order to keep myself from jumping out of my own skin. Now it's nearly 11:00 pm and I still have yet to speak to Christen. I've called her a total of thirty six times within the past hour, but all of my calls went unanswered. I hope to god that means she isn't already asleep.

 

"Watch where you're going, NASA!" Jeffery exclaims as I hastily brush against his shoulder and nearly knock his precious Nintendo Switch out of his hands. Ordinarily I would take the opportunity to pound his skinny ass for using Rose's inescapable nickname for me, but now is not the time. I have somewhere very important that I need to be and time is against me. As I snatch the keys from the counter I practically skid on my heel before altering my course back for the door. I'm not even going to bother to shower or attempt to tame my wild hair from falling out of my ponytail. I'm too desperate to just get to where I need to be. Jeffery seems to be caught off guard as to why I'm not chasing after him at the moment. "What? No comeback? Are you really my sister?" Jeffery asks, pausing from his game to look up at me in suspicion. I breeze by him again as I quickly shout out a response.

 

"Tell mom and dad not to wait up!" I call over my shoulder as I throw the front door open with one hand and tightly clutch the keys in another.

 

"Where are you going?" poor, confused little Jeff yells back to me. But it's too late for me to explain now. My feet are moving faster than the thoughts racing around in my head. "It's past curfew, you can't jus-" The doors slams as I'm halfway across the front lawn. Will I get in trouble for breaking curfew? Perhaps. Do I give a shit? Absolutely not.

 

I fling open the jeep's driver's side door and launch my body into the seat. I waste no time pulling the door shut behind me as I thrust the keys into the ignition to start the engine.

 

But nothing happens. 

 

I twist the keys a few more times as the jeep whines and revs in response, but only ever ends with a pitch black dashboard. Frustrated, I slam my palms against the steering wheel hoping for some odd reason this will magically fix the car. Desperately, I try starting the car once again.

 

No response.

 

The old Tobin-mobile isn't leaving the driveway tonight.

 

Upon this realization I jump out of the car and throw the door shut behind me. Without any other options, I take off running down the street. I doesn't matter that my legs are dead after grueling 90+ minutes on the pitch tonight. It doesn't matter that it's nearing midnight and who knows what kind of sketchy figures could be lurking about. Hell, it doesn't even matter that it's well past curfew and there will be hell to pay when I come home. All that matters is that I get to where I need to be.

 

All that matters is that I make it to Christen's house.

 

* * *

 

When I finally arrive to Christen's house I'm completely out of breath. I bend over and rest my hands on my knees as I try to regain my composure. And I know I'll definitely need to be composed for the conversation I'm about to have with Christen. Once I'm finally able to stand up straight again, my eyes settle on the house. My heart sinks as I notice that none of the lights are on. I frantically pull my phone from my pocket to check the time.

 

Holy shit, it's 11:42 pm???

 

I peer down at my legs as they begin to take on a jelly-like sensation. Now the realization that it took so long for me to get here seems a little more realistic. I guess I was so caught up in rehearsing what I was going to say to Christen that I didn't realize how quickly time was passing me by. Also, that quick breather I took at the elementary school park probably didn't help me either. I should've called Cheney or Harry or even Alex for a ride, but I wasn't thinking rationally then. I mean hell, I'm probably not even thinking rationally now as I stand outside of the Press residence at nearly 12-o-clock at night. Alyssa's dad is probably going to call the cops on me. But as crazy as I may feel right now, I know deep in my heart that I'm supposed to be here. I know I was meant to come here tonight.

 

I try calling Christen's cell a few more times but I still get her voicemail every time. I look around the the yard trying to think of some way of finding a means to speak to Christen. I didn't make this trip in vain. I've got to get to her. My eyes first settle on the front door. I know the Presses keep their emergency key under the mat. I could just go let myself in and walk up to Christen's room. But then again, someone may mistake me for a prowler and the last thing I want is to get decked over the head with the baseball bat the Mr. Press keeps beside his bed for this very reason. Okay, so the front door is a no-go. Next my eyes trail over to the trellis on the east side of the house. As my gaze follows it upward, I notice that it leads all the way to the roof. I could climb up that, walk across the roof, and then scale my way to Christen's bedroom window and get into her room from there. I begin to buy-in to this ultra-Ocean's Eleven approach, but then I feel my knees buckle beneath me. Oh yeah, that's right. My legs are shot and at this point I highly doubt I'd even be able to make it up that trellis without falling off. That sounds like an insurance nightmare waiting to happen. Alright, so that plan's off the table now, too. I begin to feel frustrated at my lack of solutions. As the anger builds up inside of me, I kick a rock on the sidewalk. It launches across the street and pings off of a street light post. That's when I get my brilliant idea. I know now that I've found my solution.

 

I go around the Presses' front yard and collect a handful of small rocks. Once I've gathered up a generous amount, I take a few steps back from the house and glance up at Christen's window. Well, here goes nothing. I close my right eye and take aim at the window. I coil back my left arm and in one swift motion, I launch my throwing arm forward and release the small rock from my fingertips. It makes a small  _dink_ as it comes into contact with glass. I smile proudly as I realize that I hit window. However as I reload and get ready to throw the next rock, I realize that I hit the wrong window. Dammit.

 

Again I ready my throwing arm and again I throw it forward to send another small rock flying. Once more, it hits a window that isn't Christen's. I let out a little huff I as feel some frustration come back to me. Man, for someone so skilled with their feet, I absolutely suck at using my arms. Maybe if I aim a little to the right I'll...wait a second, that's it! My feet!

 

I take another few steps back from the house and angle my entire body towards Christen's window. I take a deep breath, readying myself for my third attempt at hitting my target. If I miss this, I'm pretty sure I'm useless. I take one last look up at Christen's window before I gather another rock in my hand. I drop the rock out in front of me and swing my left leg upward. I feel the rock make contact with my foot and immediately the rock sails upward. I hear the familiar  _dink_ and I fist pump as I notice that it hit a window once again. My heart rate picks up as I hear the swooshing sound of a window gliding open. As I look up, I smile expecting to be met with Christen peering at me out of her window. However when I do so, I find that it isn't Christen who's come to greet me. And it dawns on me that I missed her window yet again. Goddammit.

 

"Who the hell is-" I hear Tyler annoyedly call out as she pulls her open  zip-up sweater tighter around herself as she's met with the cold night breeze. "Tobin?" she questions when her eyes finally land on me, "What are you doing here?" I fidget under her gaze. I certainly wasn't expecting to have to speak with Tyler instead of Christen, and the way she's looking at me now, she looks like a hawk staring down at it's next meal.

 

"I-I..." I stutter, my mouth dry and suddenly at a loss for words. Shit, what do I say? I've got to say something, but how do I do that to someone who has no idea what's transgressed between me and Christen in the past few hours? I mean, what? Do I tell her that I came to talk to Christen because I just realized that I'm in love with her? I've known Tyler for years and the most personal conversation we've ever had with each other was when we bonded over our shared love of spearmint gum. Can I really just tell her that I'm in love with her little sister? Tyler crosses her arms and impatiently glares down at me.

 

"Listen, Tobin" she interrupts as I try to form a coherent sentence, "We've got an early morning tomorrow, I think you should call it a night." Tyler reaches to shut her window but fear of my fleeting opportunity to talk to Christen overcomes me.

 

"Wait!" I call out, causing Tyler to pause and look down at me again. "Just wait, please" I practically whimper out. Tyler crosses her arms again but allows me a moment to continue. I take the opportunity to further explain. "I, well," I begin, my palms starting to sweat. "I came here to talk to Christen. There's something I need to tell her."

 

"Christen's asleep" Tyler deadpans as she reaches for the window once again, "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait." Tyler begins shutting the window again and I feel myself start to panic.

 

"Please! It's important!" I protest, undoubtedly loud enough to be heard by the Naehers across the street. Tyler stops the window when it's about half-closed and sighs. She slowly brings the window up again so she can speak to me once more. She looks tired and a bit unsympathetic. Still, I'm just relieved that she's given me a little more time. Tyler glances at Christen's window before she looks back to me. She uses her right hand to gesture for me to come closer to the house, as if what she's about to say should be kept on the down-low.

 

"Tobin, I'm going to be honest with you here so I need you to listen carefully" Tyler begins as her stern eyes connect with mine. A chill runs through my spine. "You've caused Christen a lot of pain over the years. I'm her older sister and it's been horrible for me to see her struggle so much over you. To be honest, you're not my favorite person, and yeah I've always questioned Christen's fondness of you. Nevertheless, I understand that you care about my sister. But Tobin, even despite how much you care about her, you have to realize that you've put her through enough. She leaves for Costa Rica tomorrow. You realize that's a huge thing for her, right?" I slowly nod as I feel my chest tightening at Tyler's words. "Good, so then you know that this is something Christen wouldn't do unless she was absolutely positive that this is something that she needs. She needs to go experience life and not be weighed down by the ghosts of her past. She needs to let loose and live a little. Christen needs to take this trip for herself and not be burdened by what anyone else thinks. Christen needs to be Christen. So Tobin, let her be Christen. Don't burden her with anything right before this life-changing experience. You owe her that much." I feel frozen once Tyler stops speaking and gives me one last look. I try to process everything that she just told me before she speaks again. "Go home, Tobin. It's like I said, it can wait." Tyler begins to slowly draw the window down again.

 

"But I-" I interject, my voice so weak it doesn't even sound like it came from within me.

 

"Go home" Tyler finally instructs before closing the window and disappearing back into her room. I don't move until I see the light in her room shut off. I begin to feel bad. Really bad. A mixture of nauseous and depressed and numb. I feel worse than I did when I missed that penalty kick tonight. Maybe it's because I know I missed something so much greater than that. I missed my opportunity to talk to Christen.

 

I missed Christen.

 

I saunter over to the curb of the sidewalk and take a seat. I only stay there for a few minutes, but I cherish every second knowing this will be as close as I can get to Christen for the next several months. Every second hits me in the heart. As I feel the late night breeze on the back of my neck, I know it's time for me to head back home. If I can even call it that. Ever since the seventh grade, I've always considered somewhere else my home. It was never a place, but a person. And now that person is about to travel across the world.

 

And I'm about to be homeless.

 

* * *

 

I have no idea what time it is when I eventually make it back to my house. I just know that it's late, I'm completely drained, and the unseasonable chilly night's breeze has caused me to lose feeling in my fingertips.

 

As I trudge through the house I notice that everyone else has gone to bed. They probably figured that I was staying somewhere else tonight anyway. After all, I did tell Jeffery not to wait up. Funny, this may be the first time ever that that kid has listened to me.

 

I make it only as far as the living room before I flop down on the couch. My body is exhausted an I wouldn't mind just falling asleep right there. But my brain on the other hand, that's wide awake. My thoughts are as merciless and as unforgiving as ever. Although I did make up my mind about one thing on my walk back home. I made the decision that I'm going to try again in the morning. I'm going to drive back over to Christen's bright and early and try to talk to her again. As discouraged as I am after tonight, I'll be damned if I let it end like this. No way in hell.

 

So as tired as I am, I peel myself off of the couch and head for the bathroom. I elect to shower and get dressed for tomorrow now while I still have the will power within me. As many people know, I'm not much of a morning person, so doing anything early in the morning will be ten times harder for me then than now. And I'm not about to jeopardize my last chance to talk to Christen over something as small as not giving myself enough time in the morning to shower or get dressed. Once I'm all bathed and dressed for the next day, I return to the couch as it's the closest piece of furniture to the front door. I'm determined to stay up the remaining few hours of the night. As soon as I see even the smallest ray of sunshine, I'll head over to the Press house. I can't risk sleep at moment such as this. The stakes are too high and I can't miss Christen again. I just fucking can't. I've done that for years now, and I'm done with that.

 

* * *

 

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

 

My eyes flutter open but quickly squeeze shut when they come into contact with the sunlight. I move a little bit as my entire body aches. I'm still sore from the game undoubtably. I feel a crick in my next from the haphazard way I way laying on the couch. I must've fallen asleep in a weird position and-

 

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

 

Ah! What is that? Is that the sound of the garbage truck reversing outside? Why the hell are they here so early? Everyone knows garbage pickup isn't until Saturday morn-

 

Wait a second...

 

My eyes jolt open again, this time giving little caution to the beams of sunlight streaming into my living room. I hear coffee brewing in the kitchen and the sound of the shower running coming from the bathroom down the hall. I glance at the clock on the opposite side of the living room. 8:32 am.

 

"Shit!" I scream as I bound off the couch and run for the front door. I already have the keys to the family SUV in the pocket of my hoodie. I put it there last night before I... Fuck. Before I fell asleep! Goddammit, Tobin! That was the _one thing_ you weren't supposed to do!

 

Once I'm outside I hit the automatic start button on the set of keys. As luck would have it the SUV purrs to life and I begin thanking the Lord and all my guardian angels for looking out for me this morning. There was no way I'd be able to leg it back to Christen's house again this morning. Before I know it I'm strapped into the SUV and shifting into drive. I'm gunning it to Christen's house, praying to god that I'm not too late.

 

* * *

 

Once I arrive in front of the Press house, I shift into park and carefully survey the property. Two cars are missing from the driveway. One of them is Christen's Lexus.

 

I'm too late.

 

I begin cursing and screaming and honking my horn like a madwomen as a flurry of emotions overcome me. How could I have missed her again? How could I let Christen slip through my grasp another time? Even after I swore it would never happen again. Even after all of this. Here I am, still at a loss. Still the loser. Still a disappointment. Still so far away from my own best friend. Christen. The girl I'm in love with.

 

But as I sit here and stew in all of my raw emotions, I'm reminded of the night that I met Peyton. The night that I embarrassed myself at dinner and had a fight with Christen on the front lawn just a few yards away from where I am now. I remember that night like it was just yesterday. I remember what I promised myself that night. I vowed that I would stop feeling sorry for myself and be better. For my own sake and especially for Christen's. If the me from that night were to see me now, she'd surely be disappointed. I'm supposed to be better than this. I've had enough pity parties to last me a lifetime, it's time for a change. And that's the moment where I decide to keep my promise to myself. I'm not giving up until the bitter end. I can't. Not anymore.

 

So I wipe my blurry eyes and throw the car back into drive. I know this is a long shot, but everything is these days.

 

* * *

 

 

When I arrive to the airport parking lot I take the first open spot that I see. I jump out of the SUV like it's on fire. I think I locked it, but I'm not about to turn back around and check. I'm already running towards the nearest door. I've done so much running in the past few months that I'm exhausted, but I push forward anyway. All the running I've done in the past has been running away. Running away from my problems, my mom, Alex, my feelings. I've decide that I'm done with that now. Instead, this time I'm running towards something. Something that I'm praying is still there for me to run to.

 

My feet thunder against the tile floor once I've made it inside of the airport. I whirl around, my eyes scanning signs to try to get a sense of direction. I've only ever been in an airport once before, when I was thirteen, so I have no idea how any of this works. All I can remember is that once someone makes it past security, it's game over. There's no getting to them after that. Once I spot the sign pointing towards the security area, I take off running towards it. I hastily push past people left and right, deciding to feel bad about it later. I don't even know if I'm in the correct terminal or not, but I keep running towards the security area. I've never had a great sense of intuition, by something is telling me that this is the right way to go. I think my heart is telling me.

 

Finally, I make it to the security area and see a large, winding line of people waiting to go through. I hear the beeps of the scanning machines and sounds of the security agents barking out orders for people to comply. It's chaos, crowds of people either go through security or say goodbye to their loved ones. The area is much larger than I would've thought and suddenly I begin to feel overwhelmed. I have no idea where to start looking for Christen. I have no way of knowing if she's even here or not. I don't even know what time her flight was supposed to leave. It could've been hours ago and I wouldn't be the wiser. Still, I decide to sift through the crowd. I didn't come all this way to quit now. I cannot accept defeat again. My heart can't take it.

 

"Christen!" I call out as I pace in and around the crowds of people. "Christen Press!" A few people turn their heads to look at me as I go. No doubt there are more than a few Christen's here. Also I'm sure that some kid frantically yelling outside of security at an airport is bound to draw some eyes. I keep at it though, I'm determined to find her. "Christen!" I call out, my voice trembling as I feel myself beginning to get worked up. "Christen Press! It's Tobin!" I walk around more and more people, my eyes are getting mistier by the second. As much as I fight it, I feel my hope begin to slip away with each passing moment. "Christen! Christen please!" My breathing picks up. What if she really is gone? What if this is it? What I've missed her for the last time? "Christen, where are you?!" I'm sniffling in between each scream. What if she left before I got to tell her how I really feel? What if we never speak again? What if this is the end for us? "Christen..." I whimper, my breath hitching in my throat. I walk a few more feet and take a seat on a bench near a window. I scan the crowd one last time before I bury my head into my hands. This is it. She's really gone. I missed her.

 

Besides my own sobs, all I can hear is the hustle and bustle of the airport. The people around me blissfully go on about their days as my entire world crumbles apart. All of it as I cry, alone and hopeless on a bench in the middle of an airport I've never been in. A few minutes pass as I go unbothered, left alone to my despair. But then I hear a voice speak from in front of me.

 

"Excuse me, ma'am" A woman's voice begins. I look up and see an airport employee standing in front of me. She has a walkie-talkie that occasionally comes to life with the murmurs of other airport employees, and an official airport uniform to show that she's legit. "Is everything alright?" the woman looks a little bit concerned and occasionally glances over her shoulder at a co-worker at the check-in area not too far away. They must have reported a hysterical teen rampaging around security. I'm not shocked after the little scene I've caused and all of the attention I've attracted. I'd be suspicious of myself too, if I were in this woman's shoes. Then I think back to her question. 'Is everything alright?' Seriously? How could she even ask me that? Of course it's not, anyone with eyes could see that. Still, I can only manage to give her a one word answer.

 

"No" I quietly mumble. The airport employee looks me over before stepping aside.

 

"How about we go somewhere else and see if we can sort out your problem?" she suggests. I appreciate her warm tone, but I know that what she just said wasn't so much of a suggestion but rather an instruction.

 

"Sure, okay" I hesitantly respond as I rise to my feet. The woman offers me a half-smile and gestures for me to follow her. I nod and cast my eyes to the ground. I'm not so convinced that she can help me at this point, but I don't have any better option at this point. So I begin to follow the woman and do my best to contain the tears that refuse to cease streaming down my face. We walk nearly to the check-in area when I hear something. I'm not entirely sure what it is at first, but I know that I've heard it before. Without thinking, I stop walking and close my eyes to listen a little more closely.

 

"Ma'am?" The airport employee questions after she's walked a few steps and noticed that I'm no longer following her. I hear her footsteps as she walks back to me. "Ma'am if you'd please follow me we can-"

 

"Shhh!" I interject as I hold up an index finger to the woman. I think I just heard it again. That sound. It almost sounded like a laugh. Almost like-

 

"Ma'am, I'm just trying to help-"

 

"SHHH!" I hush her once again, now a little annoyed as I try to concentrate on what I'm hearing. Or rather, _who_ I'm hearing. The airport lady puts her hands on her hips, her patience is obviously waning. She opens her mouth to say something else, but then I hear it again. And this time, I'm positive I know what it is. My eyes jolt open, making the airport employee take a cautious step back.

 

It's Christen's laugh. I'd bet my life on it.

 

"I have to go!" I yell as I take off running back into the crowd.

 

"Ma'am, wait!" the airport employee calls after me. It's too late though, I've already fully immersed myself in the sea of people once again.

 

I hear Christen's laugh a few more times, each time I change direction until it sounds closer. With the last one I know that she's near, but I don't quite see her. I push through a crowd of people as I take a few steps forward, then a familiar family comes into view.

 

Christen's back is turned to me as she laughs along with Tyler and Channing. Mr. and Mrs. Press stand in front of them, Mrs. Press glued to her husband's side. Mama Press looks like she's been crying for hours but she puts on a brave smile for Christen. Once again, I feel a connection with Mama Press. I know exactly how she feels. My heart slams against my chest as I slowly walk up to the family. I honestly can't believe what I'm seeing. I can't believe that I've found them. It seems too good to be true.

 

"Christen?" I croak out, my voice still strained from the crying. Christen's entire body stiffens. Her laugh ceases and the eyes of the rest of the Presses find me. Mr. Press, Channing, and Tyler all look shocked, but Mama Press looks somewhat relieved. "Christen?" I quietly repeat, this time begging her to turn around. Slowly she does, and when her eyes meet mine, I feel like legs could fall out from under me.

 

"Tobin?" she asks, her tone full of shock and her eyes widened. "What are you...doing here?" I take a step towards her, maintaining eye contact as I do. I need to let her know that I need to talk to her. She needs to understand how important this is.

 

"I need to talk to you" I answer, firm in my tone in a way that's even shocking to myself. Christen studies my face for a few moments, she blinks rapidly as if she's trying to orient herself. Or maybe wake herself up. I'm not really sure.

 

"Now's not a really..." she trails off, her own words getting caught in her throat. I take another step towards her, narrowing the space between us. I close my eyes for a brief moment before returning them to Christen's gaze.

 

"Please" I exhale. Christen stares at me for just a moment longer before she slowly nods.

 

"Okay" she whispers, her eyes staring deep into mine. "Okay." I release a breath of relief as she gradually turns back to her family. "I'll be back in a few minutes" she instructs. Mama Press nods approvingly with a huge grin as the other Presses exchange several confused looks. Before I know it, Christen is turning back to me and grabbing me by the wrist. She walks forward and whisks me through the crowd of strangers milling about the airport. A small warm sensation enters my stomach as I'm reminded of the night of Spring Fling. I smile as I remember how content I felt to have Christen parade me around all night. How special our little slow dance was. Just me and her, dancing in the middle of the gym. All eyes on us as if we were royalty. But soon enough the warm feeling is replaced with guilt. If only I had realized my feelings for Christen back then, I wouldn't have ruined her night. I wouldn't be in this mess. Hell, maybe Christen might not be in this airport right now. Who knows?

 

Once we make it to the outskirts of the security area, Christen brings us to a stop. She turns back to me with expectant eyes.

 

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asks sweetly, although I know she's hiding more emotions behind those carefully guarded eyes of hers. She's a pro at swallowing her feelings, and up until now, I've never noticed how often she does it. I wonder if she even has to think about it anymore or if it's just a reflex. I wonder if she's good at it because of me.

 

"There are some things that I have to confess to you" I begin, my hands shaking as I suddenly feel terrified. It's strange, I've never felt this scared in front of Christen. Never. But I guess now that I'm aware of my feelings for Christen, I can't escape my fear of losing her. I guess Christen's not the only one who's become a pro at swallowing her feelings.

 

"Tobin, you don't have to apologize to me again" Christen begins, her expression genuine as she tries to convince me to stop feeling guilty. "Peyton and I just weren't meant for each other. You aren't to blame for that." It's funny, as convincing as Christen sounds, I can tell that she's only telling a half-truth. I shake my head though, Peyton isn't what I came here to talk to her about.

 

"I wasn't going to apologize for causing you and Peyton to break up" I correct, much to Christen's surprise. I swallow and Christen's eyes dart between mine as if she's trying to anticipate what I'm going to say next. I glance to the ground as I take a small step closer to her. I expect Christen to step back from me, but she doesn't. When I look back up again, I realize that we're only inches apart. My lip begins to quiver as my emotions start to hit me again. This is the reason why I've been fighting so hard to talk to Christen. This is what I've been wanting to tell her. This is it. "I wanted apologize for not realizing that I had feelings for you sooner." Christen intakes a short breath as her pupils dilate. I begin to fear the worst, but she surprises me yet again when she still doesn't take a step back.

 

"Tobin" she whispers, her eyes still piercing into mine. They look so kind. So pure. So forgiving. How could I ever have caused her pain? How could I have ever made these eyes carry around sadness for so long? How could I do that to _Christen?_ The girl I love.

 

"I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain, Christen. I'm so sorry and I wish I could take it all back" I sadly blurt out, again fighting off my emotions as the floodgates come rushing open. Christen's eyes seem to be filled with pain again. Or maybe regret.

 

"Tobin, I can't stay here. You can't ask me to do that. I..." she trails off, a tear of her own streaming down her cheek. My heart aches. I knew I was too late. I should've figured it was too much of a wish to ask Christen to have me. Especially after all that I've put her through. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe Christen did have feelings for me once. But not anymore. I was too late. It's too late.

 

"It's okay" I try to console, my voice trembling as I battle through the excruciating pain. "You don't have to have feelings for me. I..." I pause as I struggle to withhold a sob. Keep yourself together, Tobin. Goddammit keep yourself together. "I just needed you to know how I feel about you. Before you got on that plane, I needed to tell you that-" Christen takes a step forward and in a millisecond, the inches between us disappear. Her lips are on mine. Our lips move in tandem with each other as we both breath heavily as we kiss. It's sloppy and tearful and desperate, and like we're both trying to say something that words just can't express. It's probably about a full minute until we break away. I'm not sure who comes up for air first, my head is still spinning, but we're both breathing hard after we do. Christen has both of her hands on my face and my hands have somehow wandered to the small of her back. She stares at me intently, as if she's begging for me to listen to her. I give her my ears.

 

"I love you" she declares, her conviction so unwavering that I can't even question if I heard that right. Christen just said she loves me. That's a fact. I gape at her, my body swelling with all kinds of sensations. It isn't until her thumbs stroke my cheek bones that I remember what words are.

 

"You should go" I mumble the first coherent thought as it enters my mind. Christen quirks an eyebrow as she looks perplexed. She slowly lowers her hands away from my face, much to my dismay. Suddenly I realize what I just said and I rush to explain myself. "No! I mean, don't get me wrong. I love you, too" I ramble as I quickly collect her hands in my own. As her fingers intertwine with mine, I think about how natural this feels. And how much of a fool I am that it took my so long to come to that conclusion. "I just mean, you should probably get back to your family. I don't want you to miss your flight." Christen's eyes turn regretful once again. Her grip on both of my hands tightens.

 

"There's no way I can get on that plane" Christen firmly states, causing my chest to burn. "Not now. Not after this. I can't leave you. I've waited too damn long." Her words warm my heart and cause me to smile. I have never felt more loved than I do in this moment. But despite all of that, my conscience still echoes in the back of my mind. I can't be selfish anymore. Not at the cost of Christen's happiness.

 

"Christen" I begin as I look her square in the eyes. "You've been planning to go on this trip for so long. I only just learned about it last night, but even I have picked up on how important this is for you."

 

"But Tobin-" Christen begins to protest, only to have me cut her off.

 

"You deserve to have this. You deserve to have all of these cool experiences and you deserve to be happy. You've worked so hard all of your life, now it's time for you to do something for yourself for a change. If this is something that you want, then you should go." Christen looks conflicted as she studies me. I give her hands a squeeze. "You should go" I encouragingly repeat with a smile.

 

"But what about you? What about this?" she asks, her voice laced with longing. I can tell that at this point, the only thing holding her back is me. But I've realized that I've done that for far too long. I'm not going to hold her back anymore.

 

"I'll be here when you get back" I reinforce with a smile. "I'm not going anywhere." Christen closes the space between us once more. This time things are slower as we take our time with the kiss. We savor it, knowing that it's going to have to last us until we're together again. And as grim of a thought that is, I feel comforted. I know that it will. When we break apart again, Christen begins to laugh.

 

"I can't believe I just kissed you" she chuckles as her eyes sparkle with delight. " _Again_."

 

"I know it's weird, right?" I giggle back, my smile as wide as can be. So much so that my cheeks are beginning to hurt.

 

"Yeah" Christen warmly exhales with a vibrant smile of her own. "But it's a good weird."

 

"Agreed" I comment as I pull her in for a hug. I cherish our last moment alone together before I decide to be the voice of reason for once. "Alright, I think it's time we get you back to your family. Somebody's got a plane to catch." Christen smiles and nods as we break our embrace. However as we start to walk forward, she grabs my hand and holds it in hers. We smile at each other all the way back to security. I know it's going to be an excruciatingly long time until I see Christen again, but I have faith that we'll be able to make it through. It's like they say, if you love something, set it free. And if it comes back to you, then you know it's yours. I know Christen and I will come back to each other. I have no doubt in my mind about that. After all, we've lasted this long without getting sick of each other. I've fallen for my best friend and she's fallen for me, too. We've waited so long to be together that I am certain that there is no force in this universe that could break us apart now.

 

What's another six months?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That's it.
> 
> This story was inspired almost completely by the song "Army" by Ellie Goulding. I heard the song, the story flashed across my mind, and I just had to write it down. So that's how this story came to be. Just a little fun fact for ya. Give it a listen if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! This has been quite the experience and I'm grateful for those of you who have stuck by my writing along the way.
> 
> Also, as a last request, if you could comment with your favorite moment from this or any of the chapters, I would really appreciate that! I get a kick out of finding out what people liked the most.

**Author's Note:**

> Good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know what you think in the comments below. They help. Like a lot. For serious.
> 
> Also feel free to hit me up on tumblr as well:  
> alwaysthesidecharacter.tumblr.com


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